Can fantasy ever become reality?

The following video is the opening scene from the James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. I've watched it numerous times, enjoying the ominous music building up to the dramatic car chase scene filled with screeching tires, roaring engines, and crashing vehicles, all peppered with the ratatat of gunfire. Like a little boy, eyes fixated on the screen while eating his popcorn in the darkness of a movie theater, is it my secret dream to actually be James Bond and experience the thrill of the chase? What an adrenaline rush!

Published May 14/2009 by Cameroncars
YouTube: James Bond - Quantum of solace opening (HD!) (4:31)

The joke is this: After watching this movie, I leave the cinema and climb in my car. I start the engine, check the area around me, and slowly make my way out of the parking lot, always on the lookout for pedestrians and other vehicles. On the way home, I follow the speed limit; I stop at every red light and stop sign; and I always signal my turns. In other words, I drive nothing like James Bond and remain a responsible and reasonable adult. I am not in any way like a fictious movie hero. I am a real life person. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. Never the twain shall meet.

In my piece Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life. (1,600 words, 7-minute read), I say that we can live out our fantasies in this virtual world, free from the constraints of real life. But if we try to bring those fantasies into real life, we give up those freedoms. In SL, I can have unprotected sex. In SL, I can meet people without regard for age, class, geography, or race. In SL, I have no worries about my reputation with family, friends, or my place of employment.

But the above James Bond video is meant to bring up another point. Even if I try to bring a fantasy into real life, I can't do it. I'm not James Bond. I can't drive like that, and I recognize the danger of driving like that in the real world.

In RL, I can't have unprotected sex. Well, not with strangers. I've mulled over the idea of sex in this modern day and age and thought that any two people who decide to go to the next level and be physically intimate, should be open to getting tested and sharing those test results with each other to confirm their health status. Obviously, this all seems clinical and takes away from the romance or the passion of the moment. My sister had protected sex when she was 25 years old and contracted genital herpes which is transmitted from skin-to-skin contact. A condom protected her from pregnancy but not from this. There is no cure, and she's had to deal with it her entire adult life. In other words, in the real world, there are always risks and despite our best efforts, we may not escape the consequences of our actions. Well, isn't that enough to scare the bejesus out of you?

I joke that in SL, I never get a cramp in my leg. Am I physically able to accomplish all that I do in an SL fantasy? Can I even come close? Sure I can't fly in RL or teleport - some things are impossible - but if I can't drive like James Bond, can I make love like him? I've joked more than once:

/me looks around anxiously for the club defibrillator.

I'm reminded of the title of the biography of Jim Morrison by Jerry Hopkins and Danny Sugarman: No One Here Gets Out Alive.

SL is fantasy; RL is reality. In SL, I can TP out of an uncomfortable situation. I can block, mute, or derez an unwanted pest. In RL, sometimes even a restraining order is insufficient to stop unwelcomed advances. Pepper spray or Taser, anyone? In SL, family, friends, possibly spouse, fellow employees or my boss are never going to hear about my scandalous escapades. In RL, how can I find anyone I can trust to keep their fat mouth shut? Fired, divorced, disowned, possibly thrown in jail are all possible outcomes if I run into the wrong person who feels it is their moral duty to let the world know I'm doing something they disapprove of. (Trust: Why do people reveal secrets?) I'm repeating myself but it merits retelling. In SL, people feel the liberty to say or do what they want without fear of criticism and condemnation. The reason they don't do those things in RL is because they can't find the right partners and consequently the right circumstances. My Rule of the Three Rights: At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible. The problem we all have is that we can't get all three rights at the same time. And I might contend the third right, the right partner may be the most difficult right to get.

Final Word
The reason all this came up, hence this article, was because a person I've known for over 14 years, with whom I've shared fantasies, with whom I share a deep trust, has said to me on more than one occasion that out of all the people she has known on SL, she has thought about meeting me in RL. While I'm honoured, I know we're going to be disappointed. RL can't match the fantasy of SL. RL would require an adjustment. RL would require getting to know a different person, for while our RL mind is the same in SL and RL, we are two different people. In RL, I'm not James Bond. I'd like to sit at the bar, sipping my shaken not stirred, looking as cool as heck, but just now, I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror and discovered I've got a piece of spinach stuck between my two front teeth.


References

my blog: Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life. (1,600 words, 7-minute read) - Nov 18/2022
I first came to Second Life in January 2010, and it has never occurred to me to meet anybody in real life. I have other social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. but there, too, I've never had the urge to meet somebody. The purpose of those platforms is to interact with people on those platforms, not in RL.

my blog: Trust: Why do people reveal secrets? (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - May 28/2024
some people have a tendency to reveal secrets. Why do they do it? Does it make them feel important as they know something somebody else doesn't? Do they feel superior to the person who has the secret?

my blog: My Rule of the Three Rights (400 words, 2-minute read) - June 13/2022
It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating.

2024-07-13

Wanna f*ck? - Being polite: It's free and adds nothing to the overall cost.

My online persona is that of a gentleman: suit and tie, polite and respectful, and when I meet people for the first time, I address them as Mr. Last Name for men, and Ms. Last Name for women. At some point, a man or a woman asks me to call them by their first name. I explain that Mom always taught me to first be polite and wait for the individual to tell me how they would like to be addressed, adding, "I can't very well go against Mom, now, can I?" I'm trying to be affable to set people at ease. This isn't a contest; we're all in this together.

I contrast this with what I've already written about: The man who walks around with his junk out asking every woman he meets, "Wanna f*ck?" My joke for you ladies: When asked if you "wanna f*ck?", you reply, "Yes, just not with you." I think remaining calm and responding with humour is the best way to deflate an aggressive come on.

I thought to write again about this because I've met a number of strangers recently who were - How do I put this? - surprised I was polite. Surprised? Just who the heck have you been talking to? One woman said it was refreshing to talk to a gentleman, and when I jokingly asked, "Am I?" she replied, In SL terms you are already a gentleman cause you didn't say "wanna fuck."

Good Lord! As I jokingly say, It's not that I'm so good, it's that everybody else is so bad.

Over and over, people have repeated in their profiles that there is a real live human being behind every avatar, and we should all treat them with the same respect we would treat anybody in RL. And yet, judging by the stories I've heard, this doesn't seem to be going on. I suppose one could argue there's a certain distance from people in SL or any social media, for that matter, and that distance may give a person a certain liberty to act more aggressively than they normally do. If you're standing right in front of somebody in RL, unless you're drunk or like to live dangerously, you're probably not going to tell a stranger to F.O. out of fear of getting punched in the nose.

I have to chuckle at the above meme. I think we all want to be sexual; we just disagree on how to get there. Years ago, I visited the most scandalous of sex SIMs "Nadine's Dirty Fuckbunker (SURL)". The name says it all, doesn't it? It's obscene. It's about sex, more sex, and nothing but sex. Oh, did I mention sex? I started to chat with a woman standing to one side. At some point, she complained about a guy who asked her if she wanted to f*ck. Considering where we were, I found this amusing. If you're standing at Frank's Ballroom, one would expect to be asked to dance. If you're standing at Nadine's, the question didn't strike me as out of place.

But it did make me think that even in the most depraved of locales, this woman still wanted to be wooed. There has to be some sort of role play, some sort of back and forth, some interesting chat to engage the mind and make the imagination soar. I suppose any of us, man or woman, could show up in a fit of horniness where we want to just go at it, but since this is a virtual fantasyland, that is, we never actually physically touch, engaging the mind is of the utmost importance. I said the woman wanted to be wooed, but let me rephrase that by saying we all want to be wooed. Yes, we want to f*ck, but we want to do so with style.

The following animated GIF amusingly sums up the reality of us playing in Second Life, this virtual fantasyland.

As I said above, we never physically touch therefore, we must engage the mind. In my piece I Never Touch You, I talk about engaging the mind by asking two questions.

Can you arouse your partner without touching them?

Obviously, we're not talking about their genitals but about their biggest sexual organ their brain. If that's stimulated, will everything fall into place? And if you think you could successfully answer the above question, I will add a second question:

Could you make your partner cum without touching them?

In my article, I'm talking about Second Life, about playing within the context of this virtual fantasyland. But let me point out that this idea is very much applicable to real life. In fact, in any relationship, whether SL and RL, sex isn't just about sex; sex is about engaging the mind.

I've seen a number of couples posting erotic pictures, writing erotica, flirting back and forth, as part of their daily lives. They attempt to engage one another to keep the love and lust alive. We all deserve a tingle, and I would go so far as to say tingles are an important part of remaining active, being engaged, and heck, feeling alive!

I like to say: At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible. I love the following meme, being a polite gentleman but with a hint of danger. We all want to end up in the same place but can we get there in style? Old Chinese saying: The journey is the reward.

Final Word
My experience is that people may at first be startled by my politeness but they do love it. Reap what you sow. Be nice and you get nice back. As I like to joke: If somebody is an a-hole in SL, more than likely, they're an a-hole in RL. In SL, I'm basically playing myself. I'm not a vampire, Neko, or part of Gor; I'm just being me. I am polite in RL so SL being an extension of my real self, I'm polite here as well. I don't think you can go wrong. Besides, being polite just feels good.

They may forget what you said — but they will never forget how you made them feel.
—Carl W. Buehner

References

Quote Investigator: Carl W. Buchner (variation misattributed to Maya Angelou)
The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a 1971 collection titled “Richard Evans’ Quote Book”. The statement was ascribed to Carl W. Buehner who was a high-level official in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

2024-06-30

Your fantasy is not my fantasy, but I accept it anyway.

The other day, a stranger contacted me.

[2024/06/09 08:23] TB: Hi white Superior Nigger monkey at your service if needed

I was a little startled. This certainly wasn't the type of random IM I get every day. However, I recognized the fantasy as being raceplay.

For those not in the know, interracial refers to two different races, black and white, brown and black, yellow and white, etc., while raceplay involves the superiority of one race over another, superior white and black, superior black and white, etc. I suppose the most common raceplay is QoS, Queen of Spades, involing white women and black men, but in this particular niche of raceplay, a gay black man seeks a superior white man.

I try to avoid politics in my Second Life, but admittedly, it is sometimes hard to avoid. Considering the political divide in the United States and elsewhere in the world, racism seems to have had a resurgence. Then again, I think it was always there but the growing visibility of The Right has given impetus to many to come out of the closet, so to speak, and speak their minds. Out pops this unexpected sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and just plain stupidity. Political correctness seemed to have been keeping most of this in check, but now that PC has become a supposed bad thing, people feel at liberty to speak out.

Never have so many knowing so little said so much.

But enough of that. I don't want to turn this into a political rant.

I'm not interested in raceplay. I'm certainly not interested in racism. And so, I wanted to respond in a positive manner without being in any way critical. (Note: I changed his name.)

[2024/06/09 08:25] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): A good day to you, TB. That's quite the introduction. Then again, why waste time on pleasantries?
[2024/06/09 08:26] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): I'm afraid that's not quite what I'm looking for at the moment but I certainly appreciate the offer. Good luck in your search. All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)
[2024/06/09 08:27] TB: thanks Sir !
[2024/06/09 08:27] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): /me nods respectfully in your direction
[2024/06/09 08:28] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): May all your dreams come true, and may all your fantasies be realized.
[2024/06/09 08:28] TB: oh same to you Sir i appreciate it
[2024/06/09 08:28] TB: sorry for bothering
[2024/06/09 08:29] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): No bother at all. If we don't ask, we won't get an answer. I trust you find yourself a compatible partner. It can be fun. :-)
[2024/06/09 08:30] TB: oh i like no tights in here is just for fun i guess i bet you have yours already?
[2024/06/09 08:31] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): My day is full. I'm a lucky man. Good luck to you, too.

[2024/06/09 18:15] Hugh Toussaint (hughtoussaint): 5 months old. Welcome to Second Life. You have many adventures ahead of you.
Your original request made me curious, TB, and I did some searches. Would this be of interest to you? "group: EXTREME WHITE/black Male RACEPLAY"
https://my.secondlife.com/en/groups/6edf646d-f03e-bb0b-c7e4-1f262fde98a8
I'm not sure how common "raceplay" is but the above leads me to believe it exists. As with any fantasy, the problem is finding like-minded individuals. And of course, following the SSC rule of BDSM: Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
Good luck.
[2024/06/09 18:15] TB: User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.
[23:59] TB: smiles wish you the best Sir !


Raceplay. Are you looking askance? Do you disapprove? Do you want to protest?

"There are no politically correct fantasies."
-Marilyn Minter (b 1948), American visual artist

Elsewhere on this blog, I've said that we all come to Second Life to explore this virtual fantasyland but end up exploring ourselves. In opening up those hidden recesses of our minds and bringing into the light of day our secret urges, kinks, and possibly fetishes, we have to look ourselves in the mirror and admit to liking things that in RL, we wouldn't dare to say out loud for fear of criticism, condemnation, and heck, maybe even jail time if not a stay in an institution for psychiatric observation. In other words, we could very well be scared sh*tless of being found out.

In my piece Less Critical, More Compassionate, I wrote:

Recently, I met a very nice black woman at a club. We had a charming time together and a most interesting conversation. She did, however, recount some not so agreeable times at this particular club. Apparently, not everyone is nonjudgmental and accepting, and racism exists. While she was dancing, a man IMed her out of the blue saying, "Beautiful n-".

How's that for negative feedback?

However, in the course of the discussion, the woman admitted enjoying D/s and even raceplay. She was a feminist, proudly black, pro-BLM, and anti-racism, but she did have a kink for raceplay. Can we adequately explain where our fantasies come from? But more importantly, can we accept those fantasies and enjoy them?

Fantasies can be fun, but they can be even more fun if shared with like-minded individuals. As per my rule of the three rights: At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible. Whether D/s, BDSM, or raceplay, we must find partners who are on the same page.

How did TB find me?
Years ago, out of curiosity, I visited a few interracial clubs specializing in BWWM (Black Woman White Men) and joined their groups. I met EM, a black woman, a charming personality, a good-looking woman, and a passionate lover. We had an intense affair for nearly two years before RL called her away. She hasn't been in-world for years but such are the vagaries of Second Life.

In looking at TB's profile, I see he's become a member of these groups, hoping, I suspect, of finding a white man. I guess he picked me hoping I'd be bisexual and possibly interested in dominating him.

Final Word
A gay black man asks a total stranger for raceplay involving a superior white. I am amazed at the huge risk this man took in contacting me. That took guts. Sure, it's Second Life and you can always TP out or block and mute, but we all can be devastated by negative reactions. I could imagine him sitting on pins and needles waiting for my response which is why I wanted to decline but in a positive supporting manner.

Your fantasy is not my fantasy but I accept your right to your fantasy. And I wish you luck in finding others who share your fantasy.

Have fun. Be safe.


Postscript 2024-06-18
I've had a few comments expressing disapproval of raceplay. I'd like to point out that this article is not specifically about raceplay but about admitting to yourself your own interest in something despite the threat of public disapproval. "There are no politically correct fantasies." Is there the possibility of abuse? By all means. If a white man told me he was into raceplay, I'd see it as racist. But when a black person tells me, I have to look at it like any other power dynamic of D/s. Abuse exists in BDSM, D/s, and heck, even in marriage (partner) and dating. I don't have to look at raceplay to see cruel people abusing others. As for raceplay itself, I'm not saying I agree with it or have any interest in it, but I respect that person's right to their own fantasy. I'm not into vampire, Neko, anime, wrestling, pregnancy, families with children, the list goes on but to each his own. The point is: Can you be strong enough to admit your kink damn what anybody else thinks?


References

Wikipedia: Race and sexuality
"Racial fetishism" is sexually fetishizing a person or culture belonging to a specific race or ethnic group.

In BDSM
There is also a practice in BDSM which involves fetishizing race called "raceplay". Susanne Schotanus defined raceplay as "a sexual practice where the either imagined or real racial background of one or more of the participants is used to create this power-imbalance in a BDSM-scene, through the use of slurs, narratives and objects laden with racial history." Feminist author Audre Lorde cautions that this kind of BDSM "operates in tandem with social, cultural, economic, and political patterns of domination and submission" creating the perpetuation of negative stereotypes for black women in particular.

However, race play can also be used within BDSM as a curative practice for black individuals to take back their autonomy from a history of subjugation. One BDSM Dominatrix explains that raceplay provides her with an "emotional sense of reparations". "Violence for black female performers in BDSM becomes not just a vehicle of intense pleasure but also a mode of accessing and critiquing power."

2024-06-12

What's your RP?

1,300 words, 5-minute read I like to say that I play Second Life in an immersive manner. What I mean is that I'm not playing SL as a game, we are actually here. Our avatars are our representatives in this virtual world. A caveat I should add is that I continue to recognise the man behind the curtain, my Wizard of Oz reference for the day. That is, we are all sitting in front of a computer. But I don't dwell on this, I focus on being my avatar, my online persona. I just admit right up front that BRB means for the most part, we all have to take a bathroom break.

In the past year, I've run across the following in several profiles.

Roleplayers
To them, their avatar is just any character in a long-running play. The avatar may make friends, and have relationships, but it's all make-believe, a story that they and their fellow role-players are collectively writing as they go along. The emotions are not going further than those for any game.

Immersionists
Immersionists "embody" their avatar when they log out of first life for a while and into second life fantasy land. They feel that they are really "in the virtual world" as their avatar, but they do not think the emotions in SL can or should be compared to RL emotions

Augmentationists
To them the avatar is a projection of their RL selves, or who they want to be. They look at their SL avatar and see themselves in it. They obsess om getting to get to know the "RL person" behind the avatar and want to feel what their SL avatar is feeling.

I can't say that I've heard the term augmentationist before. As I jokingly say, I've led a sheltered life.

The term was coined in 2006 by Henrik Bennetsen, a Stanford University researcher, apparently doing some work at Linden Labs.

Augmentation vs Immersion by Henrik Bennetsen, Dec 7/2006 (Internet Archive Wayback Machine)

The term was dissected by others with no clear winner as to what we're all doing here in Second Life.

Immersionism and Augmentationism Revisited by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Mar 9/2008

Immersion vs. Augmentation: Revision? by Catherine Fitzpatrick, Mar 28/2008

Post-immersionism by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Jan 10/2009
Henrik Bennetsen, in his old masterpiece article Augmentation vs. Immersion, launched one of the biggest debates in the history of Second Life®’s psychology. The clarity of his ideas finally defined the two possible relationships a resident of Second Life might have towards the virtual world: either as a different space or as an extension of the real space.

Bennetsen cleverly explains that both visions are imaginary ideals on the opposite sides of the scale, and that, in reality, there aren’t any “pure augmentists” or “pure immersionists” in SL, but always a mix of both.

Augmentation vs Immersion: The debate that never was by Tateru Nino, Jul 31/2015

Why am I bringing all this up? I've had some curious times recently where two people chastised me for making mention of RL. As I said above, I don't dwell on it but I do admit that it's there.

First off, I like to say that in SL, I am merely playing myself. I'm not a vampire; I'm not a Neko, not a furry, and am not part of some clan in some on-going story like Gor. I'm just me. Obviously, I'm not quite the RL me as in SL as I don't have the same constraints I would have in RL. I'm not worried about criticism or even condemnation. And, as I jokingly say, I'm not worried about doing jail time. Ha, ha, ha! We are all irrevocably our RL mind so that no matter what we do or what we think we're doing, we are still us.

I return to me saying I play SL in an immersive fashion but admitting my RL exists. I guess in that regard, I'm agnostic. I'm neither one nor the other. The other day, while chatting with someone, they described their work day, how they were tired, and glad to be home, relaxing, and able to visit a club. Notice the mixture of the two worlds. At that moment, the two of us, or should I say our avatars, were seated in a club in SL having our chat, and yet, the person was referring to her RL day. It doesn't happen all the time, but I do find some conversations glide between SL and RL, and I have to keep straight in my head what reference refers to what world as the person is talking about themselves, that RL mind who is living both in RL and SL.

I repeat: I don't dwell on it but just readily admit it's there. Ofttimes, in sitting in a club in SL and chatting, I or my partner never mentions RL at all. Returning to my BRB comment above, I've gotten a lot of chuckles over the years when somebody leaves after typing BRB, only to come back to this IM written by me:

Hugh Toussaint: leans in close and puts his ear to the IM chat window... listens carefully... thinks, Did I just hear a toilet flush?

This makes think, have I or any of these people role played going to the bathroom, that is, had their avatar get up and walk away to come back after they're done? [chuckles] For those who chastise me for mentioning RL, I challenge them to be truly immersionist and not just type BRB!

Of course, I realise that the two people above taking exception to any mention of RL are more than likely taking a preventive stance against those who treat SL like a dating service; their goal is some RL interaction, whether voicing or even meeting in RL. Personally, I've never played SL with the intention of meeting anyone in RL. I've never thought of it as Match Dot Com. Right from the beginning, I could see that there was no way of transferring all that is part of this fantasy land into real life much in the same way you can't make a novel or a movie come to life. Sometimes, what's in our head should remain in our head, and never the twain should meet.

Escapist
In an article above, Gwyneth Llewelyn touches upon critics of SL who feel players are trying to escape their reality. While I'm sure some people have gotten so involved in playing the game, they neglected their real life, I feel the vast majority of people are taking a break from their daily lives, much in the same way any of us read a book, watch television, or go to the movies. I've been amused to watch people in various social media goes nuts with posting. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram; I've seen people spend what seems like a significant portion of their day posting content on these platforms. Are they escaping their reality? Are they addicted to social media? It's odd how too much of an online game can be considered a bad thing but nobody applies the same criteria to social media. In this day and age, I must bring up the question as to how much of our daily interactions and have changed from face to face to online.

Final Word
I have a busy day at work, come home, have dinner, then go out to a club to listen to some music, dance, and chat with people. Work, home, and dinner refer to RL while the club refers to SL. In that regard, I guess one could argue I'm an augmentationist: I am extending my RL into SL or I am enhancing my RL with SL. But let me repeat, watching a movie is a break from reality. I don't expect the movie to come into my life or I don't expect to walk onto the movie set. Reality is reality, and the movie is a movie. I know the difference. But it's still fun to let my imagination soar. A little fantasy once in a while can perk up my day.

2023-11-12

Male Genitalia in Second Life

For those readers who are not in the know, in the online game Second Life, you get an avatar, normally male or female. While females get the obvious traits of breasts and something down south, males come with no genitalia. At all. We are born eunuchs, and then become men. Users are obliged to purchase a cock and balls, a type of sex kit. Well, I said obliged but if you always wear clothes and don't participate in any sexual activity requiring nudity, nobody's going to pull you to one side and verify whether you're packing. But if you do participate, we conclude that women can fake it, but men can't: They better have something to hang out if they're going to let it all hang out. And for Heaven's sake, don't be a cheapskate and try to get by with some freebie. It turns out the ladies can be just as visual as men and are not going to let somebody spoil their fantasy with some cheap knockoff. If you want to play, you've got to pay.

I'm not going to enumerate the different brands and extoll the virtues of each one; I'm sure there are other bloggers who are far more detailed than me and have systematically reviewed each and every product available. Let me restrict myself to saying I use Aeros. It's a good product and has always served my purposes quite nicely.

Sidebar: Recently, I discovered Aeros has been removed from Marketplace, and in a user group, somebody noted that the account of the creator has been deleted. Somebody else wondered about people disappearing because they has died in RL, but it was then pointed out the account was deleted, indicating a conscious decision by the individual involved. Ah, the vagaries of Second Life versus Real Life! Who knows what goes on behind the curtain?

I was amused by the above picture of Ken and Barbie. It accurately portrays the situation in Second Life and the necessity of we men having to do something extra to be fully functioning males.

I was also amused at all of us playing Second Life, this virtual fantasy world of make believe, and trying to be realistic. I contend that by merely logging into SL, we've stopped being realistic per se and are now role playing. We may say that we're not role playing because we're not a vampire or a Neko or a furry of some type, and we're not participating in an RP SIM like Gor, but our avatar is representing our fantasy self. We certainly all are not twentysomething and in top physical condition with the perfect male or female body type! Ha, ha!

Afterthought 2023-11-28
Many people in their profile have a pick dedicated to Likes and Dislikes. In a number of women's profiles, under dislikes, I've read Cocks the size of my forearm. Wait! What? Ha, ha! Talk of over-compensating! I suppose all of us guys tend to exaggerate at one time or another: 7 inches instead of 6. But a forearm? Holy cow! I suppose one could argue that in this virtual fantasyland, enhancing or embellishing is part of the fun. But I also know that some people want, no demand, the visuals to be a close approximation of RL so their fantasizing can be more realistic. Yes, that seems lke a contradiction, but a forearm? Ha, ha, ha!


References

The Strange, Sad Story of the Ken Doll's Crotch, Jezebel, Oct 31/2019
The thing about Ken is that he doesn’t have one. Mattel’s gentleman companion for Barbie, its Ken doll, came into the world without junk and remains that way.

reddit: What happened to Aeros?, Jan 26/2022
Apparently the creator has left SL. There has been no development of Aeros cocks since the end of 2020

2022-06-06

Sex Furniture: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I have a love / hate relationship with sex furniture. While the real connection takes place in IM chat with the interaction between two people, a well-placed animation can really up the ante. However, finding the right animation can be a hit and miss process.

When I first came to Second Life in 2010, I, like many people, first encountered sex furniture in public places. I didn't know what I was doing, what to buy, how to rent Skyboxes, etc., and relied on public venues to explore, ahem, the more scandalous parts of my personality.

I quickly discovered a problem: I didn't know the menu. I jokingly described how in IM chat, I would say something akin to Our avatars turn right, only to click on a menu option and watch our avatars turn left. Horrors of horrors! I remember chatting with one poor woman who agreed to a dance but when we both sat on our respective blue and pink balls, and I clicked on what I thought was waltz, I looked up at my computer screen in horror as our two avatars started going at it like a pair of rabid dogs in heat. I think I actually let out an audible scream as I frantically clicked around trying to get something (Anything!) a tad more sedate and dance-like.

I decided to correct this issue by doing the following:

1. Buy my own furniture and study it.
2. Rent my own Skybox.
3. Always invite potential partners to the Skybox and use my own furniture, never use public spaces.

My Alts
Studying the furniture required an extra step: make an alt. I couldn't really study couples animations with one avatar, so I made an alt for the express purpose of having a second person for my sex furniture. Somewhere in all this is a joke about somebody angry with me and telling me to go f*ck myself. Well... Ha, ha!

True story: My first alt was a male avatar. One day, I'm going through the menu of a sex bed when I clicked on a 69 sex position. As I watched my two male avatars go at it, it suddenly occurred to me that the old adage was not true: I could suck and blow at the same time! :-)

Sometime later, I made a female avatar which made me think my testing was then a little more realistic considering my heterosexual bent. This is where I repeat Seinfeld: "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Notecards
My testing involved creating a notecard in which I wrote out points about the piece of furniture in question. I would list off all menu items and I would create scenarios, covering various sexual topics: fellatio, cunnilingus, missionary, doggystyle, post-sex cuddling, etc. Anytime I invited anybody over, I would open the notecard and refer to it as I went through the sex furniture menu. I'm sure somebody may think this took away from the supposed spontaneity, but I assure you, I think it added to the overall experience. In my article on Ballroom Dancing, I point out how I practiced different dance steps, waltz, cha-cha, tango, etc. and when called upon, I could do those dances. Likewise, here with my sex furniture, I wanted to have a good experience and not rely on random chance when clicking an unknown menu item. This did not stop me from improvising as the situation demanded as I could pick and choose from various scenarios I had jotted down in my notecard.

Let me further explain the necessity of studying animation menus. Last year, a friend invited me to their property, and we sat on a bench with romance animations. I called up the menu and discovered two top menus Friends and Cuddles. I opened the Cuddles menu and found Cuddle1, Cuddle2, Cuddle3, etc. What the heck was Cuddle1? This is a perfect example of needing to know in advance what the menu options do or you are truly taking a risk by choosing anything. In the end, the two of us did just that, kept choosing various cuddles until we found something appropriate. However, I thought the multiple selections were distracting from the intimacy of the moment. But that's just me.

I realize in writing the above, the same could be said for any menu which has properly named options. Considering how short the name of an option is in a pop-up dialog box, it's impossible to truly understand what you're getting. I find it frustrating to go through a list of choices and discover I'm sitting on the left of my partner, then on the right, and once again back to the left. Sure, I realize we use IM chat to smooth over any discrepancies and fill in any blanks, but I sometimes find it frustrating to have to make up for many discrepancies and many blanks. Call me anal retentive, but I hate being caught unaware and am forced to randomly click various menu options, searching for something appropriate. I get the impression the builder of the piece of furniture had a bunch of animations on hand and just threw them in haphazardly. I'd like to have a good experience with my partner, and some furniture makes it difficult. I suppose one could argue I'm a perfectionist. Ha!

Modern Furniture
Today's furniture have certainly improved from the days of poseballs. First off, no poseballs! Secondly, integration with various secondary systems such as male and female genitalia and INM (It's Not Mine!). It's quite the technological achievement. Hats off to the programmers who are upping their game.

Nevertheless, the menu problem still exists. Life is like a box of chocolates, and with Second Life and its sex furniture menu options, you never know what you're going to get. I like a little pre-planning. If we decide to do the tango, I like to know the steps.

Sidebar: The Question of Alts
In RL, we can get a new outfit; we can get our hair done; we can sort of change out look. But in SL, you can go all out by creating a completely different avatar, an alt. Ah, if RL was as easy!

I have several alts but as you can see from the above, I use them strictly for testing purposes. However, some people create an alt to start over, to do something completely different, to take a break from their regular life. Those are the good reasons to have an alt. And now for the bad reasons: cheating on your partner.

True story: Last year, I got chatting with a woman. I forget her name so let's call her GirlA. So, GirlA has a boyfriend BF and a girlfriend GirlB. Apparently, BF has expressed interest in going out with GirlB. Out of the blue, GirlB, starts going out with Mystery Guy, but at some point, BF and Mystery Guy say the same thing. Suspicious, GirlA and GirlB together confront BF and Mystery Guy and discover BF and Mystery Guy are the same person. BF had apparently made an alt, Mystery Guy, in order to go out with GirlB.

The result was that GirlA and GirlB got mad at BF. GirlA dumped BF; GirlB dumped Mystery Guy; and now, both GirlA and GirlB refuse to have anything to do with BF. I asked why all the subterfuge? Why wasn't BF upfront in the first place and just try to work out something with both of them, GirlA and GirlB to date BF at the same time with everybody in the know, such as in a polyamorous arrangement? Nope, BF had to hide everything and trick GirlA and GirlB.

I keep saying that not everyone knows how to dance. I'm sure BF has no experience whatsoever with polyamory. Consequently, he went back to the traditional method of lying and cheating to get what he wanted and ended up losing everything. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it. Old saying: Always tell the truth. There's less to remember.

Final Word
Years ago, I jokingly said I should have gone into the making of sex furniture, but I don't mean for creating the furniture; I mean for overseeing the organization of the animations to better provide the potential for smooth and comprehensive scenarios. I don't like having incomplete things: instead of steps 1 through 6, I have steps 1, 2, 4, part of 5, and 6 is missing. I don't like illogical things: Sometimes I'm sitting on the left and sometimes on the right. I don't like missing things: When we stand up to leave, why can't we have a kiss goodbye?

In SL, we are writing an interactive story. My partner and I are both contributing dialogue (and actions, thoughts, and emotions) to a scenario playing out before us. I repeat, the real substance is in the communication. But I also repeat that a well-timed animation can further enhance the scene. I learn the tango; I practice my steps; and when the moment arrives to dance the tango, I try to execute the steps to the best of my ability so I can give not only my partner, but myself the best dance experience possible.

2022-05-28

Power Play

A lingerie ad as an erotic video. But who's chasing whom? See you in Room 438.

Power Play from lovecodeTV on Vimeo. Published on Feb 8, 2014 by lovecodeTV
Shot at location Sound Garden Hotel Warszawa http://www.soundgardenhotel.pl
Cast - Magdalena Perlinska & Marcin Twardowski
Story - Ewa & Valmaar
Director - Vamaar
1st Assistant Director - Ewa
Camera - Valmaar
Edit - Valmaar & Ewa
Hair & Make-up - Anna Wójcik
Music - Massive Attack "Angel"

References

web site: Love Code Lingerie
New luxury lingerie brand.

Facebook: Love Code Lingerie
In Lovecode Lingerie, we believe that every woman can feel beautiful and sexy at any time. We think that you can be dressed in sensual lingerie both leaving in the morning for work and in your spare time. You do not need a separate set of underwear to the office and a separate for the bedroom. Lovecode Lingerie guarantees maximum wearing comfort and at the same time will ignite the senses.

In Lovecode Lingerie passionately devote ourselves to creating the highest quality lingerie that being comfortable and functional at the same time gives you maximum confidence because it's super sexy and you know what you wear. You feel that you tread firmly on the ground and it's up to you how this day will roll out ...

All our lingerie products we proudly produce in Poland.

Wikipedia: Angel (Massive Attack song)
"Angel" is a song by English trip hop group Massive Attack. It features lead vocals and songwriting from Horace Andy, and is partially based on Andy's song "You are My Angel". It was released as the third single from their third studio album, Mezzanine (1998), on 13 July 1998. "Angel" peaked at number 30 on the UK Singles Chart.

Published on Mar 6, 2009 by massiveattack
YouTube: Massive Attack - Angel (5:24)

2019-11-26

Mindf*cking

I seize you by the hair.

Warm breath. Sensual lips. Moist tongue. Can I seize you by the imagination?

This woman, a sex therapist, has an interesting concept: "mindfucking".

"The Sex Before the Sex" by Kim Anami
"I like to be penetrated long before any physical contact takes place. In fact, I need to be. Witty banter, teasing, verbal double entendres—all foreplay for me. The people I am attracted to have a keen grasp on language, ideas and poetry. Little that they say is strictly linear or without a hint of play or sexuality."
...
"For me, that battle starts early. It could go on for days. Weeks. It doesn’t need to stop. Each throw down we have, each time we cannot resist physical touch any longer, wipes the slate clean and gives us the chance to start anew. Who will bring the other person to wetness or hardness first? Who will be so overcome with desire that they tackle the other person when they get in the door?"

Ms. Anami was writing about RL, but her idea is applicable to all worlds. Can we get into each other's head? Good sex is good sex. But great sex can be almost spiritual.


This idea is echoed by others.

Wikipedia: Esther Perel
Esther Perel (born 1958) is a Belgian psychotherapist who has explored the tension between the need for security (love, belonging and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure and distance) in human relationships.

Perel promoted the concept of Erotic Intelligence in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2006), which has been translated into 24 languages. After publishing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships. She gave a TED talk in February 2013 entitled The secret to desire in a long-term relationship (YouTube 19:10), and another in March 2015 entitled Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved (YouTube 21:30).

Perel is the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin?, which is based inside her therapist's office as she sees anonymous couples in search of insight into topics such as infidelity, sexlessness and grief.

In 2016, Perel was named to Oprah Winfrey's Supersoul 100 list of visionaries and influential leaders.

“Erotic couples understand that foreplay is not something you do 5 minutes before sex begins –

foreplay pretty much starts at the end of the previous orgasm.” – Esther Perel

I contend that in SL (and in RL), while there may be a sexual aspect to our interactions, what we're all really looking for is a connection, an erotic connection. I've said that anybody can click on a pose ball but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point?

May you find a connection, erotic, passionate, and fulfilling.
In other words, may you have it all.
All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)

2019-10-19

Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDSM, even Marriage

In RL, I’ve taken ballroom dance lessons. I’m in no way an expert, but I learned enough to have an appreciation for the work and dedication that goes into mastering what one could and maybe should consider a life skill.

My instructor was a woman. We started with the basics, the standard box pattern for the rhumba. She explained that the man always starts with his left foot. Why? Because the woman is always right. During our lessons, I found her to more than just an instructor, but a philosopher on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

As I worked my way through the various dances, waltz, cha-cha, tango, etc., and learning to turn, move back and forth, left and right, and pirouette, I slowly developed skills in not just steps, but in working with a partner.

In SL, observing people, talking with them, and interacting, I began to see ballroom dancing as a metaphor for relationships, whether we’re talking about dating, D/s (Dominant/submissive), BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism), or even marriage.

In the following, I discuss my partner as a woman. I'm a heterosexual male, but these ideas could be applicable to any type of couple.

I extend my hand to a woman as an offer to dance. She can accept or refuse: It’s her choice. But if she accepts, we dance. My attention is completely focused on my partner. Nothing else in the world exists.

We dance according to rules. We both have a role to play. While the man leads, he does so with the full cooperation of his partner. Everything is consensual: The woman does this because she wants to. The man leads by guiding his partner in a series of predefined moves that his partner knows and has mastered. They improvise their dance much like musicians playing together. There is a structure (12 bars, agreed upon key signature, tempo), and it is within this structure that improvisation takes place.

The results are synergy: The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Two knowledgeable people, skilled in their interactions, can merge into a coordinated unit, a magical choreography.

As I said, I saw ballroom dancing as a metaphor for relationships. From time to time, in reading profiles, I’ve run across people, men mainly, declaring themselves as Dom or Master. I can’t help wondering if those who advertise themselves as such truly understand what that means. Do these people know how to dance? I’ve read profiles of subs describing what they think is the ideal Dom, complaining of pretenders. A sub may submit, but a Dom must commit. Do the two of them know how to dance? Does the Dom know how to lead?

Ballroom Dancing in SL
Obviously, we’re not actually dancing. We’re animating our avatars based on somebody’s programming. Nevertheless, from my lessons, I see the various steps, cha-cha, tango, waltz, etc. and look at it with an appreciation stemming from learning and practising those steps.

I consider it a nice way to chat, get to know someone, and throw in the possibility of flirting: a touch, a tracing of the hand across the arm, and a whisper in the ear. I’ve mentioned elsewhere how people complain of overly aggressively males rudely asking for sex. I believe we all want to end up in the same place, an erotic connection, but how we get there makes all the difference in the world. There’s an old Chinese saying: “The journey is the reward.” Ballroom dancing can be a wonderful way of spending an intimate, one-on-one moment with someone else. It can also be a good way of discovering if there’s going to be a next step and what that step may be.

2019-10-07