What's your RP?

1,300 words, 5-minute read I like to say that I play Second Life in an immersive manner. What I mean is that I'm not playing SL as a game, we are actually here. Our avatars are our representatives in this virtual world. A caveat I should add is that I continue to recognise the man behind the curtain, my Wizard of Oz reference for the day. That is, we are all sitting in front of a computer. But I don't dwell on this, I focus on being my avatar, my online persona. I just admit right up front that BRB means for the most part, we all have to take a bathroom break.

In the past year, I've run across the following in several profiles.

Roleplayers
To them, their avatar is just any character in a long-running play. The avatar may make friends, and have relationships, but it's all make-believe, a story that they and their fellow role-players are collectively writing as they go along. The emotions are not going further than those for any game.

Immersionists
Immersionists "embody" their avatar when they log out of first life for a while and into second life fantasy land. They feel that they are really "in the virtual world" as their avatar, but they do not think the emotions in SL can or should be compared to RL emotions

Augmentationists
To them the avatar is a projection of their RL selves, or who they want to be. They look at their SL avatar and see themselves in it. They obsess om getting to get to know the "RL person" behind the avatar and want to feel what their SL avatar is feeling.

I can't say that I've heard the term augmentationist before. As I jokingly say, I've led a sheltered life.

The term was coined in 2006 by Henrik Bennetsen, a Stanford University researcher, apparently doing some work at Linden Labs.

Augmentation vs Immersion by Henrik Bennetsen, Dec 7/2006 (Internet Archive Wayback Machine)

The term was dissected by others with no clear winner as to what we're all doing here in Second Life.

Immersionism and Augmentationism Revisited by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Mar 9/2008

Immersion vs. Augmentation: Revision? by Catherine Fitzpatrick, Mar 28/2008

Post-immersionism by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Jan 10/2009
Henrik Bennetsen, in his old masterpiece article Augmentation vs. Immersion, launched one of the biggest debates in the history of Second Life®’s psychology. The clarity of his ideas finally defined the two possible relationships a resident of Second Life might have towards the virtual world: either as a different space or as an extension of the real space.

Bennetsen cleverly explains that both visions are imaginary ideals on the opposite sides of the scale, and that, in reality, there aren’t any “pure augmentists” or “pure immersionists” in SL, but always a mix of both.

Augmentation vs Immersion: The debate that never was by Tateru Nino, Jul 31/2015

Why am I bringing all this up? I've had some curious times recently where two people chastised me for making mention of RL. As I said above, I don't dwell on it but I do admit that it's there.

First off, I like to say that in SL, I am merely playing myself. I'm not a vampire; I'm not a Neko, not a furry, and am not part of some clan in some on-going story like Gor. I'm just me. Obviously, I'm not quite the RL me as in SL as I don't have the same constraints I would have in RL. I'm not worried about criticism or even condemnation. And, as I jokingly say, I'm not worried about doing jail time. Ha, ha, ha! We are all irrevocably our RL mind so that no matter what we do or what we think we're doing, we are still us.

I return to me saying I play SL in an immersive fashion but admitting my RL exists. I guess in that regard, I'm agnostic. I'm neither one nor the other. The other day, while chatting with someone, they described their work day, how they were tired, and glad to be home, relaxing, and able to visit a club. Notice the mixture of the two worlds. At that moment, the two of us, or should I say our avatars, were seated in a club in SL having our chat, and yet, the person was referring to her RL day. It doesn't happen all the time, but I do find some conversations glide between SL and RL, and I have to keep straight in my head what reference refers to what world as the person is talking about themselves, that RL mind who is living both in RL and SL.

I repeat: I don't dwell on it but just readily admit it's there. Ofttimes, in sitting in a club in SL and chatting, I or my partner never mentions RL at all. Returning to my BRB comment above, I've gotten a lot of chuckles over the years when somebody leaves after typing BRB, only to come back to this IM written by me:

Hugh Toussaint: leans in close and puts his ear to the IM chat window... listens carefully... thinks, Did I just hear a toilet flush?

This makes think, have I or any of these people role played going to the bathroom, that is, had their avatar get up and walk away to come back after they're done? [chuckles] For those who chastise me for mentioning RL, I challenge them to be truly immersionist and not just type BRB!

Of course, I realise that the two people above taking exception to any mention of RL are more than likely taking a preventive stance against those who treat SL like a dating service; their goal is some RL interaction, whether voicing or even meeting in RL. Personally, I've never played SL with the intention of meeting anyone in RL. I've never thought of it as Match Dot Com. Right from the beginning, I could see that there was no way of transferring all that is part of this fantasy land into real life much in the same way you can't make a novel or a movie come to life. Sometimes, what's in our head should remain in our head, and never the twain should meet.

Escapist
In an article above, Gwyneth Llewelyn touches upon critics of SL who feel players are trying to escape their reality. While I'm sure some people have gotten so involved in playing the game, they neglected their real life, I feel the vast majority of people are taking a break from their daily lives, much in the same way any of us read a book, watch television, or go to the movies. I've been amused to watch people in various social media goes nuts with posting. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram; I've seen people spend what seems like a significant portion of their day posting content on these platforms. Are they escaping their reality? Are they addicted to social media? It's odd how too much of an online game can be considered a bad thing but nobody applies the same criteria to social media. In this day and age, I must bring up the question as to how much of our daily interactions and have changed from face to face to online.

Final Word
I have a busy day at work, come home, have dinner, then go out to a club to listen to some music, dance, and chat with people. Work, home, and dinner refer to RL while the club refers to SL. In that regard, I guess one could argue I'm an augmentationist: I am extending my RL into SL or I am enhancing my RL with SL. But let me repeat, watching a movie is a break from reality. I don't expect the movie to come into my life or I don't expect to walk onto the movie set. Reality is reality, and the movie is a movie. I know the difference. But it's still fun to let my imagination soar. A little fantasy once in a while can perk up my day.

2023-11-12

Male Genitalia in Second Life

For those readers who are not in the know, in the online game Second Life, you get an avatar, normally male or female. While females get the obvious traits of breasts and something down south, males come with no genitalia. At all. We are born eunuchs, and then become men. Users are obliged to purchase a cock and balls, a type of sex kit. Well, I said obliged but if you always wear clothes and don't participate in any sexual activity requiring nudity, nobody's going to pull you to one side and verify whether you're packing. But if you do participate, we conclude that women can fake it, but men can't: They better have something to hang out if they're going to let it all hang out. And for Heaven's sake, don't be a cheapskate and try to get by with some freebie. It turns out the ladies can be just as visual as men and are not going to let somebody spoil their fantasy with some cheap knockoff. If you want to play, you've got to pay.

I'm not going to enumerate the different brands and extoll the virtues of each one; I'm sure there are other bloggers who are far more detailed than me and have systematically reviewed each and every product available. Let me restrict myself to saying I use Aeros. It's a good product and has always served my purposes quite nicely.

Sidebar: Recently, I discovered Aeros has been removed from Marketplace, and in a user group, somebody noted that the account of the creator has been deleted. Somebody else wondered about people disappearing because they has died in RL, but it was then pointed out the account was deleted, indicating a conscious decision by the individual involved. Ah, the vagaries of Second Life versus Real Life! Who knows what goes on behind the curtain?

I was amused by the above picture of Ken and Barbie. It accurately portrays the situation in Second Life and the necessity of we men having to do something extra to be fully functioning males.

I was also amused at all of us playing Second Life, this virtual fantasy world of make believe, and trying to be realistic. I contend that by merely logging into SL, we've stopped being realistic per se and are now role playing. We may say that we're not role playing because we're not a vampire or a Neko or a furry of some type, and we're not participating in an RP SIM like Gor, but our avatar is representing our fantasy self. We certainly all are not twentysomething and in top physical condition with the perfect male or female body type! Ha, ha!

Afterthought 2023-11-28
Many people in their profile have a pick dedicated to Likes and Dislikes. In a number of women's profiles, under dislikes, I've read Cocks the size of my forearm. Wait! What? Ha, ha! Talk of over-compensating! I suppose all of us guys tend to exaggerate at one time or another: 7 inches instead of 6. But a forearm? Holy cow! I suppose one could argue that in this virtual fantasyland, enhancing or embellishing is part of the fun. But I also know that some people want, no demand, the visuals to be a close approximation of RL so their fantasizing can be more realistic. Yes, that seems lke a contradiction, but a forearm? Ha, ha, ha!


References

The Strange, Sad Story of the Ken Doll's Crotch, Jezebel, Oct 31/2019
The thing about Ken is that he doesn’t have one. Mattel’s gentleman companion for Barbie, its Ken doll, came into the world without junk and remains that way.

reddit: What happened to Aeros?, Jan 26/2022
Apparently the creator has left SL. There has been no development of Aeros cocks since the end of 2020

2022-06-06

Sex Furniture: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I have a love / hate relationship with sex furniture. While the real connection takes place in IM chat with the interaction between two people, a well-placed animation can really up the ante. However, finding the right animation can be a hit and miss process.

When I first came to Second Life in 2010, I, like many people, first encountered sex furniture in public places. I didn't know what I was doing, what to buy, how to rent Skyboxes, etc., and relied on public venues to explore, ahem, the more scandalous parts of my personality.

I quickly discovered a problem: I didn't know the menu. I jokingly described how in IM chat, I would say something akin to Our avatars turn right, only to click on a menu option and watch our avatars turn left. Horrors of horrors! I remember chatting with one poor woman who agreed to a dance but when we both sat on our respective blue and pink balls, and I clicked on what I thought was waltz, I looked up at my computer screen in horror as our two avatars started going at it like a pair of rabid dogs in heat. I think I actually let out an audible scream as I frantically clicked around trying to get something (Anything!) a tad more sedate and dance-like.

I decided to correct this issue by doing the following:

1. Buy my own furniture and study it.
2. Rent my own Skybox.
3. Always invite potential partners to the Skybox and use my own furniture, never use public spaces.

My Alts
Studying the furniture required an extra step: make an alt. I couldn't really study couples animations with one avatar, so I made an alt for the express purpose of having a second person for my sex furniture. Somewhere in all this is a joke about somebody angry with me and telling me to go f*ck myself. Well... Ha, ha!

True story: My first alt was a male avatar. One day, I'm going through the menu of a sex bed when I clicked on a 69 sex position. As I watched my two male avatars go at it, it suddenly occurred to me that the old adage was not true: I could suck and blow at the same time! :-)

Sometime later, I made a female avatar which made me think my testing was then a little more realistic considering my heterosexual bent. This is where I repeat Seinfeld: "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Notecards
My testing involved creating a notecard in which I wrote out points about the piece of furniture in question. I would list off all menu items and I would create scenarios, covering various sexual topics: fellatio, cunnilingus, missionary, doggystyle, post-sex cuddling, etc. Anytime I invited anybody over, I would open the notecard and refer to it as I went through the sex furniture menu. I'm sure somebody may think this took away from the supposed spontaneity, but I assure you, I think it added to the overall experience. In my article on Ballroom Dancing, I point out how I practiced different dance steps, waltz, cha-cha, tango, etc. and when called upon, I could do those dances. Likewise, here with my sex furniture, I wanted to have a good experience and not rely on random chance when clicking an unknown menu item. This did not stop me from improvising as the situation demanded as I could pick and choose from various scenarios I had jotted down in my notecard.

Let me further explain the necessity of studying animation menus. Last year, a friend invited me to their property, and we sat on a bench with romance animations. I called up the menu and discovered two top menus Friends and Cuddles. I opened the Cuddles menu and found Cuddle1, Cuddle2, Cuddle3, etc. What the heck was Cuddle1? This is a perfect example of needing to know in advance what the menu options do or you are truly taking a risk by choosing anything. In the end, the two of us did just that, kept choosing various cuddles until we found something appropriate. However, I thought the multiple selections were distracting from the intimacy of the moment. But that's just me.

I realize in writing the above, the same could be said for any menu which has properly named options. Considering how short the name of an option is in a pop-up dialog box, it's impossible to truly understand what you're getting. I find it frustrating to go through a list of choices and discover I'm sitting on the left of my partner, then on the right, and once again back to the left. Sure, I realize we use IM chat to smooth over any discrepancies and fill in any blanks, but I sometimes find it frustrating to have to make up for many discrepancies and many blanks. Call me anal retentive, but I hate being caught unaware and am forced to randomly click various menu options, searching for something appropriate. I get the impression the builder of the piece of furniture had a bunch of animations on hand and just threw them in haphazardly. I'd like to have a good experience with my partner, and some furniture makes it difficult. I suppose one could argue I'm a perfectionist. Ha!

Modern Furniture
Today's furniture have certainly improved from the days of poseballs. First off, no poseballs! Secondly, integration with various secondary systems such as male and female genitalia and INM (It's Not Mine!). It's quite the technological achievement. Hats off to the programmers who are upping their game.

Nevertheless, the menu problem still exists. Life is like a box of chocolates, and with Second Life and its sex furniture menu options, you never know what you're going to get. I like a little pre-planning. If we decide to do the tango, I like to know the steps.

Sidebar: The Question of Alts
In RL, we can get a new outfit; we can get our hair done; we can sort of change out look. But in SL, you can go all out by creating a completely different avatar, an alt. Ah, if RL was as easy!

I have several alts but as you can see from the above, I use them strictly for testing purposes. However, some people create an alt to start over, to do something completely different, to take a break from their regular life. Those are the good reasons to have an alt. And now for the bad reasons: cheating on your partner.

True story: Last year, I got chatting with a woman. I forget her name so let's call her GirlA. So, GirlA has a boyfriend BF and a girlfriend GirlB. Apparently, BF has expressed interest in going out with GirlB. Out of the blue, GirlB, starts going out with Mystery Guy, but at some point, BF and Mystery Guy say the same thing. Suspicious, GirlA and GirlB together confront BF and Mystery Guy and discover BF and Mystery Guy are the same person. BF had apparently made an alt, Mystery Guy, in order to go out with GirlB.

The result was that GirlA and GirlB got mad at BF. GirlA dumped BF; GirlB dumped Mystery Guy; and now, both GirlA and GirlB refuse to have anything to do with BF. I asked why all the subterfuge? Why wasn't BF upfront in the first place and just try to work out something with both of them, GirlA and GirlB to date BF at the same time with everybody in the know, such as in a polyamorous arrangement? Nope, BF had to hide everything and trick GirlA and GirlB.

I keep saying that not everyone knows how to dance. I'm sure BF has no experience whatsoever with polyamory. Consequently, he went back to the traditional method of lying and cheating to get what he wanted and ended up losing everything. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it. Old saying: Always tell the truth. There's less to remember.

Final Word
Years ago, I jokingly said I should have gone into the making of sex furniture, but I don't mean for creating the furniture; I mean for overseeing the organization of the animations to better provide the potential for smooth and comprehensive scenarios. I don't like having incomplete things: instead of steps 1 through 6, I have steps 1, 2, 4, part of 5, and 6 is missing. I don't like illogical things: Sometimes I'm sitting on the left and sometimes on the right. I don't like missing things: When we stand up to leave, why can't we have a kiss goodbye?

In SL, we are writing an interactive story. My partner and I are both contributing dialogue (and actions, thoughts, and emotions) to a scenario playing out before us. I repeat, the real substance is in the communication. But I also repeat that a well-timed animation can further enhance the scene. I learn the tango; I practice my steps; and when the moment arrives to dance the tango, I try to execute the steps to the best of my ability so I can give not only my partner, but myself the best dance experience possible.

2022-05-28

Power Play

A lingerie ad as an erotic video. But who's chasing whom? See you in Room 438.

Power Play from lovecodeTV on Vimeo. Published on Feb 8, 2014 by lovecodeTV
Shot at location Sound Garden Hotel Warszawa http://www.soundgardenhotel.pl
Cast - Magdalena Perlinska & Marcin Twardowski
Story - Ewa & Valmaar
Director - Vamaar
1st Assistant Director - Ewa
Camera - Valmaar
Edit - Valmaar & Ewa
Hair & Make-up - Anna Wójcik
Music - Massive Attack "Angel"

References

web site: Love Code Lingerie
New luxury lingerie brand.

Facebook: Love Code Lingerie
In Lovecode Lingerie, we believe that every woman can feel beautiful and sexy at any time. We think that you can be dressed in sensual lingerie both leaving in the morning for work and in your spare time. You do not need a separate set of underwear to the office and a separate for the bedroom. Lovecode Lingerie guarantees maximum wearing comfort and at the same time will ignite the senses.

In Lovecode Lingerie passionately devote ourselves to creating the highest quality lingerie that being comfortable and functional at the same time gives you maximum confidence because it's super sexy and you know what you wear. You feel that you tread firmly on the ground and it's up to you how this day will roll out ...

All our lingerie products we proudly produce in Poland.

Wikipedia: Angel (Massive Attack song)
"Angel" is a song by English trip hop group Massive Attack. It features lead vocals and songwriting from Horace Andy, and is partially based on Andy's song "You are My Angel". It was released as the third single from their third studio album, Mezzanine (1998), on 13 July 1998. "Angel" peaked at number 30 on the UK Singles Chart.

Published on Mar 6, 2009 by massiveattack
YouTube: Massive Attack - Angel (5:24)

2019-11-26

Mindf*cking

I seize you by the hair.

Warm breath. Sensual lips. Moist tongue. Can I seize you by the imagination?

This woman, a sex therapist, has an interesting concept: "mindfucking".

"The Sex Before the Sex" by Kim Anami
"I like to be penetrated long before any physical contact takes place. In fact, I need to be. Witty banter, teasing, verbal double entendres—all foreplay for me. The people I am attracted to have a keen grasp on language, ideas and poetry. Little that they say is strictly linear or without a hint of play or sexuality."
...
"For me, that battle starts early. It could go on for days. Weeks. It doesn’t need to stop. Each throw down we have, each time we cannot resist physical touch any longer, wipes the slate clean and gives us the chance to start anew. Who will bring the other person to wetness or hardness first? Who will be so overcome with desire that they tackle the other person when they get in the door?"

Ms. Anami was writing about RL, but her idea is applicable to all worlds. Can we get into each other's head? Good sex is good sex. But great sex can be almost spiritual.


This idea is echoed by others.

Wikipedia: Esther Perel
Esther Perel (born 1958) is a Belgian psychotherapist who has explored the tension between the need for security (love, belonging and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure and distance) in human relationships.

Perel promoted the concept of Erotic Intelligence in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2006), which has been translated into 24 languages. After publishing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships. She gave a TED talk in February 2013 entitled The secret to desire in a long-term relationship (YouTube 19:10), and another in March 2015 entitled Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved (YouTube 21:30).

Perel is the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin?, which is based inside her therapist's office as she sees anonymous couples in search of insight into topics such as infidelity, sexlessness and grief.

In 2016, Perel was named to Oprah Winfrey's Supersoul 100 list of visionaries and influential leaders.

“Erotic couples understand that foreplay is not something you do 5 minutes before sex begins –

foreplay pretty much starts at the end of the previous orgasm.” – Esther Perel

I contend that in SL (and in RL), while there may be a sexual aspect to our interactions, what we're all really looking for is a connection, an erotic connection. I've said that anybody can click on a pose ball but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point?

May you find a connection, erotic, passionate, and fulfilling.
In other words, may you have it all.
All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)

2019-10-19

Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDSM, even Marriage

In RL, I’ve taken ballroom dance lessons. I’m in no way an expert, but I learned enough to have an appreciation for the work and dedication that goes into mastering what one could and maybe should consider a life skill.

My instructor was a woman. We started with the basics, the standard box pattern for the rhumba. She explained that the man always starts with his left foot. Why? Because the woman is always right. During our lessons, I found her to more than just an instructor, but a philosopher on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

As I worked my way through the various dances, waltz, cha-cha, tango, etc., and learning to turn, move back and forth, left and right, and pirouette, I slowly developed skills in not just steps, but in working with a partner.

In SL, observing people, talking with them, and interacting, I began to see ballroom dancing as a metaphor for relationships, whether we’re talking about dating, D/s (Dominant/submissive), BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism), or even marriage.

In the following, I discuss my partner as a woman. I'm a heterosexual male, but these ideas could be applicable to any type of couple.

I extend my hand to a woman as an offer to dance. She can accept or refuse: It’s her choice. But if she accepts, we dance. My attention is completely focused on my partner. Nothing else in the world exists.

We dance according to rules. We both have a role to play. While the man leads, he does so with the full cooperation of his partner. Everything is consensual: The woman does this because she wants to. The man leads by guiding his partner in a series of predefined moves that his partner knows and has mastered. They improvise their dance much like musicians playing together. There is a structure (12 bars, agreed upon key signature, tempo), and it is within this structure that improvisation takes place.

The results are synergy: The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Two knowledgeable people, skilled in their interactions, can merge into a coordinated unit, a magical choreography.

As I said, I saw ballroom dancing as a metaphor for relationships. From time to time, in reading profiles, I’ve run across people, men mainly, declaring themselves as Dom or Master. I can’t help wondering if those who advertise themselves as such truly understand what that means. Do these people know how to dance? I’ve read profiles of subs describing what they think is the ideal Dom, complaining of pretenders. A sub may submit, but a Dom must commit. Do the two of them know how to dance? Does the Dom know how to lead?

Ballroom Dancing in SL
Obviously, we’re not actually dancing. We’re animating our avatars based on somebody’s programming. Nevertheless, from my lessons, I see the various steps, cha-cha, tango, waltz, etc. and look at it with an appreciation stemming from learning and practising those steps.

I consider it a nice way to chat, get to know someone, and throw in the possibility of flirting: a touch, a tracing of the hand across the arm, and a whisper in the ear. I’ve mentioned elsewhere how people complain of overly aggressively males rudely asking for sex. I believe we all want to end up in the same place, an erotic connection, but how we get there makes all the difference in the world. There’s an old Chinese saying: “The journey is the reward.” Ballroom dancing can be a wonderful way of spending an intimate, one-on-one moment with someone else. It can also be a good way of discovering if there’s going to be a next step and what that step may be.

2019-10-07