Less Critical, More Compassionate

I'm older and questionably wiser, but definitely older. That's the RL mind behind the curtain, my Wizard of Oz reference for the day.

But I've noted that with age, I've become less critical and more compassionate. I don't rush to judgment. Everybody is trying to figure things out, and they don't necessarily come to the same conclusions as I did because of their life experiences, upbringing, and education. It's hard to understand that two plus two equals four if you have no understanding of mathematics.

I'm writing about SL but I'm also writing about RL. And certainly now, more than ever, it's impossible to ignore RL as the state of the world seems very precarious. As the 1960s hippies said, Make Love Not War. If we all spent more time between the sheets, there would be far less time for fighting. And I would add that there would be far less desire to fight. Nothing like a good orgasm with a good partner to give you a glow and make you feel that all is right with the world.

compassion (n): sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

As I've said elsewhere on this blog, I've made this observation over the years:

Happy people are kind, generous, and sympathetic, if not empathetic.

Unhappy people are mean, cruel, and always find fault with others never with themselves.

Unfortunately, the world has far too many unhappy people. They could be having a bad day, but I've heard stories which made me conclude some people are having a bad life. I feel sorry for them. I may try to help, but I also realize some people are beyond my help and the best I can do for all of us is to stay away. I'll be compassionate but must carefully assess if I, personally, can do any good and if not, move on for my own protection and sanity.

To again borrow from the 1960s hippies, I like to say that I'm a peace, love, and understanding type of guy. I come to SL to have fun, and it is important to me that everyone with whom I interact also has fun. We're all in this together. Can't we all get along?

Recently, I met a very nice black woman at a club. We had a charming time together and a most interesting conversation. She did, however, recount some not so agreeable times at this particular club. Apparently, not everyone is nonjudgmental and accepting, and racism exists. While she was dancing, a man IMed her out of the blue saying, "Beautiful n-".

Wait! What? Where in this man's wildest imagination did he think such an opening line was acceptable and would lead him into the good graces of the woman in question? I was astounded by her story. I find it incredible that a person could be so lacking in social skills, unaware of manners, and apparently incapable of any empathy whatsoever. Who are these people? How many of them are there? And how prevalent is this behavior?

But I like to say that SL is a reflection of RL. If somebody is an a-hole in SL, they are more than likely an a-hole in RL. Concerned by the polarization of politics and the awakening of all that is wrong in society, sexism, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia, I created the following meme in order to best describe my stance about other people, especially those people some may label as "different".

I think diversity is a good thing. Our differences make us stronger. Variety is the spice of life. United we stand. However, I know full well that not everyone feels as I do. They do not like anybody who is not identical to them. Too bad. They're missing out.

I'm less critical and more compassionate. But that doesn't mean I agree and am willing to let others dictate the terms for how our society is to be run. If what somebody believes in disenfranchises people or "punches down", they need to rethink their beliefs. If you're critical of other people, if you make fun of others, what does that say about you?

Somebody asking for their rights is not asking to take away my rights. We all deserve a place in the sun.

You can easily judge the character of a man

by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

—Malcolm S. Forbes

I am not here to be king of the hill. I have no need to win over others. We're all in this together, and it can be personally satisfying to help others. Yes, I climb the ladder because I want to be a success but I can also lend a hand to help others climb the ladder, too.

Final Word
As I like to say, will there ever be a final word? I've heard it said that while we have modern advances like the Internet, computers, and AI, the human race has not progressed one iota spiritually in two thousand years. We're just as stupid except now, with broadband, we can be stupid faster and for a wider audience.

Notice what I said at the beginning of this article.

I've become less critical and more compassionate. I don't rush to judgment. Everybody is trying to figure things out, and they don't necessarily come to the same conclusions as me because of their life experiences, their upbringing, and their education. It's hard to understand that two plus two equals four if you have no understanding of mathematics.

I calling you ignoraant. I'm not calling you stupid. Believe me, in the heat of an argument, it's a temptation to call you stupid but I'm trying to be compassionate. I do hope, however, that the ignorant don't get hold of the reins of power as they could very well sink the entire ship, them included, because they don't understand.

Why do guys role play girls?

2,500 words, 12-minute read

It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?

Back in 2010, when I first came to SL, it quickly became apparent that a number of women weren’t women but men pretending to be women. At that time, I heard estimates from 40% to 80% of all female avatars were actually guys. Really? What gives?

I’m a man. I’ve always been a man, and I’ve never had a desire to be anything else. I jokingly but seriously say that on SL, I’m playing myself. I’m not a vampire. I’m not a Neko or furry, and I’m not playing some role play like Gor. I’m playing a version of the RL me but without the usual RL restrictions.

In 2010, I talked with the owner of a sex club about this phenomenon. He gave me this advice: Ignore who’s behind the curtain, the RL person, and deal with the avatar you have in front of you. Nothing else matters.

It made sense but our society can be homophobic, and this was apparent in SL. Men demanded proof, and I saw in some female profiles “voice verified” or even “willing to voice verify”. I was amused when I read in one woman’s profile, “How come I never see men as being voice verified?” This became even funnier when I found out there were women pretending to be men.

I know there’s voice morphing, but I have no idea how well it works

But let me return to the topic of this article: Girls as GIRLs (Guys In Real Life).

Why?
I like to say that if it happens once, it’s an anomaly; if it happens repeatedly, it’s a phenomenon.

Why are all these men pretending to be women? Being a man, I had some ideas, but I’ve also done some Googling in writing this article.

Barbie Porn
The female avatar is a Barbie doll, to be dressed, undressed, styled, re-dressed, etc. She can be directed to do any scandalous thing one’s imagination may conceive of. The man isn’t just watching porn, he’s participating in it.

I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation.
-Barbie Girl by Aqua (Official Music Video), YouTube (3:21)

The Ideal Woman
Instead of searching for the ideal woman, a man can be his ideal woman. Looks, clothes, style, behaviour including sexuality, a man can play the role of the woman he himself would like.

I add the challenge and titillation of attracting someone to this avatar, and that someone may be female or male.

Curiosity
We guys can be curious about the other gender. Why not explore that curiosity by being the object of said curiosity? The body and its various parts, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. all aspects of the female are available for study.

Latent Homosexuality
Our culture has a significant degree of homophobia. Heterosexual is seen as normal, and anything else is not just frowned upon but considered a sin. We have tremendous pressure to conform to what we think is the accepted norm.

As such, playing a woman, being a woman, grants a man permission to explore what is otherwise verboten.

Sidebar
There is a niche in erotica labelled feminization where the gist of the story is that a man is somehow turned into a woman whether by magic, medical transformation, or brain transfer.

Lesbians
Men have a tendency of being titillated by lesbians so why not be a woman and be directly involved with lesbianism?

The idea that straight men like it when two women make out (and more!) is so commonplace that it’s a cultural touchstone. They don’t even have to be real lesbians: “Those twins” are among the things a canonical Coors Light drinker loves. On Friends, Chandler and Joey give up their apartment—their apartment in Manhattan—for the chance to watch two of their straight female friends kiss for one minute.

So what is it about the sight of two women that, purportedly, sets male loins ablaze?

[The popularity of] lesbian erotica... can be explained by the fact that men are most aroused by visual cues that emphasize youth and downplay drama and emotional complexity. Lesbian porn, therefore, works for straight men by “doubling up” those visual stimuli[.] The only thing better than one nubile, personality-free woman is two of them.
- Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016

Sidebar about lesbians
In the past few years, I have run into two women partnered with women who said they were not lesbian. They deliberately partnered with another heterosexual woman as a means of protection. If a guy became too aggressive, too hard to handle, they had an escape plan by pointing out being partnered. Hmmm, straight women banding together to protect themselves from undesirable men.

Sidebar about nonsexual women
I’ve run into at least one man who had a female avatar, but he apparently never had sex. He was the owner of a music club and managed it as a woman. This was a friend of a friend, and I never had the opportunity to question him as to why he was playing a woman.

Sidebar about RL
This 2005 article in New World Notes (Jan 10, 2005) recounts the story of two heterosexual RL men both playing lesbian SL women. In an interview, Jade admits that when he sees their avatars embracing, he thinks of himself kissing a woman even though he knows it's a man driving.

Getting a woman
The following is a quote from Eboni Khan, as reported in New World Notes, March 14, 2018

The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.

Sensitive and tender? Pretend to be a girl, then seduce the girl of your dreams. Then tell her you are a man, and hope for the best. I think the majority of these men just want to be tender and loving, and think a female avie makes it easier for them to do it.

A man pretends to be a woman to get a woman because he doesn’t think he can get one while being a man?

Wait! What?

In a previous article Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience, I discussed men who seem to be ignorant about relationships and inexperienced with women, the worst of which is an Incel. It is evident, to me at least, there are any number of males who don’t know how to be a man. I’m not talking about the tough guy, never cry, stoic, lone wolf hero that is admired by the traditional patriarchy, but the male who is knowledgeable, strong but gentle, confident in himself as a man, and compassionate for his fellow human beings. This isn’t about fighting and winning over others but helping others to make this a better world.

Transgender
What a change from 2010, my first year in SL and now, 2021. While some remain hidden out of fear of criticism and condemnation, I’m seeing more brave souls who have come out of the closet. I laud them while recognising that the world is changing, albeit slowly.

I see that sexual reassignment surgery may cost from $10,000 up which may be prohibitive for some. SL can provide a means of exploring being a complete woman. I’ve also met a number who play SL as a pre-op transgender woman. SL provides all of us with a means to be anything we want.

Voice Verified

Nobody has ever asked me to voice verify that I’m a man. I’ve never asked anybody to voice verify that they were a three-headed monster of the underworld. The other week, I read this in a woman’s profile:

Real Life man in his mid-forties who likes to explore Second Life as a submissive female.
He’s being honest and upfront, even brave. I would be curious to know who would want to play with this person. If you know that the woman standing in front of you, the female avatar, is actually a man in RL, is your perception of the woman changed? If your fantasy is to be with a woman, has your fantasy now been ruined? Or do we all tend to ignore the RL mind behind the curtain and get into the game?

My Personal Experience: I have a female alt
I like to test sex furniture and in order to do so, I need a second avatar. The first time, I created a male alt. One day, I’m testing a piece of furniture with my two male avatars when I click on a 69 position. As I watch these two men orally stimulate each other, it suddenly occurs to me that the old saying is not true: I can suck and blow at the same time.

Later, I created a female alt, so my testing was a little more realistic, more heterosexual than homosexual. Seinfeld: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

In 2012, I had a sports injury which lasted almost the entire year. Without going into detail, I had limited use of my left arm so I really couldn’t play Second Life. Typing with one hand, while a joke about masturbating at the keyboard, proved to be restrictive.

As such, unable to do much else, I did spend time dressing my female alt. I can see the attraction. As a man, I’m attracted to women, and I can see the interest in playing with a female avatar. How prevalent is this? I’ve read numerous comments over the years of how there are far more clothes for women than men. I note in Flickr accounts, there are far more pictures of women than men. I return to the question of just how many women in Second Life are being driven by men.

By the way, once I got my health back, I never went back to playing with my female alt. While I can understand the attraction, I seem to have other things in life to obsess about. Ha!

My Personal Experience: How many men have I kissed?
First off, let me stress that I’m accepting and nonjudgmental. I’m very much LGBTQ friendly. Everyone is welcome; we’re all in this together. I, myself, identify as a heterosexual* male. * For the most part. Some rules and restrictions may apply. (see: I'm a man)

How things have changed between 2010 and 2021: A long time ago, I met a woman with an RL photo in her profile of a lower body and legs. We danced, chatted, and flirted. The RL photo was then updated to show the lower body with a noticeable bulge. At the time, I was somewhat upset by this deception. My fantasy was to dance with a woman but instead of role playing a woman, this person was then telling me she was a man. I’ve come to appreciate that coming out of the closet, so to speak, is fraught with rejection and danger, but honesty is the best policy.

Fast forward to today. I invite a woman I know to dance but then realise she has changed her profile to say she’s a he. We discuss. She’s worried about my reaction. I ask her how she would like me to treat her. She says a complete woman. I do so. We dance, chat and even flirt. She explains that she is a pre-op transgender woman with hopes of making the leap when she has enough money. She also notes that after making the change in her profile, stating she is still a man, the number of dance offers dropped considerably, and she was then thinking of removing this from her profile and going back to portraying herself just as a woman.

In wandering around reading profiles, I’ve run across a number of female profiles where the author has clearly indicated they are a man in RL. Hats off for their honesty. Heterosexuality is most common. Gay apparently represents about 10% of the population. My research says transgender is less than 1% of the population. It takes guts to buck the trend.

In 2017, on SL, I run into a person identified by a female avatar, Alice. We chat, the usual small talk. But then, things turn serious, and Alice decides to tell me her story. Alice is actually Frank, a 55-year-old man transitioning to a woman. Frank was born male. He grew up male. He went to school, graduated, and found himself a career as a male. He got married and had two children. At the age of fifty, he decides to come out. His wife is accepting but she said she couldn't live as a lesbian, so they get a divorce, remaining good friends and still co-parenting. Frank sends me a real-life photo of himself. I see a man, wearing makeup and a wig in a dress. He looks nothing like a woman; he looks like a man in drag.

Our conversation came to an end, and we went our separate ways never to see one another again. However, I've thought about this story on many occasions. What trials and tribulations was Frank going to face? What ridicule? Obviously, this was important to him, or he wouldn't risk it all, but I still found it incredible that he gets through fifty years of his life as a man but now feels it is of the utmost importance he finds the real him in a woman. What societal pressures do we experience to conform to a standard we may disagree with?

In my SL profile, for pick number one, I have “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Final Word
In my reading (linked below), the question was raised about playing another gender and whether it was acceptable or not. Somebody pointed out that we all must be honest with Linden Labs in telling them who we really are, but to other residents of SL, we can say anything we want: male, female, young, old, tall, short, big, small, vampire, Neko, fairy, or furry. You can even be a three-headed monster of the underworld.

Someone once told me that they like to play Second Life in a realistic fashion. The humour I saw is that by just logging into this virtual world, we are all role playing. Even though I claim to be playing myself, I’m certainly playing a version of myself who is younger, in better physical shape, and without the same restrictions I have in real life. As I jokingly say, in Second Life, I never get a cramp in my leg.

Heterosexual, gay, transgender, cross-dressing, cuckold, sissy, dominant, submissive, we all deserve our place in the sun. And may we all find a partner who shares our role play. May we all find “The One”.


References

Drawing by The TGArtist. I can find no web site in order to give proper credit. I apologise.

Is 10% of the population really gay?, The Guardian, Apr 5/2015
Drawing on the widest survey of sexual behaviour since the Kinsey Report, David Spiegelhalter, in his book Sex By Numbers, answers key questions about our private lives. Here he reveals how Kinsey’s contested claim that 10% of us are gay is actually close to the mark.

How Many Adults and Youth Identify as Transgender in the United States?, UCLA Williams Institute, June 2022
1.6 million, 0.48% of the population of 332.4 million, 2022

Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016
The psychology behind the male sexual desire for lesbians

Why Some Men Gender-Bend in Online Worlds - Classic NWN Quote, New World Notes - Mar 14, 2018
The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.

Why Do So Many People in Second Life Decline to Have Much of One? (Comment of the Week), New World Notes - Mar 19, 2018
In SL If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then you should treat it as a duck, because in this world you have entered it is a Duck, and whatever it might be in RL is not part of this world, this second life.

Guys that pretend to be girls, Second Life Community from 2013
SecondLife has no dog in this fight other than at registration time. SecondLife does require honest representation of your identity when you create an account. But that information is protected by Linden Research. After you are logged in, the gloves are off and you can be anything you want to be.

MALE playing female? Is it frowned upon?, Second Life Community from 2020
Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people.

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Man and Man on Woman and Woman, New World Notes, Jan 10, 2005
So there's this guy who's a guy in real life but a girl in Second Life, even though in real life he's into girls, and then there's this other guy who's also a guy into girls in real life, and he was playing a guy in Second Life for awhile, but then decided to be a girl instead, and then like two months ago, guess what: the first guy met the second guy, and they fell in love, so now they're a couple-- even though they're really two guys into girls.

A Mixed Reality Marriage (With Metaverse Mom), New World Notes, May 11/2009
A follow-up to the above story about Jade Lily and Torley Torgeson, both heterosexual men in RL, both playing lesbian women in SL.

Boys Will Be Girls, Flickr
My name is Cindy, a professional make-up artist and glamour photographer from London. I have been specializing in makeup for cross-dressers, drag queen make-up, and special effects make-up since 2011. I run Boys Will Be Girls, which is a Crossdressing Service in London that caters for CD/TV/TG or just guys that want help in dressing up as girls!

2022-07-15

Second Life Magnifies Real Life

Years ago, a journalist described Second Life as having a speed of life one hundred times faster than Real Life. A couple could meet, fall in love, get partnered, get bored, fall out of love, and unpartner all in the space of a week. While this virtual world reflects RL, it would seem to exaggerate it.

Does using a computer lead to sensory overload? We jokingly refer to somebody being distracted by saying they have the attention span of a fruit fly. However, I've remarked over the years a tendency to focus on the here and now, ignoring what may have just happened. I've referred to this as how people get distracted by the next shiny bauble. I finish one thing, chatting with somebody for instance, and then move on to something else and almost immediately forget about what I was just doing. It's like my short-term memory is shot. Thanks goodness, I faithfully use the Notes section of profiles to track various tidbits about the individual so I can recall the individual otherwise, I would more than likely not remember who they are.

In this blog, I've spoken about anonymity and how it gives us total freedom to do or say anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. What do we do with such freedom? It would seem some people forget about manners and behave badly, that is, in RL they would get their face slapped or even risk a call to 9-1-1. Guys walk around with their junk out, asking every woman they meet if they want to f*ck. Really?

Of course, Second Life is just a game. Well, it may be a game to some people but as the old saying goes, behind every avatar is a real human being. In this game, the avatar with whom you're interacting is not a computer-generated simulation. Maybe politeness and respect are not such bad things after all.

SL can be a fantasy world of make believe. Vampires, Nekos, furries, a multitude of role-play characters, one can be anything they want. The only limitation is your imagination. Along with that comes, ahem, enhancements. Men so muscular as to put Arnold Schwarzennegger to shame. Women so top heavy, they must be seeing a chiropractor on a daily basis for back adjustments. Tall, short, fat, skinny, every physical characteristic is up for an emphatic do-over. Where does a man sporting a penis the size of a forearm get a jockstrap?

As an aside, there seems to be a fight going on about the size of avatars. In my blog Avatar Height, I talk about how the SL norm seems to be SL size = RL size times 1.25. Historically, the reason seems to be based on the POV (Point Of View) perspective in the viewers. Nevertheless, a number in the past few years have designed their avatars with their SL size proportional to their RL size, leading to comparatively small people. Good? Bad? I find myself sometimes so way out of proportion with the individual that I've taken to shortening myself in order to have something more realistically proportional, restoring my height in the company of other people.

Personally, I play Second Life in an immersive fashion, that is, it isn't a game; we're actually here. I'm playing me, obviously a version of myself without the usual RL restrictions, but still me. As such, I retain a degree of real life proportions. I don't need to out-Arnold Arnold or possess equipment rivaling a miniature stallion to live a satisfactory virtual life. But that's just me. I guess my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner, seeing them as more of a real human being than a fantasy exaggeration of the same. To each their own.

I've joked that there is so much sex in Second Life that I think SL actually stands for Sex Life. In this virtual world, all RL restrictions are dispensed with, religious, moral, and even legal, and everyone is free to do whatever they normally keep hidden in the dark recesses of their minds. BDSM, D/s, M/s, anonymous public sex, AFK sex, polyamory / non-monogamy, multiple partners, gangbangs, the Glory Hole, CMNF and CFNM, and bestiality along with aliens, monsters, and tentacle sex, every kink imaginable is available. SL is a variation of Rule 34: if it exists in Real Life; it exists in Second Life.

Above, I said that my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner but I recognize that potential partner is, in a way, a fantasy exaggeration of themselves as that person is far more sexually liberated then they would be in RL. In observing how much more sexual people are in Second Life, I am reminded of just how repressive our Puritan culture is.

May all your dreams come true, and may all your fantasies be realized.

2022-06-29

Compersion: not thinking of yourself

polyamory (n) the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

The word compersion is defined as the joy you feel for another’s happiness. The best example I’ve heard is the joy a parent feels for the happiness of their child. However, the term originated in polyamory, the joy you feel for your partner’s happiness which may include their happiness in another relationship, both emotional and sexual.

Whoa! Let’s unpack that one! That is so foreign to our traditions of marriage and monogamy, it may be difficult to conceive of any scenario where such an idea could work.

The supposed antonym is jealousy, and just what is jealousy? It is usually described as the fear of losing someone. Think about that. Your partner has lunch with somebody, describing a good meal, an interesting conversation, and a fun time. Is there someplace in the back of your mind where a little voice of doubt wonders if your partner prefers that person over you?

"If you love something set it free. If it comes back,
it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be."
-Unknown

Your partner has lunch with somebody and has a good time. You don’t feel jealous because you don’t feel threatened, and you’re glad your partner had a good time. That seems normal. But just how far can you go with that idea?

A long time ago, I heard a man give a speech in which he said:

“I always wondered why I could never find Miss Right
until I realized I had always been Mr. Wrong.”

Luck is described as when preparation meets opportunity. Are we prepared? Even if the right partner comes along, are we still the wrong person?

We grow up surrounded by traditions which instill us with a mindset, formed by family, peer groups, religion, and the culture we live in. Are we aware of this? Does a fish know it’s living in a fishbowl? We may be unable to look outside our world and see the possibility of other things. Is any of us prepared to live our life in a manner which contradicts tradition and the supposed ideal of a monogamous marriage?

I’ve said elsewhere that Second Life offers us a unique opportunity to step out of our real life, to forget the boundaries of our upbringing, and live in a new and novel manner. By its very nature, this virtual world can be polyamorous and yet, SL is full of drama: jealousy, lying, cheating, all the indicators that the individual in question is living SL like their RL, unprepared to break with their own traditions. (Anonymity and Total Freedom)

Confidence and Self-confidence
Confidence can be defined as the trust you have in your partner and the faith you have in your partnership. Self-confidence can be defined as your self-worth, how you see yourself as a good person of value.

If your partner waxes complimentary about somebody else, how do you react? Do you feel threatened? Are you wondering if your partner now likes this other person more than you? Or do you feel compersion? Do you feel joy at your partner’s happiness? With confidence in your relationship and confidence in yourself, what’s to worry about? (Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good)

My Friend M
M is my longest friend in Second Life. I’ve known her longer than people in Real Life. But before her story, a few stats:

In the United States, a typical marriage which ends in divorce lasts for an average of 8.2 years. The rate of divorce is 45%. In Italy, the average marriage lasts 17 years with a divorce rate of 42%.

M has been married now for over 25 years, her first and only marriage. Based on the above averages, she is more of an exception to the rule. But there is an odd twist to her story: She and her husband have always been swingers. Yes, you heard that correctly: the two of them occasionally have sex with other people. 45% of seemingly monogamous marriages end in divorce and yet M and her husband are not monogamous and have defied the odds. I like to say that some people live extraordinary lives.

I asked M once to what she attributed their success, and she said, “It’s largely about two things... honesty and trust... [my husband] has been my best friend even as he became my lover and my partner... I felt that I could share anything with him that there was nothing that I had to hide... I knew always that he would respect me no matter what.”

Let me add that both of them play Second Life, are aware that each of them play, and are also aware they play with other people. Yes, in SL, just like in RL, each of them are sometimes involved with other people.

Final Word
Your average person in RL has little or no experience with the freedom offered in SL. Are they prepared to be open, honest, nonjudgmental, and accepting? Are they willing to leave their RL baggage at the door? Can they focus on others, on their partner, and not just on themselves? Are they willing to put their partner's happiness ahead of their own?

Don't think of me as trying to be some guru. I'm nobody special, just an average guy in the street. However, I've come to realize there are opportunities to live life differently and to live it better if I can only see the world from beyond my own backyard. And that idea is not just applicable to SL; it's also applicable to RL.


Afterthought
I ran across the following quote from Osho (1931-1990), an Indin philosopher and founder of the Rajneesh movement.

It's interesting to apply the metahor of a flower to compersion. Traditional views of relationships and marriage involve monogamy and possession. The flower means the other person is independent and free. If you two are together, you do it because you want to, not because you have to. The uninitiated seem to have wink wink nudge nudge ideas of people wildly running around with every person they meet, but the truth is far more circumspect. Our lives are filled with many people, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. with whom we never have a truly intimate relationship. But it is admittedly possible to have more than one intimate relationship in our lives. The question is whether we are ready to embrace compersion and posssibly explore an aspect of life different from our traditions.


References

Wiktionary: compersion
Etymology
Coined by the Kerista Community in the 1970s. Possibly derived from French compère (“partner”), plus -sion, based on an earlier use of the French compérage to denote the practice of brothers-in-law sharing wives observed among Tupi people of the Brazilian Amazon.

compersion (uncountable)
* Vicarious joy associated with seeing one's partner have a joyful romantic or sexual relation with another.

Antonyms
* jealousy

Wikipedia: Polyamory: Compersion
Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship. Some have called it "the opposite or flip side of jealousy", is analogous to the "joy parents feel when their children get married", and a "positive emotional reaction to a lover's other relationship". The concept of compersion was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco.

How Long Do Average U.S. Marriages Last?
Brides Magazine, Mar 2/2021, based on data from the U.S. Census Bureau

Wikipedia: Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice is a 1969 American comedy-drama film directed by Paul Mazursky, written by Mazursky and Larry Tucker, who also produced the film, and starring Natalie Wood, Robert Culp, Elliott Gould, and Dyan Cannon

2022-06-14

My Rule of the Three Rights

It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating. At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible.

The right time and the right place seem obvious, but the big problem always seems to be the right person.

I've previously talked about the causes of drama. Most people are happy, but some people are unhappy, and that unhappiness can manifest itself as impoliteness, disrespect, and even cruelty to others.

I've previously talked about inexperienced and aggressive males who seem to have no social skills. They seem to be self-centered with no sympathy or empathy for others. They're hungry, horny, or bored, and nothing else and nobody else matters.

Years ago, I heard a man give a speech in which he wondered why he had never managed to find Miss Right until he discovered he had always been Mr. Wrong.

It's a big world out there with many wonderous things and many wonderful people. But to fully appreciate them, one must look outward. One must stop focusing on one's own hunger, horniness, and boredom, and turn one's attention to the world.

The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.

I like things to develop organically, that is, naturally. You can't force things. Anybody can click on a poseball but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point? Sometimes, you click with somebody. And sometimes you don't. If you don't click, you accept and move on. In order for things to work, you need all three rights at the same time. Anything less just won't do.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
― Maya Angelou (1928-2014), American Poet

I repeat ad infinitum, or maybe ad nauseum, that I borrow from the 1960s hippies to call myself a peace, love, and understanding type of guy. Be nice. Be kind. Let's make the world a better place. We're all in this together.

2022-06-13

True Doms in Second Life

I recently ran across the following video I first saw years ago and thought to use it as a starting point for a discussion about D/s.

Published on Feb 11/2011 by XtranormalContest
YouTube: True Doms in Second Life (1:43)
This movie has been entered by Morrikins into the Xtranormal February 2011 "Make A Movie, Win $1000!" Contest.

Full disclosure. I'm 69 years old in RL. I've been in SL now for about 12 years. I don't know everything, and I'm still learning. However, I do know something.

I like to read profiles. I've read hundreds of them. I like to chat with people. I've chatted with scores of them. After a while, I began to see common themes as people told me the same things.

The premise: Some of those advertising themselves as being a Dom or a Master are pretenders to the throne.

Over and over again, I kept hearing complaints from submissives that Doms were not meeting their expectations. They were failing to engage these subs. But why? The video above is funny but from my discussions with various submissives, the video is an accurate portrayal of the complaints I've run across.

Luck is defined as when preparation meets opportunity. The virtual world of Second Life is the opportunity but is there the preparation? Do people know what they're doing? In my article Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDSM, even Marriage, I compared relationships to dancing, pointing out that before you do the waltz, you have to learn the steps and practice them before you can actually dance the waltz. It would seem that a number of people may have an interest in D/s but know nothing about it. They try to dance the waltz but have never done it before. It would stand to reason; the results are either mixed or just bad.

During the pandemic, I was chatting with a sub who explained she had just broken up with her master. She said he was not paying enough attention to her, and she felt slighted. She then went on the say that this master had ten subs. Wait! What? Ten subs? How the dickens could this one master devote enough time to ten individuals? Was he online twenty-four by seven?

This and other examples led me to this conclusion: So-called Doms and Masters equated domination with subjugation without consideration for the psychological aspects of the relationship.

A Dom does not force a sub to kneel. He inspires her to.

The video above portrays the Dom as expecting obedience, and it is plainly obvious he knows nothing about inspiring obedience.

In the 2014 article What is Sensual Domination? by DominantSoul, he explains the difference between domineering and dominance: You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind. This is seduction, not aggression.

DominantSoul then goes on to explain how the Dom must inspire trust and safety in the submissive and demonstrate confidence in doing so. People follow confident leaders. I return to the video and the difference between expecting obedience and inspiring obedience.

I've run across a number of memes which echo these ideas:

Being a submissive is not about being powerless. It’s about the conscious decision to gift that power to the person that I deem most worthy. Submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man. Submission is a gift and Dominance is a privilege. Never take either for granted. Most females fear a dominant male because there’s a lot of posers out there. A true dominant male understands that submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man.

I've seen a number of profiles where the submissive has stated, I'm not a doormat! I don't believe the so-called Doms fully appreciate the time and effort that goes into a relationship, not just D/s, but any relationship, even a vanilla one. For any of us, a partner should be our focus. There's an old saying: The more you put in, the more you get out. If we are not focused on our partner, we're missing the purpose and the benefit of that relationship. This is a two-way street.

The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.

Elsewhere, I've pointed out how each one of us wants to be wanted. We want to be appreciated by a co-workers and respected by our boss. We want to be liked by our neighbors and loved by our family. But in a relationship, we want to be desired by a partner. We want to be somebody's focus.

Sidebar
There are many variations of D/s. In BDSM, let's not forget the S&M. Some relationships are M/s, that is slave. Some involve, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain. The discussion here is in a general sense, expectation versus inspiration. In SL, I never touch you, therefore, communication and the psychological aspects of a relationship are more important than ever.

Final Word
People do a lousy waltz because they don't know how to dance. People do a lousy D/s because they don't know how to dominate. Whenever I see a profile which states, I'm a Dom or I'm a Master, I can't help wondering if advertising being a Dom is an indicator the person doesn't know what they're doing. If a person truly is a Dom, they don't advertise it, they live it. But let me add that there are no hard and fast rules. Using a profile to clearly indicate who you are and what you want stops any potentially fumbling around. I came to Second Life for such and such and if that's not your thing, let's both not waste any more of our time.

I'm fond of saying that anybody can click on a poseball, but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point? The master who had ten subs was going for quantity and not quality. The true measurement of D/s is when it counts. And believe me, when it counts, it can be an extraordinary experience, whether you're the lowercase s or the uppercase D.

References

Wikipedia: Nawmal
Technologies Nawmal Inc., formerly known as Nawmal Ltd., and simply known as Nawmal, is a Canadian digital entertainment company based in Montreal, Canada, that produces do-it-yourself animation software for the web and desktop and turned words from a script into an animated movie using text-to-speech and animation technologies. In April 2014, Nawmal Ltd. acquired the rights to Xtranormal's IP and began releasing a rebranded version of a similar software.

my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - Oct 7/2019
Life is a dance.

my blog: Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good - Oct 28/2021
I have nothing to prove.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

DominantSoul: The Erotic Art of Sensual Domination
My BDSM name is DominantSoul. I am Sensual Dominant, Alpha-male and an accidental BDSM writer who has practiced Sensual Domination, an erotic genre of BDSM, since the age of 20 years old. My blog is dedicated to educating and informing people about all aspects of Sensual Domination.

2022-06-09

Doxing: What the f*ck do you think you're doing?

Let me be blunt and to the point.

doxing (n)
search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the internet, typically with malicious intent.

Over and over again, I have run across entries in profiles describing personal experience about getting into trouble for revealing personal information and/or RL pictures. Who can you trust? There may only be one bad apple in the barrel but that's enough to get up your defenses. Once bitten, twice shy.

Just today, I read this in the profile of an acquaintance:

I won't give away anything about my RL and will refuse any requests for RL contact....did that once and it got me into so much trouble so never again.

In my article Anonymity and Total Freedom, I talk about the unique circumstances in the virtual world of Second Life, having a new identity completely divorced from one's real life with the freedom to say or do anything one wants without fear of criticism or condemnation. This is recognizing the many restrictions we all face in RL from religion, morality, peer group pressures, social norms, etc.

Why then would anybody want to spoil that? Why would anybody want to deliberately reveal an individual to their real life, so they got into trouble? What purpose is served? What's the benefit? Does the doxer get a hundred bucks? Do they a gold star beside their name? Does the mayor give them the keys to the city?

I've asked this question over the years through Google searches and turned up the following. The doxer feels a sense of superiority over the person they're outing. The doxer feels morally justified in revealing that the individual in question is somehow a bad person.

How violated does the person outed feel?

Let me return to sense of superiority and morally justified. It's been said that weak people feel better about themselves by putting others down. Outing somebody is a way of punching down, hurting somebody in a supposedly inferior position. In my article Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience, I discuss the phenomenon of men who seem to have little or no people skills, who seem incapable of interacting with people in a normal, polite, and respectful fashion. I can't help feeling that in RL, they may get by, considered odd by others, but here in SL with the freedom to say or do anything one wants without fear of criticism or condemnation, this odd behavior is now magnified.

"You can easily judge the character of a man by
how he treats those who can do nothing for him."
—Malcolm S. Forbes

Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good. I don’t think I’m good, I know I’m good. That may sound conceited, but I know myself, know my worth, and feel no need to put others down to feel better. However, I recognize that some men don't feel good about themselves, and they may lash out against others. At first meeting, it's not always obvious who you're dealing with, but I certainly can see why people become defensive. Who wants to have their Second Life and their Real Life jeopardized by some insecure, immature "boy"?

Final Word
Dear Doxer: What the f*ck do you think you're doing? I don't think it's funny. I don't think it's justified. Deliberately hurting somebody is the act of a coward. Over the years, I've occasionally run into people who may have inadvertently left themselves exposed, mistakenly revealing information they didn't intend to, and I've made suggestions for tightening up their own security. Personally, I have no real desire to know somebody's personal details. Obviously, in the course of any interaction, some RL information may be revealed but I have no intention of acting on such information any more than I would out somebody in RL. There's no benefit for me.

I'm sorry there are bad apples in the world. However, I remain convinced that the vast majority of people are good people. They are mature, experienced, and well-grounded. They keep secrets. They are decent. And they don't abuse trust.


References

Wikipedia: Doxing
Doxing or doxxing is the act of publicly revealing previously private personal information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet. Methods employed to acquire such information include searching publicly available databases and social media websites (like Facebook), hacking, social engineering and, through websites such as Grabify, a site specialized in revealing IP addresses through a fake link. Doxing may be carried out for reasons such as online shaming, extortion, and vigilante aid to law enforcement. It also may be associated with hacktivism.

A Conscious Rethink: 13 Reasons Why People Put Others Down (+ How To Deal With Them)
Some people like to have a little dig at others whenever they can. They belittle them, they make fun of them, and they put them down. If you are on the receiving end of this type of behavior, it can really hurt your feelings. So, you may be wondering, why do they do it? What makes people put others down?

2022-05-22

Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good

I don’t think I’m good, I know I’m good.

I can now imagine you thinking: Such arrogance! Such an inflated sense of self-worth!

Hear me out! Please, let me explain!

In my life, I’ve met people who were taller than me, stronger than me, and faster than me. I’ve met people who were better educated, more well-traveled, spoke more languages, and were more talented in the arts, such as music, painting, and writing. I’ve met people who were smarter than me and even on the level of being a genius. In other words, I have been humbled by meeting people better than me. Yes, better than me: more money, more accomplishments, and more brains.

Then how can I say I’m good?

I take out a ten-dollar bill and lay it on the table. It’s worth ten dollars.

I then take out a twenty-dollar bill and lay it on the table. We can all agree that the twenty-dollar bill is worth more than the ten-dollar bill.

But guess what?

The ten-dollar bill is still worth ten dollars. Just because I’ve put a twenty-dollar bill beside it, I have not diminished the value of the ten-dollar bill. It’s still worth ten dollars.

I’m good. I have stood beside people better than me but I’m still good. I’ve been humbled but I have not been diminished. Being with somebody better is an opportunity to learn and hopefully better myself. But I’m still good. I’m still worth ten dollars.

In my previous piece “Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience”, I spoke of males being impolite, demanding, and not acting very well. I even spoke about the phenomenon of “Incels”, probably the ultimate in modern day male craziness. Racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. are all signs, in my book, of weakness. I’m better than you. Such a person may think they’re good, but they don’t know it. As a consequence, they always have a doubt; they must always prove themselves, and what better way of doing so that denigrating somebody else so as to feel superior. Think about that for a second. Somebody feels better about themselves by putting down someone else. I can’t help feeling there’s something sorely lacking internally if a person feels so badly about themselves that they must attack somebody else in order to feel good about themselves.

I have met just about everybody: all ages, all classes, all levels of education, all races, all sexual orientations, all genders, and I am delighted by the diversity in the world. This is a wonderful planet.

But note I’m not in competition with any of these people. I’m good. I accept them; I don’t judge them. I’m good. I have no need to feel superior to them or anybody. I’m good. I know I’m good. And in the same way somebody better than me can be compassionate and help me; I want to be compassionate and help others. Pay it forward.

You can easily judge the character of a man

by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

—Malcolm S. Forbes

Woe is me! Nobody likes me!
At one point is my life, I was mulling over that I didn’t like somebody. I don’t mean I was indifferent to him; I mean I really couldn’t stand the guy. I found his behaviour and his mannerisms irritating.

Suddenly, I had a flash of insight. If I didn’t like 100% of the people I meet, it stood to reason that 100% of the people who met me would not like me. Statistically, it seemed to be inevitable.

I walk down the street and randomly stop 100 people. There is bound to be at least one person I’m not going to care for. And the opposite must be true. If I stop 100 people, there is bound to be somebody who doesn’t care for me. It’s got to happen. I don’t see how anybody can avoid it.

The insight for me was that meeting somebody and not hitting off wasn’t quite so bad. Statistically, it was inevitable. Sure, it may sting a bit but I’m still good. I’m still a worthwhile human being. I’ve not been demoted and relegated to the back row. Of course, I would sometimes humorously look at somebody not liking me by saying that they don’t have a sophisticated enough palette to appreciate me as the fine wine I actually am. Your loss! Ain’t I a card?

My point is that I’m good, and I know I’m good. And I know that periodically I’m not going to hit it off with somebody. It’s unfortunate but I move on. I’ve heard it said that Second Life has over 800,000 active monthly users so if it doesn’t work out with somebody, I say that I still have 799,999 people to talk to.

Weak Men
I’m talking about men, but this could be applicable to women, to anybody! A true story:

My female friend M is confronted by a male who TPs into some area. The man demands sex from my friend. She refuses. He gets angry and begins to denigrate her looks.

What’s wrong with this scenario?

The man meets my friend and immediately demands sex. Demands. Not asks but demands. No, hello how do you do, just an immediate cut to the chase.

My friend refuses. She has the right to refuse. But the man gets angry as though it is his privilege to get sex.

He feels as though he’s lost his position of superiority, so he tries to regain it by belittling my friend.

I found this story bizarre and unsettling. As M suggested, this is an “Incel” type of personality, an inexperienced and insecure man who has the expectation of privilege but also has a sense of powerlessness. And on top of it, he does not understand what’s going on and gets frustrated because he’s unable to deal with the situation properly.

Confidence is Sexy
I’ve heard it said that it’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with it. Confidence, as it goes, is the sexiest of all traits. Some people can walk into a room, and they own it.

In SL, everybody can be beautiful. Marketplace provides all that is necessary to be a good-looking man or woman. But how far do looks go? I like to say that the packaging may catch my eye but it’s the contents which keep me coming back for more. I pay far more attention to the personality than the looks.

We’re all role playing
I contend that by merely logging into Second Life, we’re all role playing. Okay, I’m not playing a vampire, or a Neko, or a furry, or being part of some scenario like Gor; I’m basically playing myself, the RL me within the virtual world of SL but that is a role play. Am I this young? Am I this fit? Does my wardrobe consist of all the wonderful clothes I have in SL? Am I this scandalously flirtatious in RL? Can I actually step out on the dance floor in an RL ballroom and knowledgeably dance the waltz, the tango, and the cha-cha? I may say that I’m playing myself, but I am role playing another version of myself, an idealised version. Is that person self-confident?

Self-confidence vs Conceit
I want to emphasize something: I know I’m good, but I also know I’m not great. I know I can be better, and I strive to improve myself. Conceit is defined as excessive pride in oneself, so let’s not go overboard here. Nobody likes an arrogant show-off.

Final Word
I’ve been disturbed by the occasional story of overzealous men who demand what they want without regard for other people. I can’t help feeling it’s due to a lack of experience and a lack of understanding about other people, and how the world works. Life isn’t supposed to be a contest, fighting to see who’s going to get to the top of the heap. We’re all in this together. But admittedly, a person has to have self-confidence; they must believe in themselves.

References

Quote Investigator: Malcolm Forbes
In conclusion, based on current evidence QI would credit this quotation to Malcolm Forbes.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

my blog: The S Word - Sep 26/2021
It’s an unwritten rule that white people can’t say the N word. The comedian Chris Rock has some hilarious bits talking about this idea, and the gist of it is that only blacks can use the N word.

2021-10-28

Yin Yang

Wikipedia: Yin and Yang
In Chinese philosophy, yin & yang, which are often shortened to "yin-yang" or "yin yang", describes how apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Many tangible dualities (such as light and dark, fire and water, and male and female) are thought of as physical manifestations of the duality of yin and yang.

Something to think about: apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent.

2019-12-07

A summary of what might to happen to you in Second Life.

I found the following in the profile of Ƶēʍ (zem.aldrin) who says he copied this from Anodyne Darkes (anodyne.darkes). My apologies to both these people.

A summary of what might to happen to you in Second Life.

You will meet many interesting people.

You will experience the amazing creativity that's found here.

You will have some laughs and good debates.

You will be solicited for sex.

You will develop some strong friendships.

You will lose friends with no warning.

You will spend too much time and $$$ on SL.

You will be in SL when you should be in RL.

You will have a magical time with someone special.

You will get your heart hurt and broken.

You will hurt someone else.

You will survive.

You will be misunderstood and hated.

You will trust the wrong people.

You will repeat something told to you in confidence and someone will get hurt.

You will curse SL and still come back.

You will find your life changed for the worse AND the better.

You will leave...and come back...and leave again...and.......


Some thoughts
I jokingly say that Second Life is like Facebook on steroids. While there are a number of games which are far more popular than SL, such as World of Warcraft, Halo, or Call of Duty, SL remains unique in that it is a "game" with no specific goal. What one does, what goal one achieves, is completely left up to the individual. Create (build), take photos, listen to music, socialize: You can do whatever you want. And you can do it with like-minded people if you look for them.

Many people state in their profile that they keep SL and their RL separate. However, I note that even while we are all in the game, we remain irrevocably our RL mind. That is to say, we always bring part of our RL with us no matter how "immersively" we play the game. As such, when I look at the above points, I see them all as being applicable to Real Life. Second Life is a virtual life, a role play, a fantasy, a made-up scenario, that is, an opportunity to do what we can't do in real life. But who knows? If we had the right circumstances, if we had the right partner, just what could we do in Real Life? I like to say that in SL, our only limitation is our imagination. That could be applied to Real Life.

2019-12-01

I Never Touch You

I never touch you. But from afar, across time and space, I touch your imagination.

In Second Life, we sit at a computer and run a piece of software. While we communicate with people and interact with them, we never physically touch. Any use of the word touch is figurative, not literal.

And yet...

Dr. Marty Klein (b 1950) is an American sex therapist, educator and public policy analyst. He publishes a monthly magazine called Sexual Intelligence and in issue #137, July 2011 he tells the story of Sam who starts dating a year after his wife left him. (Sexual Intelligence - Issue #137 -- July, 2011)

Sam's having difficulty in bed with a new partner. The real problem? He doesn't know how to talk to his partner. Dr. Klein makes this startling statement: "Talking about sex is much more intimate than doing it."

It’s an interesting perspective on this most personal of acts between human beings. In SL, because we never touch, we are forced to communicate. Should we do this more often in RL? Could more communication in RL enhance our relationships? Naughty emails, suggestive phone calls, sexting. What would Esther Perel say about keeping things hot? (see my blog: Mindf*cking)

Talking about sex is much more intimate than doing it. Wow. Powerful stuff. I've always heard that the body's biggest sex organ is our brain. Are we all missing out on something? Is there more to this thing called sex than just an erection? Is there more to this thing called sex than just sex? This reminds me of an odd question about the brain and sexual arousal. This is applicable to all readers in whatever your partnered circumstances may be, but the wording, if you'll excuse me, is as if I'm asking this of a woman:

Can you give a man a hard-on without touching him?

Obviously, we're back talking not about a man's genitals but about his biggest sexual organ his brain. If that's stimulated, will everything fall into place? And if you think you could successfully answer the above question, I would add a second question:

Could you make a man cum without touching him?

I’ve sometimes wondered about this scenario in RL:

I set up two chairs, back to back. The two of us sit down. We can’t see one another. We can’t touch. We can talk and listen, but there is no physical connection. Question: Can we make love? Can we run gamut: tempt, tease, arouse, excite, and climax? Can we not just communicate but connect? Connect on a most intimate level? We never touch each other, but can we touch each other's imagination?

Now, you may be reading this thinking of Monty Python wink, wink, nudge, nudge. However, this is precisely what therapists have sometimes recommended to couples who are forced to be separated by lengths of time, a worker or a soldier stationed overseas, for instance. Letters, emails, pictures, phone sex, Skype, etc., communication with a naughty slant to keep the love alive, so to speak. The goal is to keep the sense of intimacy between two people.

I want to clarify something, since the questions I wrote above were as a man addressing a woman. It's a two-way street. It's very much a man's responsibility to connect with the woman. It's the responsibility of all of us in any circumstances to connect with our partner. Coming back to SL, can I connect with my partner? Can I make them cum without touching them?

2019-10-21