I can now imagine you thinking: Such arrogance! Such an inflated sense of self-worth!
Hear me out! Please, let me explain!
In my life, I’ve met people who were taller than me, stronger than me, and faster than me. I’ve met people who were better educated, more well-traveled, spoke more languages, and were more talented in the arts, such as music, painting, and writing. I’ve met people who were smarter than me and even on the level of being a genius. In other words, I have been humbled by meeting people better than me. Yes, better than me: more money, more accomplishments, and more brains.
Then how can I say I’m good?
I take out a ten-dollar bill and lay it on the table. It’s worth ten dollars.
I then take out a twenty-dollar bill and lay it on the table. We can all agree that the twenty-dollar bill is worth more than the ten-dollar bill.
But guess what?
The ten-dollar bill is still worth ten dollars. Just because I’ve put a twenty-dollar bill beside it, I have not diminished the value of the ten-dollar bill. It’s still worth ten dollars.
I’m good. I have stood beside people better than me but I’m still good. I’ve been humbled but I have not been diminished. Being with somebody better is an opportunity to learn and hopefully better myself. But I’m still good. I’m still worth ten dollars.
In my previous piece “Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience”, I spoke of males being impolite, demanding, and not acting very well. I even spoke about the phenomenon of “Incels”, probably the ultimate in modern day male craziness. Racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. are all signs, in my book, of weakness. I’m better than you. Such a person may think they’re good, but they don’t know it. As a consequence, they always have a doubt; they must always prove themselves, and what better way of doing so that denigrating somebody else so as to feel superior. Think about that for a second. Somebody feels better about themselves by putting down someone else. I can’t help feeling there’s something sorely lacking internally if a person feels so badly about themselves that they must attack somebody else in order to feel good about themselves.
I have met just about everybody: all ages, all classes, all levels of education, all races, all sexual orientations, all genders, and I am delighted by the diversity in the world. This is a wonderful planet.
But note I’m not in competition with any of these people. I’m good. I accept them; I don’t judge them. I’m good. I have no need to feel superior to them or anybody. I’m good. I know I’m good. And in the same way somebody better than me can be compassionate and help me; I want to be compassionate and help others. Pay it forward.
Woe is me! Nobody likes me!
At one point is my life, I was mulling over that I didn’t like somebody. I don’t mean I was indifferent to him; I mean I really couldn’t stand the guy. I found his behaviour and his mannerisms irritating.
Suddenly, I had a flash of insight. If I didn’t like 100% of the people I meet, it stood to reason that 100% of the people who met me would not like me. Statistically, it seemed to be inevitable.
I walk down the street and randomly stop 100 people. There is bound to be at least one person I’m not going to care for. And the opposite must be true. If I stop 100 people, there is bound to be somebody who doesn’t care for me. It’s got to happen. I don’t see how anybody can avoid it.
The insight for me was that meeting somebody and not hitting off wasn’t quite so bad. Statistically, it was inevitable. Sure, it may sting a bit but I’m still good. I’m still a worthwhile human being. I’ve not been demoted and relegated to the back row. Of course, I would sometimes humorously look at somebody not liking me by saying that they don’t have a sophisticated enough palette to appreciate me as the fine wine I actually am. Your loss! Ain’t I a card?
My point is that I’m good, and I know I’m good. And I know that periodically I’m not going to hit it off with somebody. It’s unfortunate but I move on. I’ve heard it said that Second Life has over 800,000 active monthly users so if it doesn’t work out with somebody, I say that I still have 799,999 people to talk to.
Weak Men
I’m talking about men, but this could be applicable to women, to anybody! A true story:
My female friend M is confronted by a male who TPs into some area. The man demands sex from my friend. She refuses. He gets angry and begins to denigrate her looks.
What’s wrong with this scenario?
The man meets my friend and immediately demands sex. Demands. Not asks but demands. No, hello how do you do, just an immediate cut to the chase.
My friend refuses. She has the right to refuse. But the man gets angry as though it is his privilege to get sex.
He feels as though he’s lost his position of superiority, so he tries to regain it by belittling my friend.
I found this story bizarre and unsettling. As M suggested, this is an “Incel” type of personality, an inexperienced and insecure man who has the expectation of privilege but also has a sense of powerlessness. And on top of it, he does not understand what’s going on and gets frustrated because he’s unable to deal with the situation properly.
Confidence is Sexy
I’ve heard it said that it’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with it. Confidence, as it goes, is the sexiest of all traits. Some people can walk into a room, and they own it.
In SL, everybody can be beautiful. Marketplace provides all that is necessary to be a good-looking man or woman. But how far do looks go? I like to say that the packaging may catch my eye but it’s the contents which keep me coming back for more. I pay far more attention to the personality than the looks.
We’re all role playing
I contend that by merely logging into Second Life, we’re all role playing. Okay, I’m not playing a vampire, or a Neko, or a furry, or being part of some scenario like Gor; I’m basically playing myself, the RL me within the virtual world of SL but that is a role play. Am I this young? Am I this fit? Does my wardrobe consist of all the wonderful clothes I have in SL? Am I this scandalously flirtatious in RL? Can I actually step out on the dance floor in an RL ballroom and knowledgeably dance the waltz, the tango, and the cha-cha? I may say that I’m playing myself, but I am role playing another version of myself, an idealised version. Is that person self-confident?
Self-confidence vs Conceit
I want to emphasize something: I know I’m good, but I also know I’m not great. I know I can be better, and I strive to improve myself. Conceit is defined as excessive pride in oneself, so let’s not go overboard here. Nobody likes an arrogant show-off.
Final Word
I’ve been disturbed by the occasional story of overzealous men who demand what they want without regard for other people. I can’t help feeling it’s due to a lack of experience and a lack of understanding about other people, and how the world works. Life isn’t supposed to be a contest, fighting to see who’s going to get to the top of the heap. We’re all in this together. But admittedly, a person has to have self-confidence; they must believe in themselves.
References
Quote Investigator: Malcolm Forbes
In conclusion, based on current evidence QI would credit this quotation to Malcolm Forbes.
my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.
my blog: The S Word - Sep 26/2021
It’s an unwritten rule that white people can’t say the N word. The comedian Chris Rock has some hilarious bits talking about this idea, and the gist of it is that only blacks can use the N word.
2021-10-28
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