What's my survival rate?

Update 2023-11-18 below

I have two friends on Second Life, D and L, whom I've known for years. Although, admittedly, I haven't seen either one of them face to face in a long, long time. I've never met either one in RL.

D is rarely on and I suppose we only exchange messages a few times per year. A month ago, out of the blue, she sends me a message while I'm offline, explaining she's been diagnosed with esophageal cancer, the doctors giving her six months to three years. I write back with my condolences but hear nothing. A few weeks later, I see her name online briefly. I write again but hear nothing. Considering I'm just an acquaintance she rarely talks to, I suppose I shouldn't expect a response. D has other things on her mind.

L and I have in the past had some lengthy conversations but in the past year or so have rarely been in touch. Two weeks ago, she contacts me while I'm online. She's been diagnosed with leukemia and is actually messaging from the hospital where she's undergoing chemo. We exchange IMs about her type of leukemia and as I Google it, we discuss the five-year survival rate of 65%.

I've heard it said that the illness and/or death of somebody else makes us reassess our own lives. When is my time going to be up? I can't imagine what either one of these people are going through. I can only guess it must be surreal. You get the news you have a disease, and you're going to die. What do you do? How do you plan for that? Is there a plan? What exactly is death? What happens when I'm gone?

My Turn
I turned 70 this past October. My father died at 80. The average life expectancy of a male is around 82. Inevitably, I'm going to die. I just don't know when and I don't know how. When each of my parents died, I was the chosen member of the family to give the memorial speech. I can only describe the deaths as surreal. I always knew my parents wouldn't live forever and that someday, I was going to get the news. When I did finally get the news, I remember thinking that at last, the moment had arrived. I had thought about it, I had sort of planned it out in my head, and now, I had to do it. I kept having to remind myself that this was really happening. This wasn't a drill.

Someday, I'm going to get the news. My doctor is going to give me the results of some test and tell me I've only got so long to live and to arrange my affairs. I know it's going to happen and when it does, it's going to be a moment I'm going to have difficulty grasping. It's going to be surreal.

People disappear
In all my social media, I go down my list of friends. Some I haven't chatted with in years. Where are they? Busy elsewhere? Have they dropped using such and such social media in favor of other activities in life? Or have they possibly died? I have no way of knowing. Periodically, a person's account goes silent and there's no indication of why. All we can do is conjecture.

Up to now, I've been talking about death. According to NamUS (National Missing and Unidentified Persons System)

Over 600,000 individuals go missing in the United States every year. Fortunately, many missing children and adults are quickly found, alive and well. However, tens of thousands of individuals remain missing for more than one year – what many agencies consider “cold cases”. It is estimated that 4,400 unidentified bodies are recovered each year, with approximately 1,000 of those bodies remaining unidentified after one year.

This isn't something I normally think about but the above statistics tell me the world is full of mysteries. There's a lot going on we know nothing about. It's an odd comparison, but I remember watching some nature show following a herd of water buffalo. At one point, the herd is grazing on a savannah. Some lions in hiding rush forward and drag one of the buffalo off into the bush, and a few buffalo briefly look up then go back to grazing. At another point, an elderly, sick buffalo falls behind and is left by the herd. It eventually dies and the scavengers have at it.

Are humans like the herd? Except it's not lions per se, but disease, accidents, and God knows what else. But the rest of us, the rest of the herd, carry on. While I suppose that may seem heartless, what other choice do any of us really have other than carrying on? Humanity as a whole will live on while us as individuals disappear.

The world currently has a population of 8 billion. There are approximately 140 million births and 70 million deaths each year. 70 million is almost 0.9% of 8 billion. Facebook has 2.9 million users. It would stand to reason that 0.9% of Facebook dies each year which equals 25 million users. There would be variations by age group, etc. but the same logic could be applied to any social media platform. I've realized I don't exactly have a contingency plan, and if I keeled over tomorrow, nobody knows my password to Facebook.

Final Word
D and L seem like nice people. I've always had good interactions with them and think of them fondly. I'm sorry for this personal turn of events, and as I said, I can't imagine what they're going through.

Life is finite. The ride doesn't go on forever. Inevitably, we are all going to shuffle off this mortal coil. A silent account could mean any one of a number of things as it's an inescapable fact of life. And someday, my account is going to go silent.

Postscript: 2022-12-18
This random tweet popped up in my feed. I was stunned.

Twitter: Mark Stokes @StokesNeuro, 2022-12-18

I read through the comments. It was heartrending. There was an outpouring of emotion, surprise, grief, and best wishes for the next part of his journey.

I followed up. Mr. Stokes died the next day.

Mark Stokes Death – University of Oxford Cognitive Neuroscience Professor Mark Stokes has sadly passed away after a courageous battle with cancer. He died leaving behind his family and loved ones in shock. He was announced dead on Sunday 18th December 2022 on Facebook by Gregory Hilton in a publication that reads “A heartfelt goodbye to Dr. Mark Stokes This is not political and in a brief time Professor Stokes made the world a better place”.

Update: 2023-11-18
I didn't think to look before but it finally dawned on me to check D's partner. In his profile, he says that D died in February 2023.

I chat with L from time to time. She's getting treatment and doing well. I don't think she can say she's completely in the clear but things at the moment look promising.

I recently spoke with J, a colleague from my previous job in RL. (J is not on SL.) In the spring of 2023, he was having difficulty walking and thought he had a back problem. After several consultations and tests, he was diagnosed with ALS. The mean survival rate is two to five years, and it's been six months since his first symptom. He now has to use a wheelchair, having a ramp installed at his house. He's given up driving as he is no longer able to operate the brake pedal and the accelerator with his feet. At night, he uses a machine to help with his breathing. J's a nice guy. He doesn't deserve this but such is the randomness of fate.


References

Wikipedia: Five-year survival rate
The five-year survival rate is a type of survival rate for estimating the prognosis of a particular disease, normally calculated from the point of diagnosis. Lead time bias from earlier diagnosis can affect interpretation of the five-year survival rate.

Wikipedia: Death and the Internet
A recent extension to the cultural relationship with death is the increasing number of people who die having created a large amount of digital content, such as social media profiles, that will remain after death. This may result in concern and confusion, because of automated features of dormant accounts (e.g. birthday reminders), uncertainty of the deceased's preferences that profiles be deleted or left as a memorial, and whether information that may violate the deceased's privacy (such as email or browser history) should be made accessible to family.

The Guardian: Who will deal with your online presence when you die? How to create a ‘digital will’, 2021-04-10
Making a plan now can prevent identity theft, save records and stop friends getting painful pop-up reminders when you’re gone

Linden Labs: Death and other worries outside Second Life
Contents
1. How do I bequeath my Second Life account and its assets in the event of my real life death?
2. I need to notify Linden Lab of the real life death of a Resident; what documentation does Linden Lab need?
3. If I die in real life, can you let my Second Life friends know?
4. Can I get account information on someone I am worried about?
5. If I have been bequeathed a Second Life account, how do I arrange the transfer?

2022-12-17

Why do guys role play girls?

2,500 words, 12-minute read

It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?

Back in 2010, when I first came to SL, it quickly became apparent that a number of women weren’t women but men pretending to be women. At that time, I heard estimates from 40% to 80% of all female avatars were actually guys. Really? What gives?

I’m a man. I’ve always been a man, and I’ve never had a desire to be anything else. I jokingly but seriously say that on SL, I’m playing myself. I’m not a vampire. I’m not a Neko or furry, and I’m not playing some role play like Gor. I’m playing a version of the RL me but without the usual RL restrictions.

In 2010, I talked with the owner of a sex club about this phenomenon. He gave me this advice: Ignore who’s behind the curtain, the RL person, and deal with the avatar you have in front of you. Nothing else matters.

It made sense but our society can be homophobic, and this was apparent in SL. Men demanded proof, and I saw in some female profiles “voice verified” or even “willing to voice verify”. I was amused when I read in one woman’s profile, “How come I never see men as being voice verified?” This became even funnier when I found out there were women pretending to be men.

I know there’s voice morphing, but I have no idea how well it works

But let me return to the topic of this article: Girls as GIRLs (Guys In Real Life).

Why?
I like to say that if it happens once, it’s an anomaly; if it happens repeatedly, it’s a phenomenon.

Why are all these men pretending to be women? Being a man, I had some ideas, but I’ve also done some Googling in writing this article.

Barbie Porn
The female avatar is a Barbie doll, to be dressed, undressed, styled, re-dressed, etc. She can be directed to do any scandalous thing one’s imagination may conceive of. The man isn’t just watching porn, he’s participating in it.

I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation.
-Barbie Girl by Aqua (Official Music Video), YouTube (3:21)

The Ideal Woman
Instead of searching for the ideal woman, a man can be his ideal woman. Looks, clothes, style, behaviour including sexuality, a man can play the role of the woman he himself would like.

I add the challenge and titillation of attracting someone to this avatar, and that someone may be female or male.

Curiosity
We guys can be curious about the other gender. Why not explore that curiosity by being the object of said curiosity? The body and its various parts, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. all aspects of the female are available for study.

Latent Homosexuality
Our culture has a significant degree of homophobia. Heterosexual is seen as normal, and anything else is not just frowned upon but considered a sin. We have tremendous pressure to conform to what we think is the accepted norm.

As such, playing a woman, being a woman, grants a man permission to explore what is otherwise verboten.

Sidebar
There is a niche in erotica labelled feminization where the gist of the story is that a man is somehow turned into a woman whether by magic, medical transformation, or brain transfer.

Lesbians
Men have a tendency of being titillated by lesbians so why not be a woman and be directly involved with lesbianism?

The idea that straight men like it when two women make out (and more!) is so commonplace that it’s a cultural touchstone. They don’t even have to be real lesbians: “Those twins” are among the things a canonical Coors Light drinker loves. On Friends, Chandler and Joey give up their apartment—their apartment in Manhattan—for the chance to watch two of their straight female friends kiss for one minute.

So what is it about the sight of two women that, purportedly, sets male loins ablaze?

[The popularity of] lesbian erotica... can be explained by the fact that men are most aroused by visual cues that emphasize youth and downplay drama and emotional complexity. Lesbian porn, therefore, works for straight men by “doubling up” those visual stimuli[.] The only thing better than one nubile, personality-free woman is two of them.
- Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016

Sidebar about lesbians
In the past few years, I have run into two women partnered with women who said they were not lesbian. They deliberately partnered with another heterosexual woman as a means of protection. If a guy became too aggressive, too hard to handle, they had an escape plan by pointing out being partnered. Hmmm, straight women banding together to protect themselves from undesirable men.

Sidebar about nonsexual women
I’ve run into at least one man who had a female avatar, but he apparently never had sex. He was the owner of a music club and managed it as a woman. This was a friend of a friend, and I never had the opportunity to question him as to why he was playing a woman.

Sidebar about RL
This 2005 article in New World Notes (Jan 10, 2005) recounts the story of two heterosexual RL men both playing lesbian SL women. In an interview, Jade admits that when he sees their avatars embracing, he thinks of himself kissing a woman even though he knows it's a man driving.

Getting a woman
The following is a quote from Eboni Khan, as reported in New World Notes, March 14, 2018

The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.

Sensitive and tender? Pretend to be a girl, then seduce the girl of your dreams. Then tell her you are a man, and hope for the best. I think the majority of these men just want to be tender and loving, and think a female avie makes it easier for them to do it.

A man pretends to be a woman to get a woman because he doesn’t think he can get one while being a man?

Wait! What?

In a previous article Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience, I discussed men who seem to be ignorant about relationships and inexperienced with women, the worst of which is an Incel. It is evident, to me at least, there are any number of males who don’t know how to be a man. I’m not talking about the tough guy, never cry, stoic, lone wolf hero that is admired by the traditional patriarchy, but the male who is knowledgeable, strong but gentle, confident in himself as a man, and compassionate for his fellow human beings. This isn’t about fighting and winning over others but helping others to make this a better world.

Transgender
What a change from 2010, my first year in SL and now, 2021. While some remain hidden out of fear of criticism and condemnation, I’m seeing more brave souls who have come out of the closet. I laud them while recognising that the world is changing, albeit slowly.

I see that sexual reassignment surgery may cost from $10,000 up which may be prohibitive for some. SL can provide a means of exploring being a complete woman. I’ve also met a number who play SL as a pre-op transgender woman. SL provides all of us with a means to be anything we want.

Voice Verified

Nobody has ever asked me to voice verify that I’m a man. I’ve never asked anybody to voice verify that they were a three-headed monster of the underworld. The other week, I read this in a woman’s profile:

Real Life man in his mid-forties who likes to explore Second Life as a submissive female.
He’s being honest and upfront, even brave. I would be curious to know who would want to play with this person. If you know that the woman standing in front of you, the female avatar, is actually a man in RL, is your perception of the woman changed? If your fantasy is to be with a woman, has your fantasy now been ruined? Or do we all tend to ignore the RL mind behind the curtain and get into the game?

My Personal Experience: I have a female alt
I like to test sex furniture and in order to do so, I need a second avatar. The first time, I created a male alt. One day, I’m testing a piece of furniture with my two male avatars when I click on a 69 position. As I watch these two men orally stimulate each other, it suddenly occurs to me that the old saying is not true: I can suck and blow at the same time.

Later, I created a female alt, so my testing was a little more realistic, more heterosexual than homosexual. Seinfeld: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

In 2012, I had a sports injury which lasted almost the entire year. Without going into detail, I had limited use of my left arm so I really couldn’t play Second Life. Typing with one hand, while a joke about masturbating at the keyboard, proved to be restrictive.

As such, unable to do much else, I did spend time dressing my female alt. I can see the attraction. As a man, I’m attracted to women, and I can see the interest in playing with a female avatar. How prevalent is this? I’ve read numerous comments over the years of how there are far more clothes for women than men. I note in Flickr accounts, there are far more pictures of women than men. I return to the question of just how many women in Second Life are being driven by men.

By the way, once I got my health back, I never went back to playing with my female alt. While I can understand the attraction, I seem to have other things in life to obsess about. Ha!

My Personal Experience: How many men have I kissed?
First off, let me stress that I’m accepting and nonjudgmental. I’m very much LGBTQ friendly. Everyone is welcome; we’re all in this together. I, myself, identify as a heterosexual* male. * For the most part. Some rules and restrictions may apply. (see: I'm a man)

How things have changed between 2010 and 2021: A long time ago, I met a woman with an RL photo in her profile of a lower body and legs. We danced, chatted, and flirted. The RL photo was then updated to show the lower body with a noticeable bulge. At the time, I was somewhat upset by this deception. My fantasy was to dance with a woman but instead of role playing a woman, this person was then telling me she was a man. I’ve come to appreciate that coming out of the closet, so to speak, is fraught with rejection and danger, but honesty is the best policy.

Fast forward to today. I invite a woman I know to dance but then realise she has changed her profile to say she’s a he. We discuss. She’s worried about my reaction. I ask her how she would like me to treat her. She says a complete woman. I do so. We dance, chat and even flirt. She explains that she is a pre-op transgender woman with hopes of making the leap when she has enough money. She also notes that after making the change in her profile, stating she is still a man, the number of dance offers dropped considerably, and she was then thinking of removing this from her profile and going back to portraying herself just as a woman.

In wandering around reading profiles, I’ve run across a number of female profiles where the author has clearly indicated they are a man in RL. Hats off for their honesty. Heterosexuality is most common. Gay apparently represents about 10% of the population. My research says transgender is less than 1% of the population. It takes guts to buck the trend.

In 2017, on SL, I run into a person identified by a female avatar, Alice. We chat, the usual small talk. But then, things turn serious, and Alice decides to tell me her story. Alice is actually Frank, a 55-year-old man transitioning to a woman. Frank was born male. He grew up male. He went to school, graduated, and found himself a career as a male. He got married and had two children. At the age of fifty, he decides to come out. His wife is accepting but she said she couldn't live as a lesbian, so they get a divorce, remaining good friends and still co-parenting. Frank sends me a real-life photo of himself. I see a man, wearing makeup and a wig in a dress. He looks nothing like a woman; he looks like a man in drag.

Our conversation came to an end, and we went our separate ways never to see one another again. However, I've thought about this story on many occasions. What trials and tribulations was Frank going to face? What ridicule? Obviously, this was important to him, or he wouldn't risk it all, but I still found it incredible that he gets through fifty years of his life as a man but now feels it is of the utmost importance he finds the real him in a woman. What societal pressures do we experience to conform to a standard we may disagree with?

In my SL profile, for pick number one, I have “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Final Word
In my reading (linked below), the question was raised about playing another gender and whether it was acceptable or not. Somebody pointed out that we all must be honest with Linden Labs in telling them who we really are, but to other residents of SL, we can say anything we want: male, female, young, old, tall, short, big, small, vampire, Neko, fairy, or furry. You can even be a three-headed monster of the underworld.

Someone once told me that they like to play Second Life in a realistic fashion. The humour I saw is that by just logging into this virtual world, we are all role playing. Even though I claim to be playing myself, I’m certainly playing a version of myself who is younger, in better physical shape, and without the same restrictions I have in real life. As I jokingly say, in Second Life, I never get a cramp in my leg.

Heterosexual, gay, transgender, cross-dressing, cuckold, sissy, dominant, submissive, we all deserve our place in the sun. And may we all find a partner who shares our role play. May we all find “The One”.


References

Drawing by The TGArtist. I can find no web site in order to give proper credit. I apologise.

Is 10% of the population really gay?, The Guardian, Apr 5/2015
Drawing on the widest survey of sexual behaviour since the Kinsey Report, David Spiegelhalter, in his book Sex By Numbers, answers key questions about our private lives. Here he reveals how Kinsey’s contested claim that 10% of us are gay is actually close to the mark.

How Many Adults and Youth Identify as Transgender in the United States?, UCLA Williams Institute, June 2022
1.6 million, 0.48% of the population of 332.4 million, 2022

Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016
The psychology behind the male sexual desire for lesbians

Why Some Men Gender-Bend in Online Worlds - Classic NWN Quote, New World Notes - Mar 14, 2018
The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.

Why Do So Many People in Second Life Decline to Have Much of One? (Comment of the Week), New World Notes - Mar 19, 2018
In SL If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then you should treat it as a duck, because in this world you have entered it is a Duck, and whatever it might be in RL is not part of this world, this second life.

Guys that pretend to be girls, Second Life Community from 2013
SecondLife has no dog in this fight other than at registration time. SecondLife does require honest representation of your identity when you create an account. But that information is protected by Linden Research. After you are logged in, the gloves are off and you can be anything you want to be.

MALE playing female? Is it frowned upon?, Second Life Community from 2020
Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people.

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Man and Man on Woman and Woman, New World Notes, Jan 10, 2005
So there's this guy who's a guy in real life but a girl in Second Life, even though in real life he's into girls, and then there's this other guy who's also a guy into girls in real life, and he was playing a guy in Second Life for awhile, but then decided to be a girl instead, and then like two months ago, guess what: the first guy met the second guy, and they fell in love, so now they're a couple-- even though they're really two guys into girls.

A Mixed Reality Marriage (With Metaverse Mom), New World Notes, May 11/2009
A follow-up to the above story about Jade Lily and Torley Torgeson, both heterosexual men in RL, both playing lesbian women in SL.

Boys Will Be Girls, Flickr
My name is Cindy, a professional make-up artist and glamour photographer from London. I have been specializing in makeup for cross-dressers, drag queen make-up, and special effects make-up since 2011. I run Boys Will Be Girls, which is a Crossdressing Service in London that caters for CD/TV/TG or just guys that want help in dressing up as girls!

2022-07-15

Love Made in Second Life

Over the years, I've heard of people from SL meeting in RL. I've heard good things; I've heard of bad things. Even disasters. Many in their profiles specifically state they have no interest in anything related to RL and threaten to mute or block anyone who gets too inquisitive. However, I have on occasion heard examples of two people meeting, and it working. We can meet a potential partner anywhere in real life. Why not meet them online? Why not meet them in a virtual world? Anything is possible!

Second Life published a series of seven videos created back in 2019-2020 about real life couples who first met in Second Life.

 

Published on May 9/2019 by Second Life
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life: Episode 5 - Meet Phox and Sonya (2:39)
Can real people find love in a virtual world? Meet Phox and Sonya - a couple who met and fell in love in Second Life.

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 1: Meet Teal + Wolf (1:26), Feb 11/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 2: Meet Lily and Charles (1:44), Feb 25/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 3: Meet Calisto and Talon (1:33), Mar 18/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life: Episode 4 - Meet Brendan and Morgue (2:01), Apr 2/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 6: Meet Ruby & Adam (3:01), Feb 12/2020

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 7: Meet the Bournes (3:16), Apr 6/2020


At the right time, in the right place, with the right person, anything is possible. (My Rule of the Three Rights)

Within the context of SL, I've ofttimes remarked that anybody can click on a poseball but not everyone can make it click. And if it doesn't click, what's the point?

We all seek to make a connection and yet, I believe that connecting with somebody, truly connecting with them, can be a rare event. And that's applicable to RL as well as SL. But hope springs eternal as the saying goes and statistically speaking, sooner or later, we're bound to meet "the one". Good luck to us all.

All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)


References

SL Community: Second Life Mini-Series - “Love Made in SL”, Feb 11/2019
Just in time for Valentines’ Day! Second Life is proud to announce the debut of “Love Made in SL,” a new limited-run mini-series showcasing the many real stories of romance in the virtual lives of the Second Life community.

YouTube: Second Life channel

Second Life links: Official web site, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, TikTok

2022-07-12

My Internet is down. Now, what do I do?

I’m plugged in, twenty-four by seven. My entire world is centered around my laptop and my phone. Email, social media, news feed, YouTube, plus all bills, credit card, phone carrier, Internet provider, banking, etc. The only time I have to go to the bank in person is to get rolls of coins for the laundry machines in my apartment building. Even if I need cash, I get it from an ATM.

Years ago, people talked about a computer addiction. Today, it is a necessity. Bills are received electronically and paid electronically. Snail mail is out. In fact, if I get a piece of paper, I either scan it or take a photo of it because all of my files are now electronic. I no longer keep paper. Several years ago, I took all of my paper files, nine storage bins full of them, scanned them, shredded them, and carefully organized all those filings so my entire life is now digitalized. I have not one but two cloud storage systems to ensure that I never lose anything.

Addiction? Necessity!

Today, Friday, July 8, 2022, I wake up to discover my Internet is down; Rogers cable is offline. I sit at my computer desk, looking at the flashing red light on my router signifying no signal. Now what do I do? Suddenly, the world has shrunk to the confines of my apartment. No email. No news feed. No social media. I also discover my phone is showing just about no bars. Has this outage also affected my phone carrier, limiting whatever cellphone tower services my area? I can’t dial out. I’m doomed! Well, at least cut off. Like Tom Hanks, I’m cast away. All that’s left is to explore my island.

I sip a coffee and stare out the window. I sit at my computer desk and look at files representing writings I’ve started but not yet finished. I wander around, tiding up here and there. I get out an old toothbrush and clean some of the grout in the bathroom. I vacuum. I refill my coffee and stare out the window again. I wonder what everybody else in the world is doing.

Throughout the day, I have meals, snacks, more coffee breaks, and naps. Mixed up in all this, I peck away at some writings, including this article. Later in the afternoon, I discover the news feed in my phone will work but is terribly, terribly slow. Click on a link and come back in a minute or two to see it open. At least I have something. It’s painful but it’s something. It’s here that I find out about the extent of the Rogers outage, and it’s big, like really big, like 25% of the Internet service for Canada. Never mind me being offline, this has had an impact on all sorts of businesses including debit cards, Interac, and anything working over the Net. I have to chuckle about this. I worked in I.T. for over thirty years, the last twenty-three as the manager of the computer department for a small company of sixty employees. I’ve seen all sorts of crazy sh*t. Install an update, crash the system, and knock everybody in the company offline. I liked how my phone would light up like a Christmas tree with irate employees, or how I would hear the pounding of feet as people ran down the hall to my office, demanding to know what’s going on. But I only screwed things up for a small company. Rogers has screwed things up for the entire country of Canada! I’d like to be a fly on the wall to see this tap dance! Ha, ha!

Over the years, I’ve known people who’ve gone off the grid. A woman and her husband dropped their Facebook account. Several years later, I heard through the grapevine they were doing great and did not regret getting out of it. Can we live without it? However, here I must make the distinction between the computer and the Internet, a necessity, and social media which is a time suck. Getting into arguments about politics with total strangers. God, don’t we love our drama?

I’m now writing this the following day. I went to bed without the Internet. In the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed my router showing a green light. Rogers had solved whatever problem brought them down. As I sit here with a cup of coffee, all is back to normal. I’m plugged back in and once again, part of the global community. I’m alive!

Rogers is one of the largest if not the largest cable service provider in Canada. What happened? We may never know. I've been with them for the past ten years and have always found their service to be reliable. Do I classify this as nobody's perfect? In scanning the headlines, I see this has had a significant impact on the country. We are reliant on technology. We can't live without it, and we don't want to. Oh, well. I'll chalk this up as just another blip in life. At least, I got some of my bathroom grout cleaned up.

2022-07-09

Friends List: To clear or not to clear? That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the outrageous who never again say hello and acknowledge your existence, or to take arms and mouse against a sea of troubles and shorten said list of friends?

Like many, I followed a Second Life standard of periodically clearing my friends list. If I hadn't spoken with somebody for a while, an unspecified period of time which I suppose was usually at least a couple of months, I would unfriend them, remove their name. That way, I could keep my list of friends manageable, focused on those who were closer to the truer meaning of friend, that is, somebody I saw or interacted with on a semi-regular basis. In a number of profiles I've read over these past few years, I see people curiously apologizing in advance by stating their procedure of regularly clearing their friends list. I cut you off, but don't take it personally. Ha, ha!

Several years ago, I decided to conduct an experiment. I would never delete anybody. Once we were friends, we were friends for life unless the other person unfriended me. So, what happened?

A few people unfriended me, following themselves the practice of clearing their list. However, the majority remained on my list and I can break them down as follows:

• These people appear online regularly, contact me regularly, and I contact them regularly. We are friends in the true sense of the word.
• I never see these people online again.
  Their account appears to be dormant. They've returned to RL and not bothered to come back.
• They appear online from time to time but we never speak.
• They appear online from time to time and once in a blue moon, I say hello. We exchange a few words, and that's it. We go back to never talking to one another.
• They appear online from time to time and rarely, and I mean rarely, they contact me. We exchange a few words and go back to never talking to one another.

I'm sure that may seem odd, but it's perfectly normal for SL. Which leads me to the next point.

The Immediacy of Second Life
My impression is that we are all focused on the here and now. What happened a moment ago, never mind yesterday, or what will happen doesn't matter. We are all caught up in the immediacy of the moment.

I know people who operate businesses and therefore must plan in advance. The owner of an entertainment venue must arrange a schedule of staff. A DJ must arrange what clubs to visit and what sets to play. The manager of a clothing store must be on-site and available to provide customer service and also respond to offline inquiries, never mind planning and creating the next line of clothing. 3D artists must develop and execute their next project.

However, most of us log into Second Life, looking to be entertained. That could mean a club to listen to music and dance. It could entail a role play SIM where we take on some sort of a character to act out a fantasy. Or it could involve a social setting, hoping to meet the next sparkling personality who will tickle our fancy. Whatever the case, we log into Second Life pretty much like we turn on the TV or watch a movie. We're looking for a divertissement.

I would add here that I think this immediacy is a contributing factor to those who are self-centered, unsympathetic and unempathetic. They may come across as more impolite, demanding, even aggressive in their interactions. They are more concerned with their own desire to be entertained than with the fact other avatars are actually other human beings. As I jokingly say: If a person is a jerk in SL, they're probably a jerk in RL.

Final Word
I have no real final word here. I don't think there's a right answer per se, but just a personal preference in how to maintain a list of friends. I now show 109 names but at least 75% of those names I never see online. This probably has a lot to say about the ebbs and flows of life, and how all of us, sooner or later, turn off our computers and go back to reality.

Published on Jul 11/2012 by Dtec95
YouTube: Friends - Opening Season 1 (0:47)
Opening of the first season of FRIENDS.

I'll Be There for You by The Rembrandts
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke
Your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

2022-07-07

Second Life Magnifies Real Life

Years ago, a journalist described Second Life as having a speed of life one hundred times faster than Real Life. A couple could meet, fall in love, get partnered, get bored, fall out of love, and unpartner all in the space of a week. While this virtual world reflects RL, it would seem to exaggerate it.

Does using a computer lead to sensory overload? We jokingly refer to somebody being distracted by saying they have the attention span of a fruit fly. However, I've remarked over the years a tendency to focus on the here and now, ignoring what may have just happened. I've referred to this as how people get distracted by the next shiny bauble. I finish one thing, chatting with somebody for instance, and then move on to something else and almost immediately forget about what I was just doing. It's like my short-term memory is shot. Thanks goodness, I faithfully use the Notes section of profiles to track various tidbits about the individual so I can recall the individual otherwise, I would more than likely not remember who they are.

In this blog, I've spoken about anonymity and how it gives us total freedom to do or say anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. What do we do with such freedom? It would seem some people forget about manners and behave badly, that is, in RL they would get their face slapped or even risk a call to 9-1-1. Guys walk around with their junk out, asking every woman they meet if they want to f*ck. Really?

Of course, Second Life is just a game. Well, it may be a game to some people but as the old saying goes, behind every avatar is a real human being. In this game, the avatar with whom you're interacting is not a computer-generated simulation. Maybe politeness and respect are not such bad things after all.

SL can be a fantasy world of make believe. Vampires, Nekos, furries, a multitude of role-play characters, one can be anything they want. The only limitation is your imagination. Along with that comes, ahem, enhancements. Men so muscular as to put Arnold Schwarzennegger to shame. Women so top heavy, they must be seeing a chiropractor on a daily basis for back adjustments. Tall, short, fat, skinny, every physical characteristic is up for an emphatic do-over. Where does a man sporting a penis the size of a forearm get a jockstrap?

As an aside, there seems to be a fight going on about the size of avatars. In my blog Avatar Height, I talk about how the SL norm seems to be SL size = RL size times 1.25. Historically, the reason seems to be based on the POV (Point Of View) perspective in the viewers. Nevertheless, a number in the past few years have designed their avatars with their SL size proportional to their RL size, leading to comparatively small people. Good? Bad? I find myself sometimes so way out of proportion with the individual that I've taken to shortening myself in order to have something more realistically proportional, restoring my height in the company of other people.

Personally, I play Second Life in an immersive fashion, that is, it isn't a game; we're actually here. I'm playing me, obviously a version of myself without the usual RL restrictions, but still me. As such, I retain a degree of real life proportions. I don't need to out-Arnold Arnold or possess equipment rivaling a miniature stallion to live a satisfactory virtual life. But that's just me. I guess my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner, seeing them as more of a real human being than a fantasy exaggeration of the same. To each their own.

I've joked that there is so much sex in Second Life that I think SL actually stands for Sex Life. In this virtual world, all RL restrictions are dispensed with, religious, moral, and even legal, and everyone is free to do whatever they normally keep hidden in the dark recesses of their minds. BDSM, D/s, M/s, anonymous public sex, AFK sex, polyamory / non-monogamy, multiple partners, gangbangs, the Glory Hole, CMNF and CFNM, and bestiality along with aliens, monsters, and tentacle sex, every kink imaginable is available. SL is a variation of Rule 34: if it exists in Real Life; it exists in Second Life.

Above, I said that my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner but I recognize that potential partner is, in a way, a fantasy exaggeration of themselves as that person is far more sexually liberated then they would be in RL. In observing how much more sexual people are in Second Life, I am reminded of just how repressive our Puritan culture is.

May all your dreams come true, and may all your fantasies be realized.

2022-06-29

Movie Review: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande

This is a small film, a really small film. When I compare it to the latest top box office, I have to wonder why anybody would bother. When I look at the plot, I realize this is targeting a niche market. However, now that I've seen it, I can attest to a profound story with stellar performances. It has a message for all of us. To paraphrase Henry David Thoreau: [Most people] live lives of quiet desperation.

Nancy, played by Emma Thompson, is retired, recently widowed, and unhappy. She knows she's missed out on something in life and tries to correct this by hiring a male sex worker. She reveals she's never had an orgasm in her life. She describes the perfunctory sex with her husband as penetration in the darkness with him subsequently rolling over and going to sleep. Her husband said oral sex, man on woman or woman on man, was demeaning to him and as a consequence, Nancy has never had a truly intimate moment with a partner.

Leo, played by Daryl McCormack, is something more than a sex worker; he's a therapist. He's kind. He's patient. He remains focused on Nancy, listening to her rants, easing her anxiousness, and going slowly to grant her permission to feel the pleasure she's been denied her whole life. The movie walks the line between the titillation and discomfort of the topic of sex, and the seriousness of the fundamental right of human beings to enjoy their own bodies. Sex is an integral part of the human experience. It can fulfill us and complete us. Nancy confesses that after one of their bouts of sex, she felt powerful.

I come back to a life of quiet desperation. If you don't do it now, when will you do it? How many people go through life unfulfilled and never, literally and figuratively, have an orgasm? Our society frowns upon sex. Prostitution is for the most part illegal. Collectively, we have succeeded in making our lives sometimes uncomfortable and dissatisfying. It's a subplot of the movie that sex work can be a good thing for both the practitioner and the client.

The film is not a love story. In the end, Nancy and Leo go their separate ways, back to their lives, better for their meeting. I give Emma Thompson credit. She's a brave woman. At the end of the film, this 63-year-old actress stands before a mirror stark naked, portraying a woman now aware of herself and her body. She's not a model. She's not perfect. She's just an average person with all the imperfections any of us have in life. But she's an average person who's made the first step in casting off her desperation. It's never too late to change.

Published on May 16/2020 by SearchlightPictures
YouTube: Trailer: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (1:43)
In GOOD LUCK TO YOU, LEO GRANDE, two-time Academy Award winner Emma Thompson (Love, Actually) embodies the candor and apprehension of retired teacher Nancy Stokes, and newcomer Daryl McCormack (Peaky Blinders) personifies the charisma and compassion of sex worker Leo Grande. As Nancy embarks on a post-marital sexual awakening and Leo draws on his skills and charm, together they find a surprising human connection.

Final Word
Recommended. While some may feel the plot targets an older audience, I feel the message is universal. Go for the brass ring. Don't wait, do it now. Good luck to us all.


References

Wikipedia: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande Good Luck to You, Leo Grande is a 2022 British sex comedy-drama film directed by Sophie Hyde and written by Katy Brand. The film stars Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack. [The film] had its world premiere at the 2022 Sundance Film Festival on 22 January 2022, and was released on 17 June 2022, theatrically in the United Kingdom by Lionsgate, and digitally in the United States by Searchlight Pictures as a Hulu original film.

Rotten Tomatoes: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande: 95% (as of 2022-06-27)
Sexual awakening stories aren't in short supply, but Good Luck to You, Leo Grande proves you can still tell one with a refreshing -- and very funny -- spin.

Box Office
As of today, June 27, 2022, Box Office Mojo in its world ranking for 2022 shows

1. Top Gun: $1,006,423,000
2. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: $947,014,432
3. The Batman: $770,345,583
4. Jurassic World Dominion: $746,664,000

This film does not appear on this list which shows 200 films in total.

As of today, June 27, 2022, Box Office Mojo in its British ranking for 2022 shows

1. Top Gun: $70,123,823
2. The Batman: $51,513,761
3. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: $51,183,196
4. Sing 2: $44,113,113

Out of a list of 200, this film appears as #74 with a gross of $291,665.

Poynter: New York Times corrects misquote of Thoreau’s ‘quiet desperation’ line
While Henry David Thoreau is often credited with variations of the aphorism “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them,” that is not what he wrote in “Walden.” He merely said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

2022-06-27

To Be Desired

To be desired is perhaps the closest anybody in this life can reach to feeling immortal.

Wikipedia: John Berger
John Peter Berger (1926–2017) was an English art critic, novelist, painter and poet. His novel G. won the 1972 Booker Prize, and his essay on art criticism Ways of Seeing, written as an accompaniment to the BBC series of the same name, is often used as a university text. He lived in France for over fifty years.


I've noted the following about desire:

We want our co-workers to admire us and our boss to respect us. We want our friends to like us and our family to love us. But there is something special, truly special about being desired.

Passion puts a smile on our face and a spring in our step. The day is a little sunnier, and the sky is a little bluer. It reminds us that we are alive.


References

my blog: Erotic Love
"Erotic love is one of the highest forms of contemplation." -Kenneth Rexroth (1905–1982), American poet, translator and critical essayist

my blog: Erotic Thoughts
We all have 'em: picture gallery.

my blog: Sayings
Succinctly put.

2022-06-26

For the uninitiated: What the heck is Second Life?

The graphics can be clunky. The lag can be frustrating. And the crashes, while notorious, have become so commonplace that everyone accepts it as a normal part of the system. This is so far from The Matrix to be absolutely laughable. Then why, for Heaven’s sake, would anybody be crazy enough to play what could be qualified by any objective measure a horrible game?

Second Life is an online multimedia platform that allows people to create an avatar for themselves and have a second life in an online virtual world. Developed and owned by the San Francisco-based firm Linden Lab and launched on June 23, 2003, it saw rapid growth for some years and in 2013 it had approximately one million regular users. Growth eventually stabilized, and by the end of 2017 the active user count had declined to "between 800,000 and 900,000". In many ways, Second Life is similar to massively multiplayer online role-playing games; nevertheless, Linden Lab is emphatic that their creation is not a game: "There is no manufactured conflict, no set objective". -Wikipedia

Your Imagination
When you go to the movies, you suspend your disbelief, accept the premise, and immerse yourself in a world where Superman has superpowers, Ethan Hunt (Mission Impossible) can break into any security system, and Captain Jean Luc Picard can fly to the stars at warp nine. When you open a book, you are transported to different places, different times, and different situations involving a cast of characters with a myriad of fascinating personalities and ambitions both evil and noble. You have left behind, temporarily, at least your own life in favor of something novel and new. Movies rake in billions of dollars each year in ticket sales. The 50 Shades of Gray trilogy has sold over 150 million copies worldwide.

With movies as with books, you are an observer. You do not have an active role in the fantasy; you are merely watching what happens. But what if you could participate? Instead of sitting there watching or reading, you could play a part in the story so that you yourself become the story!

A massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) is a video game that combines aspects of a role-playing video game and a massively multiplayer online game.

As in role-playing games (RPGs), the player assumes the role of a character (often in a fantasy world or science-fiction world) and takes control over many of that character's actions. MMORPGs are distinguished from single-player or small multi-player online RPGs by the number of players able to interact together, and by the game's persistent world (usually hosted by the game's publisher), which continues to exist and evolve while the player is offline and away from the game.

MMORPGs are played throughout the world. Worldwide revenues for MMORPGs exceeded half a billion dollars in 2005, and Western revenues exceeded a billion dollars in 2006. In 2008, the spending on subscription MMORPGs by consumers in North America and Europe grew to $1.4 billion. World of Warcraft, a popular MMORPG, had over 10 million subscribers as of November 2014. World of Warcraft's total revenue was $1.04 billion US dollars in 2014. Star Wars: The Old Republic, released in 2011, became the world's 'Fastest-Growing MMO Ever' after gaining more than 1 million subscribers within the first three days of its launch. -Wikipedia

Hugh Toussaint (my avatar) at The Looking Glass

So, what is Second Life?
I repeat from Wikipedia: Linden Lab is emphatic that their creation is not a game: "There is no manufactured conflict, no set objective". World of Warcraft lays out a predefined fantasy world in which you play your character. In Second Life, nothing is predefined; you can do whatever you want.

First and foremost, SL (Second Life) is a 3D modeling environment. Not only can you build an avatar, a representation of a human being, you can build buildings, landscapes, vegetation, etc. You can construct entire cities. You can create cars, trains, airplanes, even rockets. If you can do it in RL (Real Life), you can do it in SL (Second Life). The only limitation is SL is your imagination. People recreate RL cities: London, England, Paris, France, etc. Some recreate fantasy areas based on novels. In the picture above, I visited with my avatar The Looking Glass based on Alice in Wonderland. (Below in references, I included a brief YouTube video about The Looking Glass.) Some artists create 3D art installations. Bryn Oh is a 3D artist whose work has been displayed in Real Life. In the video I linked below, there's an interview where she explains her fascination with 3D art.

But secondly, and maybe more importantly, SL is an escape. Like a movie or a book, you leave your own life behind to immerse yourself in a different world but once again, unlike a movie or a book where you are a passive observer, in SL, you are an active participant. You are part of the make believe.

People sometimes take on different roles. Vampires can be popular, or Nekos (Japanese anime cats), or "furries" (anthropomorphic animal characters). But for the most part, people play themselves, that is, a version of themselves in a virtual world, and it is here that I think the most fascinating part of Second Life comes, so to speak, to life.

Second Life gives you an avatar, a new identity, and anonymity. You are disconnected from your real world. You have the freedom to do or say anything you want without fear of criticism or condemnation. What do you do with such freedom?

I've jokingly said that for the most part, avatars seem to have a common look of a twentysomething or thirtysomething, good-looking, and physically fit. Now, some people make variations of this. Just like in RL, there are people (avatars) which are short or tall, skinny or fat, young or old. Although, old per se isn't that easy as most look at least around thirty years old, although grey hair or balding can give a more aged appearance.

You can visit places, such a London or Paris, or fictional places such as those of Allice in Wonderland. You can attend music concerts, poetry or book readings, discussions about a variety of topics from politics to science to entertainment. You can dance at various clubs from ballroom to rock n' roll.

You can meet people and interact with them. For the most part, those interactions take place in IM chat (IM = Instant Messaging), that is, text messaging. However, voice is built into the system, and you can easily talk with other people. Some people only talk (less typing), and some areas (or SIMs, SIM = Simulation or Simula tor) are dedicated to voice.

The Psychology of Second Life
Here, we get into what happens when people are granted total freedom. I'm sure psychiatrists everywhere would have a field day in SL sorting out why people do what they do. This is my personal observation after being around Second Life off and on for the past twelve years: People are far more sexual in SL than in RL. If anybody ever wondered about how repressed our society is, SL shows that removing the shackles of our Puritan culture leads to a marked increase in the interest in all things sexual. Even I am sometimes amazed at how sexual people can be despite sex being so commonplace.

Both men and women may have a string of lovers, sometimes at the same time. Men may visit sex clubs, seeking all sorts of scandalous activities. Women may take on sex work, a pole dancer slash stripper or a prostitute. Now, don't get me wrong, some people in SL never have sex, using Second Life as a means to socialize. Nevertheless, there is a significant portion of the population engaged in some sexual activity. It's difficult to escape it; it's in our nature.

Imagine going to Starbucks in real life and striking up a conversation with a stranger. You'd cover the weather, maybe the latest news, and talk about common interests such as the last movie you saw. In Second Life, you can also go to an area and meet a stranger. That SL resident has a profile they themselves have put together which may detail who they are and what they're looking for in SL. Before you even start talking, you may find out about they sexual preferences with intimate details about their kinks. The other week, I visited an area with a sex theme, saw an interesting profile, and started a chat with a woman I had never met before. We chatted about her stated interest in MMF (Male, Male, Female), emphasizing Stag/Hotwife scenarios. Now, that's not a topic of conversation that crops up at Starbucks! Ha, ha!

One could argue that all social media has a degree of anonymity. Even though your full real name is displayed in Facebook, when you interact, when you post, you are doing so a step back from other people. There is a sense of not being directly involved with other people and consequently, you may say or do things you might not carefully consider. The headlines are full of stories of people getting into trouble for not thinking through the implications of their statements.

Sex in Second Life
This is really why you're reading this article, isn't it? Ha, ha! As Guns N'Roses sang, Welcome to the Jungle! I've jokingly said that SL may really stand for Sex Life. If you can think of it, it's here.

Most sexual interactions involve IM chat. That is the main way of communicating. Avatars have sex by enabling animations which direct the avatars to recreate sexual positions. This is usually tied to sex furniture, like a sex bed. I'm sure at face value, what I'm describing seems absurd. However, it's interesting how the human mind manages to fill in the blanks. Back at the beginning of the Internet era when there may have only been text messaging, people managed to have sex. It may have been primitive, but it did manage to spark the imagination. SL goes one step further and offers a visualization. But there's more!

You have the option of voicing. Some people do nothing with their avatars, just talking (and moaning) back and forth. Some voice and use their avatars to supplement their scene. I've noted that the remote sex toy Lovense has made in-roads in Second Life. There are groups dedicated to swapping remote access so two people can have sex while controlling each other's toy.

Sex covers every kink imaginable: Vanilla (natch), BDSM, cuckold, Stag/Hotwife, MMF, MFF, orgies, the list goes on forever. Note that anything related to children goes against the Terms of Service of Linden Labs, the operators of Second Life.

Is the sex real? Why would somebody only role play sex?

In any of the first-person shooter games, Call of Duty, Bioshock, etc., people run around killing the bad guys. No, they pretend to kill somebody. It's a game. It's imagined. Note that some people prefer to imagine making love to somebody rather than to imagine shooting them. However, the sex can be real. Rather than watching porn, some people prefer to get off by interacting with somebody else. Of course, some people do web cam sex, but SL offers a layer of anonymity and hence protection. Instead of you displaying your real self, you display your avatar, and it becomes your sexual proxy.

Addiction
When I first came to SL back in 2010, it was visible in RL media. I first heard about it in TIME Magazine which piqued my curiosity. A slew of articles discussed people becoming addicted to playing the game, foregoing their own real life to live in this world of fantasy. Well, some people go nuts and that's to be expected in any activity. Today, I know people who are on Second Life every single day. Some people have jobs, and some people run businesses. But is that cause for alarm? I know people who incessantly post on Facebook or Twitter. I know somebody who took up the Irish fiddle, got bitten by the bug and now practices six to ten hours a day. According to Neilson ratings, the average American watched eight hours of television per day in the 2000s as those numbers change as people migrate to streaming services on computers and phones. (source: Statistica)

Personally, my laptop has become the center of my life. I communicate with family and friends via email, text messaging, and social media. I work on my computer. I play on my computer. I learn on my computer. Some time is spent on Second Life, yes, but a great deal of time is spent about real life. I've noted that I now do all my banking remotely. The only time I need to physically visit a branch is to get coins for the laundry machine in my apartment building. Let me add a curiosity: I do not have cable TV. I have an Internet connection but no TV services. I never watch TV. I've traded my eight hours of daily TV for other, more interactive things. Good? Bad? I was amused back in 2010 when reporting talked about addiction to SL without mentioning how the average person consumed eight hours of television per day. Holy cow!

A Word of Caution: This ain't for the faint-hearted.
Second Life's popularity peaked somewhere around 2010. Today, it has supposedly stabilized around 800,000 regular monthly users. I'll be the first to admit there's a complexity to learning how to operate the game. I've jokingly said that people may come for the sex but discover you need a PhD in computing to get to the "good stuff". Okay, let's go back to xHamster and Pornhub. Ha, ha! Certainly, anybody undertaking the game needs assistance to get started. I go to SL to socialize and consequently, have spent as little time as possible learning the more technical side of the system. Everyone is different, and some people really get into it. As I said, at the base of it all, SL is a 3D modeling environment so the sky's the limit in what you can potentially do. From an interactive point of view, you can find people from all over the world, all nationalities, languages, ages, genders, classes, education with tastes for everything including all things sexual.

Final Word
Is this like trying to explain the color red to a blind person?

Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Over the years, I've had moments of great intensity and periods of great boredom. Like any social media, there are limitations. SL is s good or as bad as the people we meet, but the same could be said about life in general. Second Life is not for everyone, but some players remain faithful. They come and go with the ebbs and flows of their lives but the idea of connecting with another human being, whether via computer or real life, never goes away. At the end of the day, whether it be Second Life, Facebook, or Twitter or one of the other platforms like Tumbl, Flickr, or DeviantART, or even sitting in a coffee shop and striking up a conversation with a total stranger, it's all about people and the connections we experience. Add to that, whether going to the movies or picking up a good book, the desire to step out of one's life and see and do something completely different.

May all your dreams come true and may all your fantasies be realized.


References

I've written a number of articles about Second Life. I make no claims about being definitive on the subject; this is merely my opinion but I do like to think I bring a mature perspective on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

my blog: Anonymity and Total Freedom - Oct 4/2019
Imagine having total freedom. You can say or do anything you want with no consequences. No criticism. No condemnation. Heck, no jail time.

my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - Oct 7/2019
Life is a dance.

my blog: Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good - Oct 28/2021
I have nothing to prove.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

Published on Sep 21/2021 by Second Life
YouTube: Second Life Destinations - The Looking Glass (1:19)
The Looking Glass is the joint creation of Marcus Inkpen and Sharni Azalee. Beautiful art and designs populate this photogenic island, which aims to host and support the arts in Second Life through live music, particle shows, and poetry readings.

Published on Nov 2/2021 by Second Life
YouTube: Second Life Spotlight - Bryn Oh (1:43)
Today we are shining a spotlight on Bryn Oh. Many Residents are familiar with her work, as she is one of the most talented virtual artists of our time and has spent more than a decade creating art in the virtual world of Second Life. Read her interview

2022-06-23

A Lady and Her Boudoir

Private Modeling Session I
If a woman gives an invitation to her boudoir to show off her wardrobe, who am I to refuse? I'm a gentleman, but I'm also a man.

Private Modeling Session II
CMNF: Gray suit and birthday suit.

I have no idea why I did not self-combust. A man can only take so much before he melts into a puddle on the floor. I've heard the expression Heaven on Earth and think this may very well be it. I am now going to put my left index finger in my collar and pull slightly to get some cool air. Whew! Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

Private Modeling Session III
I'm university educated, and I like to think of myself as being an articulate gentleman. However, every once in a while, I find myself at a loss. I can't find the right words, and I can't seem to utter a coherent sentence. I trust you'll forgive me if I express myself in a more, ahem, succinct manner: [click here]

Private Modeling Session IV
She slinks up to me and presses her naked body against mine. Her expression feigns innocence, but her demeanor says anything but. She knows who she is, what she wants, and is not afraid to go after it, damn what anybody else thinks. Confidence oozes from her, and let’s not forget that confidence is the sexiest of traits. Her seductive coyness ignites everything dominant in my being: protect, cherish, worship, and, of course, enjoy. She knows how to push my buttons, and I must confess that it is a delightful experience to have my buttons pushed. This is a woman who reminds me how much I enjoy being a man, and how much I enjoy her being a woman.

Private Modeling Session V
"The only thing I cannot resist is temptation."
—Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish poet and playwright

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
-Robin Williams (1951-2014), American actor and comedian

I will now take the Lord's name in vain. I'm not sure how many more of these private modeling sessions I can take. Besides, what about the risks? I look around me, and I don't see a defibrillator. By the time 911 shows up, it'll be too late!

Private Modeling Session VI
Now, let me check my smartphone settings. Flash, no. Motion Photo, no. Timer, off. Ratio, full image 4:3. Resolution, full. HDR, on.

Holy cow, is this complicated! This so-called smart phone cost me over eight hundred bucks! You'd think it would come with some sort of preset Sexy Lady or something!

Private Modeling Session VII
I enjoy a good book. Although, I've just realised that I've read the first paragraph three times now, and I still don't know what it said. It's funny how a naked woman sitting on my lap can completely throw off my concentration. I may be wrong, but I can't shake this feeling she wants me to stop. I can hear you asking, What was your first clue? Okay, okay, so I'm slow to pick up on the signals! It is a good book. Well, it's supposed to be a good book if I can ever get past the first paragraph! Ha!

Private Modeling Session VIII
I'm a gentleman.
I remain cool, calm, and collected. I can handle myself, so to speak, under fire, and I strive to always be polite and respectful.

But I'm also a man.
If my mother knew what I was thinking, she would wash my mind out with soap. Ooh la la!

The above cartoon character is Howling Wolf from the 1943 cartoon Red Hot Riding Hood by Tex Avery. (Wikipedia) It's a classic! :-)

short clip: Howling Wolf, YouTube 0:55

full cartoon: Red Hot Riding Hood, YouTube 3:49

Credits: Manon Mirabeau
I want to thank my charming partner and good friend, Manon Mirabeau, for putting up with my nonsense. My blend of humor and eroticism is to play the part of the gentleman, polite and respectful, who has a hard time controlling the more, ahem, libidinous part of his nature. Ha, ha! Of course, my temptress does enjoy making life difficult for me. Ha, again! :-)

Check out Manon's music. She is owner of the club Metropolis at Sexy Beach. (SURL) She's also a DJ. Check out her weekly schedule here. This woman rocks!.

Life is good. :-)

2022-06-15

Compersion: not thinking of yourself

polyamory (n) the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

The word compersion is defined as the joy you feel for another’s happiness. The best example I’ve heard is the joy a parent feels for the happiness of their child. However, the term originated in polyamory, the joy you feel for your partner’s happiness which may include their happiness in another relationship, both emotional and sexual.

Whoa! Let’s unpack that one! That is so foreign to our traditions of marriage and monogamy, it may be difficult to conceive of any scenario where such an idea could work.

The supposed antonym is jealousy, and just what is jealousy? It is usually described as the fear of losing someone. Think about that. Your partner has lunch with somebody, describing a good meal, an interesting conversation, and a fun time. Is there someplace in the back of your mind where a little voice of doubt wonders if your partner prefers that person over you?

"If you love something set it free. If it comes back,
it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be."
-Unknown

Your partner has lunch with somebody and has a good time. You don’t feel jealous because you don’t feel threatened, and you’re glad your partner had a good time. That seems normal. But just how far can you go with that idea?

A long time ago, I heard a man give a speech in which he said:

“I always wondered why I could never find Miss Right
until I realized I had always been Mr. Wrong.”

Luck is described as when preparation meets opportunity. Are we prepared? Even if the right partner comes along, are we still the wrong person?

We grow up surrounded by traditions which instill us with a mindset, formed by family, peer groups, religion, and the culture we live in. Are we aware of this? Does a fish know it’s living in a fishbowl? We may be unable to look outside our world and see the possibility of other things. Is any of us prepared to live our life in a manner which contradicts tradition and the supposed ideal of a monogamous marriage?

I’ve said elsewhere that Second Life offers us a unique opportunity to step out of our real life, to forget the boundaries of our upbringing, and live in a new and novel manner. By its very nature, this virtual world can be polyamorous and yet, SL is full of drama: jealousy, lying, cheating, all the indicators that the individual in question is living SL like their RL, unprepared to break with their own traditions. (Anonymity and Total Freedom)

Confidence and Self-confidence
Confidence can be defined as the trust you have in your partner and the faith you have in your partnership. Self-confidence can be defined as your self-worth, how you see yourself as a good person of value.

If your partner waxes complimentary about somebody else, how do you react? Do you feel threatened? Are you wondering if your partner now likes this other person more than you? Or do you feel compersion? Do you feel joy at your partner’s happiness? With confidence in your relationship and confidence in yourself, what’s to worry about? (Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good)

My Friend M
M is my longest friend in Second Life. I’ve known her longer than people in Real Life. But before her story, a few stats:

In the United States, a typical marriage which ends in divorce lasts for an average of 8.2 years. The rate of divorce is 45%. In Italy, the average marriage lasts 17 years with a divorce rate of 42%.

M has been married now for over 25 years, her first and only marriage. Based on the above averages, she is more of an exception to the rule. But there is an odd twist to her story: She and her husband have always been swingers. Yes, you heard that correctly: the two of them occasionally have sex with other people. 45% of seemingly monogamous marriages end in divorce and yet M and her husband are not monogamous and have defied the odds. I like to say that some people live extraordinary lives.

I asked M once to what she attributed their success, and she said, “It’s largely about two things... honesty and trust... [my husband] has been my best friend even as he became my lover and my partner... I felt that I could share anything with him that there was nothing that I had to hide... I knew always that he would respect me no matter what.”

Let me add that both of them play Second Life, are aware that each of them play, and are also aware they play with other people. Yes, in SL, just like in RL, each of them are sometimes involved with other people.

Final Word
Your average person in RL has little or no experience with the freedom offered in SL. Are they prepared to be open, honest, nonjudgmental, and accepting? Are they willing to leave their RL baggage at the door? Can they focus on others, on their partner, and not just on themselves? Are they willing to put their partner's happiness ahead of their own?

Don't think of me as trying to be some guru. I'm nobody special, just an average guy in the street. However, I've come to realize there are opportunities to live life differently and to live it better if I can only see the world from beyond my own backyard. And that idea is not just applicable to SL; it's also applicable to RL.


Afterthought
I ran across the following quote from Osho (1931-1990), an Indin philosopher and founder of the Rajneesh movement.

It's interesting to apply the metahor of a flower to compersion. Traditional views of relationships and marriage involve monogamy and possession. The flower means the other person is independent and free. If you two are together, you do it because you want to, not because you have to. The uninitiated seem to have wink wink nudge nudge ideas of people wildly running around with every person they meet, but the truth is far more circumspect. Our lives are filled with many people, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. with whom we never have a truly intimate relationship. But it is admittedly possible to have more than one intimate relationship in our lives. The question is whether we are ready to embrace compersion and posssibly explore an aspect of life different from our traditions.


References

Wiktionary: compersion
Etymology
Coined by the Kerista Community in the 1970s. Possibly derived from French compère (“partner”), plus -sion, based on an earlier use of the French compérage to denote the practice of brothers-in-law sharing wives observed among Tupi people of the Brazilian Amazon.

compersion (uncountable)
* Vicarious joy associated with seeing one's partner have a joyful romantic or sexual relation with another.

Antonyms
* jealousy

Wikipedia: Polyamory: Compersion
Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship. Some have called it "the opposite or flip side of jealousy", is analogous to the "joy parents feel when their children get married", and a "positive emotional reaction to a lover's other relationship". The concept of compersion was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco.

How Long Do Average U.S. Marriages Last?
Brides Magazine, Mar 2/2021, based on data from the U.S. Census Bureau

Wikipedia: Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice is a 1969 American comedy-drama film directed by Paul Mazursky, written by Mazursky and Larry Tucker, who also produced the film, and starring Natalie Wood, Robert Culp, Elliott Gould, and Dyan Cannon

2022-06-14