Friends List: To clear or not to clear? That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the outrageous who never again say hello and acknowledge your existence, or to take arms and mouse against a sea of troubles and shorten said list of friends?

Like many, I followed a Second Life standard of periodically clearing my friends list. If I hadn't spoken with somebody for a while, an unspecified period of time which I suppose was usually at least a couple of months, I would unfriend them, remove their name. That way, I could keep my list of friends manageable, focused on those who were closer to the truer meaning of friend, that is, somebody I saw or interacted with on a semi-regular basis. In a number of profiles I've read over these past few years, I see people curiously apologizing in advance by stating their procedure of regularly clearing their friends list. I cut you off, but don't take it personally. Ha, ha!

Several years ago, I decided to conduct an experiment. I would never delete anybody. Once we were friends, we were friends for life unless the other person unfriended me. So, what happened?

A few people unfriended me, following themselves the practice of clearing their list. However, the majority remained on my list and I can break them down as follows:

• These people appear online regularly, contact me regularly, and I contact them regularly. We are friends in the true sense of the word.
• I never see these people online again.
  Their account appears to be dormant. They've returned to RL and not bothered to come back.
• They appear online from time to time but we never speak.
• They appear online from time to time and once in a blue moon, I say hello. We exchange a few words, and that's it. We go back to never talking to one another.
• They appear online from time to time and rarely, and I mean rarely, they contact me. We exchange a few words and go back to never talking to one another.

I'm sure that may seem odd, but it's perfectly normal for SL. Which leads me to the next point.

The Immediacy of Second Life
My impression is that we are all focused on the here and now. What happened a moment ago, never mind yesterday, or what will happen doesn't matter. We are all caught up in the immediacy of the moment.

I know people who operate businesses and therefore must plan in advance. The owner of an entertainment venue must arrange a schedule of staff. A DJ must arrange what clubs to visit and what sets to play. The manager of a clothing store must be on-site and available to provide customer service and also respond to offline inquiries, never mind planning and creating the next line of clothing. 3D artists must develop and execute their next project.

However, most of us log into Second Life, looking to be entertained. That could mean a club to listen to music and dance. It could entail a role play SIM where we take on some sort of a character to act out a fantasy. Or it could involve a social setting, hoping to meet the next sparkling personality who will tickle our fancy. Whatever the case, we log into Second Life pretty much like we turn on the TV or watch a movie. We're looking for a divertissement.

I would add here that I think this immediacy is a contributing factor to those who are self-centered, unsympathetic and unempathetic. They may come across as more impolite, demanding, even aggressive in their interactions. They are more concerned with their own desire to be entertained than with the fact other avatars are actually other human beings. As I jokingly say: If a person is a jerk in SL, they're probably a jerk in RL.

Final Word
I have no real final word here. I don't think there's a right answer per se, but just a personal preference in how to maintain a list of friends. I now show 109 names but at least 75% of those names I never see online. This probably has a lot to say about the ebbs and flows of life, and how all of us, sooner or later, turn off our computers and go back to reality.

Published on Jul 11/2012 by Dtec95
YouTube: Friends - Opening Season 1 (0:47)
Opening of the first season of FRIENDS.

I'll Be There for You by The Rembrandts
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke
Your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

2022-07-07