Second Life Magnifies Real Life

Years ago, a journalist described Second Life as having a speed of life one hundred times faster than Real Life. A couple could meet, fall in love, get partnered, get bored, fall out of love, and unpartner all in the space of a week. While this virtual world reflects RL, it would seem to exaggerate it.

Does using a computer lead to sensory overload? We jokingly refer to somebody being distracted by saying they have the attention span of a fruit fly. However, I've remarked over the years a tendency to focus on the here and now, ignoring what may have just happened. I've referred to this as how people get distracted by the next shiny bauble. I finish one thing, chatting with somebody for instance, and then move on to something else and almost immediately forget about what I was just doing. It's like my short-term memory is shot. Thanks goodness, I faithfully use the Notes section of profiles to track various tidbits about the individual so I can recall the individual otherwise, I would more than likely not remember who they are.

In this blog, I've spoken about anonymity and how it gives us total freedom to do or say anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. What do we do with such freedom? It would seem some people forget about manners and behave badly, that is, in RL they would get their face slapped or even risk a call to 9-1-1. Guys walk around with their junk out, asking every woman they meet if they want to f*ck. Really?

Of course, Second Life is just a game. Well, it may be a game to some people but as the old saying goes, behind every avatar is a real human being. In this game, the avatar with whom you're interacting is not a computer-generated simulation. Maybe politeness and respect are not such bad things after all.

SL can be a fantasy world of make believe. Vampires, Nekos, furries, a multitude of role-play characters, one can be anything they want. The only limitation is your imagination. Along with that comes, ahem, enhancements. Men so muscular as to put Arnold Schwarzennegger to shame. Women so top heavy, they must be seeing a chiropractor on a daily basis for back adjustments. Tall, short, fat, skinny, every physical characteristic is up for an emphatic do-over. Where does a man sporting a penis the size of a forearm get a jockstrap?

As an aside, there seems to be a fight going on about the size of avatars. In my blog Avatar Height, I talk about how the SL norm seems to be SL size = RL size times 1.25. Historically, the reason seems to be based on the POV (Point Of View) perspective in the viewers. Nevertheless, a number in the past few years have designed their avatars with their SL size proportional to their RL size, leading to comparatively small people. Good? Bad? I find myself sometimes so way out of proportion with the individual that I've taken to shortening myself in order to have something more realistically proportional, restoring my height in the company of other people.

Personally, I play Second Life in an immersive fashion, that is, it isn't a game; we're actually here. I'm playing me, obviously a version of myself without the usual RL restrictions, but still me. As such, I retain a degree of real life proportions. I don't need to out-Arnold Arnold or possess equipment rivaling a miniature stallion to live a satisfactory virtual life. But that's just me. I guess my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner, seeing them as more of a real human being than a fantasy exaggeration of the same. To each their own.

I've joked that there is so much sex in Second Life that I think SL actually stands for Sex Life. In this virtual world, all RL restrictions are dispensed with, religious, moral, and even legal, and everyone is free to do whatever they normally keep hidden in the dark recesses of their minds. BDSM, D/s, M/s, anonymous public sex, AFK sex, polyamory / non-monogamy, multiple partners, gangbangs, the Glory Hole, CMNF and CFNM, and bestiality along with aliens, monsters, and tentacle sex, every kink imaginable is available. SL is a variation of Rule 34: if it exists in Real Life; it exists in Second Life.

Above, I said that my fantasies are less cosplay and more about creating a connection with a potential partner but I recognize that potential partner is, in a way, a fantasy exaggeration of themselves as that person is far more sexually liberated then they would be in RL. In observing how much more sexual people are in Second Life, I am reminded of just how repressive our Puritan culture is.

May all your dreams come true, and may all your fantasies be realized.

2022-06-29

Movie Review: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande

This is a small film, a really small film. When I compare it to the latest top box office, I have to wonder why anybody would bother. When I look at the plot, I realize this is targeting a niche market. However, now that I've seen it, I can attest to a profound story with stellar performances. It has a message for all of us. To paraphrase Henry David Thoreau: [Most people] live lives of quiet desperation.

Nancy, played by Emma Thompson, is retired, recently widowed, and unhappy. She knows she's missed out on something in life and tries to correct this by hiring a male sex worker. She reveals she's never had an orgasm in her life. She describes the perfunctory sex with her husband as penetration in the darkness with him subsequently rolling over and going to sleep. Her husband said oral sex, man on woman or woman on man, was demeaning to him and as a consequence, Nancy has never had a truly intimate moment with a partner.

Leo, played by Daryl McCormack, is something more than a sex worker; he's a therapist. He's kind. He's patient. He remains focused on Nancy, listening to her rants, easing her anxiousness, and going slowly to grant her permission to feel the pleasure she's been denied her whole life. The movie walks the line between the titillation and discomfort of the topic of sex, and the seriousness of the fundamental right of human beings to enjoy their own bodies. Sex is an integral part of the human experience. It can fulfill us and complete us. Nancy confesses that after one of their bouts of sex, she felt powerful.

I come back to a life of quiet desperation. If you don't do it now, when will you do it? How many people go through life unfulfilled and never, literally and figuratively, have an orgasm? Our society frowns upon sex. Prostitution is for the most part illegal. Collectively, we have succeeded in making our lives sometimes uncomfortable and dissatisfying. It's a subplot of the movie that sex work can be a good thing for both the practitioner and the client.

The film is not a love story. In the end, Nancy and Leo go their separate ways, back to their lives, better for their meeting. I give Emma Thompson credit. She's a brave woman. At the end of the film, this 63-year-old actress stands before a mirror stark naked, portraying a woman now aware of herself and her body. She's not a model. She's not perfect. She's just an average person with all the imperfections any of us have in life. But she's an average person who's made the first step in casting off her desperation. It's never too late to change.

Published on May 16/2020 by SearchlightPictures
YouTube: Trailer: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (1:43)
In GOOD LUCK TO YOU, LEO GRANDE, two-time Academy Award winner Emma Thompson (Love, Actually) embodies the candor and apprehension of retired teacher Nancy Stokes, and newcomer Daryl McCormack (Peaky Blinders) personifies the charisma and compassion of sex worker Leo Grande. As Nancy embarks on a post-marital sexual awakening and Leo draws on his skills and charm, together they find a surprising human connection.

Final Word
Recommended. While some may feel the plot targets an older audience, I feel the message is universal. Go for the brass ring. Don't wait, do it now. Good luck to us all.


References

Wikipedia: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande Good Luck to You, Leo Grande is a 2022 British sex comedy-drama film directed by Sophie Hyde and written by Katy Brand. The film stars Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack. [The film] had its world premiere at the 2022 Sundance Film Festival on 22 January 2022, and was released on 17 June 2022, theatrically in the United Kingdom by Lionsgate, and digitally in the United States by Searchlight Pictures as a Hulu original film.

Rotten Tomatoes: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande: 95% (as of 2022-06-27)
Sexual awakening stories aren't in short supply, but Good Luck to You, Leo Grande proves you can still tell one with a refreshing -- and very funny -- spin.

Box Office
As of today, June 27, 2022, Box Office Mojo in its world ranking for 2022 shows

1. Top Gun: $1,006,423,000
2. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: $947,014,432
3. The Batman: $770,345,583
4. Jurassic World Dominion: $746,664,000

This film does not appear on this list which shows 200 films in total.

As of today, June 27, 2022, Box Office Mojo in its British ranking for 2022 shows

1. Top Gun: $70,123,823
2. The Batman: $51,513,761
3. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: $51,183,196
4. Sing 2: $44,113,113

Out of a list of 200, this film appears as #74 with a gross of $291,665.

Poynter: New York Times corrects misquote of Thoreau’s ‘quiet desperation’ line
While Henry David Thoreau is often credited with variations of the aphorism “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them,” that is not what he wrote in “Walden.” He merely said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

2022-06-27

To Be Desired

To be desired is perhaps the closest anybody in this life can reach to feeling immortal.

Wikipedia: John Berger
John Peter Berger (1926–2017) was an English art critic, novelist, painter and poet. His novel G. won the 1972 Booker Prize, and his essay on art criticism Ways of Seeing, written as an accompaniment to the BBC series of the same name, is often used as a university text. He lived in France for over fifty years.


I've noted the following about desire:

We want our co-workers to admire us and our boss to respect us. We want our friends to like us and our family to love us. But there is something special, truly special about being desired.

Passion puts a smile on our face and a spring in our step. The day is a little sunnier, and the sky is a little bluer. It reminds us that we are alive.


References

my blog: Erotic Love
"Erotic love is one of the highest forms of contemplation." -Kenneth Rexroth (1905–1982), American poet, translator and critical essayist

my blog: Erotic Thoughts
We all have 'em: picture gallery.

my blog: Sayings
Succinctly put.

2022-06-26

For the uninitiated: What the heck is Second Life?

The graphics can be clunky. The lag can be frustrating. And the crashes, while notorious, have become so commonplace that everyone accepts it as a normal part of the system. This is so far from The Matrix to be absolutely laughable. Then why, for Heaven’s sake, would anybody be crazy enough to play what could be qualified by any objective measure a horrible game?

Second Life is an online multimedia platform that allows people to create an avatar for themselves and have a second life in an online virtual world. Developed and owned by the San Francisco-based firm Linden Lab and launched on June 23, 2003, it saw rapid growth for some years and in 2013 it had approximately one million regular users. Growth eventually stabilized, and by the end of 2017 the active user count had declined to "between 800,000 and 900,000". In many ways, Second Life is similar to massively multiplayer online role-playing games; nevertheless, Linden Lab is emphatic that their creation is not a game: "There is no manufactured conflict, no set objective". -Wikipedia

Your Imagination
When you go to the movies, you suspend your disbelief, accept the premise, and immerse yourself in a world where Superman has superpowers, Ethan Hunt (Mission Impossible) can break into any security system, and Captain Jean Luc Picard can fly to the stars at warp nine. When you open a book, you are transported to different places, different times, and different situations involving a cast of characters with a myriad of fascinating personalities and ambitions both evil and noble. You have left behind, temporarily, at least your own life in favor of something novel and new. Movies rake in billions of dollars each year in ticket sales. The 50 Shades of Gray trilogy has sold over 150 million copies worldwide.

With movies as with books, you are an observer. You do not have an active role in the fantasy; you are merely watching what happens. But what if you could participate? Instead of sitting there watching or reading, you could play a part in the story so that you yourself become the story!

A massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) is a video game that combines aspects of a role-playing video game and a massively multiplayer online game.

As in role-playing games (RPGs), the player assumes the role of a character (often in a fantasy world or science-fiction world) and takes control over many of that character's actions. MMORPGs are distinguished from single-player or small multi-player online RPGs by the number of players able to interact together, and by the game's persistent world (usually hosted by the game's publisher), which continues to exist and evolve while the player is offline and away from the game.

MMORPGs are played throughout the world. Worldwide revenues for MMORPGs exceeded half a billion dollars in 2005, and Western revenues exceeded a billion dollars in 2006. In 2008, the spending on subscription MMORPGs by consumers in North America and Europe grew to $1.4 billion. World of Warcraft, a popular MMORPG, had over 10 million subscribers as of November 2014. World of Warcraft's total revenue was $1.04 billion US dollars in 2014. Star Wars: The Old Republic, released in 2011, became the world's 'Fastest-Growing MMO Ever' after gaining more than 1 million subscribers within the first three days of its launch. -Wikipedia

Hugh Toussaint (my avatar) at The Looking Glass

So, what is Second Life?
I repeat from Wikipedia: Linden Lab is emphatic that their creation is not a game: "There is no manufactured conflict, no set objective". World of Warcraft lays out a predefined fantasy world in which you play your character. In Second Life, nothing is predefined; you can do whatever you want.

First and foremost, SL (Second Life) is a 3D modeling environment. Not only can you build an avatar, a representation of a human being, you can build buildings, landscapes, vegetation, etc. You can construct entire cities. You can create cars, trains, airplanes, even rockets. If you can do it in RL (Real Life), you can do it in SL (Second Life). The only limitation is SL is your imagination. People recreate RL cities: London, England, Paris, France, etc. Some recreate fantasy areas based on novels. In the picture above, I visited with my avatar The Looking Glass based on Alice in Wonderland. (Below in references, I included a brief YouTube video about The Looking Glass.) Some artists create 3D art installations. Bryn Oh is a 3D artist whose work has been displayed in Real Life. In the video I linked below, there's an interview where she explains her fascination with 3D art.

But secondly, and maybe more importantly, SL is an escape. Like a movie or a book, you leave your own life behind to immerse yourself in a different world but once again, unlike a movie or a book where you are a passive observer, in SL, you are an active participant. You are part of the make believe.

People sometimes take on different roles. Vampires can be popular, or Nekos (Japanese anime cats), or "furries" (anthropomorphic animal characters). But for the most part, people play themselves, that is, a version of themselves in a virtual world, and it is here that I think the most fascinating part of Second Life comes, so to speak, to life.

Second Life gives you an avatar, a new identity, and anonymity. You are disconnected from your real world. You have the freedom to do or say anything you want without fear of criticism or condemnation. What do you do with such freedom?

I've jokingly said that for the most part, avatars seem to have a common look of a twentysomething or thirtysomething, good-looking, and physically fit. Now, some people make variations of this. Just like in RL, there are people (avatars) which are short or tall, skinny or fat, young or old. Although, old per se isn't that easy as most look at least around thirty years old, although grey hair or balding can give a more aged appearance.

You can visit places, such a London or Paris, or fictional places such as those of Allice in Wonderland. You can attend music concerts, poetry or book readings, discussions about a variety of topics from politics to science to entertainment. You can dance at various clubs from ballroom to rock n' roll.

You can meet people and interact with them. For the most part, those interactions take place in IM chat (IM = Instant Messaging), that is, text messaging. However, voice is built into the system, and you can easily talk with other people. Some people only talk (less typing), and some areas (or SIMs, SIM = Simulation or Simula tor) are dedicated to voice.

The Psychology of Second Life
Here, we get into what happens when people are granted total freedom. I'm sure psychiatrists everywhere would have a field day in SL sorting out why people do what they do. This is my personal observation after being around Second Life off and on for the past twelve years: People are far more sexual in SL than in RL. If anybody ever wondered about how repressed our society is, SL shows that removing the shackles of our Puritan culture leads to a marked increase in the interest in all things sexual. Even I am sometimes amazed at how sexual people can be despite sex being so commonplace.

Both men and women may have a string of lovers, sometimes at the same time. Men may visit sex clubs, seeking all sorts of scandalous activities. Women may take on sex work, a pole dancer slash stripper or a prostitute. Now, don't get me wrong, some people in SL never have sex, using Second Life as a means to socialize. Nevertheless, there is a significant portion of the population engaged in some sexual activity. It's difficult to escape it; it's in our nature.

Imagine going to Starbucks in real life and striking up a conversation with a stranger. You'd cover the weather, maybe the latest news, and talk about common interests such as the last movie you saw. In Second Life, you can also go to an area and meet a stranger. That SL resident has a profile they themselves have put together which may detail who they are and what they're looking for in SL. Before you even start talking, you may find out about they sexual preferences with intimate details about their kinks. The other week, I visited an area with a sex theme, saw an interesting profile, and started a chat with a woman I had never met before. We chatted about her stated interest in MMF (Male, Male, Female), emphasizing Stag/Hotwife scenarios. Now, that's not a topic of conversation that crops up at Starbucks! Ha, ha!

One could argue that all social media has a degree of anonymity. Even though your full real name is displayed in Facebook, when you interact, when you post, you are doing so a step back from other people. There is a sense of not being directly involved with other people and consequently, you may say or do things you might not carefully consider. The headlines are full of stories of people getting into trouble for not thinking through the implications of their statements.

Sex in Second Life
This is really why you're reading this article, isn't it? Ha, ha! As Guns N'Roses sang, Welcome to the Jungle! I've jokingly said that SL may really stand for Sex Life. If you can think of it, it's here.

Most sexual interactions involve IM chat. That is the main way of communicating. Avatars have sex by enabling animations which direct the avatars to recreate sexual positions. This is usually tied to sex furniture, like a sex bed. I'm sure at face value, what I'm describing seems absurd. However, it's interesting how the human mind manages to fill in the blanks. Back at the beginning of the Internet era when there may have only been text messaging, people managed to have sex. It may have been primitive, but it did manage to spark the imagination. SL goes one step further and offers a visualization. But there's more!

You have the option of voicing. Some people do nothing with their avatars, just talking (and moaning) back and forth. Some voice and use their avatars to supplement their scene. I've noted that the remote sex toy Lovense has made in-roads in Second Life. There are groups dedicated to swapping remote access so two people can have sex while controlling each other's toy.

Sex covers every kink imaginable: Vanilla (natch), BDSM, cuckold, Stag/Hotwife, MMF, MFF, orgies, the list goes on forever. Note that anything related to children goes against the Terms of Service of Linden Labs, the operators of Second Life.

Is the sex real? Why would somebody only role play sex?

In any of the first-person shooter games, Call of Duty, Bioshock, etc., people run around killing the bad guys. No, they pretend to kill somebody. It's a game. It's imagined. Note that some people prefer to imagine making love to somebody rather than to imagine shooting them. However, the sex can be real. Rather than watching porn, some people prefer to get off by interacting with somebody else. Of course, some people do web cam sex, but SL offers a layer of anonymity and hence protection. Instead of you displaying your real self, you display your avatar, and it becomes your sexual proxy.

Addiction
When I first came to SL back in 2010, it was visible in RL media. I first heard about it in TIME Magazine which piqued my curiosity. A slew of articles discussed people becoming addicted to playing the game, foregoing their own real life to live in this world of fantasy. Well, some people go nuts and that's to be expected in any activity. Today, I know people who are on Second Life every single day. Some people have jobs, and some people run businesses. But is that cause for alarm? I know people who incessantly post on Facebook or Twitter. I know somebody who took up the Irish fiddle, got bitten by the bug and now practices six to ten hours a day. According to Neilson ratings, the average American watched eight hours of television per day in the 2000s as those numbers change as people migrate to streaming services on computers and phones. (source: Statistica)

Personally, my laptop has become the center of my life. I communicate with family and friends via email, text messaging, and social media. I work on my computer. I play on my computer. I learn on my computer. Some time is spent on Second Life, yes, but a great deal of time is spent about real life. I've noted that I now do all my banking remotely. The only time I need to physically visit a branch is to get coins for the laundry machine in my apartment building. Let me add a curiosity: I do not have cable TV. I have an Internet connection but no TV services. I never watch TV. I've traded my eight hours of daily TV for other, more interactive things. Good? Bad? I was amused back in 2010 when reporting talked about addiction to SL without mentioning how the average person consumed eight hours of television per day. Holy cow!

A Word of Caution: This ain't for the faint-hearted.
Second Life's popularity peaked somewhere around 2010. Today, it has supposedly stabilized around 800,000 regular monthly users. I'll be the first to admit there's a complexity to learning how to operate the game. I've jokingly said that people may come for the sex but discover you need a PhD in computing to get to the "good stuff". Okay, let's go back to xHamster and Pornhub. Ha, ha! Certainly, anybody undertaking the game needs assistance to get started. I go to SL to socialize and consequently, have spent as little time as possible learning the more technical side of the system. Everyone is different, and some people really get into it. As I said, at the base of it all, SL is a 3D modeling environment so the sky's the limit in what you can potentially do. From an interactive point of view, you can find people from all over the world, all nationalities, languages, ages, genders, classes, education with tastes for everything including all things sexual.

Final Word
Is this like trying to explain the color red to a blind person?

Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Over the years, I've had moments of great intensity and periods of great boredom. Like any social media, there are limitations. SL is s good or as bad as the people we meet, but the same could be said about life in general. Second Life is not for everyone, but some players remain faithful. They come and go with the ebbs and flows of their lives but the idea of connecting with another human being, whether via computer or real life, never goes away. At the end of the day, whether it be Second Life, Facebook, or Twitter or one of the other platforms like Tumbl, Flickr, or DeviantART, or even sitting in a coffee shop and striking up a conversation with a total stranger, it's all about people and the connections we experience. Add to that, whether going to the movies or picking up a good book, the desire to step out of one's life and see and do something completely different.

May all your dreams come true and may all your fantasies be realized.


References

I've written a number of articles about Second Life. I make no claims about being definitive on the subject; this is merely my opinion but I do like to think I bring a mature perspective on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

my blog: Anonymity and Total Freedom - Oct 4/2019
Imagine having total freedom. You can say or do anything you want with no consequences. No criticism. No condemnation. Heck, no jail time.

my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - Oct 7/2019
Life is a dance.

my blog: Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good - Oct 28/2021
I have nothing to prove.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

Published on Sep 21/2021 by Second Life
YouTube: Second Life Destinations - The Looking Glass (1:19)
The Looking Glass is the joint creation of Marcus Inkpen and Sharni Azalee. Beautiful art and designs populate this photogenic island, which aims to host and support the arts in Second Life through live music, particle shows, and poetry readings.

Published on Nov 2/2021 by Second Life
YouTube: Second Life Spotlight - Bryn Oh (1:43)
Today we are shining a spotlight on Bryn Oh. Many Residents are familiar with her work, as she is one of the most talented virtual artists of our time and has spent more than a decade creating art in the virtual world of Second Life. Read her interview

2022-06-23

A Lady and Her Boudoir

Private Modeling Session I
If a woman gives an invitation to her boudoir to show off her wardrobe, who am I to refuse? I'm a gentleman, but I'm also a man.

Private Modeling Session II
CMNF: Gray suit and birthday suit.

I have no idea why I did not self-combust. A man can only take so much before he melts into a puddle on the floor. I've heard the expression Heaven on Earth and think this may very well be it. I am now going to put my left index finger in my collar and pull slightly to get some cool air. Whew! Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

Private Modeling Session III
I'm university educated, and I like to think of myself as being an articulate gentleman. However, every once in a while, I find myself at a loss. I can't find the right words, and I can't seem to utter a coherent sentence. I trust you'll forgive me if I express myself in a more, ahem, succinct manner: [click here]

Private Modeling Session IV
She slinks up to me and presses her naked body against mine. Her expression feigns innocence, but her demeanor says anything but. She knows who she is, what she wants, and is not afraid to go after it, damn what anybody else thinks. Confidence oozes from her, and let’s not forget that confidence is the sexiest of traits. Her seductive coyness ignites everything dominant in my being: protect, cherish, worship, and, of course, enjoy. She knows how to push my buttons, and I must confess that it is a delightful experience to have my buttons pushed. This is a woman who reminds me how much I enjoy being a man, and how much I enjoy her being a woman.

Private Modeling Session V
"The only thing I cannot resist is temptation."
—Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish poet and playwright

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
-Robin Williams (1951-2014), American actor and comedian

I will now take the Lord's name in vain. I'm not sure how many more of these private modeling sessions I can take. Besides, what about the risks? I look around me, and I don't see a defibrillator. By the time 911 shows up, it'll be too late!

Private Modeling Session VI
Now, let me check my smartphone settings. Flash, no. Motion Photo, no. Timer, off. Ratio, full image 4:3. Resolution, full. HDR, on.

Holy cow, is this complicated! This so-called smart phone cost me over eight hundred bucks! You'd think it would come with some sort of preset Sexy Lady or something!

Private Modeling Session VII
I enjoy a good book. Although, I've just realised that I've read the first paragraph three times now, and I still don't know what it said. It's funny how a naked woman sitting on my lap can completely throw off my concentration. I may be wrong, but I can't shake this feeling she wants me to stop. I can hear you asking, What was your first clue? Okay, okay, so I'm slow to pick up on the signals! It is a good book. Well, it's supposed to be a good book if I can ever get past the first paragraph! Ha!

Private Modeling Session VIII
I'm a gentleman.
I remain cool, calm, and collected. I can handle myself, so to speak, under fire, and I strive to always be polite and respectful.

But I'm also a man.
If my mother knew what I was thinking, she would wash my mind out with soap. Ooh la la!

The above cartoon character is Howling Wolf from the 1943 cartoon Red Hot Riding Hood by Tex Avery. (Wikipedia) It's a classic! :-)

short clip: Howling Wolf, YouTube 0:55

full cartoon: Red Hot Riding Hood, YouTube 3:49

Credits: Manon Mirabeau
I want to thank my charming partner and good friend, Manon Mirabeau, for putting up with my nonsense. My blend of humor and eroticism is to play the part of the gentleman, polite and respectful, who has a hard time controlling the more, ahem, libidinous part of his nature. Ha, ha! Of course, my temptress does enjoy making life difficult for me. Ha, again! :-)

Check out Manon's music. She is owner of the club Metropolis at Sexy Beach. (SURL) She's also a DJ. Check out her weekly schedule here. This woman rocks!.

Life is good. :-)

2022-06-15

Compersion: not thinking of yourself

polyamory (n) the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

The word compersion is defined as the joy you feel for another’s happiness. The best example I’ve heard is the joy a parent feels for the happiness of their child. However, the term originated in polyamory, the joy you feel for your partner’s happiness which may include their happiness in another relationship, both emotional and sexual.

Whoa! Let’s unpack that one! That is so foreign to our traditions of marriage and monogamy, it may be difficult to conceive of any scenario where such an idea could work.

The supposed antonym is jealousy, and just what is jealousy? It is usually described as the fear of losing someone. Think about that. Your partner has lunch with somebody, describing a good meal, an interesting conversation, and a fun time. Is there someplace in the back of your mind where a little voice of doubt wonders if your partner prefers that person over you?

"If you love something set it free. If it comes back,
it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be."
-Unknown

Your partner has lunch with somebody and has a good time. You don’t feel jealous because you don’t feel threatened, and you’re glad your partner had a good time. That seems normal. But just how far can you go with that idea?

A long time ago, I heard a man give a speech in which he said:

“I always wondered why I could never find Miss Right
until I realized I had always been Mr. Wrong.”

Luck is described as when preparation meets opportunity. Are we prepared? Even if the right partner comes along, are we still the wrong person?

We grow up surrounded by traditions which instill us with a mindset, formed by family, peer groups, religion, and the culture we live in. Are we aware of this? Does a fish know it’s living in a fishbowl? We may be unable to look outside our world and see the possibility of other things. Is any of us prepared to live our life in a manner which contradicts tradition and the supposed ideal of a monogamous marriage?

I’ve said elsewhere that Second Life offers us a unique opportunity to step out of our real life, to forget the boundaries of our upbringing, and live in a new and novel manner. By its very nature, this virtual world can be polyamorous and yet, SL is full of drama: jealousy, lying, cheating, all the indicators that the individual in question is living SL like their RL, unprepared to break with their own traditions. (Anonymity and Total Freedom)

Confidence and Self-confidence
Confidence can be defined as the trust you have in your partner and the faith you have in your partnership. Self-confidence can be defined as your self-worth, how you see yourself as a good person of value.

If your partner waxes complimentary about somebody else, how do you react? Do you feel threatened? Are you wondering if your partner now likes this other person more than you? Or do you feel compersion? Do you feel joy at your partner’s happiness? With confidence in your relationship and confidence in yourself, what’s to worry about? (Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good)

My Friend M
M is my longest friend in Second Life. I’ve known her longer than people in Real Life. But before her story, a few stats:

In the United States, a typical marriage which ends in divorce lasts for an average of 8.2 years. The rate of divorce is 45%. In Italy, the average marriage lasts 17 years with a divorce rate of 42%.

M has been married now for over 25 years, her first and only marriage. Based on the above averages, she is more of an exception to the rule. But there is an odd twist to her story: She and her husband have always been swingers. Yes, you heard that correctly: the two of them occasionally have sex with other people. 45% of seemingly monogamous marriages end in divorce and yet M and her husband are not monogamous and have defied the odds. I like to say that some people live extraordinary lives.

I asked M once to what she attributed their success, and she said, “It’s largely about two things... honesty and trust... [my husband] has been my best friend even as he became my lover and my partner... I felt that I could share anything with him that there was nothing that I had to hide... I knew always that he would respect me no matter what.”

Let me add that both of them play Second Life, are aware that each of them play, and are also aware they play with other people. Yes, in SL, just like in RL, each of them are sometimes involved with other people.

Final Word
Your average person in RL has little or no experience with the freedom offered in SL. Are they prepared to be open, honest, nonjudgmental, and accepting? Are they willing to leave their RL baggage at the door? Can they focus on others, on their partner, and not just on themselves? Are they willing to put their partner's happiness ahead of their own?

Don't think of me as trying to be some guru. I'm nobody special, just an average guy in the street. However, I've come to realize there are opportunities to live life differently and to live it better if I can only see the world from beyond my own backyard. And that idea is not just applicable to SL; it's also applicable to RL.


Afterthought
I ran across the following quote from Osho (1931-1990), an Indin philosopher and founder of the Rajneesh movement.

It's interesting to apply the metahor of a flower to compersion. Traditional views of relationships and marriage involve monogamy and possession. The flower means the other person is independent and free. If you two are together, you do it because you want to, not because you have to. The uninitiated seem to have wink wink nudge nudge ideas of people wildly running around with every person they meet, but the truth is far more circumspect. Our lives are filled with many people, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. with whom we never have a truly intimate relationship. But it is admittedly possible to have more than one intimate relationship in our lives. The question is whether we are ready to embrace compersion and posssibly explore an aspect of life different from our traditions.


References

Wiktionary: compersion
Etymology
Coined by the Kerista Community in the 1970s. Possibly derived from French compère (“partner”), plus -sion, based on an earlier use of the French compérage to denote the practice of brothers-in-law sharing wives observed among Tupi people of the Brazilian Amazon.

compersion (uncountable)
* Vicarious joy associated with seeing one's partner have a joyful romantic or sexual relation with another.

Antonyms
* jealousy

Wikipedia: Polyamory: Compersion
Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship. Some have called it "the opposite or flip side of jealousy", is analogous to the "joy parents feel when their children get married", and a "positive emotional reaction to a lover's other relationship". The concept of compersion was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco.

How Long Do Average U.S. Marriages Last?
Brides Magazine, Mar 2/2021, based on data from the U.S. Census Bureau

Wikipedia: Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice is a 1969 American comedy-drama film directed by Paul Mazursky, written by Mazursky and Larry Tucker, who also produced the film, and starring Natalie Wood, Robert Culp, Elliott Gould, and Dyan Cannon

2022-06-14

My Rule of the Three Rights

It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating. At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible.

The right time and the right place seem obvious, but the big problem always seems to be the right person.

I've previously talked about the causes of drama. Most people are happy, but some people are unhappy, and that unhappiness can manifest itself as impoliteness, disrespect, and even cruelty to others.

I've previously talked about inexperienced and aggressive males who seem to have no social skills. They seem to be self-centered with no sympathy or empathy for others. They're hungry, horny, or bored, and nothing else and nobody else matters.

Years ago, I heard a man give a speech in which he wondered why he had never managed to find Miss Right until he discovered he had always been Mr. Wrong.

It's a big world out there with many wonderous things and many wonderful people. But to fully appreciate them, one must look outward. One must stop focusing on one's own hunger, horniness, and boredom, and turn one's attention to the world.

The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.

I like things to develop organically, that is, naturally. You can't force things. Anybody can click on a poseball but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point? Sometimes, you click with somebody. And sometimes you don't. If you don't click, you accept and move on. In order for things to work, you need all three rights at the same time. Anything less just won't do.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
― Maya Angelou (1928-2014), American Poet

I repeat ad infinitum, or maybe ad nauseum, that I borrow from the 1960s hippies to call myself a peace, love, and understanding type of guy. Be nice. Be kind. Let's make the world a better place. We're all in this together.

2022-06-13

True Doms in Second Life

I recently ran across the following video I first saw years ago and thought to use it as a starting point for a discussion about D/s.

Published on Feb 11/2011 by XtranormalContest
YouTube: True Doms in Second Life (1:43)
This movie has been entered by Morrikins into the Xtranormal February 2011 "Make A Movie, Win $1000!" Contest.

Full disclosure. I'm 69 years old in RL. I've been in SL now for about 12 years. I don't know everything, and I'm still learning. However, I do know something.

I like to read profiles. I've read hundreds of them. I like to chat with people. I've chatted with scores of them. After a while, I began to see common themes as people told me the same things.

The premise: Some of those advertising themselves as being a Dom or a Master are pretenders to the throne.

Over and over again, I kept hearing complaints from submissives that Doms were not meeting their expectations. They were failing to engage these subs. But why? The video above is funny but from my discussions with various submissives, the video is an accurate portrayal of the complaints I've run across.

Luck is defined as when preparation meets opportunity. The virtual world of Second Life is the opportunity but is there the preparation? Do people know what they're doing? In my article Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDSM, even Marriage, I compared relationships to dancing, pointing out that before you do the waltz, you have to learn the steps and practice them before you can actually dance the waltz. It would seem that a number of people may have an interest in D/s but know nothing about it. They try to dance the waltz but have never done it before. It would stand to reason; the results are either mixed or just bad.

During the pandemic, I was chatting with a sub who explained she had just broken up with her master. She said he was not paying enough attention to her, and she felt slighted. She then went on the say that this master had ten subs. Wait! What? Ten subs? How the dickens could this one master devote enough time to ten individuals? Was he online twenty-four by seven?

This and other examples led me to this conclusion: So-called Doms and Masters equated domination with subjugation without consideration for the psychological aspects of the relationship.

A Dom does not force a sub to kneel. He inspires her to.

The video above portrays the Dom as expecting obedience, and it is plainly obvious he knows nothing about inspiring obedience.

In the 2014 article What is Sensual Domination? by DominantSoul, he explains the difference between domineering and dominance: You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind. This is seduction, not aggression.

DominantSoul then goes on to explain how the Dom must inspire trust and safety in the submissive and demonstrate confidence in doing so. People follow confident leaders. I return to the video and the difference between expecting obedience and inspiring obedience.

I've run across a number of memes which echo these ideas:

Being a submissive is not about being powerless. It’s about the conscious decision to gift that power to the person that I deem most worthy. Submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man. Submission is a gift and Dominance is a privilege. Never take either for granted. Most females fear a dominant male because there’s a lot of posers out there. A true dominant male understands that submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man.

I've seen a number of profiles where the submissive has stated, I'm not a doormat! I don't believe the so-called Doms fully appreciate the time and effort that goes into a relationship, not just D/s, but any relationship, even a vanilla one. For any of us, a partner should be our focus. There's an old saying: The more you put in, the more you get out. If we are not focused on our partner, we're missing the purpose and the benefit of that relationship. This is a two-way street.

The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.

Elsewhere, I've pointed out how each one of us wants to be wanted. We want to be appreciated by a co-workers and respected by our boss. We want to be liked by our neighbors and loved by our family. But in a relationship, we want to be desired by a partner. We want to be somebody's focus.

Sidebar
There are many variations of D/s. In BDSM, let's not forget the S&M. Some relationships are M/s, that is slave. Some involve, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain. The discussion here is in a general sense, expectation versus inspiration. In SL, I never touch you, therefore, communication and the psychological aspects of a relationship are more important than ever.

Final Word
People do a lousy waltz because they don't know how to dance. People do a lousy D/s because they don't know how to dominate. Whenever I see a profile which states, I'm a Dom or I'm a Master, I can't help wondering if advertising being a Dom is an indicator the person doesn't know what they're doing. If a person truly is a Dom, they don't advertise it, they live it. But let me add that there are no hard and fast rules. Using a profile to clearly indicate who you are and what you want stops any potentially fumbling around. I came to Second Life for such and such and if that's not your thing, let's both not waste any more of our time.

I'm fond of saying that anybody can click on a poseball, but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point? The master who had ten subs was going for quantity and not quality. The true measurement of D/s is when it counts. And believe me, when it counts, it can be an extraordinary experience, whether you're the lowercase s or the uppercase D.

References

Wikipedia: Nawmal
Technologies Nawmal Inc., formerly known as Nawmal Ltd., and simply known as Nawmal, is a Canadian digital entertainment company based in Montreal, Canada, that produces do-it-yourself animation software for the web and desktop and turned words from a script into an animated movie using text-to-speech and animation technologies. In April 2014, Nawmal Ltd. acquired the rights to Xtranormal's IP and began releasing a rebranded version of a similar software.

my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - Oct 7/2019
Life is a dance.

my blog: Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good - Oct 28/2021
I have nothing to prove.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

DominantSoul: The Erotic Art of Sensual Domination
My BDSM name is DominantSoul. I am Sensual Dominant, Alpha-male and an accidental BDSM writer who has practiced Sensual Domination, an erotic genre of BDSM, since the age of 20 years old. My blog is dedicated to educating and informing people about all aspects of Sensual Domination.

2022-06-09

Avatar Height

It is what it is until it's not. For years, I accepted whatever I bought; I didn't fiddle with it. I got an avatar and dressed it, but I didn't modify the various settings for height, weight, etc. I followed what I understood to be some sort of unofficial, unwritten rule:

SL = RL times 1.25
However, in the past few years, I've seen a trend: More and more people are making their avatars equal to their RL height which is leaving them looking short. In fact, I've seen a number of people defending their choice in their profiles by saying they're not short, others are too tall.

So, what's the right answer? And is there a right answer?

In RL, I'm six feet tall (1.8 meters). As I said, I've always used whatever avatar shape I bought without modifying it, but a number of years ago, I got some sort of height measuring device and found out I was close to seven feet (2.1 meters) high. Right? Wrong? Everybody else I hung around with was proportionally the same size, so nobody looked out of place. That extra height seemed perfectly normal.

Curious, I looked for an explanation and found this from the year 2011. It would seem this debate has been going on far longer than I first realized.

Avatars and objects in Second Life are larger than in real life, by default. There are two main reasons for this. The default visual perspective of the follow-camera is a couple meters behind and above the avatar's eyes, and this makes everything "look small" if it is scaled accurately. And the scripted command that is used by virtually every "Avatar Ruler" to report an avatar's height actually measures only to the height of their eyes. Add to this the fact that by adding prims and scripted attachments, some avatars may be as large as a full-grown dragon, and the end result is that most buildings, vehicles, and furniture in Second Life are scaled at 1.25 to 1.5 times the "Realistic" size. Most people simply accept this, after a while, since trying to make an "accurately sized" avatar gives you a form that is too small for most of the world around you.
-SL User Group, post by Ceera Murakami, Mar 10/2011

I note: an avatar's height actually measures only to the height of their eyes. True? False? Confirmation may be buried in the SL technical specs. The same poster talked of this years earlier.

Height detectors report the height of your eyes because the LSL code for the height detection is what is used to determine camera height in mouselook. Most people therefore set what they think is the height to the top of their head, and actually get 6 to 8 inches taller, to scale. If people adjust to what "seems right visually", it is even worse, which is why so many avatars average close to or even over 7 feet tall. Measuring yourself against a prim is the only accurate measuring method.-SL forum, post by Ceera Murakami, June 30/2007

In a posting from 2018, Wagner James (Hamlet Au) of the blog New World Notes, writes about this phenomenon from a sociological perspective Did Fragile Male Egos of Real Life Men Cause Second Life's Giant Crisis?

The trend toward incredibly tall avatars continues hurting the SL economy (bigger avatars need more virtual land, more virtual land costs more money per month), but why are avatars so huge in the first place? (For instance, pictured at right: Male Second Life avatar in the typical 7-8 foot range, next to a female avatar who is actually 5'7", i.e., on the taller side for women IRL.). But what keeps driving up avatar height? Reader "Pulsar" points out it could be a common culprit -- the fragile male ego.

Wagner James then refers to an earlier 2018 article Avatar Height, Hunter Walk, and How The Prisoner's Dilemma of User Choice Has Crippled the Second Life Economy in which he discusses how people may be trying to outdo one another. Person A is six foot five. Person B competes at six foot six. Person A revises their height to six foot seven. And so on. The problem further gets out of hand as this impacts what anyone can do with their land as bigger avatars mean bigger buildings which take up more land so one can only do less with their land.

I recently asked a friend about her own height, and she said the following:

My height is set for 2.03 metres...6.67 feet (roughly 80 inches) going by the 1.0 to 1.1 or 1.0 to 1.2 scale of SL, that translates to a height of 67 inches...which is my RL height

If I take my height, six feet (1.8 meters) or 72 inches, and multiply like my friend by 1.2, I get 86 inches or seven feet (2.1 meters). Seven feet may be large for RL (not for basketball!), but we return to the question of what is the correct height in SL.

Dancing
I occasionally like to ballroom dance — a nice way to chat. A number of times my partner has been smaller, sometimes significantly smaller, and I've noted that the positioning of the animations defers to my taller height. We're doing, let's say a waltz, and I have my left hand holding her right hand with my right hand around her waist. She is dancing off the floor, anywhere from one to two feet (1/3 to 2/3 meters).

Furniture
I sit with somebody on a chair or a couch. I appear to be sitting on the piece of furniture while my partner is hovering over the furniture, not touching it.

Default?
I can't help feeling the creator of the dance animations and the furniture have used my taller height as the default.

Adjust
Furniture makers seem to always include as adjust option to modify the position of one's avatar in respect to the furniture. A few times, I've tried to get my taller avatar to align with a smaller partner and end up with my avatar partially embedded in the furniture.

The Right Answer, at least my right answer
I have taken to adjusting the height of my avatar depending on who I'm with. If my partner follows the 1.25 rule, I make myself taller, maybe seven feet (2.1 meters). If my partner is smaller, corresponding to their RL height, I will make myself smaller, generally six feet (1.8 meters). I've been with people so small, I've adjusted my height to under six feet, such as five foot ten.

Child Avatars
Linden Labs has rules about child avatars being involved in anything sexual. They and even the citizens of SL are adamant about this. One club owner told me she would ban anybody short enough to be considered a child. Now, they said short enough without clarifying if other things, such as the maturity of the appearance would factor into their decision. Whether SL or RL, I know people who are short who are anything but a child, so height and height alone can't be the only criterium in determining a child.

Final Word
I suspect there are a number of factors contributing to the general rule of SL size = RL size times 1.25, both technical and possibly psychological. I also suspect the default visual perspective of the follow-camera over time made people eyeball their avatar and modify its height until they felt it looked right without ever doing more scientific measurements. Some things evolve organically, not with any deliberate intent. It is what it is. I will continue to adjust the height of my avatar according to whom I'm with. Elsewhere, I've explained I always use the Notes section of a profile to record information about the persona in question: date when we met, place where we met, particulars about our interaction, etc. I should start recording their height so as to know in advance how I should adjust my own height. Normally, I wouldn't care. If we're standing around or sitting apart chatting, it doesn't matter if we're in alignment or not. However, if we do interact, dancing, sitting together on furniture, etc., it would be nice to not have one person hovering or the other embedded. Ha! In RL, I have no problem kissing somebody on the lips. In SL, I seem to kiss everywhere but on the lips! Ha, again!


References

Second Life Wiki: Child Avatar - July 26, 2015
* What is a Child avatar?
* Why play a child in Second Life?
* What are Linden Lab's policies towards Child avatars?

2022-06-07

Male Genitalia in Second Life

For those readers who are not in the know, in the online game Second Life, you get an avatar, normally male or female. While females get the obvious traits of breasts and something down south, males come with no genitalia. At all. We are born eunuchs, and then become men. Users are obliged to purchase a cock and balls, a type of sex kit. Well, I said obliged but if you always wear clothes and don't participate in any sexual activity requiring nudity, nobody's going to pull you to one side and verify whether you're packing. But if you do participate, we conclude that women can fake it, but men can't: They better have something to hang out if they're going to let it all hang out. And for Heaven's sake, don't be a cheapskate and try to get by with some freebie. It turns out the ladies can be just as visual as men and are not going to let somebody spoil their fantasy with some cheap knockoff. If you want to play, you've got to pay.

I'm not going to enumerate the different brands and extoll the virtues of each one; I'm sure there are other bloggers who are far more detailed than me and have systematically reviewed each and every product available. Let me restrict myself to saying I use Aeros. It's a good product and has always served my purposes quite nicely.

Sidebar: Recently, I discovered Aeros has been removed from Marketplace, and in a user group, somebody noted that the account of the creator has been deleted. Somebody else wondered about people disappearing because they has died in RL, but it was then pointed out the account was deleted, indicating a conscious decision by the individual involved. Ah, the vagaries of Second Life versus Real Life! Who knows what goes on behind the curtain?

I was amused by the above picture of Ken and Barbie. It accurately portrays the situation in Second Life and the necessity of we men having to do something extra to be fully functioning males.

I was also amused at all of us playing Second Life, this virtual fantasy world of make believe, and trying to be realistic. I contend that by merely logging into SL, we've stopped being realistic per se and are now role playing. We may say that we're not role playing because we're not a vampire or a Neko or a furry of some type, and we're not participating in an RP SIM like Gor, but our avatar is representing our fantasy self. We certainly all are not twentysomething and in top physical condition with the perfect male or female body type! Ha, ha!

Afterthought 2023-11-28
Many people in their profile have a pick dedicated to Likes and Dislikes. In a number of women's profiles, under dislikes, I've read Cocks the size of my forearm. Wait! What? Ha, ha! Talk of over-compensating! I suppose all of us guys tend to exaggerate at one time or another: 7 inches instead of 6. But a forearm? Holy cow! I suppose one could argue that in this virtual fantasyland, enhancing or embellishing is part of the fun. But I also know that some people want, no demand, the visuals to be a close approximation of RL so their fantasizing can be more realistic. Yes, that seems lke a contradiction, but a forearm? Ha, ha, ha!


References

The Strange, Sad Story of the Ken Doll's Crotch, Jezebel, Oct 31/2019
The thing about Ken is that he doesn’t have one. Mattel’s gentleman companion for Barbie, its Ken doll, came into the world without junk and remains that way.

reddit: What happened to Aeros?, Jan 26/2022
Apparently the creator has left SL. There has been no development of Aeros cocks since the end of 2020

2022-06-06