I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it. As I’ve said elsewhere in this blog, the number one complaint I’ve seen in reading scores of profiles is about the male walking around with his junk out, asking every woman, “Wanna f*ck?” What in heavens name is going through such a man’s head that he thinks such an approach is going to work? Is he stupid? Insane? Or is he so inexperienced, he literally has no idea of how to properly deal with his hormones?
Inara Pey is the author of the wonderful blog “Living in a Modemworld” (https://modemworld.me). On July 28, 2021, she posted a link to her latest piece in the Feed. (I had this linked but I see it's now been taken down.) I noted this comment from eishalanae33:
Come fuck me next
Needless to say, I was appalled. I respect Ms. Pey and her work but more importantly, nobody, woman or man, should have to put up with such crude comments. I suppose all of us would normally pass by and move on to other things however, I decided to call out my fellow man for bad behaviour. As well as commenting on Ms. Pey’s entry, I IMed this guy:
I noticed your comment on Ms. Pey's posting.
Ms. Pey is a very good blogger. What you said was inappropriate and believe me, such an approach is never going to get you laid.
I'm sure you're a better man than this. Such crude comments are not worthy of you.
SL has a lot to offer if, and I emphasize IF you do it right.
Good luck.
Aside: In writing this, I went back to examine the details and discovered the account was created on July 28, 2021, with no other information or activity. Was this a troll account for a one-time deal?
Dick Pics
If, in reading a profile, I find a relatively new rez date, I like to say hello and welcome the person to Second Life. Sometimes, these are people coming back, starting afresh, but sometimes these are first timers.
A few months back, I meet a woman who had been on all of one week. She had RL friends that helped her get set up, create a mesh avatar, etc. At some point in talking about various topics, she informed me she had already received five unsolicited dick pics. Five. In a week. What?
I’m sure the initial reaction is disgust, talking about laws against it, and sex education for the perpetrators. But I got curious as to why. I’m older — I was born before the Internet! — but I don’t remember ever, and I mean ever, being tempted to send a picture of my penis to anyone. So why do some men do it? If it was once or twice, we could talk about an aberration, a mental instability, a nutjob. However, it happens so often, it’s statistically significant which means we’re talking about a cultural phenomenon. There is something going on in our society. Just what is it?
Curious, I asked the question "Why do men send dick pics?" An answer from a 2019 study: "The researchers found that men who sent unsolicited images tended to be younger, more narcissistic, and more sexist. The most common motivation for sending such an image was hoping to receive sexual pictures in return, followed by hoping to turn on the recipient." (PsyPost – Sep 8, 2019)
Wanna f*ck?
I’ve read countless times in women’s profiles about guys who walk right up to them and ask, “Wanna f*ck?” Really? That’s your come-on? That’s the way you ingratiate yourself to a total stranger with the hopes of seducing them.
I’ve noted many times that women post in their profiles, in one of more Picks, a “Wall of Shame” entry, listing verbatim dialogue they’ve had with an aggressive male. This is not something anybody should be proud of. The talk is not charming, clever, witty, or even funny. It is crude and just plain stupid.
A woman who is a good friend of mine, recounted how she was DJing at her own club when a man showed up out of the blue and started to chat with her.
[19:23] [the guy]: hey cutie
[19:24] [my friend]: welcome to the club.
[19:25] [the guy]: oh i feel welcome i want to fuck u in half
[19:25] [my friend]: oh...you charmer
[19:25] [the guy]: thank u baby
[19:25] [my friend]: do you mean break me in half or just half as well
[19:26] [the guy]: lets put it like this u wont be able to walk for a few hours after that pounding
[19:27] [my friend]: mmmmmmm
[19:27] [the guy]: i want to play woth u so bad
[19:28] [my friend]: i have no doubt...the list is long and distinguished
[19:30] [my friend]: i will need at least three references...a current address and previous address if less than two years residence...a current bank statement, a statement of income and a list of any real estate holdings, or stocks and bonds
[19:30] [the guy]: hahhaq
[19:30] [the guy]:: u want all that for a fucking
[19:31] [my friend]: oh no...thats just to see if you can get on the list
[19:31] [the guy]: i see
[19:32] [the guy]: want to take u back to my place and show u a good time
[19:33] [my friend]: Aren’t you having a good time already? I know I am.
[19:33] [the guy]: oh i am
[19:33] [the guy]: but i want that ass more
My friend was so amused at the stupidity of this exchange, she shared the above dialogue with all the staff working that night and shared it with me the next day. While this guy is a funny idiot, I have mulled over how he seems to be unaware that he is an idiot. I like to say that if someone is an asshole in Second Life; there’s a good chance they’re an asshole in Real Life. If this guy is polite and respectful in Real Life, or at least he’s not an idiot, is he that way not because he knows better but because he knows that in Real Life he’ll be called out, possibly punched out, or even arrested when somebody files a complaint with the police?
It's curious. In Second Life, with anonymity, with a new identity, we are all free to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. Just what do we do with “total freedom”?
"You can easily judge the character of a man by
how he treats those who can do nothing for him."
—Malcolm S. Forbes
Incel
This next part isn’t going to be funny. In fact, this is serious, it’s disturbing, and it’s scary crazy.
Full disclosure: I live in Toronto, Canada in the northern section of the city. On April 23, 2018, I was about to leave for my gym at 1pm when I got held up and instead left at 2pm. I traversed the four blocks to Yonge Street to do my normal kilometre trip to the gym. I walked into a war zone. Every intersection was blocked off with police cars with flashing lights. Not only were police officers everywhere, but there were also tactical officers wearing body armor and holding semi-automatic rifles across their chest. On top of it, there were military also dressed in battles fatigues similarly armed. I’ve lived in Toronto off and on for forty years, and I had never seen anything like this. What the dickens was going on? Terrorist attack?
Businesses along Yonge were shuttered. I managed to get a coffee at a shop on a back street and watched a large-screen TV showing the 24-hour news. Alek Minassian, in a rented van, drove two kilometres down Yonge Street, mostly on the sidewalk, killing 10 people and injuring another 16. If I had left at 1pm as I had originally intended, I would have been on that sidewalk. A man I didn't know, who I had never met, with whom I had never any contact whatsoever, would have run me over simply because I had the bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In researching the incident, I discovered the term Incel, derived from Involuntary Celibate. Alek Minassian is one of a group of psychologically unbalanced men, mostly white, who are upset they can’t seem to get laid. Their frustration goes beyond the norm to the point of seeing life as being unfair to them and to lash out by randomly killing people. Minassian even referred to Elliot Rodgers, an infamous Incel who in 2014 published an “Incel Manifesto” before going on a rampage, killing six people, and injuring another fourteen, and then committing suicide.
Obviously, Incel is an extreme case and a disturbing one however, I can’t help seeing a relation with the aggressive male, not asking for but demanding sex as if this is some sort of entitlement of the male gender. Experts, for a long time, have complained about a lack of sex education in our society. The fact that the rate of divorce stands around 40%-50% is testimony that people don’t necessarily have it together when it comes to relationships.
In this blog, I have written about ballroom dancing as being a metaphor for relationships, whether dating, marriage, or even BDSM and D/s. In dancing, a man and a woman each have predefined roles, following rules, practiced steps, etc. to achieve a synergistic coordination. My conclusion is that some (many?) people don’t know how to dance, and some (many?) men don’t know how to lead. This makes for bad dancing and by extension, bad relationships.
Final Word
I’m reminded of an old joke. A guy walks into a bar every night and asks fifty women to sleep with him. He gets slapped in the face forty-nine times, but he never goes home alone.
I would not in a million years send a woman a dick pic. I would never walk up to a woman I didn’t know and ask, “Wanna f*ck?” I would say to any man who uses such an approach that if he gets a favorable response, I will wonder, statistically speaking, of the chances his so-called woman being another man, driving a female avatar, a G.I.R.L. (Guy In Real Life). While I suppose there are women who are also aggressive and want to cut to the chase, I think they are the exception to the rule. Don’t we all want some sort of role play, some interaction, some sort of story to frame our carnal interaction?
If guys think they’re doing okay, I will point out the following copied from a woman’s profile:
If there's one thing I don't understand, it's about you guys. Some love PR, some love action, some are like chewing gum, some assholes, I can't define anything about men. Just that they are empty minds with little content in the greatest percentages.
How many women are rolling their eyes at the stupidity of a male? While Mr. Hotshot is puffing out his chest as cock of the walk, the ladies are off to one side pointing and sniggering at him.
I’m embarrassed for my own gender. I think we as men can do a far better job of being, well, men, not snickering little boys, inexperienced, uneducated, unsophisticated, and just plain stupid. Parents, the school system, and our society has to do a better job of educating the next generation, but I also think individuals need to recognise that they don’t know how to “dance”.
Old saying:
Don’t be a perverted asshole; be a perverted gentleman.
References
Wikipedia: Toronto Van Attack
A domestic terrorist vehicle-ramming attack occurred on April 23, 2018, when a rented van was driven along Yonge Street through the North York City Centre business district in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The driver, Alek Minassian, targeted pedestrians, killing 10 and injuring 16, some critically. The incident is the deadliest vehicle-ramming attack in Canadian history.
Wikipedia: Incel
An incel, an abbreviation of "involuntary celibate", is a member of an online subculture of people who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one. Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment and hatred, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against women and sexually active people. The American nonprofit Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) described the subculture as "part of the online male supremacist ecosystem" that is included in their list of hate groups. Incels are mostly male and heterosexual, and many sources report that incels are predominantly white.
New psychology research reveals men’s motives for sending unsolicited dick pics
PsyPost – Sep 8, 2019
Men who send unsolicited images of their private parts primarily do so with the hopes of receiving either similar images or sexual interactions in return, according to a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research.
my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - 2019-10-07
In RL, I’ve taken ballroom dance lessons. I’m in no way an expert, but I learned enough to have an appreciation for the work and dedication that goes into mastering what one could and maybe should consider a life skill.
Sidebar: I'm showing my age. I once sent this picture to whom I believe was a twentysomething and she replied, "Who's that?" Ha, ha, ha!
2021-09-11
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