Season's Greetings: The end of 2023 and the start of 2024

May you live in interesting times.

Considering all that's going on in the world right now, these certainly seem to be strange times. Never a dull moment.

I know that seems flippant in light of the gravity of the situation but standing a world away from the center of the action, relegated to just an observer and unable to do anything to affect the potential outcome, I jokingly said to a friend that I hope we collectively don't blow up the world in 2024. I said jokingly but maybe that was more serious than I would want it to be.

What's in store for 2024? In February 2023, an SL acquaintance died from esophageal cancer. In July 2023, an ex-colleague from a former job was diagnosed with ALS, and by the end of the year, he was bedridden and on oxygen. In December 2023, another ex-colleague, after a year-long battle with cancer, underwent a medically assisted suicide. As I wrote to a friend of mine, "Let's not wait. Let's do it now. We may not get another chance."

I'm a lucky man. I'm not rich, but I'm okay. I'm not famous, but I am loved by my family. I'm not perfect, but I'm alive. I don't have a lot, but I'm thankful for what I do have.

All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)


References

Wikipedia: May you live in interesting times
"May you live in interesting times" is an English expression that is claimed to be a translation of a traditional Chinese curse. While seemingly a blessing, the expression is normally used ironically; life is better in "uninteresting times" of peace and tranquility than in "interesting" ones, which are usually times of trouble.

2023-12-25

My Love-Hate Relationship With Second Life

I love it. I hate it. It's complicated.

For a number of years now, I've had one foot out the door. Why? I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day.

I feel guilty.
I have a number of projects going on in RL and rather than put my nose to the grindstone and do them, I let myself get distracted. But it's not just Second Life but all social media. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, I have wasted countless hours reading postings, posting my own amusements or political rants, and watching whatever random stuff YouTube has given me in my feed. The word Time Suck accurately describes this mindless gorging myself on questionable entertainment, lazily clicking over and over again on the next shiny bauble that crosses my path. I have no plan. I have no goal. I am just wasting time. I'm being lazy.

I feel stupid.
I'm playing a video game, and I'm not out in real life doing stuff. I know people who think video games are stupid, who are out in the world working, playing, travelling, attending sports events, having evenings out for the movies or live theater, etc. I know people who do play video games, so-called gamers, who've played Second Life and given it up because it's not interesting to them as compared to such notables as World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons.

I feel bored.
I've been here for over 13 years. What else is there to do? I'm fond of the idea that you get out of relationship what you put into the relationship. Is that idea applicable to my relationship with this virtual fantasyland?

In my blog Second Life: Still interesting after all these years?, I wrote:

I admit that my interest in Second Life has waned over the years. I'm not a builder so the creative side of SL doesn't really interest me. I've never taken much interest in the more technical side of the platform and consequently, my photographic skills are basic at best. I did try a premium for a while and decked out a Linden Home but got bored with decorating and dropped premium. I don't log in on a regular basis as I like to say: RL is a busy but that's a good thing.

But then I say that the biggest reason, maybe the only reason I log in, is the people. Meeting them, chatting with them, hearing their stories with all the variations, problems, sometimes catastrophes but also wonderful things.

SL is unique
In the above article, I point out that SL offers a unique environment for meeting people. You can go from zero to a hundred in no time flat. That is, due to the protection of anonymity and the comfort which comes from it, people are willing to discuss personal matters that in RL, they would never discuss or would only discuss after developing a trust. I suppose one could argue that any social media platform offers some sort of buffer from other people, giving a possibly false sense of protection, but in my opinion, SL does offer an environment where we are all free to discuss any intimate detail of our lives. The virtual psychiatric couch? Ha, ha!

SL gave me the idea to write
Like everyone, I started with IM chat. But then I ran across somebody who had a blog. A blog? What the heck was that? Could I do it?

I did and discovered I could write my thoughts down and people would read them. Maybe not a lot of people. Heck, sometimes nobody at all read. But the point was, I wrote something, and that gave me a sense of accomplishment.

Thirteen years later, where am I? Well, for one, you're reading this blog. It's not the original one I first tried in 2010 but it does follow the same idea: me shooting my mouth off. But I have tried other writing elsewhere. I'll not be winning any awards any time soon but I have, at times, had that sense of accomplishment. The odd part of the story, as I said, is that it was Second Life which first gave me the idea to even try writing.

Outside of SL
This blog is but one effort on my part to supplement my SL. My photographic skills are horrible, having never taken the time to learn the finer points of taking pictures. Nevertheless, I have at times published pictures, either my own or created my own memes, on some of the picture platforms. Unfortunately, Flickr changed its rules back in 2022, restricting the scandalous factor for free accounts, so I dropped it. The platform newTumbl closed down in June 2023 so once again, I lost several pictures collections. It's because of these losses I have been hesitant to start on another platform out of fear of seeing all my work disappear again. Oddly enough, the Google blogger platform continues with no sign of ever closing down. Twitter, too, continues unabated. However, both blogger and Twitter are not really designed as image platforms and don't necessarily allow the best presentation of photo collections. What to do? Once again, do I want to invest my time and effort into something which is of questionable value (Who bothers to look at my sh*t?) and more importantly, run the risk of losing everything?

The Feed
I may be wrong, but my impression is that the majority of people in-world are unaware of The Feed. What is it? When you take a picture, you have the option of publishing the image to The Feed. I could describe it as something like the continuous, real-time scrolling of Twitter or Facebook, with new material being presented all the time. The only reason I discovered this is because I log into the SL web site on a regular basis (I've got it bookmarked.) in order to see which of my friends may be online at a given moment. It is through the web site that The Feed seems to be more readily accessible.

Once again, it would seem that most people are unaware that pictures in the Feed can be presented as a gallery. Note the following link which is the URL for my profile on Second Life:

https://my.secondlife.com/hughtoussaint

Now notice this variation of that URL:

https://my.secondlife.com/hughtoussaint/snapshots

This gives you a gallery-like presentation of pictures I've posted in my Feed. You can add snapshots to the URL of any profile and see the gallery. It's surprising. Many people go to Flickr or DeviantART to publish their pictures but Second Life itself already has its own picture system. We can argue about its quality and its organisation but it is there.

Final Word
Should I stay, or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble.
And if I stay, it will be double.
So come on and let me know.
-The Clash (1982)

As I said at the beginning, a psychologist would have a field day. Love, hate, hot, cold, for, against, I need to make my mind up once and for all. And let me add that it's not what anybody thinks of what I'm doing, it's what I think of what I'm doing.

Part of this, I realise, is merely me debating with myself what I want to do with my life. — Whoa! Talk about some deep philosophical discussion about the meaning of existence! Ha, ha! — To paraphrase an old joke about work, is my tombstone going to have engraved on it, I wish I had played Second Life more?

It is said that water seeks its own level. I must seek mine. Inside SL. Outside SL. An amalgamation of the two. One augmenting the other. I must figure it out for myself.

In the meantime, my enthusiastic call to arms: Par-tee! Par-tee!


References
Wikipedia: Love–hate relationship
A love–hate relationship is an interpersonal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and hate—something particularly common when emotions are intense. The term is used frequently in psychology, popular writing and journalism. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts, as well as those of a romantic nature or between siblings and parents/children.

Wiktionary: go from 0 to 100
To shift from being nearly non-existent to being very obvious and plain. To increase explosively in intensity.

YouTube: The Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go (Official Video) (3:09)
Published by the Clash, Aug 13/2012

2023-12-20

Musings on the Psychology of Second Life

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In SL, I can be anybody I want to be. And I choose... Wait! What?

850 words, 4-minute read

In SL, you can be anything you want. Vampire, Neko, furry, short, tall, big, small, male, female, animal, monster, alien, ad infinitum. Whatever your game or fantasy, whatever your kink or fetish, in this 3D modeling environment, the world is your oyster. Do it or be it, and have fun.

However, I, like many people, merely play myself. Okay, I joke that we all seem to be a good-looking, physically fit twentysomething which I suppose is some sort of idealized version of our RL self. I'm not saying I'm ugly and unfit in RL, but it would be a stretch to say my avatar is an exact duplicate of me. Despite my best efforts, I've found certain limitations to the SL technology, preventing me from a more accurate representation of my RL self.

I got to thinking. When I run across someone, that is, their avatar, am I seeing the best they can do based on their expertise in customizing an avatar? Or have they created their best representation of their RL self? Or have they created what they think is a desirable form of beauty?

In RL, few of us ever reach the upper echelons of what our society considers good-looking. None of us are going to be walking down the runway for Victoria's Secrets or Menswear Fashions. However, in SL, we can be whoever we want to be. And yet, I sometimes meet someone with what I think is an unusual avatar and wonder what motivated their choice. I have a picture gallery of people I've met and places I've visited over the years, and in amongst all this is a folder entitled Weird People with the strange of the strange. Hyper-muscular men, blow-up Barbie dolls, not just large but fat people, inordinately big or small, I've thought the owner decided to go for an over-the-top, exaggerated version of themselves or their own vision of desirability. Is it a cartoon version of themselves? Is it a charicature of their RL self? Instead of attractive, is ridiculous the goal? Then again, are some people attracted to the opposite of good-looking? Is ugly a fetish?

Aside: It is common to find a Pick in somebody's profile labelled Likes and Dislikes. I've seen several women write under their Dislikes: Men with cocks the size of my forearm. Holy cow! In this virtual fantasyland, I suppose any of us guys could be guilty of a little exaggeration (7 inches instead of 6) but a forearm? Whoa! Ha, ha!

BBW
BBW or Big Beautiful Women, a euphemism for — How to put this delicately? — the overweight. The other week, I was standing in a club, reading profiles when a woman hesitantly IMd me. She was a BBW and as we chatted, she revealed her avatar was meant to duplicate her RL self. She stressed she wasn't obese, but she was big. She also mentioned that she didn't get many IMs when standing around in clubs. It turned out she was a charming personality and an interesting character with a plethora of life experiences. How many of us lose out because we rely on our first impression?

This woman answered a question of mine. She was playing SL realistically. Her avatar was based on her RL; she had consciously decided to not be some fantasy version of what she might have thought how beauty was defined. She didn't want to be a Victoria Secrets model but wanted to be herself, including her imperfections.

A woman is a gift: The packaging may catch my eye, but it's the contents which keep me coming back.

I like a woman with big brains.

Years ago, a female friend on RL social media, ran a series of articles on women with photo shoots and their stories. Each woman talked about dealing with body image issues, not feeling beautiful and lacking self-confidence. For me, the surprise was that in each photo series, I saw an attractive woman. Okay, they weren't models; they weren't going to be on a Victoria Secrets runway, but they were attractive. I would have been delighted to take each one of them out on a dinner date to get to know them better. They were focusing strictly on their looks without considering all the other aspects which make us a complete package and hence, attractive.

It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it.

Confidence is the sexiest of all characteristics.

I don't believe anybody is truly ugly. Over the years, I've seen pictures of people badly disfigured in an accident or ravaged by disease and yet these people were still loved and even desired. But that's just the physical. Ugly can certainly come out with the personality. Some people, for whatever reason, just don't know how to be nice.

Final Word
The point of all this was my curiosity about how an individual arrives at their avatar. Are they lacking technical skills which leaves them with odd bodies? Or is this a deliberate attempt at doing something different, and is that different thing some sort of exaggerated version of what they consider attractive? I like to say that in SL, our only limitation is our imagination. Some people are pushing the boundaries.

References

My thanks to Manon Mirabeau for the picture of the two of us.

Wikipedia: Big Beautiful Women
"Big Beautiful Woman" (commonly abbreviated as BBW) is a euphemism for an overweight woman. The terms "Big Beautiful Women" and "BBW" were coined by Carole Shaw in 1979, when she launched BBW Magazine, a fashion and lifestyle magazine for "plus-size" women. BBW Magazine trademarked the term Big Beautiful Woman, which was later transferred to Dimensions Magazine.

I ran across the following article and this woman seems like an extraordinary personality.

xojane - Jan 9/2014 via Wayback Machine (wayback.archive.org)
I'm Fat, Forty And Single And I'm Having No Problems Getting Laid All The Time By Christine Whelan
I should note that when I tell you I'm fat, I really mean it. I'm not just slightly chubby and complaining about those last 15 pounds. I'm rather short and weigh almost precisely 300 lbs. I wear size 28 clothing. Unless you think such things are mutually exclusive, I would describe myself as reasonably pretty, in a natural, low-maintenance, naughty librarian kind of way. I am fiercely intelligent, deeply hilarious, casually stylish, utterly unselfconscious and really, genuinely nice. I am also an absolute riot in the sack. And I've been getting laid like crazy.

You must read the entire article. Ms. Whelan sounds like an amazing woman. And she's size 28. Confidence truly is sexy.

2023-12-01

Message Capping, Email, and Limitations

I thought to jot down what others may only know by rumor. I refer you to the following two official documents straight from Second Life itself. Second Life: Limits Second Life: Instant Message

15 Messages
When you are offline, SL will store up to 15 messages, meaning IMs, inventory offers, group notices, group invitations. Anything else is thrown away. WARNING: Some people say send them a notecard because their messages are capped but the default is everything is capped, including notecards which are inventory offerings. But you can change this. Note: Premium accounts have up to 80 messages stored.

autoAcceptNewInventory
If autoAcceptNewInventory (debug setting) is set to TRUE (the default is FALSE), then all inventory offers, even above the cap allowed by membership, go directly to inventory and do not count against the cap on offline messages.

I repeat: Notecards are inventory offerings. The default is to cap messages at 15 so Notecards will be thrown away unless this debug setting is changed.

ATTENTION: After I had changed this debug setting, somebody sent me a texture. I kept waiting for the button in IM chat "Accept" but it never appeared. I subsequently found the texture in my texture folder. It had been automatically delivered, no prompt to accept.

IM to email
When you have this set up, when you are offline, IMs are sent to the email address you've specified. Even if your messages are capped in-world, the transfer to email continues to work offworld. Personal note: I have had conversations while offworld, just as if I was in-world IMing back and forth.

IM to Email feature, which sends offline messages directly to the mailbox connected to your account. To activate it, go to Edit > Preferences (or press Ctrl-P), go to the Communication tab and check the Send IM to Email checkbox. Press Apply and close the window with OK.

Oddity
I've discovered that I can respond via email on my computer. I'm using Gmail. However, if I respond using my phone, a Google Pixel, the person gets an IM response from me but the message itself is blank. No text. For some odd reason, the SL servers get my response but are unable to transfer the text in the body of the email to an in-world IM. Obviously, this is a bug. But it's also obvious that the Gmail on my phone, a Google product I might add, is somehow different from the Gmail I use in my browser. My word of caution is to test this before you rely on your phone working properly. I would also test whatever other email system you may be using like Outlook to ensure it, too, is working properly with the Linden Lab servers.

IM to email: You have 5 days to respond
When you reply to the email, it gets sent back to the SL servers and converted to an IM and sent to the person. You have 5 days to respond after which, the SL server will give you an error.

WARNING: Most email replies include a copy of the original message. This can be messy for an IM. I ALWAYS hit Reply, type Ctrl+A to Select All, and delete everything so my reply consists of nothing other than my response. I NEVER send back a copy of the original message.

Personal note: When I reply from email, I always preface my reply with "(from RL email)" so the other person knows immediately I'm not in-world but responding off-world from email. I've had people confused, IMing back, "Where are you?", not being able to see me online, so I started doing this to ensure people knew I was off-world.

You can't start an off-world convo
You can respond in email to somebody else's IM. But you can NOT start a convo when off-world. You can only do that if you're logged in. I'm referring to finding a name and opening a chat in the chat window.

Off-world Convos
As I said above, throughout the day, I may receive an IM from somebody, that message appearing in my Gmail. I respond which goes back in-world to the person as an IM. From that point, the two of us can chat back and forth as if I was logged in. Like an informal chat when you're logged in and not face to face, I can chat with somebody throughout the day.

An Amusing Curiosity: The Multi-tasking Chat
Person A says something. A minute later, Person B responds. 5 minutes later, A says something. 10 minutes B replies. 30 minutes later, A says something else, and an hour later B chimes in.

This type of offline conversation can go on for hours, even lasting an entire day. It's a type of convo you have when you're multi-tasking, chatting with several different people at once, or when you are doing something else, only looking back at the chat window periodically. Has somebody given this type of convo a name? So far, I haven't seen anything, but I can informally call it a multi-tasking chat. I've had a few times when I've said hello to somebody when they were AFK and had them respond hours later, and even a day later. Ha, ha!

Final Word
That's my summary. Let me know if I've missed anything. I repeat: In this virtual world, we never touch, I mean physically touch, so communication is all we've got. Nevertheess, with our words we can connect so let's make sure the other person gets our words.

All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL & RL). :-)

Post-script
When I receive something, a texture or a notecard, I'm used to seeing in IM chat a button "Accept". With automatic delivery to inventory, I don't get that. Several times now, I'm chatting with people and they've told me they've sent me a picture (a texture). I'm waiting for the Accept button when they ask, "Did you see my picture?" I suddenly realise I need to check inventory, and sure enough, there it is! Obviously, I need to get used to this paradigm shift.

However, a friend brought up the possibility of malfeasance. Somebody could send me an object and unsuspecting me could open it, activating its evil code. Just now, I did some Googling and turned up a few articles about hacking and Second Life. I have to assume that like RL, anything is possible. I'm not sure how much money there is to be made hacking my account but I can see a hacker may enjoy the challenge of doing so and making a fool out of naive me.

2023-11-23

Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life.

I first came to Second Life in January 2010, and it has never occurred to me to meet anybody in real life. I have other social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. but there, too, I've never had the urge to meet somebody. The purpose of those platforms is to interact with people on those platforms, not in RL.

Over the years, I've read countless profiles of women clearly warning of no RL, no RL pics, no meeting in RL, etc., and expressly stating that SL is not Match Dot Com. Considering the hormones of the male animal, I'm guessing these ladies have been inundated with unwanted inquiries. I still chuckle at the story of one woman, newly arrived, just one week old, who recounted having already received a total of five dick pics. Holy cow! Ha, ha, ha!

Personally, I can't imagine how the virtual environment of this fantasyland would ever translate into real life. There is no way reality can compete with the fantasies conjured up by our imagination, and I'd say it's inevitable anyone would be disappointed. In SL, I'm a good-looking, physically fit thirtysomething. And I can fly! While I can't say I'm unfit and ugly in RL, I would be severely bending the truth if I claimed my RL self was an exact replica of my SL self. I wish! So, I already know I couldn't match somebody else's dream image of me. Why disappoint them?

To paraphrase the line about Las Vegas: What happens in SL stays in SL. Never the twain will meet and maybe it shouldn't meet.

I'm sure that's going to dishearten those who were hoping to find a friend with benefits but I can't help feeling there's an opportunity in all this.

This is it. SL is just SL. We are our avatar. That representation of our RL mind is now exactly who we are. There is no RL. What are we going to say? What are we going to do? How are we going to interact with the rest of this virtual world? Remember to keep in mind: There is nothing else. No RL, just SL.

I've written before and maybe repeatedly about bad behavior on SL. If somebody is an a-hole in Second Life, more than likely, they're an a-hole in Real Life. Do these people fully appreciate there's a human being on the other side of the computer screen, or do they look at Second Life as just a game where only their needs are important? It certainly seems like the normal checks and balances of real life, which stop people from behaving like idiots, don't exist online and some people go apeshit, doing whatever crazy impulse comes to mind, regardless of any pain or suffering caused. Maybe this is indicative of a wider problem. There certainly seems to be a lack of empathy in the world. I'm okay, who cares about you?

In a nutshell, is this a person anybody else would want to meet in RL?

Compartmentalization
This is defined as separating something into different categories. I'd say the best example is how we have a home life and a work life. For the most part, the two are separate and almost never mix. In fact, mixing the two can be odd. A member of the family shows up. You give them a tour of your workplace and introduce some of your co-workers, but they don't really fit in. Work is work and home is home. I'm not saying it can't be done but I'd say it's somewhat rare. After all, work is about work and home is about home. Do you really want to worry about work when you're at home and vice versa?

So, let's keep SL in SL and RL in RL. Never the twain will meet.

Male Libido
There can be no doubt a lot of male behavior stems from the libido. My classic example found in countless profiles in Second Life is the guy wandering around with his junk out asking every woman he's meets, "Wanna f*ck?" I'm sitting here laughing out loud, having just written that, amused by this seemingly adolescent approach to relationships and sex. In reading in woman's profiles, no RL pics, no voice, no meeting in RL, etc., I immediately imagine the problem of aggressive males seeking sex. Like all the time! Ha, ha! I've heard it said that as horniness goes up, the upper brain functions shut down, so the male is imagining wilder and wilder scenes of madcap humping in real life. [rolls eyes] In your dreams, buddy. You're putting the cart before the horse.

Escapism
You pick up a good book. You tune into the latest episode on your favorite streaming service. You want to leave it all behind, work, home life, bills to pay, and chores to do. For a moment out of the day, you want to escape to someplace where it's all different, where magic abounds and fantasy is the rule of the land. You're not looking to enhance your real life; you want to leave it behind. You want to replace it with something completely different. You don't want to bring SL into RL because for the moment, you don't want to think about RL at all!

Voicing
I've done it and can immediately say that it's a heck of lot easier than typing. But...

I claim that playing SL while texting is like you're standing a step back from the action. Oh, you may be playing in an immersive manner, that is, you're not playing a game, you're actually there in SL, but texting allows for contemplation. Somebody IMs you, and you've got a moment, five or ten seconds, to read the message, mull it over, and formulate your response. You're still operating in so-called realtime but there's a delay, a slowness about the interactions, like I said, which make it seem like you're standing a step back from the action.

Voicing is in your face. You're not standing a step back, you're right there in the middle of it. You're not using your eyes to read words, you're using your ears to listen to a voice. It is a completely different experience as there is an immediacy to it. No delay. No time for contemplation. You must react, and you must react now.

Is that good? Is it bad? Is it better than texting? I've seen a number of profiles where the person states no voice, explaining it spoils the fantasy. Once again, that step back may be a factor in the fantasy remaining a fantasy. In the end, it's a personal decision, and I've seen some people in their profiles suggest they are voice only, obviously using text only when forced to do so.

Let me ask the question: Does voice lead to RL? My answer would be no. I've voiced, and I have no qualms about doing so. However, voicing unto itself does not mean I, or anybody else, has the intention of going the next step. Voicing can be nothing more than making it easier to communicate by not typing. Mr. Butterfingers (me) may get clumsy on the keyboard and force people to decipher his typese, but he rarely get tongue-tied.

SL to RL: It sometimes happens. Over the years, I've known a few couples who have transitioned from SL to RL. But this seems to be rare. Like really rare. I have no statistics, so I have no idea how many people attempt this, and how many have success and how many met failure. Back in 2022, I ran across a series of seven videos created in 2019-2022 about real life couples who first met in Second Life. my blog: Love Made in Second Life, Jul 12/2022

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 1: Meet Teal + Wolf (1:26), Feb 11/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 2: Meet Lily and Charles (1:44), Feb 25/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 3: Meet Calisto and Talon (1:33), Mar 18/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life: Episode 4 - Meet Brendan and Morgue (2:01), Apr 2/2019

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 6: Meet Ruby & Adam (3:01), Feb 12/2020

YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 7: Meet the Bournes (3:16), Apr 6/2020

As I said, I have no hard statistics, but my gut feeling is that the vast majority of people on SL never meet in RL. I look at my other social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter, and I have to conclude the purpose of these platforms is to share one's opinion, not to meet people face to face.

Final Word
Never say never. As I'm fond of saying, at the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible.

However, let me address those horny males hoping to score with some hot chick in real life. I would remind each one of them that sometimes, a fantasy is best left a fantasy. The person who shows up at Starbucks may not be anything like the fantasy you've got conjured up in your mind. And let me add, Mr. Stud Muffin, you might not be anything like the fantasy the other person has in their mind. By the way, you've got spinach stuck in your front teeth.

I've said on this blog that SL offers us the unique experience of anonymity with a new identity. There are no RL restrictions. We are free to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. And as I jokingly add, no jail time! Crossing the line back into RL means we give up that freedom. I've read in profiles where the user says no RL because they refuse to risk their family or their job. Some have added never again, suggesting they tried once and got burned.

To meet or not to meet. That is the question. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I will say it's improbable. Your mileage may vary.

2023-11-18

Second Life: Still interesting after all these years?

I first came to Second Life in January 2010 after reading an article in Time magazine. For those who may not remember, during those years, there was a lot of real world media attention about SL. Things didn't pan out as the hype at the time would have had us believe, but as we all know, SL has continued with a hard core of enthusiasts and has certainly beat out Zuckerberg's attempt to develop the Metaverse.

But why keep coming back? What the heck is the point of playing a game?

SL is quite the 3D modeling environment. The artist Bryn Oh is but one example of somebody who's pushed virtual creativity to its limits.

SL is a social environment. Music, dancing, concerts, poetry and book readings, conferences, clubs, learning courses, all aspire to bring like-minded individuals together to share common interests.

SL is international. All social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. permit all of us to rub shoulders with the entire world. Hundreds of years ago, our world went no farther than the town square. Today, it's global.

SL is anonymous. One could argue that other social media has a degree of anonymity, but SL is truly anonymous, and as I have pointed out on this blog, with anonymity comes freedom from RL restrictions. We can say or do anything without fear of criticism and condemnation. We don't have to worry about being ostracized by family or friends, or possibly fired from our jobs. We can let it all hang out and if things get sticky, we can always TP away, block the nasties, or just hit Ctrl+Q to logout and regroup.

That last point ties into the following. For me, SL is about people. I like to say that SL is as good or as bad as the people we meet. However, the freedom of anonymity means that I get to meet a version of the person I would never meet in RL. And that I find can be fascinating. Let me share an example.

my blog: Why do guys role play girls?, Jul 15/2022

In 2017, on SL, I run into a person identified by a female avatar, Alice. We chat, the usual small talk. But then, things turn serious, and Alice decides to tell me her story. Alice is actually Frank, a 55-year-old man transitioning to a woman. Frank was born male. He grew up male. He went to school, graduated, and found himself a career as a male. He got married and had two children. At the age of fifty, he decides to come out. His wife is accepting but she said she couldn't live as a lesbian, so they get a divorce, remaining good friends and still co-parenting. Frank sends me a real-life photo of himself. I see a man, wearing makeup and a wig in a dress. He looks nothing like a woman; he looks like a man in drag.

Our conversation came to an end, and we went our separate ways never to see one another again. However, I've thought about this story on many occasions. What trials and tribulations was Frank going to face? What ridicule? Obviously, this was important to him, or he wouldn't risk it all, but I still found it incredible that he gets through fifty years of his life as a man but now feels it is of the utmost importance he finds the real him in a woman. What societal pressures do we experience to conform to a standard we may disagree with?

In my SL profile, for pick number one, I have “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

If I had wandered into a Starbucks in Real Life and by chance, ended up seated with Frank, would he have told me such a story? This is but one of many incredible tales I've heard while on SL that I would have never heard in RL.

In fact, as I explained in On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog (Jun 16/2021), Regardless of age, wealth, class, education, experience, or country, we are, for the most part, equal. We are all merely disembodied minds. That is, we meet people we would never meet in RL. At least, the statistical probability of meeting such people is very, very low. As I write this, full disclosure, I'm 71 years old. The other day, I chatted with a woman who was 25. Once again, if I went to Starbucks in RL, what chance would there be of the two of us sharing the same table and chatting over a coffee? In SL, people are people. In RL, what opportunities are we missing due to social conventions?

Final Word
I admit that my interest in Second Life has waned over the years. I'm not a builder so the creative side of SL doesn't really interest me. I've never taken much interest in the more technical side of the platform and consequently, my photographic skills are basic at best. I did try a premium for a while and decked out a Linden Home but got bored with decorating and dropped premium. I don't log in on a regular basis as I like to say: RL is a busy but that's a good thing.

So if I do come to SL, it's for the people. Once in a while, I may wander around visiting places and seeing the sights, but my real motivation for coming online is to see who I may meet. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always an interesting cross section of society with interesting personal stories.


References

I invite you to peruse the site map of my blog to find other musings about my experiences in Second Life. It's been quite an adventure at times. :-)

2023-11-16

Less Critical, More Compassionate

I'm older and questionably wiser, but definitely older. That's the RL mind behind the curtain, my Wizard of Oz reference for the day.

But I've noted that with age, I've become less critical and more compassionate. I don't rush to judgment. Everybody is trying to figure things out, and they don't necessarily come to the same conclusions as I did because of their life experiences, upbringing, and education. It's hard to understand that two plus two equals four if you have no understanding of mathematics.

I'm writing about SL but I'm also writing about RL. And certainly now, more than ever, it's impossible to ignore RL as the state of the world seems very precarious. As the 1960s hippies said, Make Love Not War. If we all spent more time between the sheets, there would be far less time for fighting. And I would add that there would be far less desire to fight. Nothing like a good orgasm with a good partner to give you a glow and make you feel that all is right with the world.

compassion (n): sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

As I've said elsewhere on this blog, I've made this observation over the years:

Happy people are kind, generous, and sympathetic, if not empathetic.

Unhappy people are mean, cruel, and always find fault with others never with themselves.

Unfortunately, the world has far too many unhappy people. They could be having a bad day, but I've heard stories which made me conclude some people are having a bad life. I feel sorry for them. I may try to help, but I also realize some people are beyond my help and the best I can do for all of us is to stay away. I'll be compassionate but must carefully assess if I, personally, can do any good and if not, move on for my own protection and sanity.

To again borrow from the 1960s hippies, I like to say that I'm a peace, love, and understanding type of guy. I come to SL to have fun, and it is important to me that everyone with whom I interact also has fun. We're all in this together. Can't we all get along?

Recently, I met a very nice black woman at a club. We had a charming time together and a most interesting conversation. She did, however, recount some not so agreeable times at this particular club. Apparently, not everyone is nonjudgmental and accepting, and racism exists. While she was dancing, a man IMed her out of the blue saying, "Beautiful n-".

Wait! What? Where in this man's wildest imagination did he think such an opening line was acceptable and would lead him into the good graces of the woman in question? I was astounded by her story. I find it incredible that a person could be so lacking in social skills, unaware of manners, and apparently incapable of any empathy whatsoever. Who are these people? How many of them are there? And how prevalent is this behavior?

But I like to say that SL is a reflection of RL. If somebody is an a-hole in SL, they are more than likely an a-hole in RL. Concerned by the polarization of politics and the awakening of all that is wrong in society, sexism, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia, I created the following meme in order to best describe my stance about other people, especially those people some may label as "different".

I think diversity is a good thing. Our differences make us stronger. Variety is the spice of life. United we stand. However, I know full well that not everyone feels as I do. They do not like anybody who is not identical to them. Too bad. They're missing out.

I'm less critical and more compassionate. But that doesn't mean I agree and am willing to let others dictate the terms for how our society is to be run. If what somebody believes in disenfranchises people or "punches down", they need to rethink their beliefs. If you're critical of other people, if you make fun of others, what does that say about you?

Somebody asking for their rights is not asking to take away my rights. We all deserve a place in the sun.

You can easily judge the character of a man

by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

—Malcolm S. Forbes

I am not here to be king of the hill. I have no need to win over others. We're all in this together, and it can be personally satisfying to help others. Yes, I climb the ladder because I want to be a success but I can also lend a hand to help others climb the ladder, too.

Final Word
As I like to say, will there ever be a final word? I've heard it said that while we have modern advances like the Internet, computers, and AI, the human race has not progressed one iota spiritually in two thousand years. We're just as stupid except now, with broadband, we can be stupid faster and for a wider audience.

Notice what I said at the beginning of this article.

I've become less critical and more compassionate. I don't rush to judgment. Everybody is trying to figure things out, and they don't necessarily come to the same conclusions as me because of their life experiences, their upbringing, and their education. It's hard to understand that two plus two equals four if you have no understanding of mathematics.

I calling you ignoraant. I'm not calling you stupid. Believe me, in the heat of an argument, it's a temptation to call you stupid but I'm trying to be compassionate. I do hope, however, that the ignorant don't get hold of the reins of power as they could very well sink the entire ship, them included, because they don't understand.

What's your RP?

1,300 words, 5-minute read I like to say that I play Second Life in an immersive manner. What I mean is that I'm not playing SL as a game, we are actually here. Our avatars are our representatives in this virtual world. A caveat I should add is that I continue to recognise the man behind the curtain, my Wizard of Oz reference for the day. That is, we are all sitting in front of a computer. But I don't dwell on this, I focus on being my avatar, my online persona. I just admit right up front that BRB means for the most part, we all have to take a bathroom break.

In the past year, I've run across the following in several profiles.

Roleplayers
To them, their avatar is just any character in a long-running play. The avatar may make friends, and have relationships, but it's all make-believe, a story that they and their fellow role-players are collectively writing as they go along. The emotions are not going further than those for any game.

Immersionists
Immersionists "embody" their avatar when they log out of first life for a while and into second life fantasy land. They feel that they are really "in the virtual world" as their avatar, but they do not think the emotions in SL can or should be compared to RL emotions

Augmentationists
To them the avatar is a projection of their RL selves, or who they want to be. They look at their SL avatar and see themselves in it. They obsess om getting to get to know the "RL person" behind the avatar and want to feel what their SL avatar is feeling.

I can't say that I've heard the term augmentationist before. As I jokingly say, I've led a sheltered life.

The term was coined in 2006 by Henrik Bennetsen, a Stanford University researcher, apparently doing some work at Linden Labs.

Augmentation vs Immersion by Henrik Bennetsen, Dec 7/2006 (Internet Archive Wayback Machine)

The term was dissected by others with no clear winner as to what we're all doing here in Second Life.

Immersionism and Augmentationism Revisited by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Mar 9/2008

Immersion vs. Augmentation: Revision? by Catherine Fitzpatrick, Mar 28/2008

Post-immersionism by Gwyneth Llewelyn, Jan 10/2009
Henrik Bennetsen, in his old masterpiece article Augmentation vs. Immersion, launched one of the biggest debates in the history of Second Life®’s psychology. The clarity of his ideas finally defined the two possible relationships a resident of Second Life might have towards the virtual world: either as a different space or as an extension of the real space.

Bennetsen cleverly explains that both visions are imaginary ideals on the opposite sides of the scale, and that, in reality, there aren’t any “pure augmentists” or “pure immersionists” in SL, but always a mix of both.

Augmentation vs Immersion: The debate that never was by Tateru Nino, Jul 31/2015

Why am I bringing all this up? I've had some curious times recently where two people chastised me for making mention of RL. As I said above, I don't dwell on it but I do admit that it's there.

First off, I like to say that in SL, I am merely playing myself. I'm not a vampire; I'm not a Neko, not a furry, and am not part of some clan in some on-going story like Gor. I'm just me. Obviously, I'm not quite the RL me as in SL as I don't have the same constraints I would have in RL. I'm not worried about criticism or even condemnation. And, as I jokingly say, I'm not worried about doing jail time. Ha, ha, ha! We are all irrevocably our RL mind so that no matter what we do or what we think we're doing, we are still us.

I return to me saying I play SL in an immersive fashion but admitting my RL exists. I guess in that regard, I'm agnostic. I'm neither one nor the other. The other day, while chatting with someone, they described their work day, how they were tired, and glad to be home, relaxing, and able to visit a club. Notice the mixture of the two worlds. At that moment, the two of us, or should I say our avatars, were seated in a club in SL having our chat, and yet, the person was referring to her RL day. It doesn't happen all the time, but I do find some conversations glide between SL and RL, and I have to keep straight in my head what reference refers to what world as the person is talking about themselves, that RL mind who is living both in RL and SL.

I repeat: I don't dwell on it but just readily admit it's there. Ofttimes, in sitting in a club in SL and chatting, I or my partner never mentions RL at all. Returning to my BRB comment above, I've gotten a lot of chuckles over the years when somebody leaves after typing BRB, only to come back to this IM written by me:

Hugh Toussaint: leans in close and puts his ear to the IM chat window... listens carefully... thinks, Did I just hear a toilet flush?

This makes think, have I or any of these people role played going to the bathroom, that is, had their avatar get up and walk away to come back after they're done? [chuckles] For those who chastise me for mentioning RL, I challenge them to be truly immersionist and not just type BRB!

Of course, I realise that the two people above taking exception to any mention of RL are more than likely taking a preventive stance against those who treat SL like a dating service; their goal is some RL interaction, whether voicing or even meeting in RL. Personally, I've never played SL with the intention of meeting anyone in RL. I've never thought of it as Match Dot Com. Right from the beginning, I could see that there was no way of transferring all that is part of this fantasy land into real life much in the same way you can't make a novel or a movie come to life. Sometimes, what's in our head should remain in our head, and never the twain should meet.

Escapist
In an article above, Gwyneth Llewelyn touches upon critics of SL who feel players are trying to escape their reality. While I'm sure some people have gotten so involved in playing the game, they neglected their real life, I feel the vast majority of people are taking a break from their daily lives, much in the same way any of us read a book, watch television, or go to the movies. I've been amused to watch people in various social media goes nuts with posting. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram; I've seen people spend what seems like a significant portion of their day posting content on these platforms. Are they escaping their reality? Are they addicted to social media? It's odd how too much of an online game can be considered a bad thing but nobody applies the same criteria to social media. In this day and age, I must bring up the question as to how much of our daily interactions and have changed from face to face to online.

Final Word
I have a busy day at work, come home, have dinner, then go out to a club to listen to some music, dance, and chat with people. Work, home, and dinner refer to RL while the club refers to SL. In that regard, I guess one could argue I'm an augmentationist: I am extending my RL into SL or I am enhancing my RL with SL. But let me repeat, watching a movie is a break from reality. I don't expect the movie to come into my life or I don't expect to walk onto the movie set. Reality is reality, and the movie is a movie. I know the difference. But it's still fun to let my imagination soar. A little fantasy once in a while can perk up my day.

2023-11-12

To Blog Or Not To Blog

1,000 words, 4-minute read

For the past year or so, I've had a blog on newTumbl, dedicated to the more scandalous part of my psyche, where I've posted erotic photos (read: dirty pictures) with captioned thoughts on life, love, and pursuit of happiness. Why newTumbl? This Google blog (Blogger) is text-oriented — I write stuff — while the platform newTumbl, like Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest was image-oriented. I can post pictures here in Blogger, too, but newTumbl was dedicated to pictures, and, as I said, for more scandalous things.

On June 7, 2023, without prior warning, I, like everyone else, went to the website newTumbl only to be greeted by this page.

Like many (tens of thousands? hundreds of thousands?), my newTumbl account was summarily relegated to the dustbin of history. My floral prose disguises first the stunned shock then the torrent of profanities accompanying the realization all my carefully curated postings had vanished without a trace, leaving me with nothing to show for my erotic hobby. Do I start over? I'm hesitating, worried about seeing another investment of time and energy snatched away from me. I suppose one could argue that like performance art, the pleasure is in the doing. Nevertheless, I'd still like to have something to show for my efforts.

Now what?

I looked at various alternatives and discovered "reblogme.com". I signed up for a free account and have been perusing the site, contemplating future endeavors.

To blog or not to blog, that is the question.

Tumblr bans all adult content in 2018. newTumbl shuts down on June 7, 2023. Do I see a trend? Do I commit to something only to have the rug pulled out from under me?

In another life, I have had a blog on Google Blogger since 2010. However, I'm not posting adult content (read; dirty pictures), but writing about everything else in life like politics, science, my views on the world, etc. Like many, I have some need to express myself. However, my blog on newTumbl would indicate I also have a need to express the more scandalous part of my psyche. There's a sense of being sexual, maybe being badass, when clicking on Post and showing to the world not just an erotic photo, but an idea, a desire, a representation of myself. Hello, world! I'm a sexual creature, and this is who I am and what I'd like out of life! It feels good being naughty! Considering the millions of similar endeavors out there, I'm not the only one, and I have to conclude this seems to be a common part of the human psyche.

The problem here seems to be about adult content. Facebook tries to remain family-oriented; offenders will be prosecuted. Pay services like VISA have declined business involving sex work, jeopardizing sites like OnlyFans. Good? Bad? Do we have to accept that this is the way of the world?

"Eroticism is what turns me on. Pornography is what turns you on." -Al Goldstein

"Pornography is somebody else's erotica that you don't like." -Erica Jong

I return to my original question: What is the risk of once again losing my work? Any of these web sites must make a profit to stay afloat however, I have no idea what kind of advertising model they use to generate income. The website BDSMlr.com has implemented an absolutely annoying quantity of popup advertisements that one can make go away for a monthly fee of $20. I don't remember seeing ads on newTumbl at all and so far, I haven't seen anything on reblogme, unless I'm missing something. What are the risks of a website having to shutter its business? According to Wikipedia, Yahoo bought Tumblr in 2013 for $1.1 billion. In December 2018, they banned porn. By March 2019, the site had lost 30% of its user traffic. The site was sold in August 2019 for supposedly less than $3 million. I mention porn as it always seems to be in danger of being banned, but it would seem that Tumblr's problems over the years stem from an inability to properly monetize the website through advertising.

Social media is a time suck, defined as an inefficient or unproductive activity. Could I better spend my time? But it's not just this, erotic materials, I see this everywhere. Facebook and Twitter both have their share political commentary, and I've witnessed and been guilty myself of howling at the moon, posting all sorts of screeds with links to various newspaper articles, railing against the state of the world. Is this a good use of my time? Does any of this do any good? Am I or anybody else making the world a better place by howling at the moon? Maybe I should be writing my congressman, lobbying local politicians, or organizing community groups as a more effective means of producing change.

Sorry, I went off on a rant and drifted off topic.

I amusingly compared this to performance art. The objective is not some tangible result like a painting or a sculpture, the art is in the doing. Creating a post, gathering erotic photos, writing a caption, and possibly researching associated materials, is the pleasure of doing. The results may provide pleasure to others (I love Likes and comments!), and that's a good thing and appreciated, but for myself, it's that doing which tickles my fancy.

Final Word
For the moment, I continue to look around, research on Google, and consider all of my options, including not returning to erotic blogging. I do have other projects in life, and if I spent less time on adult content (read: dirty pictures), I'd have more time to devote to those projects. Ha!

But let me end with this thought. A bit of passion, an erotic photo, a naughty thought, flirting whether on social media or in real life, can give me a tingle. It puts a smile on my face, and a spring in my step. The day is a little sunnier; the sky is a little bluer. It is a reminder that I'm alive. :-)

2023-06-21