I first came to Second Life in January 2010, and it has never occurred to me to meet anybody in real life. I have other social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. but there, too, I've never had the urge to meet somebody. The purpose of those platforms is to interact with people on those platforms, not in RL.
Over the years, I've read countless profiles of women clearly warning of no RL, no RL pics, no meeting in RL, etc., and expressly stating that SL is not Match Dot Com. Considering the hormones of the male animal, I'm guessing these ladies have been inundated with unwanted inquiries. I still chuckle at the story of one woman, newly arrived, just one week old, who recounted having already received a total of five dick pics. Holy cow! Ha, ha, ha!
Personally, I can't imagine how the virtual environment of this fantasyland would ever translate into real life. There is no way reality can compete with the fantasies conjured up by our imagination, and I'd say it's inevitable anyone would be disappointed. In SL, I'm a good-looking, physically fit thirtysomething. And I can fly! While I can't say I'm unfit and ugly in RL, I would be severely bending the truth if I claimed my RL self was an exact replica of my SL self. I wish! So, I already know I couldn't match somebody else's dream image of me. Why disappoint them?
To paraphrase the line about Las Vegas: What happens in SL stays in SL. Never the twain shall meet and maybe it shouldn't meet.
I'm sure that's going to dishearten those who were hoping to find a friend with benefits but I can't help feeling there's an opportunity in all this.
This is it. SL is just SL. We are our avatar. That representation of our RL mind is now exactly who we are. There is no RL. What are we going to say? What are we going to do? How are we going to interact with the rest of this virtual world? Remember to keep in mind: There is nothing else. No RL, just SL.
I've written before and maybe repeatedly about bad behavior on SL. If somebody is an a-hole in Second Life, more than likely, they're an a-hole in Real Life. Do these people fully appreciate there's a human being on the other side of the computer screen, or do they look at Second Life as just a game where only their needs are important? It certainly seems like the normal checks and balances of real life, which stop people from behaving like idiots, don't exist online and some people go apeshit, doing whatever crazy impulse comes to mind, regardless of any pain or suffering caused. Maybe this is indicative of a wider problem. There certainly seems to be a lack of empathy in the world. I'm okay, who cares about you?
In a nutshell, is this a person anybody else would want to meet in RL?
Compartmentalization
This is defined as separating something into different categories. I'd say the best example is how we have a home life and a work life. For the most part, the two are separate and almost never mix. In fact, mixing the two can be odd. A member of the family shows up. You give them a tour of your workplace and introduce some of your co-workers, but they don't really fit in. Work is work and home is home. I'm not saying it can't be done but I'd say it's somewhat rare. After all, work is about work and home is about home. Do you really want to worry about work when you're at home and vice versa?
So, let's keep SL in SL and RL in RL. Never the twain will meet.
Male Libido
There can be no doubt a lot of male behavior stems from the libido. My classic example found in countless profiles in Second Life is the guy wandering around with his junk out asking every woman he's meets, "Wanna f*ck?" I'm sitting here laughing out loud, having just written that, amused by this seemingly adolescent approach to relationships and sex. In reading in woman's profiles, no RL pics, no voice, no meeting in RL, etc., I immediately imagine the problem of aggressive males seeking sex. Like all the time! Ha, ha! I've heard it said that as horniness goes up, the upper brain functions shut down, so the male is imagining wilder and wilder scenes of madcap humping in real life. [rolls eyes] In your dreams, buddy. You're putting the cart before the horse.
Escapism
You pick up a good book. You tune into the latest episode on your favorite streaming service. You want to leave it all behind, work, home life, bills to pay, and chores to do. For a moment out of the day, you want to escape to someplace where it's all different, where magic abounds and fantasy is the rule of the land. You're not looking to enhance your real life; you want to leave it behind. You want to replace it with something completely different. You don't want to bring SL into RL because for the moment, you don't want to think about RL at all!
Voicing
I've done it and can immediately say that it's a heck of lot easier than typing. But...
I claim that playing SL while texting is like you're standing a step back from the action. Oh, you may be playing in an immersive manner, that is, you're not playing a game, you're actually there in SL, but texting allows for contemplation. Somebody IMs you, and you've got a moment, five or ten seconds, to read the message, mull it over, and formulate your response. You're still operating in so-called realtime but there's a delay, a slowness about the interactions, like I said, which make it seem like you're standing a step back from the action.
Voicing is in your face. You're not standing a step back, you're right there in the middle of it. You're not using your eyes to read words, you're using your ears to listen to a voice. It is a completely different experience as there is an immediacy to it. No delay. No time for contemplation. You must react, and you must react now.
Is that good? Is it bad? Is it better than texting? I've seen a number of profiles where the person states no voice, explaining it spoils the fantasy. Once again, that step back may be a factor in the fantasy remaining a fantasy. In the end, it's a personal decision, and I've seen some people in their profiles suggest they are voice only, obviously using text only when forced to do so.
Let me ask the question: Does voice lead to RL? My answer would be no. I've voiced, and I have no qualms about doing so. However, voicing unto itself does not mean I, or anybody else, has the intention of going the next step. Voicing can be nothing more than making it easier to communicate by not typing. Mr. Butterfingers (me) may get clumsy on the keyboard and force people to decipher his typese, but he rarely get tongue-tied.
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SL to RL: It sometimes happens. Over the years, I've known a few couples who have transitioned from SL to RL. But this seems to be rare. Like really rare. I have no statistics, so I have no idea how many people attempt this, and how many have success and how many met failure. Back in 2022, I ran across a series of seven videos created in 2019-2022 about real life couples who first met in Second Life. my blog: Love Made in Second Life, Jul 12/2022 |
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 2: Meet Lily and Charles (1:44), Feb 25/2019
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 3: Meet Calisto and Talon (1:33), Mar 18/2019
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life: Episode 4 - Meet Brendan and Morgue (2:01), Apr 2/2019
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 6: Meet Ruby & Adam (3:01), Feb 12/2020
YouTube: Love Made in Second Life - Episode 7: Meet the Bournes (3:16), Apr 6/2020
As I said, I have no hard statistics, but my gut feeling is that the vast majority of people on SL never meet in RL. I look at my other social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter, and I have to conclude the purpose of these platforms is to share one's opinion, not to meet people face to face.
Final Word
Never say never. As I'm fond of saying, at the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible.
However, let me address those horny males hoping to score with some hot chick in real life. I would remind each one of them that sometimes, a fantasy is best left a fantasy. The person who shows up at Starbucks may not be anything like the fantasy you've got conjured up in your mind. And let me add, Mr. Stud Muffin, you might not be anything like the fantasy the other person has in their mind. By the way, you've got spinach stuck in your front teeth.
I've said on this blog that SL offers us the unique experience of anonymity with a new identity. There are no RL restrictions. We are free to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. And as I jokingly add, no jail time! Crossing the line back into RL means we give up that freedom. I've read in profiles where the user says no RL because they refuse to risk their family or their job. Some have added never again, suggesting they tried once and got burned.
To meet or not to meet. That is the question. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I will say it's improbable. Your mileage may vary.
2023-11-18
Posts
Interesting. In 2011 I’ve played and met a good community where we met in rl . When we met by rl it happened something curious, we stopped playing sl and since then we made a nice group of friends that still hang out . But it’s my experience, of course in the way I had that agressive aproaches oh guys needing sex.
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