Sex Furniture: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I have a love / hate relationship with sex furniture. While the real connection takes place in IM chat with the interaction between two people, a well-placed animation can really up the ante. However, finding the right animation can be a hit and miss process.

When I first came to Second Life in 2010, I, like many people, first encountered sex furniture in public places. I didn't know what I was doing, what to buy, how to rent Skyboxes, etc., and relied on public venues to explore, ahem, the more scandalous parts of my personality.

I quickly discovered a problem: I didn't know the menu. I jokingly described how in IM chat, I would say something akin to Our avatars turn right, only to click on a menu option and watch our avatars turn left. Horrors of horrors! I remember chatting with one poor woman who agreed to a dance but when we both sat on our respective blue and pink balls, and I clicked on what I thought was waltz, I looked up at my computer screen in horror as our two avatars started going at it like a pair of rabid dogs in heat. I think I actually let out an audible scream as I frantically clicked around trying to get something (Anything!) a tad more sedate and dance-like.

I decided to correct this issue by doing the following:

1. Buy my own furniture and study it.
2. Rent my own Skybox.
3. Always invite potential partners to the Skybox and use my own furniture, never use public spaces.

My Alts
Studying the furniture required an extra step: make an alt. I couldn't really study couples animations with one avatar, so I made an alt for the express purpose of having a second person for my sex furniture. Somewhere in all this is a joke about somebody angry with me and telling me to go f*ck myself. Well... Ha, ha!

True story: My first alt was a male avatar. One day, I'm going through the menu of a sex bed when I clicked on a 69 sex position. As I watched my two male avatars go at it, it suddenly occurred to me that the old adage was not true: I could suck and blow at the same time! :-)

Sometime later, I made a female avatar which made me think my testing was then a little more realistic considering my heterosexual bent. This is where I repeat Seinfeld: "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Notecards
My testing involved creating a notecard in which I wrote out points about the piece of furniture in question. I would list off all menu items and I would create scenarios, covering various sexual topics: fellatio, cunnilingus, missionary, doggystyle, post-sex cuddling, etc. Anytime I invited anybody over, I would open the notecard and refer to it as I went through the sex furniture menu. I'm sure somebody may think this took away from the supposed spontaneity, but I assure you, I think it added to the overall experience. In my article on Ballroom Dancing, I point out how I practiced different dance steps, waltz, cha-cha, tango, etc. and when called upon, I could do those dances. Likewise, here with my sex furniture, I wanted to have a good experience and not rely on random chance when clicking an unknown menu item. This did not stop me from improvising as the situation demanded as I could pick and choose from various scenarios I had jotted down in my notecard.

Let me further explain the necessity of studying animation menus. Last year, a friend invited me to their property, and we sat on a bench with romance animations. I called up the menu and discovered two top menus Friends and Cuddles. I opened the Cuddles menu and found Cuddle1, Cuddle2, Cuddle3, etc. What the heck was Cuddle1? This is a perfect example of needing to know in advance what the menu options do or you are truly taking a risk by choosing anything. In the end, the two of us did just that, kept choosing various cuddles until we found something appropriate. However, I thought the multiple selections were distracting from the intimacy of the moment. But that's just me.

I realize in writing the above, the same could be said for any menu which has properly named options. Considering how short the name of an option is in a pop-up dialog box, it's impossible to truly understand what you're getting. I find it frustrating to go through a list of choices and discover I'm sitting on the left of my partner, then on the right, and once again back to the left. Sure, I realize we use IM chat to smooth over any discrepancies and fill in any blanks, but I sometimes find it frustrating to have to make up for many discrepancies and many blanks. Call me anal retentive, but I hate being caught unaware and am forced to randomly click various menu options, searching for something appropriate. I get the impression the builder of the piece of furniture had a bunch of animations on hand and just threw them in haphazardly. I'd like to have a good experience with my partner, and some furniture makes it difficult. I suppose one could argue I'm a perfectionist. Ha!

Modern Furniture
Today's furniture have certainly improved from the days of poseballs. First off, no poseballs! Secondly, integration with various secondary systems such as male and female genitalia and INM (It's Not Mine!). It's quite the technological achievement. Hats off to the programmers who are upping their game.

Nevertheless, the menu problem still exists. Life is like a box of chocolates, and with Second Life and its sex furniture menu options, you never know what you're going to get. I like a little pre-planning. If we decide to do the tango, I like to know the steps.

Sidebar: The Question of Alts
In RL, we can get a new outfit; we can get our hair done; we can sort of change out look. But in SL, you can go all out by creating a completely different avatar, an alt. Ah, if RL was as easy!

I have several alts but as you can see from the above, I use them strictly for testing purposes. However, some people create an alt to start over, to do something completely different, to take a break from their regular life. Those are the good reasons to have an alt. And now for the bad reasons: cheating on your partner.

True story: Last year, I got chatting with a woman. I forget her name so let's call her GirlA. So, GirlA has a boyfriend BF and a girlfriend GirlB. Apparently, BF has expressed interest in going out with GirlB. Out of the blue, GirlB, starts going out with Mystery Guy, but at some point, BF and Mystery Guy say the same thing. Suspicious, GirlA and GirlB together confront BF and Mystery Guy and discover BF and Mystery Guy are the same person. BF had apparently made an alt, Mystery Guy, in order to go out with GirlB.

The result was that GirlA and GirlB got mad at BF. GirlA dumped BF; GirlB dumped Mystery Guy; and now, both GirlA and GirlB refuse to have anything to do with BF. I asked why all the subterfuge? Why wasn't BF upfront in the first place and just try to work out something with both of them, GirlA and GirlB to date BF at the same time with everybody in the know, such as in a polyamorous arrangement? Nope, BF had to hide everything and trick GirlA and GirlB.

I keep saying that not everyone knows how to dance. I'm sure BF has no experience whatsoever with polyamory. Consequently, he went back to the traditional method of lying and cheating to get what he wanted and ended up losing everything. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it. Old saying: Always tell the truth. There's less to remember.

Final Word
Years ago, I jokingly said I should have gone into the making of sex furniture, but I don't mean for creating the furniture; I mean for overseeing the organization of the animations to better provide the potential for smooth and comprehensive scenarios. I don't like having incomplete things: instead of steps 1 through 6, I have steps 1, 2, 4, part of 5, and 6 is missing. I don't like illogical things: Sometimes I'm sitting on the left and sometimes on the right. I don't like missing things: When we stand up to leave, why can't we have a kiss goodbye?

In SL, we are writing an interactive story. My partner and I are both contributing dialogue (and actions, thoughts, and emotions) to a scenario playing out before us. I repeat, the real substance is in the communication. But I also repeat that a well-timed animation can further enhance the scene. I learn the tango; I practice my steps; and when the moment arrives to dance the tango, I try to execute the steps to the best of my ability so I can give not only my partner, but myself the best dance experience possible.

2022-05-28

Doxing: What the f*ck do you think you're doing?

Let me be blunt and to the point.

doxing (n)
search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the internet, typically with malicious intent.

Over and over again, I have run across entries in profiles describing personal experience about getting into trouble for revealing personal information and/or RL pictures. Who can you trust? There may only be one bad apple in the barrel but that's enough to get up your defenses. Once bitten, twice shy.

Just today, I read this in the profile of an acquaintance:

I won't give away anything about my RL and will refuse any requests for RL contact....did that once and it got me into so much trouble so never again.

In my article Anonymity and Total Freedom, I talk about the unique circumstances in the virtual world of Second Life, having a new identity completely divorced from one's real life with the freedom to say or do anything one wants without fear of criticism or condemnation. This is recognizing the many restrictions we all face in RL from religion, morality, peer group pressures, social norms, etc.

Why then would anybody want to spoil that? Why would anybody want to deliberately reveal an individual to their real life, so they got into trouble? What purpose is served? What's the benefit? Does the doxer get a hundred bucks? Do they a gold star beside their name? Does the mayor give them the keys to the city?

I've asked this question over the years through Google searches and turned up the following. The doxer feels a sense of superiority over the person they're outing. The doxer feels morally justified in revealing that the individual in question is somehow a bad person.

How violated does the person outed feel?

Let me return to sense of superiority and morally justified. It's been said that weak people feel better about themselves by putting others down. Outing somebody is a way of punching down, hurting somebody in a supposedly inferior position. In my article Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience, I discuss the phenomenon of men who seem to have little or no people skills, who seem incapable of interacting with people in a normal, polite, and respectful fashion. I can't help feeling that in RL, they may get by, considered odd by others, but here in SL with the freedom to say or do anything one wants without fear of criticism or condemnation, this odd behavior is now magnified.

"You can easily judge the character of a man by
how he treats those who can do nothing for him."
—Malcolm S. Forbes

Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good. I don’t think I’m good, I know I’m good. That may sound conceited, but I know myself, know my worth, and feel no need to put others down to feel better. However, I recognize that some men don't feel good about themselves, and they may lash out against others. At first meeting, it's not always obvious who you're dealing with, but I certainly can see why people become defensive. Who wants to have their Second Life and their Real Life jeopardized by some insecure, immature "boy"?

Final Word
Dear Doxer: What the f*ck do you think you're doing? I don't think it's funny. I don't think it's justified. Deliberately hurting somebody is the act of a coward. Over the years, I've occasionally run into people who may have inadvertently left themselves exposed, mistakenly revealing information they didn't intend to, and I've made suggestions for tightening up their own security. Personally, I have no real desire to know somebody's personal details. Obviously, in the course of any interaction, some RL information may be revealed but I have no intention of acting on such information any more than I would out somebody in RL. There's no benefit for me.

I'm sorry there are bad apples in the world. However, I remain convinced that the vast majority of people are good people. They are mature, experienced, and well-grounded. They keep secrets. They are decent. And they don't abuse trust.


References

Wikipedia: Doxing
Doxing or doxxing is the act of publicly revealing previously private personal information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet. Methods employed to acquire such information include searching publicly available databases and social media websites (like Facebook), hacking, social engineering and, through websites such as Grabify, a site specialized in revealing IP addresses through a fake link. Doxing may be carried out for reasons such as online shaming, extortion, and vigilante aid to law enforcement. It also may be associated with hacktivism.

A Conscious Rethink: 13 Reasons Why People Put Others Down (+ How To Deal With Them)
Some people like to have a little dig at others whenever they can. They belittle them, they make fun of them, and they put them down. If you are on the receiving end of this type of behavior, it can really hurt your feelings. So, you may be wondering, why do they do it? What makes people put others down?

2022-05-22