Tanya's Coffee Shop: chat, drink, and flirt

Rated M, Tanya's is a sedate setting, well-suited for a tête-à-tête. I consider it the perfect place to just chat, get to know one another, and decide on the next steps, if there are any next steps. We talk about SL, of course, but we may also touch upon RL, and there may be flirting. It's interesting to note you don't need any animations to be intimate. The communication is really what sets souls on fire, and an animation is merely the icing on the cake.

While I've dropped in and started chatting with somebody already there, most often I bring somebody I've met elsewhere. As I said, there may be some talk abut RL, and I've heard some stories. I'm reminded of the saying: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” There, but for the grace of God go I. I have problems; everybody has problems. But then, somebody tells me their story and I think: I have a problem; they have a catastrophe. Whoa!

I meet people from all walks of life, different countries, different ages, different cultures, people that I would not meet in RL. I've chatted with a few twentysomethings who've said I wasn't just old enough to be their father, I was old enough to be their grandfather! (Full disclosure: The RL mind behind the curtain will be 73 later this year.) Let me repeat: RL doesn't matter. We're here in SL and as such, it gives us a level playing field.

The situation gets flirty. Let me emphasize I play the part of a gentleman; I remain polite and respectful. However, that does not preclude me using actions typed in italics to suggest my interest in my conversation partner.

Hugh Toussaint: lets his eyes wander over your form, following the line of the V of your dress and lingering on the exposed curve of your breasts.

I'm doing my damnedest to make my partner feel like the most desirable woman in the world. It feels good to be noticed. It feels great to be wanted.

This is deliberate on my part, as I know full well how much I enjoy it when somebody pays attention to me. It is a game of cat and mouse, a lot of fun for both parties. My reward as an enamored male has been a nip slip, even a flashed breast. I let them know via an OOC there is a sitting animation - for a man, I assume - which involves sitting with your hands up behind your head and your legs spread. This is a perfect opportunity for me to look up their dress. Some remove their panties. Some, I've noted, have no panties, suggesting they enjoy walking around in public playing the part of a sexual creature. There is a certain thrill to being naughty.

A certain thrill, indeed: I repeat this over and over again. Being naughty or being passionate titillates us. It gives us a tingle. It reminds us we are alive. Oh yes, we're all alive, but I'm talking about feeling alive, that moment when you stop, focus, and become aware of your body, the sights, the sounds, even the beating of your heart, and you can feel something akin to a rush go through the fiber of your being. You sit looking at me slightly tilted to one side, looking up your dress at your lack of panties, as you feel a certain coolness of the air on your now unencumbered nether region. How does it feel being naughty while being aware you have managed to completely capture my attention? You are the flame, and I am the moth.

I wax poetic. How am I doing? Do I have your attention? I hope I've got you smiling right now as you read this.

Old saying: Don't be a perverted asshole. Be a perverted gentleman.

All in good fun. I have all sorts of photos of these meetings which remain private in my exclusive collection. I never kiss and tell. But I do look at them once in a while and smile at the memory of the charming personality with whom I shared a moment. Many have been two ships passing in the night, never to be seen again. That may seem to merit a "Too bad!" but I'm always grateful this happens at all. Nothing lasts forever, but thank God for the unforgettable. It is a reminder that the world is full of charming, passionate people. I'm not naive; the world does have bad people, but in my experience, the vast majority of people are nice. And given the right circumstances, they can be passionate (read: naughty).

A good cup of coffee, a good conversation, and a twinkle in the eye. This is a recipe for an amusing interaction and a memorable moment. We can both walk away, thinking that was fun and if the opportunity came up again, I'd accept it. [raises my coffee cup in your direction] Cheers!

2025-01-26

Are we guided by our horniness?

It is a reliable source of comic fodder: men doing stupid sh*t when they're horny. Of course, we guys are also noted for doing stupid sh*t when we're drunk. Hold my drink. Put those two things together, drink and dames, and you've got trouble squared, if not to the power of three.

But it's not just the guys. The ladies have their walk of shame, going home in the morning wearing the same clothes they went out in. It would seem all of us, to a certain extent, are at the mercy of our libidos. Stupid is as stupid does, and right here, right now, I want to do you. God, who doesn't enjoy a good orgasm?

As I've been perusing Primfeed over the past while, I've had a few thoughts, impressions, and curious observations about the human animal. I jotted them down. Writing my ideas out somehow seems to make this more acceptable - I'm being "literary" - as opposed to just flat out admitting I like to shoot my mouth off. God, I can sometimes be such an egotist. "Hi! How am I?"

Second Life gives us a safe zone where we can be ourselves. Well, we can be the person we want to be. In RL, we all face constraints; society has restrictions if not laws. As I jokingly say, in RL, if I had done a tenth of the things I've done in SL, I would either be locked up in jail or locked up in an institution for psychiatric observation. Go big or go home.

I look around me, in SL, in Primfeed, Flickr, and SL profiles; and I see people everywhere being wild, unrestrained, and even a little crazy. The sexual nature of Primfeed photos tells me these people have a part of them in the dark recesses of their minds, dying to get out into the light of day. There is a passionate side to their personalities, craving to enjoy all that life has to offer.

I've spoken about the anonymity of SL giving us total freedom, the freedom to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism, condemnation, or even arrest for violating either the laws of the land or the laws of nature. Anything goes. I consider it quite fascinating to stand back and see what people do with their freedom. What flights of fancy come out of their soaring imaginations?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
-Mary Oliver (b 1935), American poet

What happens in SL stays in SL. However, from time to time, I can't help wondering, as I walk down the street in RL, who among these people plays SL, and who among these people has a burning passion waiting for the right time, the right place, and the right partner, to come bursting forth in an unfettered display of wild abandon. There have been moments when I've sat mulling over my own scandalous thoughts and maybe had doubts about the acceptability of some ideas, only to wander around SL and discover I may actually be kind of tame. I have a secret craving for X and discover people doing X times fourteen with a side order of Y and Z. Whoa!

We are sexual creatures. Our sexuality is a fundamental part of our being. It's in our DNA. We want to be sexual. We long for it, crave it, and I would go so far as to say we can't help it. It's as normal as breathing. People post photos of themselves nude or in various stages of undress, a sexy pose, or in a scene of explicit sex. They don't hold back; they let it all out.

When I look through various feeds, Primfeed or otherwise, I see everything: straight sex, gay, lesbian, multiple partners, MMF, MFF, orgies, gangbangs, cuckold, cuckquean, hotwife, stag, dominant, submissive, master, slave, furry, Neko, bestiality, monsters, aliens, tentacles. I'm sure I've missed something as there seems to be no end to it. As I like to say: In SL, our only limitation is our imagination.

A big part of this is exhibitionism. We want to show off; we long to be noticed. A voyeur and an exhibitionist are the perfect match. The performer in us wants an audience. We want to be seen.

I can't help thinking the common denominator in all this is desire: we want to be desired.

We want our co-workers to admire us and our boss to respect us. We want our friends to like us and our family to love us. But there is something special, truly special, about being desired.

And here, I mean physically desired. This is where I break into song: Let's Talk Anout Sex by Salt-N-Pepa (official video, YouTube 4:41 - lyrics below)

I went to Google and typed in: Does horniness make us do stupid things? and got back the following response.

AI Overview

Yes, sexual arousal can make people more likely to make risky decisions, such as having unsafe sex or making poor gambling choices. This is because sexual arousal can reduce self-control and impair decision-making.

Explanation

Riskier decisions
People who are aroused may be more likely to make risky decisions, such as having unprotected sex or making an unsafe gamble.

Reduced self-control
Arousal can reduce self-control, making it harder to resist short-term temptations.

Impaired decision-making
Arousal can impair decision-making, making it harder to consider long-term consequences.

What can be done?

* Set limits: Set limits and establish rules when you're in a state of mind where you're more likely to make risky decisions.

* Consider health and safety: Consider health and safety factors well in advance of sexual situations.

In my lifetime, in RL, I've known people who engaged in risky behavior and paid the price: STDs, herpes, and HIV. A high school buddy took a chance at the age of 40 and ended up dying from AIDS. Fortunately, in SL, we can take a risk with little or no consequences.

Final Word
We are passionate people, passionate about work, play, and love and lust. I like to say that passion reminds us that we are alive. And as the old saying goes: You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Let's Talk Anout Sex by Salt-N-Pepa (official video, YouTube 4:41)

Yo, I don't think we should talk about this
(Come on, why not?)
People might misunderstand what we're tryin' to say, you know?
(No, but that's a part of life)
Come on

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex for now
To the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't be coy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cause that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know, anything goes
Let's tell it like it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Hot to trot, make any man's eyes pop
She use what she got to get whatever she don't got
Fellas drool like fools, but then again they're only human
The chick was a hit because her body was boomin'
Gold, pearls, rubies, crazy diamonds
Nothin' she ever wore was ever common
Her dates, heads of state, men of taste
Lawyers, doctors, no one was too great for her to get with
Or even mess with, the Prez she says was next on her list
And believe me, you, it's as good as true
There ain't a man alive that she couldn't get next to
She had it all in the bag so she should have been glad
But she was mad and sad and feelin' bad
Thinkin' about the things that she never had
No love, just sex, followed next with a check and a note
That last night was dope

Oh, hey, ooh, ooh, ooh, take it easy now
Uh, alright

Let's talk about sex, baby (Sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (Sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex (Come on)
Let's talk about sex (Do it)
Let's talk about sex (Uh-huh)
Let's talk about sex

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out
Come on, all the ladies, let's talk about sex, all right
Come on, all the ladies, let's talk about sex, all right
Yo, Pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio
(And why not? Everybody has sex)
I mean, everybody should be makin' love
(Come on, how many guys you know make love?)

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

What we have here is subject to controversy
A three-letter word some regard as a curse, see
He may fiend and have a wet dream
Because he seen a teen in tight jeans
What makes him react like that is biological
But scheme of gettin' in those jeans, is diabolical
But of course he does it, and she gives him rap
And before you even know it, they jump in the sack
As a matter of fact, sometimes it's like that
But anyway, ready or not, here he cums
And like a dumb son-of-a-gun, oops, he forgot the condoms
"Oh well," you say, "what the hell, it's chill
I won't get got, I'm on the pill"
Until the sores start to puff and spore
He gave it to you, and now it's yours

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex


2025-01-25

Second Life: My Pet Peeves

I haven't been on lately. As I tell people, "RL is busy, but that's a good thing."

However, every time I take a peek in the door, I'm reminded of the frustration I've felt over these past years about the Second Life platform. It's slow and buggy. Upgrades are touted as being the next best thing, solving all of my problems and leading me to new wonders, but invariably lead to new problems or don't fix the existing ones. Promises made, promises kept. Cue my eye rolling.

In January 2018, I went out and bought the fastest, most powerful badass Dell laptop on the market, including a NVIDIA graphics card, as per the optimal specs published by Linden Labs. I was determined to have the best virtual experience possible. Somewhere around November 2018, Microsoft updated my computer, and my dream environment fell to pieces. The entire operation of my computer, not just SL but Word, Excel, and even browsing bogged down to a crawl. After fiddling around with the Task Manager and the Device Manager, I discovered there was some sort of conflict going on with the NVIDIA card even when the card was not engaged. If I disabled this graphics card, my computer returned to normal operating speed.

As a consequence, I permanently disabled NVIDIA, a waste of four hundred bucks. Let me add, that in the past 6 months, over five years after this incident, I experimented re-enabling the NVIDIA card and my computer now works as it should: it does not bog down to a crawl but seems to be working correctly.

That November 2018 caused another problem: My mouse would occasionally freeze. I have a Logitech wireless mouse, and I've used such a device for nearly twenty years and never had a problem. Since then, every once in a while, the arrow stops moving on the screen. I pull out the USB dongle (wireless receiver) for a moment and plug it back in. The mouse starts working again as normal. I've been through all the device drivers updating everything. I've run every diagnostic check possible, to no avail. This still goes on to this day. However, I've noted it occurs far less frequently in the past six months than before. Has some Windows update corrected whatever update messed things up in the first place?

Now, I'm sure anybody is going to chuckle and say this is the experience of anyone with a computer. It is a fact of life; get used to it. There's nothing any of us can do. I say that about computers in general because that's the attitude about Second Life. We have come to accept a so-called norm, which is anything but perfect. Our desire to play Second Life is so great, we ignore the bugs. The graphics can be clunky, and the lag can be horrible, but we keep coming back, anyway. Are we all nuts?

Mesh
I've jokingly said that you need a PhD in Information Technology to play Second Life. You thought Prim was tough? I can sum up Mesh with Holy Cow! Years ago, I took one look at Mesh and thought about quitting. I said there's no G.D. way I'm going to invest (waste) the time necessary to learn all the ins and outs of this new system. I already had one foot out the door, so Mesh was sort of the final straw for me.

Luckily, a friend volunteered to help me out. I gave her my password, and she did everything to transform my Prim avatar into a Mesh avatar. She didn't want anything, having enjoyed the experience, but I did pay her $5,000L for her time and effort. The man I am today is due to her expertise, not mine.

A couple of years later, thinking I was being an irresponsible SLer, I looked at all the components of my avatar and thought to try to convert an alt from Prim to Mesh. This was my opportunity to learn mesh. I paid out nearly $15,000 for various things, then set about trying to duplicate the set-up of my avatar. I couldn't get it to work. I read tech docs. I experimented. And I got frustrated. What exactly was my reward for persevering? In the end, I said, "F*ck it!" and to this day, I admit I don't understand mesh.

Let me point out something I've said all along on this blog. I come to SL to socialize. I had a 30-year-career in Information Technology, and I said right from the start, I would never delve into the technical side of SL. No more programming, no more late nights fiddling with lines of code, etc. I'm just here for the fun. I'm here for the people. Now, in SL, any fun entails some knowledge, but I like to say that I'm a knowledgeable driver but can't do any mechanics under the hood. I can run SL (to a point), but I don't know the details, and I have no urge to know the details. Hats off to photographers, artists, builders, developers, musicians, DJs, etc. "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din".

PBR
Physically Based Rendering is the new lag on the block. If I thought the complexity of a mesh avatar was three to four times higher than prim and consequently meaning all that much more data to be downloaded to the viewer, PBR seems to have jumped off the charts.

When Linden Labs started rolling out PBR, the lag in the SL viewer got unbearable. I switched to Firestorm 6.14. That was a bit of an improvement. Until Firestorm 6.17. What the hey? I visited a dance club to listen to some music and chatted with a friend. I've always expected avatars to remain glowing blobs until the viewer downloads sufficient data to render them. That's SL. However, my friend remained a blob for forty minutes until I had to log out. I never did see her rezzed.

I switched back to version 6.14. Decent performance. Recently I snapped some photos of a friend's new club and sent her copies. She noted I was missing all the good PBR work she had done. I installed Firestorm 7.1. Oh! My! God! I was back to interminable download times. I visited a club with thirty avatars around me and after ten minutes, only three or four had rezzed. Ahhhh!

Now, I'm sure a whole host of readers could drop me suggestions about tweaking this and turning that, but I have to ask: Why doesn't any of this work at least 99% correctly straight out of the box? I think the default setting should be 95% correct and any adjustments are to get closer to the ideal perfection of 100%. I don't think doing an install and only managing to attain maybe 70% is acceptable.

Final Word
Pet peeves? This was a rant. Pardon me if I get it all off my chest.

I've had good times in Second Life. I've had bad times. And, as you can see, I've had frustrating ones. Will I be back? Maybe. I always enjoy a good story, a good interaction with an imaginative, like-minded personality. However, technical issues over the years have dampened my enthusiasm and, admittedly, I've sought other means of expressing myself. Overall, and here I'm talking about outside of SL, I can't help thinking I spend far too much time on social media. It's a time suck, and when I step back and look at it as objectively as possible, I see I'm wasting my time. Let me paraphrase an old joke: My tombstone reads "I wish I had spent more time on Facebook."

2025-01-14

Breasts: Why are we so fascinated, if not obsessed?

Breasts, tits, jugs, fun bags, the female mammary glands just don't fascinate and titillate the male animal but seem to be a fundamental cornerstone of our society for men, women, and children as both a maternal and sexual symbol of femininity. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. But being curious, I wondered what science had to say about our collective obsession. Does a fish know it's living in a fishbowl? Can we step outside of ourselves and look at our culture in a more objective slash scientific fashion without necessarily being influenced by said culture? In researching this article, I've consulted a number of sources, links in the references section below. It would seem science is of the opinion our connection to breasts starts as babies, the source of our nourishment. Along with that, both baby and mother share the release of ocytocin, the "bonding" hormone.

As oxytocin is associated with trust, sexual arousal and relationship building, it's sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin levels also increase when you're hugging someone and when you're experiencing an orgasm. Oxytocin is an essential hormone for childbirth and lactation.
-Oxytocin: What It Is, Function & Effects - Cleveland Clinic

Other researchers echo that idea.

Larry Young and Brian Alexander are two men who have recently released a book entitled The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex and the Science of Attraction. In this book the two men have intricately dissected all the emotional, biological and cultural elements behind the real reason men are so attracted to our boobs.

The authors firmly believe that straight men are obsessed by women’s boobs simply because of a hormone released during nursing, which helps to make that powerful bond between mother and child. They believe that men who were breastfed as children then grow up with an evolutionary drive for a strong nurturing bond with their female partners.
-Her Magazine: Why Are Men so Obsessed With Boobs? The Answer is Pretty Surprising… - Jun 21/2023

Wait! You're telling me I'm not a pervert? There's a legitimate scientific reason why I stare and drool?

I have to chuckle. In our culture, our gender roles, whether we agree with them or not, seem to be that the male is assertivem and the female is receptive: he steps forward and says hello; he's the one who calls the girl; he asks her to dance. Her option is to say yes or no to his advances. Yes, in modern times, the woman can be assertive but I'm talking about in general. And SL is merely a reflection of RL, albeit Second Life can be an exaggeration of real life. (Second Life Magnifies Real Life)

It's not a leer if the woman is interested.

The above amusing adage points out a conundrum we all must face dealing with the sometimes-conflicting circumstances of our desires and our mores. Science seems to indicate that as a man, I'm "hardwired" to be attracted to breasts and yet, our society dictates I must rein in my attraction to a respectable degree. In a 1993 episode of the TV comedy series Seinfeld (link below), the character George Constanza gets into trouble for staring at a woman's cleavage. Jerry explains, "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away."

But if the woman is interested
MM is a female friend in SL I've know for over 14 years. We've tried about everything together. We have a running gag together, a role play. She plays the part of the sexy siren, and I'm the enamored male, smitten by her beauty. I stare; I drool; I put one hand to my chest and say, "Be still my beating heart." She sends me photos of her flashing me, and I message back how I was looking at this on my phone (in RL) and walked into a lamppost. All in good fun. I think she enjoys being a woman, and she enjoys my attentions as I am trying in a lecherous but humorous manner to make her feel special as a woman. As I like to say: We all want to be "desired".

In MM's profile, she amusingly states, "I have the pussy; I make the rules." Let me add that she also has the tits. Ha, ha!

Ecdysiast, er, Stripper
Do larger breasts lead to more money? One would say yes, however my research has come up with conflicting reports. Some say it helps them attract male patrons, but others say its their ability to engage the customer which leads to high returns. I'm reminded of a joke I like to tell, describing women as a gift: The packaging may catch my eye, but it's the contents which keep me coming back for more.

An Observation about Second Life
I play SL as an extension of my RL. I'm not a vampire or a Neko or some fantasy character; I'm really playing myself. Obviously, without the usual RL constraints, but just a polite and respectful guy normally dressed in a suit and tie. Many, maybe the majority, do the same thing, but I recognize that some play an exaggerated version of their RL self, even a cartoon version of their own fantasy character. As such, some avatars are unrealistically disproportionate. I mean like big breasts. Hugh breasts. Breasts so large, they look like somebody has attached beach balls to their chest. Is this attractive? Is it a turn-on? Is it satisfying some sort of fetish? Of course, I can't help feeling this is more of a male fantasy, and the avatar in question has a high probability of being a GIRL (Guy In Real Life). (my blog: Why do guys role play girls? (2,500 words, 12-minute read) - Jul 15/2022)

An Observation about Real Life
As a man, for my entire life, I have been caught between a rock and a hard place. Look, but don't stare. But on more than one occasion, I've asked myself what the woman is trying to do. I worked in an office environment for a number of years where the dress code was business, sometimes business casual. Once in a while, one woman I knew would come in with a blouse or sweater with a lower cut, showing off her V, that is, her cleavage. I confess, one time I glanced for just a second too long and realized, she was pulling a sweater over her shoulders to cover herself. My bad. But why was she wearing something which could be construed as "sexually appealing"? Was she doing this for her husband? Did it make her feel good about herself? I still questioned in an official business setting if this was appropriate. People in an office are supposed to work together, not flirt with one another. Now, I can hear people complaining about me being a perv in this scenario but is there a line between dressing in a reasonable manner, even attractive, but then crossing the line into sexy?

I go to a gym on a regular basis. The majority of people dress for working out; they are not making a fashion statement. Many wear tops like t-shirts; I always wear a polo shirt. However, some women wear a top with a bare midriff; some are skimpier like a bikini top. I'm sure somebody's going to feel I'm being sexist or demonstrating The Double Standard, but I'm asking what the objective is in wearing something less about the practicality of exercising and more about being fashionable. But I have a male example.

Several years ago, there was a guy who was obviously gay, effeminate in his mannerisms. He would wear a top with a bare midriff with shorts which were more short shorts. He displayed a lot of skin. At times, he seemed to "prancing and preening": exaggerated movements, rolling up the edge of his shorts to make them even shorter. I had the distinct impression he was showing off as if he was trying to make himself attractive to others. I found this behavior oddly out of place. We were all there to work out, not flirt with one another.

Random question: Is the female breast, like the male breast, nothing more than a breast?
There are women movements seeking equality between the sexes.

Free the Nipple is a topfreedom campaign created in 2012 during pre-production of a 2014 film of the same name. The campaign highlights the general convention of allowing men to appear topless in public while considering it sexual or indecent for women to do the same and asserts that this difference is discriminatory, contravening women's rights. The campaign argues that it should be legally and culturally acceptable for women to bare their nipples in public.
-Wikipedia: Free the nipple

Topfreedom is a cultural and political movement seeking changes in laws to allow women to be topless in public places where men are permitted to be barechested, as a form of gender equality. Specifically, the movement seeks the repeal or overturning of laws which restrict a woman's right not to have her chest covered at all times in public. In addition, topfreedom advocates seek allowing nursing mothers to openly breastfeed in public.
-Wikipedia: Topfreedom

Sexual Identity
I'm sure every woman is well acquainted with guys and their, ahem, dicks.

Body Image: Many women regard their breasts as important to their sexual attractiveness, as a sign of femininity that is important to their sense of self. A woman with smaller breasts may regard her breasts as less attractive.
-Wikipedia: Breast

As a man, I can speak about male confidence: Am I large enough? Can I get erect? Can I sustain an erection? Heck, can I even get aroused and cum? Of course, later on in life, there's a strong probability some of us are going to face the inevitable: erectile dysfunction and/or sexual dysfunction. Am I still a man if I can't get it up?

I've wondered: Are female breasts the counterpart to the male organ as a fundamental part of our sexual identity? I suspect the answer may be yes to varying degrees. My research shows that more than 100,000 U.S. women undergo some form of mastectomy each year, typically to treat breast cancer, but also to prevent the risk of breast cancer, and that more than 73% of breast cancer survivors are at risk of experiencing sexual problems known as sexual dysfunction.

I started this article to look at the amusing tendency of men to be attracted to / fascinated by / obsessed with breasts. But for the woman, there can be a serious side to the story.

Interesting / Amusing facts about breasts

• Motorboating: It means the activity of putting one's face between a woman's breasts, and rocking turning one's head rapidly from side to side while making a noise like a motorboat. -Urban Dictionary
  FYI: I first time I heard this term, I laughed out loud. Who the dickens makes this stuff up?
• Male or female, we all start with the same building blocks.
  All human individuals—whether they have an XX, an XY, or an atypical sex chromosome combination—begin development from the same starting point. During early development the gonads of the fetus remain undifferentiated; that is, all fetal genitalia are the same and are phenotypically female. After approximately 6 to 7 weeks of gestation, however, the expression of a gene on the Y chromosome induces changes that result in the development of the testes. -Sex Begins in the Womb: National Center for Biotechnology Information
• It is estimated that 1% of adult women (one to two million) in the U.S. have had breast augmentation. -National Center for Biotechnology Information, 2010 Winter
• World's Largest Natural Breasts: 102 ZZZ
  Annie Hawkins-Turner, better known by the stage name Norma Stitz, is an American fetish model. Her pseudonym is a wordplay on "enormous tits", a result of gigantomastia. She holds the Guinness World Record for largest natural breasts. -Wikipedia - CNN reports her breasts weigh 89 pounds.

Final Word
There is a biological basis for our interest in mammary glands. However, that can't be an excuse; we must still follow the norms of respectable society. You can peek at the sun, but you shouldn't stare at it.

I end with an amusing t-shirt. Ignore the sexual and look only at the maternal, and there is something comforting about boobs. They can make all of us, man, woman, or child, feel a little calmer, and a little more centered.

References

Wikipedia: Breast
Humans are the only mammals whose breasts become permanently enlarged after sexual maturity (known in humans as puberty). The reason for this evolutionary change is unknown. Several hypotheses have been put forward.

Live Science: New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts - Mar 17/2016
Why do straight men devote so much headspace to those big, bulbous bags of fat drooping from women's chests? Scientists have never satisfactorily explained men's curious breast fixation, but theorists are gonna theorize. So let's take a tour of the sexy speculation surrounding the human bosom — with a few stops to explain why it's so hard to figure out just why breasts hold such allure.

Her Magazine: Why Are Men so Obsessed With Boobs? The Answer is Pretty Surprising… - Jun 21/2023
A new book written by two men seeks to answer and explain the age old question: why are men so obsessed with boobs?

The Huffington Post: Breasts: The Real Reason Men Love Them - Sep 25/2012
By Larry Young, Ph.D., Contributor and Brian Alexander, Contributor Jokes about breasts, and men looking at breasts, are such a comedy staple they've become a kind of go-to cliché. How many times have we seen a man talking to a curvaceous woman only to have her point to her own eyes and say "Hey, buddy, up here!"?

It's funny -- or, at least, it was funny the first dozen times we saw it -- because it's true. The male eye does have a way of drifting south. But why? Why are heterosexual men so fascinated by women's breasts that we sometimes act as if the breasts are the seat of the soul?

World Wide Words: Ecdysiast
A writer for the Washington Post in August 2011 had it spot on: “ecdysiast is a fancy word for stripper”. It was coined in 1940 and has had only sporadic success, perhaps being thought too odd-looking a word or too high-falutin for so earthy a pursuit... [It was] created by H L Mencken, the American critic and author of The American Language from Ecdysis, taken from the Greek ekdusis, shedding or moulting.

Published May 21/2013 by TEDx Talks
YouTube: The Chemistry Between Us: Larry Young at TEDxEmory (18:06)

Wikipedia: The Chemistry Between Us (book)
The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction is a 2012 book by the American neuroscientist Larry J. Young and the journalist Brian Alexander, in which the authors examine the neurobiological roots of love.

Published Jan 2/2017 by UberDurable
YouTube: Seinfeld - Cleavage Etiquette (with Denise Richards) (1:43)

Wikipedia: The Shoes (Seinfeld)
"The Shoes" is the 56th episode of the NBC television sitcom Seinfeld. It is the 16th episode for the fourth season, and first aired on February 4, 1993. In the episode, Elaine is upset at Jerry and George dropping her character from their proposed Jerry series, which then becomes endangered when George is caught staring at the cleavage of NBC executive Russell Dalrymple's teenage daughter.

2024-08-31

Couples: Hiding versus Being Open: Your RL versus your SL

I first heard about Second Life in the fall of 2009 in an article in TIME magazine. This was the height of SL awareness in real life media with countless outlets extolling the virtues of this virtual world and enumerating its pitfalls with stories of addiction and divorce.

My experiences at the time seemed to support the notion that people in-world were hiding their activities from their better half in RL. God forbid my spouse finds out I'm role-playing sex in this virtual fantasyland!

Over the years, this has made for some funny stories where I've wondered what happened on the other side of the computer screen. People suddenly log out or go silent. One woman came back an hour later to say her 10-year-old son had walked into the room, and she had to minimize the window. Whoa!

Even today, I've had people explain they can only come online when their spouse is away. Some have said they have children and may have to log out at a moment's notice if something comes up.

Right now, I live alone. I have no constraints in my life, so I can come and go as I please. However, I've seen more and more couples lately, living their lives without constraints because they have chosen to be open and honest with their partner. Some of them even play Second Life together!

I've talked about this before; how much more liberated people seem to be in Second Life. Give them a new identity and anonymity, effectively disconnecting them from their real life, and consequently, giving them total freedom to say or do anything they want without fear of criticism or condemnation, and they become more playful, flirty, even sexual in a manner which I assume is there in their real life, percolating below the surface but held in check by the many constraints we all feel from our upbringing, religious teachings, peer group pressure, and social restrictions. As I jokingly said: You can go nuts without doing jail time!

In light of the above, I repeat my claim that in real life, the constraints we all feel may cause us to suppress all sorts of desires, urges, and kinks which may remain hidden our entire life or could come bursting into the daylight in inappropriate ways. Our partner, our spouse, the one with whom we should have the most trusting relationship, may be ignorant of this side of us because we are afraid of revealing these deep dark secrets out of fear of a negative response even from our spouse. How many marriages have come to a screeching halt at the discovery of a deep dark secret? But more importantly, why did somebody feel it necessary to keep that secret buried in the first place?

A1 and A2, a thirtysomething couple, have been married for over ten years now. They have two young children and look to be your normal suburban couple. (A1 has shared RL pictures.) But they both play Second Life. They are open and honest with one another, not just about SL but themselves, their desires and their fantasies. Apparently, the two of them meet up with other couples in RL, and SL serves as another way of living the dream. I once commented that A1 had a lot of RL pictures, and she explained it was to advertise themselves for possible RL connections.

B1 is around forty. Her husband introduced her to SL. In RL, the two of them have begun experimenting with D/s, and he has told her to use SL to further her D/s experiences by seeking other men, other dominants.

C1 and C2 have now been married for over 28 years in RL. They both play SL and are both fully aware of the other's activities. Recently, C1, who owns land, set up a house and decorated it for C2, her husband, and his SL girlfriend. C1 and I have been friends for over 14 years on SL and shared bits about our real lives. C1 and C2 are swingers in real life (married over 28 years!), and their SL is reflective of their openness and honesty in their own relationship.

D1 and D2 are married in RL with children and play together in SL. They decided to not get partnered in SL so as to give others the impression they were free and not tied down. They, too, play with other couples in RL, and their SL is merely an extension of their RL open marriage.

I commend these people for being open enough to share their SL with their partners, but it would seem, based on their RL stories, this openness extends into their real life. My question: If you're open enough to share your SL, does that mean you may be open enough to try other things in RL? If you are already open in RL, does that explain their openness in SL?

An example of the ultimate openness and acceptance
Back in the early 90's, I'm watching one of the talk shows, not quite as elevated as Oprah but not as low as Jerry Springer. A couple is being interviewed but we're given to understand they have a secret. Commercial break. We return to see two women. I look closer. Woman number two is the husband; he's dressed up in drag. The wife explains that her husband has always had a fetish for women's clothes and once a month he dresses up and the 2 of them go out for a drink together as 2 female friends. She goes on to say that her husband is a wonderful man, a great husband, a good lover and an excellent father; he just seems to have this one special quirk, and it is the only oddity out of an otherwise exemplary human being.

Now just mull that one over for a minute. We have a gentleman who has a fetish for woman's clothes. How in heaven's name did this couple arrive at a point where the man could bring this up with his wife? Who knows, maybe he told her about his fetish before they were married, and she married him anyways. The point is that their relationship was open and honest enough that they could discuss this. But look at the alternative. What if she had reacted to this discovery with, "Eew. Get away from me your goddamn weird-oh pervert!" Well, there's one relationship which would have come to a screeching halt, and there's one guy who would say to himself that he would never, ever again speak frankly with anybody about "his secret".

At some point she must have weighed the pros and cons and felt the balance sheet showed more benefits than liabilities. But picture what would have happened if the man felt so ashamed of his feelings that he never talked about them with his wife; he kept them hidden. Do I see a potential headline? "Respected family and businessman Fred Schwartz, seen here dressed up in drag in a photograph taken in the local bar Tom's Eatery, was arrested this past Saturday."

Final Word
Up to 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why? A number of people in a relationship as per my experience hide their SL activities from their partner. Why? The people above not only share their fantasy life in SL but share it, in some cases, in RL. Do I see a pattern?

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-Mark Twain, his notebook dated 1984

I have a curious thought. Our partner, our spouse, is supposedly the most important, most intimate person to us in the world; supposedly the person we trust the most. And yet, there may be things about us, personal things, deep dark secrets, we dare not mention out of fear of a negative reaction. Now, our partner may not react negatively, and the problem may be our fear of a negative reaction from anybody, not just from them. But the above couples, at some point in their relationships, made the leap and succeeded.


References

my blog: Why do guys role play girls? (2,500 words, 12-minute read) - Jul 15/2022
It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?

my blog: Compersion: not thinking of yourself (1000 words, 4-minute read) - Jun 14/2022
polyamory (n) the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

my blog: Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life. (1,600 words, 7-minute read) - Dec 17/2022
I first came to Second Life in January 2010, and it has never occurred to me to meet anybody in real life. I have other social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. but there, too, I've never had the urge to meet somebody. The purpose of those platforms is to interact with people on those platforms, not in RL.

2024-08-22

I want to f*ck you in the a**. Wait! What?

The new SL-based image platform Primfeed seems to have taken off. I commend the creator, Luke Rowley, and recommend you check it out.

The other day, I thought to make a suggestion and visited the section Feature Requests. While there, I ran across the following entry by a woman.

Hi, great work so far, but there is something super important that I feel you need to do before anything else, and that is protecting the users of your site. Since being on here, every day I log in to a number of IMs in world, these range from genuine compliments, to wanting to FUCK ME IN THE ASS. I have peacefully posted my artwork on Flickr for a long time, and yes, I got numerous dirty DMs, but I was not harassed in world about it. I think you are doing a fab job so far and clearly working hard with all your updates, but this to me and many others is important. Can you please please please, allow us to adjust/change our display name on here so that we can live in peace in SL.

I'm sorry, but what? I've been in SL for over 14 years. I've seen a lot. But every once in a while, I'm reminded that there are still bad apples spoiling the virtual barrel. It is both perplexing and amusing how people do things they would never consider doing if they knew there would be consequences. Dear commentator: In RL, let's say in Starbucks, would you walk up to a woman, a total stranger, and say, "I want to fuck you in the ass"? No? And why not? Because she would slap your face? Because she would dial 9-1-1? Because she would take a photo of you and post it on social media with the caption Pervert of the Year? Because she would wave to get the attention of the two cops at the counter picking up their coffees? Heck, because she could very well haul off and punch you right in the snoot? Or possibly, just possibly, you somehow know that such a thing is socially unacceptable and should never be said?

Consequences
I have repeatedly mentioned on this blog how anonymity gives us total freedom to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. So, what do we do with such freedom? Obviously, not everyone uses their powers for good. But I'm not convinced every bad thing means a bad person - Heck, we're not all psychos! However, I do think inexperience and consequently stupidity are the biggest factors in bad behavior.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor

After mulling over the above entry, I felt I had to put in my two cents worth and penned the following response.

First of all, as a man, I would like to personally apologize to Ms. Elton on behalf of my gender. In the 14 plus years here in SL, I have repeatedly heard stories about aggressive males, impolite, rude, and outright obscene. Obviously, some people skipped the class Social Etiquette 101.

In RL, there are consequences for bad behavior. As such, these jackasses would never dare do what they do in SL. How to bring those RL consequences into SL? First of all, and yes, I recognize this involves time and effort, the individual must be reported to Linden Labs. But the individual needs to be told they're being reported, ideally by more than one person. The harasser is going to expect the victim to protest, but if others chime in, he will hopefully get the point his behavior is unacceptable.

True story
Two years ago, in The Feed, I ran across an entry by a woman complaining about a man gaining access to her home uninvited and doing sexual things. She had posted pics of the guy in The Feed and on her Discord with a complete description of his activities, shaming him for it, and saying she reported him to Linden Labs. I didn't think the man would see this, so I IMd him with links to The Feed and Discord. I never got a reply but a month later, I looked at his profile and discovered he had cleaned everything out; it was a blank profile. I think he got the message.

I've convinced it is possible to shame somebody for their bad behavior. The light of day is usually the best remedy. Any one of you facing harassment could call upon a friend or friends (plural) to assist in a campaign of consequences. Heck, I'd be happy to help as I did above.

I know that in-world we can block, mute, or derez people which seems like an immediate and easy way of dealing with a problem. However, that doesn't correct the root problem; the harasser will go on to harass others. Bad behavior needs to be called out.

I come to SL to have fun. I hope everyone with whom I interact also has fun as their fun is important to me. We're all in this together. Let's make it a good one! :-)

I know that may seem sunny and bright, but I recognize calling somebody out requires time and effort. The following is Linden Lab's own abuse system:

Filing an abuse report by Jeremy Linden

How effective is this system? I can easily see things slipping through the cracks. By the time anybody responds, the perpetrator is long gone, and the incident has faded into the past. I return to the above suggestions for responding right away, letting the jackass know immediately their bad behavior is bad.

Final Word
I look back at my own youth, wondering how bad I may have been. I like to think of myself as a decent human being, but did I have moments, maybe under the influence of alcohol, when I might not have demonstrated my best behavior? As I've gotten older, I've become less critical and more compassionate. We all make mistakes and do dumb sh*t. But hopefully, it can be a learning moment, and hopefully, we won't do jail time for our lesson.

Whether SL or RL, let's be kind to one another; let's be decent. And let's remember: There will be consequences. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day. I'd be curious to see the perpetrator's reaction when a total stranger wants to f*ck them in the a**.


References

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience (2000 words, 10-minute read) - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it. As I’ve said elsewhere in this blog, the number one complaint I’ve seen in reading scores of profiles is about the male walking around with his junk out, asking every woman, “Wanna f*ck?” What in heavens name is going through such a man’s head that he thinks such an approach is going to work? Is he stupid? Insane? Or is he so inexperienced, he literally has no idea of how to properly deal with his hormones?

my blog: My Rule of the Three Rights (400 words, 2-minute read) - June 13/2022
It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating.

2024-08-12

I have a story to tell, and it may very well be a doozy!

In 2020, I got myself a free Flickr account. Amusingly enough, I guess I had some run-ins with the Flickr police about their categories of Safe, Moderate, and Restricted, and so decided to categorize everything as Restricted. There! Take that, Flickr!

I discovered the SL community, liking other people's photos and them liking mine. But I admit I was a rank amateur; my photographic endeavors were (and still are) basic at best while other people had a degree of professionalism and an artistic eye. In the middle of 2021, I discovered one such photograher, Alice (not the real name). I joked with her that she was a double threat, a photographer and a model, as good behind the camera as she was in front of it.

For part of 2021/2022, we had a back and forth in the comment section of her photos. Our exchanges were friendly, sometimes flirty, but always polite and respectful. I played the part of the enamored suitor, smitten by her beauty. Yes, I was trying to charm the panties off her in front of the whole world. All in good fun.

In October 2021, Flickr announced a change in its rules about free accounts (effective May 22/2022): If ya wanna play, ya gotta pay. Not being much of a photographer, I didn't think it worthwhile to get a pro account, so I deleted my account in the spring of 2022, just ahead of the effective date. However, I thought Alice merited special attention, so I gifted her a pro account. Although, I'm not sure she really needed it. All of her work was marked Safe, being flirty but never overtly sexual.

Because I was no longer on Flickr, I lost track of Alice. Months later, I did create another free account, but merely to look at people's stuff; I never used it to like photos or comment on them. I peeked in from time to time to enjoy Alice's work as she was carrying on with her myriad of followers, liking and commenting on her photos. (I just checked. This Flickr account has 1.5K followers.)

Suddenly, in December 2022, Alice stopped posting. All of 2023, nothing. Where did she go? 2024, nothing. Then...

On August 8, 2024, I noticed on Primfeed that Betty (not her real name) followed me. Who's that? As I usually do, I first looked at her Primfeed account, then I looked at her Second Life profile. I immediately noted she was partnered with Alice. Really? The very first pick was entitled "In Memory of Alice". Wait! What?

A place of peace to remember our dear heart, Alice.
This garden is to remember of her life, her love, and the light she shared with us all.
~March 2021~

But other picks talked about Betty becoming partners with Cathy, in fact marrying her. But then, another pick was entitled "We still love you, Alice".

You were always a light, a voice, a spirit of love and kindness.
And we miss you dearly.

Who was this Betty? What was going on?

I contacted her in-world, asking about her relationship to Alice. Almost ten hours later, I got a response.

Hi Hugh! It's nice hearing from you and I hope you're doing well. I have a confession to make to you - the person you knew as Alice was in reality me, Betty. I hope you can forgive me for the deception. After my Alice passed away, I was just so sad that I made an alt of her to help me with my grief. I missed her so much, and I would take pictures of her beautiful avi because it helped me remember her, and to share with other people how wonderful she was. I was kind of out-of-my-mind, I suppose, but that was how I coped with my sadness.

I remember all your fun posts to the pictures, and really looked forward to reading them. I know Alice would have loved your posts too. I hope you can forgive my deception, you're one of only three people that know it was me on Flickr. Thank you for your inquiry, if you'd like to learn more about my lovie, you can visit her memorial, which I'll send to you in an IM. Best wishes to you. - Betty

Final Word
The above picture is from my visit to the memorial. As well as the main picture, there were several frames of Betty's words about Alice. FYI: I blacked out Alice's face so as to give her and Betty privacy.

I found it curious sitting there, contemplating everything. Alice died in March 2021, and yet, here she lived on. I'm sure all of us have our own experiences with such situations. My parents have been dead now for over twenty years, but at a recent family gathering, their names came up and people told stories about Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa. They may be long gone but part of them lives on in all of us.

Do I feel deceived? Alice was but one of several photographers I knew on Flickr where I would leave comments. I never met her and didn't have any expectation of anything other than our Flickr interactions. However, I'm now thinking about the illusion of Second Life, this virtual fantasyland. We log in and are transported to another world. Alice was part of that world, but now, I know Alice herself was an illusion, in fact, an illusion in an illusion. From July 2021 to May 2022, I chatted with a woman who died in March 2021.

It's a curious story of how Betty dealt with her grief. Betty has found a new partner, and I'm sure Alice would approve. Life always moves forward. We can remember the past and enjoy those memories, but we are all constantly moving on.

People disappear in SL, and we may never know what happened on the other side of the computer screen. Now, I know. I think Alice would be pleased with the memorial and touched by how warmly Betty still talks of her. Alice has left her mark.


References

my blog: What's my survival rate? (1,300 words, 6-minute read) - Dec 17/2022
D is rarely on and I suppose we only exchange messages a few times per year. A month ago, out of the blue, she sends me a message while I'm offline, explaining she's been diagnosed with esophageal cancer, the doctors giving her six months to three years. I write back with my condolences but hear nothing.

my blog: Flickr: What is the risk of having my account terminated? (1,400 words, 6-minute read) - Oct 26/2021
On Monday, October 25, 2021, I clicked on the bookmarked URL for D’s Flickr and was met with a Page Not Found error. My friend is the admin of a Flickr group, and I discovered her name had disappeared. I contacted D, and she was surprised and shocked by the news. Was this a computer glitch? What else could have gone wrong? She said she was contacting Flickr.

2024-08-09

Linden Lab's Terms of Service: We're all going to jail!

WARNING: When I started this, I thought this would be simple: a quick read-through, a summary, then on with the rest of my day. As I went along, more and more issues cropped which required further analysis to comprehensively cover the topic. Out of everything, I think there are two important subjects of interest: children and sexual content.

How many of us ever bother to read the Terms of Service of any platform we use, never mind Second Life? In profiles, I've seen people stating in their limits, they will not do anything which violates the TOS, referring to the Terms of Service of Linden Labs. Okay, so just what are those terms? I thought to wade through the reams of boring text and try to find out just what is permitted and what is verboten.

Linden Lab's TOS (Terms of Service)

I suppose any one of us gets lost in all this verbiage. It seems lawyers love to fill documents with legalese which, I guess, has to do with arguing before a judge in a court of law as opposed to the simplicity of everyday life. Rule number one: don't do such and such. Let's skip party of the first part or whatever seven-syllable words one can find as synonyms for don't do such and such. Plain English, please!

First and foremost, we all have to remember that any company wants to protect itself. It doesn't want clients suing. It doesn't want the government to step in and penalize it or even shut it down. It wants to stay in business and make a profit. That seems like a reasonable goal so we must remember the TOS is about achieving that goal. It's not (necessarily) about being a pain in the ass.

But in saying that, just what is Linden labs providing?

1. ONLINE SERVICE

1.2 The Service exists only as long as and in the form that we may provide the Service, and all aspects of the Service, including your User Content, are subject to change or elimination.
Linden Lab has the right to change, limit access to, and/or eliminate any aspect(s), feature(s) or functionality of the Service (including your User Content) as it sees fit at any time without notice, and Linden Lab makes no commitment, express or implied, to maintain or continue, or to permit open access to, any aspect of the Service. You acknowledge that your use of the Service is subject to this risk and that you knowingly assume it and make your decisions to participate in the Service, contribute Content and spend your money accordingly.

It's curious to reflect on this opening statement. Linden Labs makes no commitment. I'm reminded of an old business saying: underpromise, overdeliver. Making no commitment certainly seems like underpromising, like really underpromising. While I'm trying to give a humorous take on this, let me add that this isn't the first time I've seen such wording. Software companies, car manufacturers, appliance companies have said similar things in their own fine print. We provide such and such and the onus is on you, the client, to determine if the product meets your needs. I'm smiling as I think of SL's notorious crashes and its infamous lag representing no commitment but still managing to meet our needs as if we had a choice. The Windows operating system has so may security holes, it's like Swiss cheese but we've all come to accept this as the norm. But I would put forward that these systems are so complex, even the manufacturer hasn't got a complete handle on them and doesn't fully understand their own systems. We are, in effect, beta testers in real time.

As I go through the rest of section 1, I see the following headings:

1.3 Your User Content is not confidential; You represent that your Content is original to you (and/or your minor child).

1.4 Linden Lab is a service provider and is not responsible or liable for the Content, conduct, or services of users or third parties.

1.5 The Service is subject to scheduled and unscheduled service interruptions and loss of server data, which you do not own and for which you will not hold us liable.

These sections sort of repeat but in more detail for specific cases for which Linden Labs is not liable.

2. CONTENT LICENSES AND INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS

In a nutshell, Linden Labs owns Second Life. Linden grants us access to such a service. We grant Linden access to our stuff if submitted to public areas of Second Life. We agree to respect the Intellectual Property Rights of others. And let me add that while we may have a warm fuzzy that our stuff is private, it is sitting on Linden's servers, and no matter what they may say, they do have access to it all.

Click here for an article by the law firm Greenberg & Lieberman, an interesting analysis of Intellectual Property Rights and Second Life, involving several cases between Linden Labs and people suing to protect and retain control of their own creations. If you produce something in-world, is it really a thing, or is it merely an idea?

3. ELIGIBILITY TO USE THE SERVICE

If you are under 18, a parent or legal guardian must sign. Elsewhere, I see you must be at least 13 years old to join at all.

4. ACCOUNT REGISTRATION AND BILLING

You must set up an account with your real name, no faking it, no pseudonyms.

5. TERMINATION OF YOUR ACCOUNT

5.1 Linden Lab may suspend or terminate your Account at any time for any reason. In such event, Linden Lab shall have no further obligation or liability to you under this Agreement or otherwise, and you shall be entitled to no compensation or other payment, remedy, recourse or refund.

The rest of the section has other verbiage but the essential is above: Linden Lab may suspend or terminate your Account at any time for any reason. So there!

Sections 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12

Before getting to the big-ticket item, let me cover these other sections: Blah, blah, blah. You can't sue us; we're not responsible.

Okay, I'm being flippant. The following topics are important but let's say they are outside the scope of this analysis.

7. INFRINGEMENT NOTIFICATIONS
8. PRIVACY AND YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION
9. RELEASES, DISCLAIMERS, LIABILITY LIMITS AND INDEMNIFICATION
10. DISPUTE RESOLUTION AND ARBITRATION
11. GENERAL PROVISIONS
12. RELATED POLICIES

6. CONDUCT BY USERS OF THE SERVICE

This is the part I think is of the most interest to all of us. I've bolded some text I think is important.

6.1 You will not post or transmit prohibited Content, including any Content that is illegal, harassing or violates any person's rights.

You agree that you will not:

(i) Post, display, or transmit Content that violates any law or the rights of any third party, including without limitation Intellectual Property Rights. We reserve the right to request at any time proof of permissions in a form acceptable to us. Failure to provide such proof may lead to, among other things, removal of such Content from the Service;

(ii) Impersonate any person or entity without their consent, or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation, or if you are an adult, impersonate a minor for the purpose of interacting with a minor using the Service;

(iii) Stalk, harass, or engage in any sexual, suggestive, lewd, lascivious, or otherwise inappropriate conduct with minors on the Service;

(iv) Post, display, or transmit Content (including any communication(s) with employees of Linden Lab) that is harmful, threatening or harassing, defamatory, libelous, false, inaccurate, misleading, or invades another person's privacy;

(v) Post, display, or transmit Content that is obscene, hateful, involves terrorism, or is racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; or

(vi) Post, display or transmit any Content or conduct or host any activity that is sexually explicit, or intensely violent.

Any violation by you of the terms of this Section may result in immediate termination of your Accounts without any refund or other compensation.

Children
I'm sure I don't have to explain anything. This topic is so visceral, it solicits a strong reaction in anybody. I've heard it said that in prison, pedophiles must be kept segregated from the rest of the inmates because they may kill them. As a consequence, Linden Labs or any social media platform must be extra cautious because there is the very real threat of the authorities stepping in if anything is amiss. Nobody takes this lightly.

Nevertheless, questions always crop up, so I sat down with a dictionary to understand some terminology.

child (noun) : a young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority.

age of majority (noun) : also known as legal age, is the threshold of legal adulthood as recognized or declared in law. In many jurisdictions, this is 18 years old. (Wikipedia)

minor (noun) : In law, a minor is someone under a certain age, usually the age of majority, which demarcates an underage individual from legal adulthood. The age of majority depends upon jurisdiction and application, but it is commonly 18. (Wikipedia)

age of consent (noun) : The age of consent is the age at which a person is considered to be legally competent to consent to sexual acts. This varies widely from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but seems on average to be 16 years old. (Wikipedia)

pedophilia (noun) : sexual feelings directed toward children.
sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object. specifically : a psychiatric disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child.

prepubescent : relating to or in the period preceding puberty.

ageplay (noun) : Ageplay or age play is a form of roleplaying in which an individual acts or treats another as if they are a different age. Ageplay is roleplaying between adults, and involves consent from all parties. Ageplay is not necessarily sexual, but can be. Portraying any age can be the goal of ageplay, from babies to a child to the elderly. Usually this involves someone pretending to be younger than they actually are, but more rarely can involve assuming an older role. (Wikipedia)

Why am I bringing this up? If somebody is seven years old, I think any one of us can easily see you don't go there. Under any circumstances. Ever. I think, I hope we all instinctively know this.

But what about 17-years-old?

I could write some lengthy piece on puberty, sexual activity during the teenage years, the reality of early sex versus the social view of early sex, and just what Alice and Bobby are doing in the backseat of Dad's car on a Saturday night, but the simplicity of the situation in regards to Second Life is clearly spelled out in the TOS: If you are under 18, a parent or legal guardian must sign.

Linden Lab Official:Teens in Second Life
Second Life is generally for adults 18 years and older; however, if you are 13 years of age or older you can use Second Life with some restrictions. If you're:

• 16-17 years old you can access regions and search results that have a General maturity rating.
• 13-15 years old, you can access Second Life through an affiliated organization and will be restricted to the private estate of that organization. Only avatars approved by that organization will be able to enter these estates. You can't use Second Life search or purchase items from the Marketplace.

Linden Lab Official:Clarification of policy disallowing ageplay
No. (my summation)

Age-restricted content
18 years or older

I have seen numerous pictures, on The Feed, on Flickr, and now on Primfeed of "families", adults, Mom and Dad with their kids, avatars which I'm guessing are NPC (Non Player Characters). Fine. It's not my thing, but to each his own. I am aware that pregnancy and birthing is a role play popular with some.

In researching this article, I've discovered "child avatars", people actually role-playing children. I admit I know nothing about this. I don't think I've ever seen this in the fourteen plus years I've been on Second Life. Not my thing; I have no comment. (Wikipedia: Ageplay)

But I've also run into the question of avatars which are small in stature, young looking, and, in the case of females, having small breasts and being sort of "boy-ish" looking. Are these supposed to be "teenage girls"? Are these actually girls or are they being driven my men? I have a friend who owns a nightclub who's told me about ejecting such people and reporting them. Is there something nefarious going on? Is there a valid reason to be pushing the limits?

In summary, 18 years old is the magic number. Be 18; look 18; and act 18.*

* I will add this footnote: "18" could be up for interpretation. While the rule appears to be cut and dry, I can see different people could have different opinions as to whether somebody's 18 is, in fact, 18. I've added more links in the References section below, detailing the controversy surrounding accusations of child sex and ageplay on SL, exposed in an article published on Medium dated Feb 25/2024.

Sexual Content
I think we all understand sexually explicit. But to double check, I looked up the word obscene:

• (of the portrayal or description of sexual matters) offensive or disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency.
• offensive to moral principles; repugnant.

I've read clause (vi) several times now and feel this could be applied to just about anything.

(vi) Post, display or transmit any Content or conduct or host any activity that is sexually explicit, or intensely violent.

Any sex SIM is sexually explicit. Sex poses photographed and posted to The Feed are sexually explicit. Sitting on a piece of furniture and activating a sex animation is sexually explicit. We could get into a debate about the meaning of post, display or transmit, but I would contend that just being on SL, we are transmitting our avatar and its actions.

Why are our accounts not terminated? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you read clause (vi) and tell me what you think. I see Linden Labs has clearly given themselves the means to kick any one of us off the platform.

But they don't.

In 1964, during a case about pornography, United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously said, "I know it when I see it." (Wikipedia)

Does Linden Labs know something?

Tumblr was started in 2007. (Wikipedia) In 2013, Yahoo bought it for $1.1 billion. In 2016 when advertising sales goals were not met, Yahoo wrote down $712 million of Tumblr's value. In December 2018, Tumblr banned pornographic content. By March 2019, it was estimated the site had lost 30% of its traffic. Tumblr was sold in August 2019 reportedly for less than $3 million.

At the bottom of Linden Lab's TOS (Terms of Service) under the section "12. Related Policies", I find a link to the supplemental document Content Guidelines (my bold):

General Content is content that is suitable for all ages. It may contain mild violence, mild language, and informational or educational content.

Moderate Content is non-explicit content that is generally suitable for users over the age of eighteen (18). It may contain some violence, strong language, and mildly sexual content.

Except such Adult Content as may be permitted in Second Life, Prohibited Content (as further described below) may not be shared, posted or otherwise transmitted through our service under any circumstances.

Examples of Prohibited Content include:
... illegal, cruel or hateful, violent...
* Sexually explicit content.

While the above document mentions "Adult Content", I keep seeing the wording in numerous places that sexually explicit content is prohibited. Is this a contradiction? Has Linden Labs merely ignored this over time? Is there some other "rule" which comprehensively covers the current situation?

As I'm sitting here, re-reading various documents as I write this article, I can't help feeling that all this developed organically over time. Linden Labs started their project without fully understanding the implications of Rule 34, the Internet meme which states that if something exists, there's a pornographic version of it. (Wikipedia)

As I've said elsewhere on this blog, one thing that has struck me on Second Life is how sexual some people can be. - My joke is that SL really stands for Sex Life. - But I don't necessarily mean explicit sex. People dress up, women look pretty, men look handsome, on public display (maybe the word exhibitionism is applicable), friendly but also possibly flirtatious. One could argue that this is no different from real life. But the difference is that on SL with a new identity and anonymity, this may be exaggerated as people feel freer, more liberated from the constraints of RL - no fear of criticisms or condemnation. We can be a little naughtier and not worry about the moral police serving us with a public decency violation.

Final Word
Have I managed to comprehensively cover the TOS? I'm sure I've left out things. Research has shown me the controversy of child avatars and ageplay dates back decades. As I said in the beginning, my curiosity came from people saying in their profiles they wouldn't violate the TOS. But now, I have another curiosity in that the TOS clearly states sexually explicit content is prohibited and yet, it's fairly common.

Years ago, I talked with the owner of a bestiality SIM. He explained to me he could show 3D artwork of bestiality but not real-life pictures of bestiality. I don't remember if he said he had ever run into trouble with Linden Labs or if this was merely his interpretation of the line not to cross. It's curious how most porn sites don't show bestiality (It is illegal!) and yet, will show 3D depictions of the same.

There are a number of SIMs dealing with the theme of older men and younger women - "Grandpa" is in the name. Some places have 3D artwork on display, clearly showing young women who could be interpreted as being teenagers. But I would add, these are not in any way prepubescent children (before puberty); they are women. One may call them "girls", but they are sexually mature individuals.

The notorious American pornographer Al Goldstein once said, "Eroticism is what turns me on. Pornography is what turns you on." Trying to come up with rules to cover everything is impossible because somewhere, somebody's being offended. I don't envy Linden Labs. I have no doubt they've had to deal with some extraordinary problems as there are people out there who seem to live to push the limits, or should I say, violate the limits. If the speed limit is 60 mph, they'll drive 80 or 90.

So, what does all this mean? When we sign up, we agree to Linden Labs' Terms of Serivce. We agree to abide by their rules and if we violate those rules, they have the right to terminate our account. If it is true that sexually explicit content is prohibited, I myself have violated that rule fourteen zillion times over. If my account has not yet been terminated (14 years and counting), I have to assume it's only because somebody at Linden Labs hasn't yet gotten around to examining it. Could my next "money shot" prove to be more expensive than I've anticipated?


References

Linden Labs is a privately owned company and as such, is not required to disclose its operations the same way a publicly traded company must do. (Investopedia)

Linden Labs: Second Life Terms and Conditions
This agreement (the "Second Life Policy") describes the terms on which Linden Research, Inc. and its wholly-owned subsidiaries ("Linden Lab") offer you access to its 3D virtual world environment entitled Second Life. This offer is conditioned on your agreement to all of the terms and conditions contained in this Second Life Policy, Linden Lab's Terms of Service (the "Terms of Service"), and Linden Lab's Privacy Policy (the "Privacy Policy"), including the policies, terms, and dispute resolution procedures linked to or otherwise referenced therein (collectively, the "Agreements"), all of which are hereby incorporated into this Second Life Policy. If you do not so agree, you should decline this Second Life Policy, in which case you are prohibited from accessing or using Second Life.

Greenberg & Lieberman: Second Life TOS: A Partial Analysis and How to Protect your Digital Content
This is an interesting analysis of Intellectual Property Rights and Second Life, involving several cases between Linden Labs and people suing to protect and retain control of their own creations. If you produce something in-world, is it really a thing, or is it merely an idea?


The following links are about the scandal of spring 2024. Just now, I re-read the Medium article. Oh! My! God! Scandal? This is a nuclear bomb blast!

The Internet Archive: The Reality Of Second Life’s Ageplay Problem By Robert Bartos Feb, 2024 Medium
Download option PDF
This article is a presentation of evidence that was originally meant to be sent to Linden Lab’s legal department to be dealt with internally. However with a long term investigation of this nature and depth of networking involved it was perhaps inevitable that word would get out eventually, and that finally happened at the end of of 2023. Due to the seriousness of what was uncovered even rumor of it being known was enough for Linden Lab or those acting on behalf of the company to send out legal threats to individuals they incorrectly assumed were responsible for this investigation. These legal threats were based on the exaggerated claims of a Second Life user trying to take Linden Lab’s sights off of himself; more on this later. As a result however, those at Linden Lab who are allegedly responsible for many of the acts uncovered here have been taking efforts to cover up evidence of a Linden Lab executive’s alleged involvement in sexual ageplay within Second Life, as well as an alleged problematic workplace environment within Linden Lab’s Product Operations department.

The Metaculture: What on earth is going on with Second Life? - Mar 1/2024
Five days ago, a Medium account named "Robert Bartos" posted an essay which makes serious allegations of inappropriate behavior by Linden staff, both within Second Life and in the workplace. Bartos alleged that several company employees were involved in these acts, including some pretty notable names in leadership. The essay also complains of rampant sexual content for child avatars on Second Life's marketplace.

Daniel Voyager: Linden Lab Gives Statement On Serious Allegations - Mar 21/2024
On Wednesday 20th March 2024 Brad Oberwager, Linden Lab’s Executive Chairman made a public statement to the Second Life community via the Second Life official blog saying that Linden Lab has been investigating allegations posted to social media recently and that the investigation is still ongoing.

Inara Pey: Linden Lab: statement on recent allegations - Mar 21/2024
[There] was no official response for the purposes of quoting. As such, I decided not to comment on the claims or the Lab’s response until such time there was any formal statement on the matter, rather than writing on the basis of pure speculation. Such a statement was made on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024.

Ryan Schultz: Linden Lab Updates Its Terms of Service, with Changes to Child Avatar Rules in Second Life - May 2024
This blogpost is an update of sorts to the one I made exactly two months ago, on March 4th, 2024, about the allegations made by an anonymous writer who posted a detailed article on Medium, outlining serious allegations against a number of people, including employees of Linden Lab, the company that makes Second Life.

Asadora Summers (in-world name): Linden Lab announces Policy Changes for a Safer Second Life 2024 - Apr 20/2024, YouTube 18:24
In this video, I'll be going over some important policy updates and changes from today's Lab Gab (April 19th, 2024). The first half of the video I read the transcript word for word from Keira and Grumpity Linden. Second half I give my opinion on what was announced and to expect.

Note: In this video, Asadora Summers, after reading the transcript, makes the statement that Linden Labs has addressed the issues raised in the Medium article. I have no opinion on this matter; I am merely repeating what she says.

2024-08-06