2,500 words, 12-minute read
It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?
Back in 2010, when I first came to SL, it quickly became apparent that a number of women weren’t women but men pretending to be women. At that time, I heard estimates from 40% to 80% of all female avatars were actually guys. Really? What gives?
I’m a man. I’ve always been a man, and I’ve never had a desire to be anything else. I jokingly but seriously say that on SL, I’m playing myself. I’m not a vampire. I’m not a Neko or furry, and I’m not playing some role play like Gor. I’m playing a version of the RL me but without the usual RL restrictions.
In 2010, I talked with the owner of a sex club about this phenomenon. He gave me this advice: Ignore who’s behind the curtain, the RL person, and deal with the avatar you have in front of you. Nothing else matters.
It made sense but our society can be homophobic, and this was apparent in SL. Men demanded proof, and I saw in some female profiles “voice verified” or even “willing to voice verify”. I was amused when I read in one woman’s profile, “How come I never see men as being voice verified?” This became even funnier when I found out there were women pretending to be men.
I know there’s voice morphing, but I have no idea how well it works
But let me return to the topic of this article: Girls as GIRLs (Guys In Real Life).
Why?
I like to say that if it happens once, it’s an anomaly; if it happens repeatedly, it’s a phenomenon.
Why are all these men pretending to be women? Being a man, I had some ideas, but I’ve also done some Googling in writing this article.
Barbie Porn
The female avatar is a Barbie doll, to be dressed, undressed, styled, re-dressed, etc. She can be directed to do any scandalous thing one’s imagination may conceive of. The man isn’t just watching porn, he’s participating in it.
I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation.
-
Barbie Girl by Aqua (Official Music Video), YouTube (3:21)
The Ideal Woman
Instead of searching for the ideal woman, a man can be his ideal woman. Looks, clothes, style, behaviour including sexuality, a man can play the role of the woman he himself would like.
I add the challenge and titillation of attracting someone to this avatar, and that someone may be female or male.
Curiosity
We guys can be curious about the other gender. Why not explore that curiosity by being the object of said curiosity? The body and its various parts, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. all aspects of the female are available for study.
Latent Homosexuality
Our culture has a significant degree of homophobia. Heterosexual is seen as normal, and anything else is not just frowned upon but considered a sin. We have tremendous pressure to conform to what we think is the accepted norm.
As such, playing a woman, being a woman, grants a man permission to explore what is otherwise verboten.
Sidebar
There is a niche in erotica labelled feminization where the gist of the story is that a man is somehow turned into a woman whether by magic, medical transformation, or brain transfer.
Lesbians
Men have a tendency of being titillated by lesbians so why not be a woman and be directly involved with lesbianism?
The idea that straight men like it when two women make out (and more!) is so commonplace that it’s a cultural touchstone. They don’t even have to be real lesbians: “Those twins” are among the things a canonical Coors Light drinker loves. On Friends, Chandler and Joey give up their apartment—their apartment in Manhattan—for the chance to watch two of their straight female friends kiss for one minute.
So what is it about the sight of two women that, purportedly, sets male loins ablaze?
[The popularity of] lesbian erotica... can be explained by the fact that men are most aroused by visual cues that emphasize youth and downplay drama and emotional complexity. Lesbian porn, therefore, works for straight men by “doubling up” those visual stimuli[.] The only thing better than one nubile, personality-free woman is two of them.
-
Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016
Sidebar about lesbians
In the past few years, I have run into two women partnered with women who said they were not lesbian. They deliberately partnered with another heterosexual woman as a means of protection. If a guy became too aggressive, too hard to handle, they had an escape plan by pointing out being partnered. Hmmm, straight women banding together to protect themselves from undesirable men.
Sidebar about nonsexual women
I’ve run into at least one man who had a female avatar, but he apparently never had sex. He was the owner of a music club and managed it as a woman. This was a friend of a friend, and I never had the opportunity to question him as to why he was playing a woman.
Sidebar about RL
This
2005 article in New World Notes (Jan 10, 2005) recounts the story of two heterosexual RL men both playing lesbian SL women. In an interview, Jade admits that when he sees their avatars embracing, he thinks of himself kissing a woman even though he knows it's a man driving.
Getting a woman
The following is a quote from Eboni Khan, as reported in
New World Notes, March 14, 2018
The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.
Sensitive and tender? Pretend to be a girl, then seduce the girl of your dreams. Then tell her you are a man, and hope for the best. I think the majority of these men just want to be tender and loving, and think a female avie makes it easier for them to do it.
A man pretends to be a woman to get a woman because he doesn’t think he can get one while being a man?
Wait! What?
In a previous article
Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience, I discussed men who seem to be ignorant about relationships and inexperienced with women, the worst of which is an
Incel. It is evident, to me at least, there are any number of males who don’t know how to be a man. I’m not talking about the tough guy, never cry, stoic, lone wolf hero that is admired by the traditional patriarchy, but the male who is knowledgeable, strong but gentle, confident in himself as a man, and compassionate for his fellow human beings. This isn’t about fighting and winning over others but helping others to make this a better world.
Transgender
What a change from 2010, my first year in SL and now, 2021. While some remain hidden out of fear of criticism and condemnation, I’m seeing more brave souls who have come out of the closet. I laud them while recognising that the world is changing, albeit slowly.
I see that sexual reassignment surgery may cost from $10,000 up which may be prohibitive for some. SL can provide a means of exploring being a complete woman. I’ve also met a number who play SL as a pre-op transgender woman. SL provides all of us with a means to be anything we want.
Voice Verified
Nobody has ever asked me to voice verify that I’m a man. I’ve never asked anybody to voice verify that they were a three-headed monster of the underworld. The other week, I read this in a woman’s profile:
Real Life man in his mid-forties who likes to explore Second Life as a submissive female.
He’s being honest and upfront, even brave. I would be curious to know who would want to play with this person. If you know that the woman standing in front of you, the female avatar, is actually a man in RL, is your perception of the woman changed? If your fantasy is to be with a woman, has your fantasy now been ruined? Or do we all tend to ignore the RL mind behind the curtain and
get into the game?
My Personal Experience: I have a female alt
I like to test sex furniture and in order to do so, I need a second avatar. The first time, I created a male alt. One day, I’m testing a piece of furniture with my two male avatars when I click on a 69 position. As I watch these two men orally stimulate each other, it suddenly occurs to me that the old saying is not true: I
can suck and blow at the same time.
Later, I created a female alt, so my testing was a little more realistic, more heterosexual than homosexual. Seinfeld:
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
In 2012, I had a sports injury which lasted almost the entire year. Without going into detail, I had limited use of my left arm so I really couldn’t play Second Life. Typing with one hand, while a joke about masturbating at the keyboard, proved to be restrictive.
As such, unable to do much else, I did spend time dressing my female alt. I can see the attraction. As a man, I’m attracted to women, and I can see the interest in playing with a female avatar. How prevalent is this? I’ve read numerous comments over the years of how there are far more clothes for women than men. I note in Flickr accounts, there are far more pictures of women than men. I return to the question of just how many women in Second Life are being driven by men.
By the way, once I got my health back, I never went back to playing with my female alt. While I can understand the attraction, I seem to have other things in life to obsess about. Ha!
My Personal Experience: How many men have I kissed?
First off, let me stress that I’m accepting and nonjudgmental. I’m very much LGBTQ friendly. Everyone is welcome; we’re all in this together. I, myself, identify as a heterosexual* male.
* For the most part. Some rules and restrictions may apply. (see:
I'm a man)
How things have changed between 2010 and 2021: A long time ago, I met a woman with an RL photo in her profile of a lower body and legs. We danced, chatted, and flirted. The RL photo was then updated to show the lower body with a noticeable bulge. At the time, I was somewhat upset by this deception. My fantasy was to dance with a woman but instead of role playing a woman, this person was then telling me she was a man. I’ve come to appreciate that coming out of the closet, so to speak, is fraught with rejection and danger, but honesty is the best policy.
Fast forward to today. I invite a woman I know to dance but then realise she has changed her profile to say she’s a he. We discuss. She’s worried about my reaction. I ask her how she would like me to treat her. She says a complete woman. I do so. We dance, chat and even flirt. She explains that she is a pre-op transgender woman with hopes of making the leap when she has enough money. She also notes that after making the change in her profile, stating she is still a man, the number of dance offers dropped considerably, and she was then thinking of removing this from her profile and going back to portraying herself just as a woman.
In wandering around reading profiles, I’ve run across a number of female profiles where the author has clearly indicated they are a man in RL. Hats off for their honesty. Heterosexuality is most common. Gay apparently represents about 10% of the population. My research says transgender is less than 1% of the population. It takes guts to buck the trend.
In 2017, on SL, I run into a person identified by a female avatar, Alice. We chat, the usual small talk. But then, things turn serious, and Alice decides to tell me her story. Alice is actually Frank, a 55-year-old man transitioning to a woman. Frank was born male. He grew up male. He went to school, graduated, and found himself a career as a male. He got married and had two children. At the age of fifty, he decides to come out. His wife is accepting but she said she couldn't live as a lesbian, so they get a divorce, remaining good friends and still co-parenting. Frank sends me a real-life photo of himself. I see a man, wearing makeup and a wig in a dress. He looks nothing like a woman; he looks like a man in drag.
Our conversation came to an end, and we went our separate ways never to see one another again. However, I've thought about this story on many occasions. What trials and tribulations was Frank going to face? What ridicule? Obviously, this was important to him, or he wouldn't risk it all, but I still found it incredible that he gets through fifty years of his life as a man but now feels it is of the utmost importance he finds the real him in a woman. What societal pressures do we experience to conform to a standard we may disagree with?
In my SL profile, for pick number one, I have “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
Final Word
In my reading (linked below), the question was raised about playing another gender and whether it was acceptable or not. Somebody pointed out that we all must be honest with Linden Labs in telling them who we really are, but to other residents of SL, we can say anything we want: male, female, young, old, tall, short, big, small, vampire, Neko, fairy, or furry. You can even be a three-headed monster of the underworld.
Someone once told me that they like to play Second Life in a realistic fashion. The humour I saw is that by just logging into this virtual world, we are all role playing. Even though I claim to be playing myself, I’m certainly playing a version of myself who is younger, in better physical shape, and without the same restrictions I have in real life. As I jokingly say, in Second Life, I never get a cramp in my leg.
Heterosexual, gay, transgender, cross-dressing, cuckold, sissy, dominant, submissive, we all deserve our place in the sun. And may we all find a partner who shares our role play. May we all find “The One”.
References
Drawing by The TGArtist. I can find no web site in order to give proper credit. I apologise.
Is 10% of the population really gay?,
The Guardian, Apr 5/2015
Drawing on the widest survey of sexual behaviour since the Kinsey Report, David Spiegelhalter, in his book Sex By Numbers, answers key questions about our private lives. Here he reveals how Kinsey’s contested claim that 10% of us are gay is actually close to the mark.
How Many Adults and Youth Identify as Transgender in the United States?, UCLA Williams Institute, June 2022
1.6 million, 0.48% of the population of 332.4 million, 2022
Why Straight Men Gaze at Gay Women By Olga Khazan, The Atlantic - Mar 8, 2016
The psychology behind the male sexual desire for lesbians
Why Some Men Gender-Bend in Online Worlds - Classic NWN Quote, New World Notes - Mar 14, 2018
The men pretending to be women are more into dressing themselves and admiring themselves-- and attempting to build relationships, which is interesting. The men that I know [who] are women here, are very feminine. And strive to have loving friendships and relationships. Which leads me to believe a lot of men think they can't accomplish the same thing [while] being a stereotypical male.
Why Do So Many People in Second Life Decline to Have Much of One? (Comment of the Week), New World Notes - Mar 19, 2018
In SL If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then you should treat it as a duck, because in this world you have entered it is a Duck, and whatever it might be in RL is not part of this world, this second life.
Guys that pretend to be girls, Second Life Community from 2013
SecondLife has no dog in this fight other than at registration time. SecondLife does require honest representation of your identity when you create an account. But that information is protected by Linden Research. After you are logged in, the gloves are off and you can be anything you want to be.
MALE playing female? Is it frowned upon?, Second Life Community from 2020
Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.
I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people.
I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?
Man and Man on Woman and Woman, New World Notes, Jan 10, 2005
So there's this guy who's a guy in real life but a girl in Second Life, even though in real life he's into girls, and then there's this other guy who's also a guy into girls in real life, and he was playing a guy in Second Life for awhile, but then decided to be a girl instead, and then like two months ago, guess what: the first guy met the second guy, and they fell in love, so now they're a couple-- even though they're really two guys into girls.
A Mixed Reality Marriage (With Metaverse Mom), New World Notes, May 11/2009
A follow-up to the above story about Jade Lily and Torley Torgeson, both heterosexual men in RL, both playing lesbian women in SL.
Boys Will Be Girls, Flickr
My name is Cindy, a professional make-up artist and glamour photographer from London. I have been specializing in makeup for cross-dressers, drag queen make-up, and special effects make-up since 2011. I run Boys Will Be Girls, which is a Crossdressing Service in London that caters for CD/TV/TG or just guys that want help in dressing up as girls!
2022-07-15
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