Second Life Drama

How exactly to succinctly define drama in Second Life? People taking offence at what somebody else said. People saying bad things about other people. People seemingly focused on the negative. Sorry, did I say drama in Second Life? Heck, this sounds like drama in real life!

I ran across this entry about drama in the Second Life Wiki:

A way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events in Second Life.

Typically, drama is created and perpetuated by people who are chronically bored.

People who engage in drama will usually attempt to drag other people into their dramatic state, as a way of gaining attention or making their own lives more exciting.

As I’ve said elsewhere, we get an avatar, anonymity, and essentially a new identity but we remain irrevocably our RL mind. We may role play, a vampire, a Neko, a furry, or a character with an extensive backstory, but our persona is still the RL person pulling the strings from behind the curtain, with all their likes, dislikes, and foibles.

From my experience, I have a theory about happy and unhappy.

Happy people are kind, generous, and sympathetic if not empathetic.

Unhappy people are mean, cruel, and always find fault with others, never with themselves.

There are a number of unhappy people in both worlds, SL and RL. We jokingly say that somebody is having a bad day, but I’ve heard stories about people that lead me to conclude they’re having a bad life.

Bumping

I’ve been in SL, off and on, for eleven years. In writing this posting, I remembered two incidents which, thankfully, have never been repeated.

The first time, I was at one of the landing sites devoted to new people, information kiosks, links to resources, and assistants to provide one-on-one help.

I had wandered into a park area when somebody bumped into me. I excused myself and moved aside. The person bumped me again. I said sorry and moved away. The person followed me and bumped me. By now, I had clued in that something strange was going on. As I moved about, this person followed me and kept knocking into me. Repeated IMs were met with silence. Finally, I TPed elsewhere.

The second time, I was sitting in a cinema with a female friend. A guy stood in front of us, blocking the screen. I IMed him, explaining the situation. He didn’t move and didn’t say anything.

We got up and changed seats. The guy followed us and once again blocked the screen. I IMd him again but no response. My friend derezzed the man while I contacted the owner of the cinema who just happened to be online. I described the situation and gave him the name of the man. In the space of thirty seconds, our ne’ er-do-well was banned by the owner and kicked out of the SIM.

I’ve reflected on these events, wondering about the motivation of the individuals. I can see some validity to the idea expressed above that the people were bored. I think of myself as just a normal, average guy, polite, respectful, and friendly, somebody you may meet in the checkout line of your neighbourhood grocery store. Why pick on me?

But all of us have our quirks, some more than others, and some of those quirks may border on the line with the socially unacceptable. Border? I jokingly say that somebody has stepped over the line, drawn a new line, and then stepped over it!

Therapy

I like to read profiles. Some are blank; some are interesting; and some are — not to mince words — disturbing. Yes, disturbing! I can’t help feeling that the person in question should be spending less time on SL and more time on a therapist’s couch. Is this individual going to end up being an RL headline after having gone berserk at a shopping mall?

The Confusion of Text
You view somebody’s thoughts in black and white; you read text, just text. No intonation of vocal tone. No facial expressions. Did the person properly express their meaning by choosing the right words and phrases? Did I properly interpret those words? A lot is up for misinterpretation. Anger? Sarcasm?

To make up for this potential for misunderstanding, I’ve said that I need to err on the side of caution and “over-explain” myself. In the IM chat window, if I preface text with “/me”, the subsequent words are italicized, which can be interpreted as action or thoughts.

I write in IM chat: /me wonders what to do.

Person sees: Hugh Toussaint wonders what to do.

If I’m trying to be funny, I can add “Ha, ha, ha!” or type an action “/me chuckles”. If I’m sarcastic, sad, or angry, I can do likewise. Sidebar: I’m never angry. I may feign anger sometimes as a joke, but I don’t think I’ve ever been truly angry on SL. Life is too short.

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
Attributed to Robert McCloskey, U.S. State Department spokesman, by Marvin Kalb, CBS reporter, in TV Guide, 31 March 1984, citing an unspecified press briefing during the Vietnam war. (Quotes, Your Dictionary)

Banning or blocking

I don't think I've ever banned or blocked anybody. I approach people with politeness and respect. Sometimes, it's obvious we're not hitting off, so I politely move on, but I see no reason to escalate things to an all-out fight.

Many, many years ago, I made an interesting personal discovery. I made note that I didn't like everybody I met. The majority of people were just your average person but some I found uninteresting, some were boring, and once in a blue moon, I found them actually repulsive. Ugh! Get me out of here!

But the revelation for me was in realising that one hundred per cent of the people didn't like me. Yes, if statistically, I didn't like everybody I met, statistically, not everybody I met liked me. Of course, I humorously assuaged my ego by saying I was an acquired taste or that an unsophisticated palette did not appreciate me as the fine wine I am, but I took it in stride and moved on. It's not the end of the world. Statistically speaking, there are still a heck of a lot of people in the world with whom I may very well hit it off!  Why worry about the ones who don't work out?

I've heard there are 800,000 active monthly users in Second Life. If I don't hit it off with someone, I  shake my fist at the sky and curse, "Oh, shoot! I only have 799,999 people to talk to!" Ha, ha!

RL Mindset

SL is a virtual world in which we can all conduct ourselves in a manner quite different from Real Life. However, it seems that some people bring quite a bit of their RL into SL: marriage, monogamy, dishonesty, lying, cheating, etc. As opposed to being open and honest, people continue to live as how they live in RL: afraid of criticism and condemnation. It's curious to see that what goes wrong in SL is representative of what's wrong in RL.

"If You Tell the Truth, You Don’t Have to Remember Anything."

-Unknown (misattributed to Mark Twain)

Personally, I'm open and honest. Why not? If you can't be truthful in a virtual world where you're protected by anonymity and have no reason to lie, where can you be truthful? What do I gain by not telling the truth? I've had to chuckle when I've met somebody in the most, ahem, scandalous of sex SIMs only to have them tell me they were only exploring. I've noted that we come to SL to explore this virtual world but then end up exploring ourselves. While it's difficult to be honest with other people, it's also difficult to be honest with ourselves. [me jokingly feigning shock] "You like to do what???" Ha, ha, ha!

Final Word

I come to SL to have fun. I hope that everyone with whom I interact also has fun.

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."

-Ernestine Ulmer (1892-1987), American author.

If I don't "click" with someone, I politely move on. At the end of the day, I hope everyone ends up in a good place with good people. I like to think of myself as basically a happy person so I'm not going to dwell on the bad.

All the best to you in your worlds (plural: SL * RL). :-)

References

Second Life Wiki: Drama

Does Second Life Have Way More Player Drama Than Traditional MMOs?
- New World Notes, Aug 10,2020 Bugs in Second Life may be less annoying than they are in structured, standard MMOs like Elder Scrolls Online, but here's something that does bug some SLers -- the open-ended virtual world seems to have way more player-to-player drama.

What Is It About Second Life and Other Virtual Worlds That Incites So Much Drama?
- Ryan Schultz, Aug 17, 2018 Following the many online communities that have sprung up around various virtual worlds over the past decade (especially Second Life), I often find myself wondering about what it is about them that seems to bring out such a high level of conflict and drama.

Wikipedia: Sock and buskin
The sock and buskin are two ancient symbols of comedy and tragedy. In ancient Greek theatre, actors in tragic roles wore a boot called a buskin (Latin cothurnus). The actors with comedic roles wore only a thin-soled shoe called a sock (Latin soccus).

Melpomene, the muse of tragedy, is often depicted holding the tragic mask and wearing buskins. Thalia, the muse of comedy, is similarly associated with the mask of comedy and comic's socks. Some people refer to the masks themselves as "Sock and Buskin."

2021-06-27

Anaïs Nin: I do not want to be the leader

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
-Anaïs Nin (1903-1977), French-American author

References

Wikipedia: Anaís Nin
Angela Anaïs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell (February 21, 1903 – January 14, 1977), known professionally as Anaïs Nin, was a French-Cuban-American diarist, essayist, novelist and writer of short stories and erotica. Born to Cuban parents in France, Nin was the daughter of composer Joaquín Nin and Rosa Culmell, a classically trained singer. Nin spent her early years in Spain and Cuba, about sixteen years in Paris (1924–1940), and the remaining half of her life in the United States, where she became an established author.

Nin wrote journals prolifically from age eleven until her death. Her journals, many of which were published during her lifetime, detail her private thoughts and personal relationships. Her journals also describe her marriages to Hugh Parker Guiler and Rupert Pole, in addition to her numerous affairs, including those with psychoanalyst Otto Rank and writer Henry Miller, both of whom profoundly influenced Nin and her writing.

In addition to her journals, Nin wrote several novels, critical studies, essays, short stories, and volumes of erotica. Much of her work, including the collections of erotica Delta of Venus and Little Birds, was published posthumously amid renewed critical interest in her life and work. Nin spent her later life in Los Angeles, California, where she died of cervical cancer in 1977.

DominantSoul: What is Sensual Domination?
Question: Do you use strong language or speak aggressively to express your dominance?

This is such a great question because it highlights many confused misconceptions about the nature of BDSM & Dominance, especially as it applies to Sensual Domination. As a Dominant, you should NEVER need to act aggressively or raise your voice to a woman. Dominance is about exuding calm, confidence not domineering aggression, intimidation or control.

You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind.

2021-06-26

On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog

I've been amused over the years to discover that on SL, there are none of the barriers that exist in RL. Regardless of age, wealth, class, education, experience, or country, we are, for the most part, equal. We are all merely disembodied minds.

This means we meet people we would never meet in RL.

Normally, I play "immersively" but as I've said, a little RL always creeps into the mix, and I think a little RL can bring depth to our online persona. I give, from time to time, if the situation calls for it, my "RL spiel", detailing my city and country of origin and my age. The city tells people my time zone, and my age, well, that gives a perspective on the disembodied mind.

I'm 69 years old from Toronto, Canada.

Last week, a young lady, a twentysomething I guess, told me I was older than her dad. Ha, ha!

All of this now has a different perspective. But that's the RL me saying that. How often in real life would a 20-year-old woman talk with a 69-year-old man?

Then again, in SL, we remain our avatars. What's behind the curtain doesn't really count. (My Wizard of Oz reference for the day.)

It is still curious, interesting, maybe amusing to contemplate the disembodied mind. We are our avatar, in general, a good-looking, physically fit twentysomething. However, as well as meeting people from all over the world, I've met all age groups, and most people are not twentysomething. 40, 50, 60, I once danced with an 85-year-old woman!

Could I argue that age is a state of mind? Once upon a time, I was chatting with two ladies in a clothing store and thinking, based on their avatars, they were young, probably in their twenties. It turned out that one was 55 and the other was 61!

As I said, for the most part, age, like the other attributes I listed above, education, country of origin, etc., do not crop up in conversations. I deal with the avatar in front of me. But once in a while, in a subsequent conversation, we may decide to give a little background information, hence, my RL spiel. It is a unique opportunity to talk with someone I normally wouldn't converse with in RL  It is interesting to discover that we all are the same, human beings with hopes, dreams, and aspirations. In an era of great political divisiveness and in recognition of June as Pride Month, I want to point out that we're all in this together; inclusiveness is a good thing. In SL, strip away the RL and leave the mind, and we all get a chance to see ourselves as part of the human race.

Aside: In another posting, I will discuss what may be the elephant in the room for some people: Men with female avatars. I'll leave this posting just about age.

my blog: Why do guys role play girls? - Jun 15/2022
It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?


References

Wikipedia: On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog

"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog" is an adage and Internet meme about Internet anonymity which began as a caption to a cartoon drawn by Peter Steiner and published by The New Yorker on July 5, 1993.

2021-06-16

In the Library by Natalie Gem

Natalie Gem is freelance photographer in Second Life. I originally ran across her work trending in my feed and had the opportunity to meet this charming personality. The picture below, featuring the two of us, is the product of her wicked sense of humor.

Ms. Gem has an abundant and creative output. In her Flickr, she posts almost daily, an imaginative picture of herself in a unique setting. Each photo could be considered a one-picture story, leaving the viewer to invent their own tale to explain the situation. She manages to present a new wardrobe and a new setting with each photo, seeming to never repeat herself. I've joked with Ms. Gem that she has such an extensive wardrobe, almost limitless, I'm wondering if Linden Labs maintains a separate server just to house her inventory.

I would highly recommend dropping by: visit her Flickr and see her work in-world.

Second Life Profile: Natalie Gem (natalie.peppermint)

(FYI: You must be logged into SL to see this profile.)

Flickr: Natalie Gem

(FYI: You must be logged into Flickr to see these pictures.)

SURL: Peppermint Girls Gallery and Gem Photography Studio

(FYI: This link opens a web page showing the destination on a map of Second Life. Clicking on the option "Visit this location" will attempt to launch the viewer if it is installed.)

2021-06-11