True Doms in Second Life

I recently ran across the following video I first saw years ago and thought to use it as a starting point for a discussion about D/s.

Published on Feb 11/2011 by XtranormalContest
YouTube: True Doms in Second Life (1:43)
This movie has been entered by Morrikins into the Xtranormal February 2011 "Make A Movie, Win $1000!" Contest.

Full disclosure. I'm 69 years old in RL. I've been in SL now for about 12 years. I don't know everything, and I'm still learning. However, I do know something.

I like to read profiles. I've read hundreds of them. I like to chat with people. I've chatted with scores of them. After a while, I began to see common themes as people told me the same things.

The premise: Some of those advertising themselves as being a Dom or a Master are pretenders to the throne.

Over and over again, I kept hearing complaints from submissives that Doms were not meeting their expectations. They were failing to engage these subs. But why? The video above is funny but from my discussions with various submissives, the video is an accurate portrayal of the complaints I've run across.

Luck is defined as when preparation meets opportunity. The virtual world of Second Life is the opportunity but is there the preparation? Do people know what they're doing? In my article Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDSM, even Marriage, I compared relationships to dancing, pointing out that before you do the waltz, you have to learn the steps and practice them before you can actually dance the waltz. It would seem that a number of people may have an interest in D/s but know nothing about it. They try to dance the waltz but have never done it before. It would stand to reason; the results are either mixed or just bad.

During the pandemic, I was chatting with a sub who explained she had just broken up with her master. She said he was not paying enough attention to her, and she felt slighted. She then went on the say that this master had ten subs. Wait! What? Ten subs? How the dickens could this one master devote enough time to ten individuals? Was he online twenty-four by seven?

This and other examples led me to this conclusion: So-called Doms and Masters equated domination with subjugation without consideration for the psychological aspects of the relationship.

A Dom does not force a sub to kneel. He inspires her to.

The video above portrays the Dom as expecting obedience, and it is plainly obvious he knows nothing about inspiring obedience.

In the 2014 article What is Sensual Domination? by DominantSoul, he explains the difference between domineering and dominance: You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind. This is seduction, not aggression.

DominantSoul then goes on to explain how the Dom must inspire trust and safety in the submissive and demonstrate confidence in doing so. People follow confident leaders. I return to the video and the difference between expecting obedience and inspiring obedience.

I've run across a number of memes which echo these ideas:

Being a submissive is not about being powerless. It’s about the conscious decision to gift that power to the person that I deem most worthy. Submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man. Submission is a gift and Dominance is a privilege. Never take either for granted. Most females fear a dominant male because there’s a lot of posers out there. A true dominant male understands that submission is the greatest gift of trust a woman can give a man.

I've seen a number of profiles where the submissive has stated, I'm not a doormat! I don't believe the so-called Doms fully appreciate the time and effort that goes into a relationship, not just D/s, but any relationship, even a vanilla one. For any of us, a partner should be our focus. There's an old saying: The more you put in, the more you get out. If we are not focused on our partner, we're missing the purpose and the benefit of that relationship. This is a two-way street.

The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.

Elsewhere, I've pointed out how each one of us wants to be wanted. We want to be appreciated by a co-workers and respected by our boss. We want to be liked by our neighbors and loved by our family. But in a relationship, we want to be desired by a partner. We want to be somebody's focus.

Sidebar
There are many variations of D/s. In BDSM, let's not forget the S&M. Some relationships are M/s, that is slave. Some involve, as the old saying goes, no pain, no gain. The discussion here is in a general sense, expectation versus inspiration. In SL, I never touch you, therefore, communication and the psychological aspects of a relationship are more important than ever.

Final Word
People do a lousy waltz because they don't know how to dance. People do a lousy D/s because they don't know how to dominate. Whenever I see a profile which states, I'm a Dom or I'm a Master, I can't help wondering if advertising being a Dom is an indicator the person doesn't know what they're doing. If a person truly is a Dom, they don't advertise it, they live it. But let me add that there are no hard and fast rules. Using a profile to clearly indicate who you are and what you want stops any potentially fumbling around. I came to Second Life for such and such and if that's not your thing, let's both not waste any more of our time.

I'm fond of saying that anybody can click on a poseball, but not everyone can make it count. And if it doesn't count, what's the point? The master who had ten subs was going for quantity and not quality. The true measurement of D/s is when it counts. And believe me, when it counts, it can be an extraordinary experience, whether you're the lowercase s or the uppercase D.

References

Wikipedia: Nawmal
Technologies Nawmal Inc., formerly known as Nawmal Ltd., and simply known as Nawmal, is a Canadian digital entertainment company based in Montreal, Canada, that produces do-it-yourself animation software for the web and desktop and turned words from a script into an animated movie using text-to-speech and animation technologies. In April 2014, Nawmal Ltd. acquired the rights to Xtranormal's IP and began releasing a rebranded version of a similar software.

my blog: Ballroom Dancing and Relationships: D/s, BDMS, even Marriage - Oct 7/2019
Life is a dance.

my blog: Self-Confidence: I Know I’m Good - Oct 28/2021
I have nothing to prove.

my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it.

DominantSoul: The Erotic Art of Sensual Domination
My BDSM name is DominantSoul. I am Sensual Dominant, Alpha-male and an accidental BDSM writer who has practiced Sensual Domination, an erotic genre of BDSM, since the age of 20 years old. My blog is dedicated to educating and informing people about all aspects of Sensual Domination.

2022-06-09