Trust: Why do people reveal secrets?

The other day, a friend was talking about a scandalous fantasy she has. She's lived the fantasy in SL but has talked about living it in RL and said, I either find someone who's really kinky or I find a secret on someone so they won't tell on me.

I responded by noting her or I find a secret on someone so they won't tell on me and chuckling about building a solid relationship on a foundation of blackmail. I thought of the story of a married couple who said they would never get a divorce because they both knew the secrets of the other and both could blackmail the other. Ha, ha!

But all this reminded me of how some people have a tendency to reveal secrets. Why do they do it? Does it make them feel important as they know something somebody else doesn't? Do they feel superior to the person who has the secret?

Trust is hard-earned, easily lost, and difficult to reestablish.

Years ago, I read a story in a newspaper about a repairman who, for whatever reason, didn't have access to a bathroom and he had to go really, really bad. He couldn't go in a nearby sink as it was too high, so he went into a mug, poured it out into the sink, then rinsed everything off. Fine. I've been stuck without access to a toilet and I've done a few creative things over the years to relieve myself. No big deal.

Unbeknownst to the man, there was a security camera. The person who discovered the video and what the man did, posted the video on social media. Needless to say, this caused a scandal. The man was ridiculed and may have been fired from his job. I forget that detail.

I had to ask: What purpose was served by posting the video on social media? If it were me, I would have gone to the man and told him privately about the security camera. I would have assisted him in finding a washroom for any future emergencies.

I still think of this story and numerous other stories where somebody has revealed a secret and gotten another into trouble. But why do people do that? I did some research with Google

'Did you hear what he did?' Why people divulge other people's secrets -ASU News, Feb 23/2022 (Arizona State University)
According to a new study by researchers at Arizona State University and Columbia University, the divulging of a secret has a direct correlation to a person’s morals. It seems that when someone learns another person’s secret that breaks their own moral code, the person who was confided in is willing to divulge that secret to “punish” the secret holder, according to Jessica Salerno, an associate professor of psychology in the School of Social and Behavioral Sciences at ASU.

I've written elsewhere on this blog that some people, maybe far too many, bring all their RL baggage into SL and end up living SL like RL. Hiding, lying, cheating, jealousy, possessiveness, all sorts of bad things about RL are carried out in SL with the same disastrous results. It strikes me that people are not ready to live a different life, to embrace a new way of living. That said, referring to the above breaking one's moral code, I can see those who do not live a polyamorous, open, and honest relationship feel justified in ratting out those who do.

In these turbulent political times, I see morality as a big issue. It's not a question of the next guy being wrong; they are morally wrong. Anti-gay, anti-LGBTQ, anti-transgender, anti-anything which isn't exactly like me. I'm right; everybody else is wrong. Elsewhere, I wrote about the curious story of Amanda Todd, a 15-year-old Canadian student who flashed her tits to a stranger on the Internet, a stranger who subsequently outed her by reposting pics. She then was cyberbullied, that is, all sorts of people on the Internet jumped on the moral bandwagon and hounded her to death. She committed suicide. While the man who outed her was brought to justice, the thing about the story which startled me were the total strangers on social media or in real life (classmates, people in the community) who badgered her, criticising, condemning, and humiliating her as if flashing your tits was the ultimate in bad behaviour. This is an example of the danger which await all of us in real life. RL has no mercy. Well, people have no mercy, thinking they have the moral duty to hound us to death. Piss in a cup, flash your tits, you will pay, and you will pay in spades!

Final Word
In my time in Second Life, I have thoroughly enjoyed the wonder of anonymity where people can be themselves, unafraid of criticism or condemnation, at ease in being who they truly are. And that many times manifests itself as being more sexual than in RL. But I have never felt any desire to reveal secrets. I value the trust I have with these people too much. Besides, I do enjoy this SL version of the RL mind, unfettered by RL constraints, and I find it unfortunate we all return to RL and have to tuck away our deep dark secrets, never to see the light of day out of fear of those who would betray us possibly by posting on social media.

Over and over again, I've run across Second Life profiles declaring quite clearly No RL going on to explain they would never do that again, suggesting they had done it once and got outed. I think SL is a wonderful place to explore your fantasies and would never think of destroying this unique opportunity. I gain absolutely nothing by outing someone and can't help feeling doxing another SLer is tantamount to evil. If your moral superiority entails cancelling somebody, you need a new morality!


References

my blog: Doxing: What the f*ck do you think you're doing? (700 words, 3-minute read) - May 22/2022
doxing (n): search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the internet, typically with malicious intent.

Over and over again, I have run across entries in profiles describing personal experience about getting into trouble for revealing personal information and/or RL pictures. Who can you trust? There may only be one bad apple in the barrel but that's enough to get up your defenses. Once bitten, twice shy.

2024-05-28