The other day, I thought to make a suggestion and visited the section Feature Requests. While there, I ran across the following entry by a woman.
Hi, great work so far, but there is something super important that I feel you need to do before anything else, and that is protecting the users of your site. Since being on here, every day I log in to a number of IMs in world, these range from genuine compliments, to wanting to FUCK ME IN THE ASS. I have peacefully posted my artwork on Flickr for a long time, and yes, I got numerous dirty DMs, but I was not harassed in world about it. I think you are doing a fab job so far and clearly working hard with all your updates, but this to me and many others is important. Can you please please please, allow us to adjust/change our display name on here so that we can live in peace in SL.
I'm sorry, but what? I've been in SL for over 14 years. I've seen a lot. But every once in a while, I'm reminded that there are still bad apples spoiling the virtual barrel. It is both perplexing and amusing how people do things they would never consider doing if they knew there would be consequences. Dear commentator: In RL, let's say in Starbucks, would you walk up to a woman, a total stranger, and say, "I want to fuck you in the ass"? No? And why not? Because she would slap your face? Because she would dial 9-1-1? Because she would take a photo of you and post it on social media with the caption Pervert of the Year? Because she would wave to get the attention of the two cops at the counter picking up their coffees? Heck, because she could very well haul off and punch you right in the snoot? Or possibly, just possibly, you somehow know that such a thing is socially unacceptable and should never be said?
Consequences
I have repeatedly mentioned on this blog how anonymity gives us total freedom to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. So, what do we do with such freedom? Obviously, not everyone uses their powers for good. But I'm not convinced every bad thing means a bad person - Heck, we're not all psychos! However, I do think inexperience and consequently stupidity are the biggest factors in bad behavior.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor
After mulling over the above entry, I felt I had to put in my two cents worth and penned the following response.
First of all, as a man, I would like to personally apologize to Ms. Elton on behalf of my gender. In the 14 plus years here in SL, I have repeatedly heard stories about aggressive males, impolite, rude, and outright obscene. Obviously, some people skipped the class Social Etiquette 101.
In RL, there are consequences for bad behavior. As such, these jackasses would never dare do what they do in SL. How to bring those RL consequences into SL? First of all, and yes, I recognize this involves time and effort, the individual must be reported to Linden Labs. But the individual needs to be told they're being reported, ideally by more than one person. The harasser is going to expect the victim to protest, but if others chime in, he will hopefully get the point his behavior is unacceptable.
True story
Two years ago, in The Feed, I ran across an entry by a woman complaining about a man gaining access to her home uninvited and doing sexual things. She had posted pics of the guy in The Feed and on her Discord with a complete description of his activities, shaming him for it, and saying she reported him to Linden Labs. I didn't think the man would see this, so I IMd him with links to The Feed and Discord. I never got a reply but a month later, I looked at his profile and discovered he had cleaned everything out; it was a blank profile. I think he got the message.
I've convinced it is possible to shame somebody for their bad behavior. The light of day is usually the best remedy. Any one of you facing harassment could call upon a friend or friends (plural) to assist in a campaign of consequences. Heck, I'd be happy to help as I did above.
I know that in-world we can block, mute, or derez people which seems like an immediate and easy way of dealing with a problem. However, that doesn't correct the root problem; the harasser will go on to harass others. Bad behavior needs to be called out.
I come to SL to have fun. I hope everyone with whom I interact also has fun as their fun is important to me. We're all in this together. Let's make it a good one! :-)
In RL, there are consequences for bad behavior. As such, these jackasses would never dare do what they do in SL. How to bring those RL consequences into SL? First of all, and yes, I recognize this involves time and effort, the individual must be reported to Linden Labs. But the individual needs to be told they're being reported, ideally by more than one person. The harasser is going to expect the victim to protest, but if others chime in, he will hopefully get the point his behavior is unacceptable.
True story
Two years ago, in The Feed, I ran across an entry by a woman complaining about a man gaining access to her home uninvited and doing sexual things. She had posted pics of the guy in The Feed and on her Discord with a complete description of his activities, shaming him for it, and saying she reported him to Linden Labs. I didn't think the man would see this, so I IMd him with links to The Feed and Discord. I never got a reply but a month later, I looked at his profile and discovered he had cleaned everything out; it was a blank profile. I think he got the message.
I've convinced it is possible to shame somebody for their bad behavior. The light of day is usually the best remedy. Any one of you facing harassment could call upon a friend or friends (plural) to assist in a campaign of consequences. Heck, I'd be happy to help as I did above.
I know that in-world we can block, mute, or derez people which seems like an immediate and easy way of dealing with a problem. However, that doesn't correct the root problem; the harasser will go on to harass others. Bad behavior needs to be called out.
I come to SL to have fun. I hope everyone with whom I interact also has fun as their fun is important to me. We're all in this together. Let's make it a good one! :-)
I know that may seem sunny and bright, but I recognize calling somebody out requires time and effort. The following is Linden Lab's own abuse system:
How effective is this system? I can easily see things slipping through the cracks. By the time anybody responds, the perpetrator is long gone, and the incident has faded into the past. I return to the above suggestions for responding right away, letting the jackass know immediately their bad behavior is bad.
Final Word
I look back at my own youth, wondering how bad I may have been. I like to think of myself as a decent human being, but did I have moments, maybe under the influence of alcohol, when I might not have demonstrated my best behavior? As I've gotten older, I've become less critical and more compassionate. We all make mistakes and do dumb sh*t. But hopefully, it can be a learning moment, and hopefully, we won't do jail time for our lesson.
Whether SL or RL, let's be kind to one another; let's be decent. And let's remember: There will be consequences. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day. I'd be curious to see the perpetrator's reaction when a total stranger wants to f*ck them in the a**.
References
my blog: Aggressive Males and the Stupidity of Inexperience (2000 words, 10-minute read) - Sep 11/2021
I have run across numerous stories, either in profiles or in conversations, of aggressive males demanding sex. No seduction, no chat, let’s just get right to it. As I’ve said elsewhere in this blog, the number one complaint I’ve seen in reading scores of profiles is about the male walking around with his junk out, asking every woman, “Wanna f*ck?” What in heavens name is going through such a man’s head that he thinks such an approach is going to work? Is he stupid? Insane? Or is he so inexperienced, he literally has no idea of how to properly deal with his hormones?
my blog: My Rule of the Three Rights (400 words, 2-minute read) - June 13/2022
It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating.
2024-08-12
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