Second Life and Politics

Personally, I avoid all politics when I log in. I'm apolitical or nonpolitical. I come to SL to live my second life, not my real life. I don't discuss the news; I don't talk about The Right or The Left. I have no opinion on any of the political parties or the candidates. While politics is a global topic, I suppose I'm especially saying this for Americans, now living through one of the most divisive periods in their history.

But in saying I don't talk about politics, it doesn't mean I'm not political. I live my beliefs.

In my Second Life, all are welcome: straight, gay, transgender, intersex, any facet of humanity connected to LGBTQ+. I identify as a straight male, but I accept all. I'm vampire, furry, Neko, and anime friendly. It might not be my thing, but I accept your thing, and I will defend your right to your thing. It you're not violating Linden Lab's TOS (Terms of Service), all is good. Nuff said.

All are welcome: black, white, brown, yellow, red, any color. Any language (I'll do my best with Google translator), and any religion, although, in my corner of SL, religion probably never comes up. Any age, class, education level, ethnicity, or country. All are welcome: short, tall, big, small, fat, skinny, dog, horse, minotaur, or even a three-headed monster. As I said, your thing may not be my thing, but that doesn't mean I won't be polite and respectful. I can be friendly with anybody.

In SL, we are not living RL so we usually don't talk about RL. It seems obvious.

However, being an avid profile reader, I've noted that a few people, probably for the most part Americans, state clearly and unequivocally their political affiliation. In this blog, I've explained how I use profiles to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I don't have time to talk to everybody, so I use profiles to narrow down the list of potential candidates with whom I might strike up a conversation. If I see a statement of political affiliation, I may take a pass. I don't want to run the risk of wasting my time talking about politics. And that particular political affiliation may very well indicate to me that we would not be morally, ethically, socially, or spiritually aligned. Why should either of us fruitlessly spend time with somebody who's incompatible?

Final Word
I'm not political but I live my beliefs. If you, too, say you live your beliefs, I would ask if your RL reflects your SL. Are you kind, generous, open, and accepting? I'm not against anybody on this planet, however, I'm certain there are people on this planet who are against me. I borrowed a phrase from the 1960s hippies and say that I'm a peace, love, and understanding type of guy. We're all in this together. Let's make it a good life for all people in all worlds.


References

my blog: Your fantasy is not my fantasy, but I accept it anyway. (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Jun 12/2024
Elsewhere on this blog, I've said that we all come to Second Life to explore this virtual fantasyland but end up exploring ourselves. In opening up those hidden recesses of our minds and bringing into the light of day our secret urges, kinks, and possibly fetishes, we have to look ourselves in the mirror and admit to liking things that in RL, we wouldn't dare to say out loud for fear of criticism, condemnation, and heck, maybe even jail time if not a stay in an institution for psychiatric observation. In other words, we could very well be scared sh*tless of being found out.

my blog: Heteroflexible: Not Bi But Dabbling (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Jun 12/2024
I've said elsewhere in this journal that in this virtual fantasyland, with a new identity and anonymity, we are free to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism or condemnation. However, we remain irrevocably our RL mind and as such, bring into SL all of our RL baggage, our fears, our prejudices, and an unwillingness to look at the world in a way which contradicts how we live our real life. In other words, we are not ready for Second Life; we are not ready to live a new life unchained from the shackles of our Puritanical traditions.

my blog: On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog (500 words, 2-minute read) - Jun 16/2021
I've been amused over the years to discover that on SL, there are none of the barriers that exist in RL. Regardless of age, wealth, class, education, experience, or country, we are, for the most part, equal. We are all merely disembodied minds.

my blog: Why do guys role play girls? (2,500 words, 12-minute read) - Jul 15/2022
It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?

2024-07-29

Facebook, Flickr: You can't beat the system.

According to WorldOMeter, the world population as of 2024 stands at 8.1 billion. According to Statistica, Facebook now has 2.9 billion active monthly users. I calculate that to be 36% of the world's population. That's big. That's really big. And I, as but one person, am truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Sidebar: I tried to get stats for Second Life, but this is near impossible as Linden Labs has apparently stopped releasing a lot of data. Current estimates range from tens of thousands to as high as ten million active monthly users. Whatever the case, it is probably fair to say SL is 2% the size of Facebook.

How do you monitor something so large? With automation. There's no other way of doing it. As such, we are all at the mercy of technology and how good or bad it is for properly identifying what it's trying to monitor.

Several times in the past few years, I've had postings flagged by Facebook accompanied by warnings that my account could be deleted. Twice, I've been condemned to Facebook jail, unable to post anything for 30 days. I've protested by filling out their reporting form, but fat chance any human being ever investigates my situation to fully understand what happened. An automated routine arrested me, tried me, and found me guilty, no opportunity for appeal.

“The strong do what they can, the weak suffer what they must.”
-Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War

NG is an excellent photographer. (I'm keeping her name out of this but I'm sure some who know me will know who I'm talking about.) She had a free Flickr account but had more than once come under the scrutiny of the Flickr police. At one point, they summarily deleted her account, and she had to start over from scratch.

Recently, I discovered her Flickr account devoid of photos. I contacted her; the police had done it again. Apparently, some morally outraged individual reported one of her photos as an affront to all that is sacred to God-fearing citizens, and Flickr removed all of her images. Every one of them. I thought to step in and save the day, so I gifted NG a pro account. NG, however, was so furious at Flickr, she refused my gift and deleted her account.

I contacted Flickr: "What are you going to do about this?" I'm sorry, sir, but as per the Terms of Service, there are no refunds for gifts. "Your TOS clearly states that I pay you a fee and you give me a pro account. Where is that pro account?" (silence) I'm sorry, sir... "Your Terms of Service says nothing about what happens if the person in question refuses my gift." (silence) I'm sorry, sir... "How about you apply the fee to my account; give me a pro account for one year." (silence) We're willing to give you six months. "Thanks, but no thanks. I will consider this a lesson learned."

I did read Flickr's Terms of Service. It does clearly state no refunds. Nevertheless, I have a bad taste in my mouth. They had my hundred bucks; was it such a big deal to give me a year of a pro account? I can't help feeling this isn't the best example of customer service. I'm not a photographer. I would never pay for a pro account for myself, but there are some fabulous photographers, NG for instance, for whom I would consider being their benefactor. Personally, I don't think the cost of a pro account is exorbitant. From my reading, Flickr's crackdown on free accounts in 2021 came about because the company was in financial difficulty. You can't make a profit if you're giving it away for free.

According to photutorial, Flickr has 60 million active monthly users. Who am I? just another nobody. Flickr isn't going to listen to me, one person, because they're kind of busy with 59,999,999 other users. And the fact Flickr has got a hundred bucks of my money without giving the giftee or me a pro account is part of the minutiae of everyday life that gets swept aside and forgotten in the face of the staggering numbers of the entire system as a whole. Life isn't always fair. Injustices do occur. But sometimes, we as individuals only have the choice to accept and move on. And sometimes, in a moment of reflection, we might even be grateful that things weren't worse. I've heard stories of people wrongly convicted of a crime and incarcerated for years, even decades, only to be finally exonerated by new evidence, like modern DNA analysis, and set free. There but for the grace of God go I.

More sh*t about Facebook and bucking the system
In another life, I do some writing, maintaining a website and selling books. The website is, for the most part, a blog where I write about everything and anything. One topic is sex. I don't mean erotica or porn, but more analytical: What does science say about us human beings, our psychology, and our sexuality? At some point, I posted some erotic images. Some time goes by before I write something I want to share with the world. I go to post a link to one of my articles and discover Facebook has blocked my website. What? Why? I can't get any response from Facebook but finally conclude, it must be because of those images. Facebook promotes itself as being family-friendly so anything erotic or pornographic is out of the question. I am on "their list". The joke for me is that the content of my articles has at times been quite explicit when talking about sex. (I have a 5,500-word article on oral sex.) It would seem that Facebook's ability to monitor things is more about images than text. Maybe they will eventually get to text, but for the moment, it would seem images got me into trouble.

I'm Canadian. If you don't know, Facebook is pissed with the Canadian government over a bill requiring Facebook to pay Canadian media outlets for their news. (Wikipedia: Online News Act) In retaliation, Facebook has blocked all news for Canadians. I can neither post news links nor read news links posted by other people.

Here's how I deal with the above two situations with Facebook: I post to Twitter, then I post a Twitter link to Facebook. If I want to post an article from my website, I first post it to Twitter. Then I take the URL for the tweet and post that to Facebook, adding a warning that if people clink on the link, they will go to my Twitter and have to click again to get my article. The same for news. Unfortunately, I still can't see any news articles on Facebook, but many times, people post an excerpt, naming the news source so I can Google it myself. It's a pain but this workaround does work.

I have a curious observation about Elon Musk and Twitter. He has called himself a free speech absolutist, refusing no one on Twitter and letting everyone say pretty much what they want. Some have been horrified by the proliferation of misinformation and hate speech, but I have to make note of this: Twitter has never censored me. My joke is that while neo-Nazis have freedom of speech, I have freedom of listen. I don't give a sh*t about the idiots saying two plus two equals five and the Earth is flat because I'm not listening. My critical thinking skills permit me to weed out the noise and focus on the facts. Admittedly, not everyone has my skill set which certainly goes a long way of explaining the continuing extremism in politics. Ha!


Final Word
Over the years, I've heard mention of "the system", or "the man", referring to some nebulous power, like the government or big business, overseeing us and controlling our lives. We are all at the mercy of the bureaucracy. One size does not necessarily fit all, and for those of us who are the exception to the rule (We are all unique!), we face the uphill battle of dealing with some tired, bored, underpaid, and overworked clerk if, and only if, we have the sheer, unmitigated luck of speaking with an actual human being. At the end of the day, we may not get a solution; we may have to deal with the issue ourselves. Deal with it sometimes means walking away and forgetting about it. Deal with it sometimes means coming up with your own clever DIY for evading any restrictions. Whatever the case, we're not going to beat the system. The best we can hope for is getting around it.

Good luck. Bonne chance. Nous sommes tous foutus! Ha, ha, ha!


References

my blog: Primfeed, Social Media Platforms, and Censorship (1,700 words, 7-minute read) - Jul 23/2024
On June 7, 2023, without prior warning, newTumbl shut down, and I lost my blog comprising not just pictures, but my time and effort in curating all that material.

my blog: To Blog Or Not To Blog (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Jun 21/2023
On June 7, 2023, without prior warning, newTumbl shut down, and I lost my blog comprising not just pictures, but my time and effort in curating all that material.

my blog: Flickr: What is the risk of having my account terminated? (1,400 words, 6-minute read) - Oct 26/2021
On Monday, October 25, 2021, I clicked on the bookmarked URL for D’s Flickr and was met with a Page Not Found error. My friend is the admin of a Flickr group, and I discovered her name had disappeared. I contacted D, and she was surprised and shocked by the news. Was this a computer glitch? What else could have gone wrong? She said she was contacting Flickr.

Business Insider: 'BAD, BAD PANDA!': Here’s the story behind the most famous photo on Flickr - Mar 14/2016
Japanese photographer Nagano Toyokazu unknowingly captured a perfect shot for Flickr's server error page while practicing his newfound photography skills.

Daniel Voyager: Second Life Statistics - Jul 16/2024
Second Life User Daily Concurrency Levels – Updated: 16th July
* Maximum: 44, 000 – 47, 000
* Median: 34, 000 – 36, 000
* Minimum: 26, 000 – 28, 000

Web Tribunal: 18 Second Life Facts in 2023: What It Means to Live in a Virtual World - Mar 6/2023
70 million registered accounts, daily average of 200,000 users from 200 countries

2024-07-27

Primfeed, Social Media Platforms, and Censorship

Primfeed, the new kid on the block, seems to be going great guns. People are jumping on the bandwagon, and according to the latest announcement from the owner and developer, Luke Rowley, there have been some staggering numbers of users signing up and images being uploaded. Hats off, Mr. Rowley.

Nevertheless, I've already had some issues with censorship which make me wonder just how much time and effort I should invest in this platform, recalling with great distress other blogs on other platforms where I have lost everything, not just images but my time and effort in curating the materials. Once bitten, twice shy. Thrice bitten, ah, screw it, I'm going to find something else to do with my life.

I tweeted about this. Luke Rowley saw my tweet and contacted me, inquiring about my issues. As per his instructions, I IMd him in-world and he got back to me in a short period of time, clearing my confusion over the rules of the platform. I commend him on his customer service as I can't imagine how busy he is. I had a thirty year career in I.T. and have developed my own systems over that time, so when I look at Primfeed, I think about all the moving parts, the lines of code, the testing, the debugging, and the pulling your hair out at 2am because something is malfunctioning. Thank God, I'm retired!

Some Thoughts
I suppose first off: full disclosure: I'm an old man, well, an older man with a love-hate relationship with social media. It is a time suck, but maybe my problem is more about personal guilt as to how I spend my time. Is liking and commenting the best I can do with my life? My tombstone: I wish I had spent more time on social media arguing with strangers about politics.

Primfeed is an image platform for Second Life. I see a community developing, likes, follows, reposts, etc., the common fare of any social media. Notifications become our intermittent reinforcement, and we (mindlessly) return, looking for our fix.

This isn't just about Primfeed. I have accounts with Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. under more than one identity, compartmentalizing my life into personal, business, and Second Life. Any one of those things takes time; the bunch of them can take a lot of time. Just what is the return on my investment of time and energy?

Before I go on, let me give a little history.

Tumblr
This picture site was started in 2007. (Wikipedia) In 2013, Yahoo bought it for $1.1 billion. In 2016 when advertising sales goals were not met, Yahoo wrote down $712 million of Tumblr's value. In December 2018, Tumblr banned pornographic content. By March 2019, it was estimated the site had lost 30% of its traffic. Tumblr was sold in August 2019 reportedly for less than $3 million.

I had an investment in Tumblr and lost everything in December 2018 when they banned anything pornographic.

newTumbl
In 2020, a plethora of other websites sprung up to fill the gap in pornographic images created by Tumblr: BDSMlr.com, reblogme.com, Mastodon-based offerings, and newTumbl. On June 7/2022, newTumbl pulled the plug, supposedly because it could not make a profit. FYI: BDSMlr continues but has an annoying number of pop-up ads unless you buy a premium account for $20 per month.

I had two blogs (image galleries) on newTumbl but lost everything on June 7, 2022, when the site shut down. (See my article in References below for a more detailed look at this platform.)

Flickr
Flickr was and still is popular in the Second Life community as an image platform. However, a number (many?) had free accounts. In the spring of 2021, Flickr introduced a new policy for free accounts: only "safe" content was allowed, no Moderate or Restricted. Any violation of this policy saw not just individual images being deleted but entire accounts.

WARNING: If you have a free account, I can't recommend strongly enough that you upgrade to a pro account. ($9.49 USD per month or $72.99 USD annually. It's not what I would call exorbitant.) I know several people who have had their free account summarily terminated because one of their pictures has been reported. I find this odd but apparently the Flickr community squeal on one another. I thought Flickr was scanning its repository of images, looking for offending materials, but I've had former Flickr users tell me they had been in contact with Flickr support and discovered somebody came across one of their images, took exception to it, and reported it. Really? These purveyors of moral standards take it upon themselves to turn supposed ne'er-do-wells into the authorities?

I had a free Flickr account, but when they changed their TOS in 2021, I thoroughly read the fine print, decided termination was too big of a risk, and deleted my account. I'm not a photographer and felt paying for a pro account was not worth it for me; I am merely a hobbyist. I still have another free account but I only use it to log in and look at stuff. I never like or comment; I just look. (See my article in References below for a more detailed look at this platform.)

Where am I now?
Actually, I'm not. After losing three investments, I am more than just hesitant to start anything else. Oddly enough, this journal at Google Blogger continues humming along uninterrupted since 2019. (I've had another blog for my business in service since 2010.) Out of all the platforms I'm discussing in this article, Google remains tried and true. It seems to be the only thing I can reliably count on.

Twitter's Free-For-All
Elon Musk buys this platform and in declaring himself a “free speech absolutist”, seemingly removes all content moderation; anybody can say anything. Good? Bad? There was quite the hue and cry with some advertisers pulling out of the platform, complaining their ads were being displayed next to questionable materials like neo-Nazis. From a cursory search on Google, it would seem the company is no longer profitable. How long is this going to be sustainable?

An odd observation: While the hue and cry was about allowing "deplorables" to spread their "alternatives facts", I have to remark that at no time in my use of Twitter have I ever had anything censored. Maybe Twitter allows neo-Nazis to speak their mind, but Twitter also allows me to speak my mind. While some are against neo-Nazis, I never listen to them. Maybe Twitter allows them to say whatever neo-Nazis say, but I just don't pay any attention. They have freedom of speech; I have freedom of listen.

Primfeed and the future
I'm sure the creator, Luke Rowley, will find it presumptuous of me to discuss the future of his endeavor. Nevertheless, I feel the need to ask myself some questions of where I go with this platform.

How is Primfeed going to sustain itself? How is it going to be profitable? I've looked over the information page on Primfeed Pro and can't help feeling the perks for a pro account are insufficient to convince the average user to buy in. The 4-week cost of L$1,680 or $$6.72 USD (exchange at L$250 = $1 USD) is an insignificant amount of money, the cost of a couple of coffees, but do I care if pictures are only at a resolution of 1500 x 1500 as opposed to a pro resolution of 10000 x 10000?

Will Primfeed be forced, like Flickr, to change its policies to generate more revenue or run the risk of going bust? Heck, right now, I have to wonder how much Luke Rowley, the creator, has invested out of his own pocket to get this website off the ground.

Primfeed is an SL image platform. I didn't say image platform; I said SL image platform. I posted an RL image to the gallery and had it removed. In re-reading the TOS, I see the Public Gallery is only for SL images. But I asked about RL photos in general. Luke Rowley responded:

it really depends on what your profile is about. Primfeed is requiring you to have 80-90% of your profile to be SL related, so if you don't post only RL pictures, and your main content is SL, then you should be fine. - Luke Rowley, 2024-07-21

I hate to sound like a pessimist, but this strikes me as open to interpretation. While seemingly okay right now, will this policy evolve over time? Even though I'm writing a blog about Second Life, there are many times I use an RL image to illustrate the point I'm trying to make. Why? I've said over and over again, that while we are playing in this virtual fantasyland with avatars, new identities, and anonymity, we remain irrevocably our RL mind. In talking about Second Life, I'm also talking about real life.

Final Word
Let me be clear: I think Luke Rowley has done an admirable job. Considering the problems SLers have had with Flickr's free accounts, he may very well be offering a viable alternative to all those looking to publish their photos. I wish him luck. I hope he succeeds.

I have a free account on Primfeed. I log in to look but I don't see any reason to post. I'm not really a photographer, only rudimentary at best, and I don't feel any great urge to present my supposed artistic chops to the world. My main gig is writing a blog; I'm literary not pictorial. Somehow, Primfeed doesn't seem to be for me. For two weeks, I tested the waters and posted images with links to my blog. I had virtually no hits. People may have glanced at my pictures and even liked them, but they did not click on the links to read my articles. Primfeed is a picture platform like Flickr; it is not necessarily a word platform. But like most social media platforms, Primfeed works within itself, and people don't usually click on links to go outside that platform.

Where does Primfeed go from here? Where do I go from here? Like the Public Gallery, we need to keep a close watch on things as they're going to scroll by in the blink of an eye!


UPDATE 2024-07-23
Shortly afrer I published this article and posted the link on Twitter, I got the following Twitter response from Luke Rowley

Luke Rowley @lukerowley_sl

Hey,

I appreciate the article and the time you took to write it, and I will answer a few points to explain why, and how Primfeed will evolve in the future.

Primfeed Pro may not be worth the features currently for everyone, but the current pricing is set in mind that, in a few months / years, more features will be added to Primfeed Pro and the price will never change.

I've been building EasyBloggers for almost a year now, and the original pricing hasn't changed, but the system got a huge amount of new features and updates that you can find here: https://kynno.app/release-notes/easybloggers

Money wise, Primfeed and EasyBloggers allow me to work full-time on both projects, so they are not going anywhere soon!

About the SL content policy: I can understand it's not for everyone, but I truly believe that Primfeed has its full potential in bringing a true SL experience, something different from what other social media may bring to the table.

I don't want to do any censorship, any SL type of content is welcome to Primfeed, but if you decide to join Primfeed and use it, yes, your profile must be mainly about Second Life.

Primfeed might not be best for article type of content currently, but @InaraPey seems to have an overall positive experience?

Thank you so much for the recognition of my work, Hugh!

References

To Blog Or Not To Blog (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Jun 21/2023
On June 7, 2023, without prior warning, newTumbl shut down, and I lost my blog comprising not just pictures, but my time and effort in curating all that material.

Flickr: What is the risk of having my account terminated? (1,400 words, 6-minute read) - Oct 26/2021
On Monday, October 25, 2021, I clicked on the bookmarked URL for D’s Flickr and was met with a Page Not Found error. My friend is the admin of a Flickr group, and I discovered her name had disappeared. I contacted D, and she was surprised and shocked by the news. Was this a computer glitch? What else could have gone wrong? She said she was contacting Flickr.

2024-07-23

Do Not Engage!

For as long as I can remember, I have made use of the Notes section of a profile. In case you don't know, all of us have our own Notes attached to every profile which is only visible to us. It is our very own personal addendum to a profile. Nobody else can see it.

I jot down when and where I met the person, tidbits about our encounter, and anything pertinent about their personality. I do this because I'm forever forgetting people. This allows me to instantly refresh my memory.

If I'm out at a club, perving profiles, the very first thing I do is check Notes. Have I met this person before? What do I know about them? If somebody IMs me, the same thing: I open their profile and look at Notes. Amusingly enough, I'm not the only one. If it's been a while, I may make mention of our initial contact, then discover the other person is aware of this because they, too, have kept their Notes. But I must add that not everyone keeps Notes because on occasion, I say I know somebody and they've totally forgotten about me, not having kept Notes.

A few years back, I started doing something to summarize my Notes so I can easily react. At the top of the section, I write in capital letters DO NOT ENGAGE! In the text, I will explain the reasoning but the purpose of the notice in capitals is so I can easily see right away to avoid this person.

What would prompt me to write that? Why would I essentially declare them persona non grata?

Obviously, something negative has transpired. They've done something wrong. I suppose somebody could argue that I may have done something wrong, but I'm always polite and respectful so it seems doubtful I could be the cause. I'm certainly not bursting in, being aggressive and demanding. However, I admit there have been a few times when somebody didn't seem like my gentleman shtick but this has been rare and for the most part, I receive a positive reaction to being polite.

People have been unresponsive. First off, I'm a little surprised at the number of people who are AFK. Personally, if I have to be AFK, I log out. But a number of people leave their avatar standing around. I've said hello, gotten no immediate response, but then had them respond minutes later, hours later, and even a few times, a day or two later. A few have confessed to having fallen asleep, forgetting their computer was still on. Others have run off in RL and couldn't be bothered to log out.

People respond but are not talkative. Of course, they could be multi-tasking, juggling several chats at the same time, and on occasion, they have warned me that's what they're doing. No problem. However, other times, I get little or nothing. Granted, they could be deeply involved in another convo or heck, they could be watching a video on YouTube. Ha! Whatever the case, this isn't going anywhere so I'll make a note of this in their profile. Now, being unresponsive itself doesn't necessarily merit being condemned, but I do make note of this, sort of as a warning alert, but sometimes, I just never see the person again.

Amusingly enough, there have been a few times where something goes wrong in the convo, a misinterpretation of something, somebody's having a bad day, or God only knows what, and I can sense not a friendliness but a coldness. Their defenses are up; they're being standoffish. That's fine. Have a nice day. Do not engage. Have a nice life.

Am I being harsh? I've jokingly said that years ago, I had read somewhere there were 800,000 active monthly users on Second Life. If I cross one of those names off the list (Do not engage!), I am then left with 799,999 people to talk to. The world is a big place, and there are a lot of people to meet. In fact, based on those numbers, I could meet people just one time, never seeing them again, and I still couldn't meet everybody in the world. Based on that, me classifying somebody with Do Not Engage doesn't really affect my life or heck, not even the person involved. We both can move on to people we hopefully hit it off with. Second chances? That may seem less harsh but the numbers indicate second chances are not necessary. I suppose that once in a while, a second chance may happen, but I repeat they are not necessary.

Let me emphasize something: I don't hate these people; I am merely recognizing that for whatever reason, we're incompatible, Why should any of us be forced to spend time with people we don't get along with? The old saying is that we're stuck with our family but we choose our friends. I wish everybody well and hope they find good people to spend time with, acknowledging that may not include me.

Final Word
I use Notes faithfully. It helps me remember people and that's remember them for the good and remember them for the bad and when I say bad, I mean to avoid them. I don't have time to meet everybody in the world, so I must try to narrow my focus down to those people who would be potentially the most compatible. And once I find out somebody is incompatible, let's spare both of us the agony of meeting a second time. Life is short. Eat dessert first.


2024-07-23 Update
I'm at a club surveying the crowd when I read the profile of F. It is charming and flirtatious. We chat. She says she likes to dance so I invite her to the BlueFox Butterfly Ballroom. We get started but I'm finding her slow to respond. I finally come to the conclusion she's multi-tasking. At one point, I say something and she doesn't answer for two minutes. No exaggeration, two minutes! It felt like an eternity. I decide to leave. I say "let's stand", then get up. She keeps dancing for almost another minute. I give my well wishes and politely leave. I get no response from her at all.

In F's profile, in the Notes section, I explain all this and have now written at the top DO NOT ENGAGE. If you accept my invitation to dance, I expect, no, I demand you focus on me. (N.B. She didn't have to accept! There was no obligation!) If we're chatting in the club, multi-tasking is permitted. But if we're dancing one-on-one, that's not appropriate. I've heard it said that the greatest gift we give another person is our time. My time is precious to me; please don't waste it. In fact, I wrote in F's profile, "Why do I bother?"

FYI: I'm not an ogre. I've had people tell me they have an RL issue. I understand. I accept. I forgive. But I am offering you my time. I don't expect you to undervalue that gift and mistreat it.


References

Second Life Drama (1,400 words, 6-minute read) - Jun 27/2021
How exactly to succinctly define drama in Second Life? People taking offence at what somebody else said. People saying bad things about other people. People seemingly focused on the negative. Sorry, did I say drama in Second Life? Heck, this sounds like drama in real life!

Second Life Profiles (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Feb 10/2023
I've read a lot of profiles. I mean hundreds of profiles. Some are good. Some are bad. After reading so many, I see themes, commonalities representing the SL experience.

2024-07-21

Multi-task or one-on-one: They can both work depending on the circumstances.

To chat or not to chat. So little time, so many people.

I suppose we've all been there, two, three, four chats open all at once. A friend IMs us, and we add them to the list. We multi-task, flipping back and forth between conversations. We look to see which name is highlighted, indicating that person has said something, so we can read what they've said and respond. We are a flurry of activity, trying to communicate with the world, one person at a time.

And we've all made mistakes. We're moving so fast, we lose track of which chat is which, and we type in the wrong IM chat. My joke:

Me: Oh, baby, you're so hot. You're really turning me on!

Fred: What???

Quite amusing. We are busy but are we accomplishing anything? Are we really enjoying these interactions?

I've noted that multitasking chats can move forward in a lengthy fashion. I say something. My partner responds a minute later. I'm busy with other things so I don't respond for another five minutes. They take ten minutes to get back to me. I've had conversations like this go on for hours, even the entire day. It's a conversation but it's certainly not the type of conversation when two people talk face to face.

But it's not just Second Life that is like this. Any social media platform, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc., all have this idea of the back and forth of responding taking place over a period of time. Amusingly enough, just yesterday, somebody left a comment on a Tweet I posted in 2018, nearly six years ago!

My Personal Rule
When I dance with someone, and here I'm usually talking about ballroom dancing, I only talk with my partner. No other chats, no TV in RL, no other apps or browser windows, no watching YouTube or reading emails, and no fiddling with my phone. I focus 100% of my attention on my companion. First off, that seems courteous, a polite and respectful thing to do. But secondly, and more importantly, it allows me to appreciate the interaction. If I'm trying to do multiple chats, there's a chance I'm going to miss something, and I'm not going to fully enjoy the person I'm with.

Admittedly, once in a while a friend may contact me, and I'm forced to do something. But this is always politely but emphatically explaining how I'm busy and can't talk. In writing that, I realize I could better job dealing with this situation by setting up an automated response.

Quality vs Quantity
I would now like to make an observation, not about chats per se but relationships. A couple of years ago, I was speaking to a submissive woman, upset at having just broken off her relationship with her dominant. She explained that she felt he wasn't paying her enough attention, adding that he had ten subs. Wait! Ten subs? How the dickens can he possibly give enough attention to ten people? One person can be a full-time occupation, and two can be exhausting.

I still think about ten subs and shake my head. We don't win with quantity; we win with quality. During our days, we all parcel out our attention for any number of interactions, coffee at Starbucks, the produce aisle at the grocery store, and standing in line at the bank, and within the context of these brief and uninvolved exchanges, we can have a good moment. But at some point, quality is wanted and for that attention must be dedicated to achieving that quality.

Final Word
All of us deal with multiple chats; I'm not describing anything out of the ordinary here. I suppose the only particular thing is My Personal Rule. Above, I mentioned dancing however, I could talking about other one-on-one activities like being intimate with a partner. Quantity can make us feel busy, but quality can make us feel wonderful. At the end of the day, the five simultaneous conversations may be quickly forgotten by all parties involved, but the one-on-one could very well turn out to be unforgettable.

2024-07-18

What's up with high heels?

(1,300 words, 6-minute read)

For a number of years I have theorized that if I took two pictures of the same woman except in one photo the woman was wearing flats and in the other the woman was wearing high heels, guys would invariably prefer the photo with the high heels. It seems a given. It seems like an a priori truth. Of course, I'm a guy so my opinion may be a tad affected by my hormones.

But at some point, being not only a testosterone fueled guy but an inquisitive one, I wondered why high heels are supposedly more attractive and when I say attractive, I was wondering if this was sexual in nature. Wait! Isn't it all about sex? Ha ha. There's that primordial urge again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, FTD delivers on Saturdays, romance is not dead, but at the heart of it, in our genes (jeans?) is the hardwired compulsion to propagate the race.

Today's word of the day is lordosis. This refers to the ventral arching of the back that is the curve of the back is inwards towards the stomach. According to my research it would seem others before me with a long list of letters after their names have posed the same question about high heels and made the connection to the birds and the bees, namely "lordosis behavior", a physical sexual posture seen in female animals. The back is arched inward (ventral arching) which helps to elevate the hips as an invitation to mate and as an aid in intercourse. Yes, this shows up in the Kama Sutra but is better known on the street as doggy style.

All of this apparently connects back to high heels for two reasons. First of all, the heel changes a woman's posture so that her derriere is raised and her chest is pushed out resulting in a certain curve of the spine. There's the connection to lordosis behavior. Secondly, it would seem we all have some innate sense of the proper length of the human leg for the purposes of mating and high heels apparently extend the female leg to what is considered a more favorable length. That favorable length is considered part of an evolved mate-selection mechanism where length means better long-term health and hence a better partner. It seems both curious and amusing to think we can reduce a man's wide eyes and wolf whistles to a scientific explanation based on animal behavior. On the other hand, when a woman calls a man an animal there may be more to it than just a comment on the man's unflinching singularity of purpose.

High Heels: empowerment or oppression?
The debate rages on. While some so-called experts associate this fashion accoutrement with sexual objectification, others see it associated with power. Flats may be comfortable but seem to say demure. Heels project power and one woman pointed out the natural result of getting to the same eye level as male colleagues.

There is however a limit. Yes, high heels are inextricably linked to sex but going too high can be too sexy. Professional situations demand a professional look and the consensus of opinion that while a three or four inch heel is acceptable, anything higher is just too much of a sexual message. Oh and it would seem that stilettos are always a no-no at work.

NBC News quotes Dr. Helen Fisher, anthropology professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey, who believes sky-high heels are just too sexy for most workplaces:

"High heels thrust out the buttocks and arch the back into a natural mammalian courting — actually, copulatory — pose called 'lordosis,'" Fisher said. "Rats do it, sheep do it ... lions do it, dogs do it. ... It is a naturally sexy posture that men immediately see as sexual readiness. [Heels] are a 'come hither' signal. ... When women wear high heels at work, they send sexual signals that should be avoided if they want to be taken seriously."

The Science
From Redbook quoting Jena Pincott, author of "Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?":

The stuff you strut is more sensual when you're up on your toes, says Pincott: "Heels force your pelvis to tilt so that both your rear end and chest stick out." One study showed that leg lengths 5 percent longer than average are the most attractive, so for most women, a 1.5- to 3-inch heel would create the ideal leg length. "This attraction might be evolutionary, because long legs are associated with better long-term health, which would appeal to a mate," says Pincott. "Plus, much like a peacock flaunts his feathers, which are really quite heavy and a nuisance, a woman teetering in heels can show off her fitness and coordination."

I believe the study referred to above is a 2008 Polish one called "Adaptive preferences for leg length in a potential partner":

It has been shown that height is one of the morphological traits that influence a person's attractiveness... we study how leg length influences attractiveness in men and women. ... male and female pictures with shorter than average legs were perceived as less attractive by both sexes ... Because leg length conveys biological quality, we hypothesize that such preferences reflect the workings of evolved mate-selection mechanisms.

And from Wikipedia: High heeled footwear:

In modern society, high-heeled shoes are a part of women's fashion, perhaps more as a sexual prop. High-heels force the body to tilt, emphasizing the buttocks and breasts, highlights of a woman's sexuality. They also emphasize the role of feet in sexuality, and the act of putting on stockings or high-heels is often seen as an erotic act. This desire to look sexy and erotic continues to drive women to wear high-heeled shoes, despite causing significant pain in the ball of the foot, or bunions or corns, or Hammer toe. A survey conducted by the American Podiatric Medical Association showed some 42% of women admitted that they would wear a shoe they liked even if it gave them discomfort.

Final Word
Okay, as much as I or anybody else can dress this up as behavioral science, or the ebbs and flows of fashion, there does seem to be some fundamental connection to the biological nature of our most primordial of urges. Sorry folks, it really does always come back to sex. Then again, instead of trying to sweep this under the rug maybe we should admit it right up front and come to accept that men are men and women are women. Vive la différence!

Personally I am amused by my own behavior. I hear the telltale click of heels on the floor and I just have to look. "I'm not going to look. I'm not going to look." I can't not look. "D'oh!" It is as instinctive as breathing. Okay, I do try not to stare but I myself have to chuckle when I realise that it isn't just me, it's men in general. The click of a heel is like a Pavlovian bell which makes our heads turn. Sometimes I watch other men as a woman in heels walks by and it is quite hilarious to see the craned necks. Yes, sometimes you may think to yourself "oink oink" but I, for one, will try to be polite by giving you an admiring look as opposed to an alarming stare. (Old joke: It's only a leer if the woman is not interested.) And don't forget that if you sometimes find those looks worrisome, imagine how worrisome it would be if you didn't get any looks at all.

But trust me, as long as there is breath in this old body, I'll keep looking. This is where I wolf whistle. :-) (YouTube: wolf whistle)


References

Wikipedia: Lordosis
Lordosis is a medical term used to describe an inward curvature of a portion of the lumbar and cervical vertebral column.

Wikipedia: Lordosis behavior
Lordosis behavior, or mammalian lordosis, is a physical sexual posture seen in female mammals, including mice, cats and many others, the primary characteristic of which is a ventral arching of the spine. During lordosis, the spine curves so that the apex points in the ventral direction. That is, the spine arches inward toward the abdomen.

Redbook
Surprising Sex-planations: The Science Behind Sex
You know that sex makes you feel closer to your guy, that stilettos are totally hot, and that hitting the sheets together feels completely different from satisfying yourself solo — but have you ever wondered why?

NBC News - Sep 23/2009
Do high heels empower or oppress women? By Laura T. Coffey
OK, ladies, think fast: Do high heels empower women in the workplace, or do they oppress us and ultimately harm us?

Ethology (site in Russian, this paper in English) - 2008
Adaptive preferences for leg length in a potential partner
by Piotr Sorokowskia, Boguslaw Pawlowskib
Here, we study how leg length influences attractiveness in men and women. Stimuli consisted of seven different pictures of a man and seven pictures of a woman in which the ratio between leg length and height was varied from the average phenotype by elongating and shortening the legs. One hundred men and 118 women were asked to assess the attractiveness of the silhouettes using a seven-point scale. We found that male and female pictures with shorter than average legs were perceived as less attractive by both sexes.

Wikipedia: High-heeled footwear
High-heeled footwear (often abbreviated as high heels or simply heels) is footwear that raises the heel of the wearer's foot significantly higher than the toes. When both the heel and the toes are raised equal amounts, as in a platform shoe, it is technically not considered to be a high heel; however, there are also high-heeled platform shoes. High heels tend to give the aesthetic illusion of longer, more slender legs. High heels come in a wide variety of styles, and the heels are found in many different shapes, including stiletto, pump (court shoe), block, tapered, blade, and wedge.

2024-07-19

Can fantasy ever become reality?

The following video is the opening scene from the James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. I've watched it numerous times, enjoying the ominous music building up to the dramatic car chase scene filled with screeching tires, roaring engines, and crashing vehicles, all peppered with the ratatat of gunfire. Like a little boy, eyes fixated on the screen while eating his popcorn in the darkness of a movie theater, is it my secret dream to actually be James Bond and experience the thrill of the chase? What an adrenaline rush!

Published May 14/2009 by Cameroncars
YouTube: James Bond - Quantum of solace opening (HD!) (4:31)

The joke is this: After watching this movie, I leave the cinema and climb in my car. I start the engine, check the area around me, and slowly make my way out of the parking lot, always on the lookout for pedestrians and other vehicles. On the way home, I follow the speed limit; I stop at every red light and stop sign; and I always signal my turns. In other words, I drive nothing like James Bond and remain a responsible and reasonable adult. I am not in any way like a fictious movie hero. I am a real life person. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. Never the twain shall meet.

In my piece Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life. (1,600 words, 7-minute read), I say that we can live out our fantasies in this virtual world, free from the constraints of real life. But if we try to bring those fantasies into real life, we give up those freedoms. In SL, I can have unprotected sex. In SL, I can meet people without regard for age, class, geography, or race. In SL, I have no worries about my reputation with family, friends, or my place of employment.

But the above James Bond video is meant to bring up another point. Even if I try to bring a fantasy into real life, I can't do it. I'm not James Bond. I can't drive like that, and I recognize the danger of driving like that in the real world.

In RL, I can't have unprotected sex. Well, not with strangers. I've mulled over the idea of sex in this modern day and age and thought that any two people who decide to go to the next level and be physically intimate, should be open to getting tested and sharing those test results with each other to confirm their health status. Obviously, this all seems clinical and takes away from the romance or the passion of the moment. My sister had protected sex when she was 25 years old and contracted genital herpes which is transmitted from skin-to-skin contact. A condom protected her from pregnancy but not from this. There is no cure, and she's had to deal with it her entire adult life. In other words, in the real world, there are always risks and despite our best efforts, we may not escape the consequences of our actions. Well, isn't that enough to scare the bejesus out of you?

I joke that in SL, I never get a cramp in my leg. Am I physically able to accomplish all that I do in an SL fantasy? Can I even come close? Sure I can't fly in RL or teleport - some things are impossible - but if I can't drive like James Bond, can I make love like him? I've joked more than once:

/me looks around anxiously for the club defibrillator.

I'm reminded of the title of the biography of Jim Morrison by Jerry Hopkins and Danny Sugarman: No One Here Gets Out Alive.

SL is fantasy; RL is reality. In SL, I can TP out of an uncomfortable situation. I can block, mute, or derez an unwanted pest. In RL, sometimes even a restraining order is insufficient to stop unwelcomed advances. Pepper spray or Taser, anyone? In SL, family, friends, possibly spouse, fellow employees or my boss are never going to hear about my scandalous escapades. In RL, how can I find anyone I can trust to keep their fat mouth shut? Fired, divorced, disowned, possibly thrown in jail are all possible outcomes if I run into the wrong person who feels it is their moral duty to let the world know I'm doing something they disapprove of. (Trust: Why do people reveal secrets?) I'm repeating myself but it merits retelling. In SL, people feel the liberty to say or do what they want without fear of criticism and condemnation. The reason they don't do those things in RL is because they can't find the right partners and consequently the right circumstances. My Rule of the Three Rights: At the right time, in the right place, with the right partner, anything is possible. The problem we all have is that we can't get all three rights at the same time. And I might contend the third right, the right partner may be the most difficult right to get.

Final Word
The reason all this came up, hence this article, was because a person I've known for over 14 years, with whom I've shared fantasies, with whom I share a deep trust, has said to me on more than one occasion that out of all the people she has known on SL, she has thought about meeting me in RL. While I'm honoured, I know we're going to be disappointed. RL can't match the fantasy of SL. RL would require an adjustment. RL would require getting to know a different person, for while our RL mind is the same in SL and RL, we are two different people. In RL, I'm not James Bond. I'd like to sit at the bar, sipping my shaken not stirred, looking as cool as heck, but just now, I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror and discovered I've got a piece of spinach stuck between my two front teeth.


References

my blog: Second Life: We're not going to meet in Real Life. (1,600 words, 7-minute read) - Nov 18/2022
I first came to Second Life in January 2010, and it has never occurred to me to meet anybody in real life. I have other social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. but there, too, I've never had the urge to meet somebody. The purpose of those platforms is to interact with people on those platforms, not in RL.

my blog: Trust: Why do people reveal secrets? (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - May 28/2024
some people have a tendency to reveal secrets. Why do they do it? Does it make them feel important as they know something somebody else doesn't? Do they feel superior to the person who has the secret?

my blog: My Rule of the Three Rights (400 words, 2-minute read) - June 13/2022
It seems obvious but then again, everything bears repeating.

2024-07-13

A Constant State of Arousal

This sort of started as a joke with myself, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt there was some truth to it all.

I put together the above meme to summarize a good day for me. While sex isn't everything, sex is an important part of our lives. Years ago, I calculated that percentagewise, if we looked at our lives, work, sleep, play, etc., probably sex only takes up 1% of the overall time. And yet, as I suggested, it is an important part of our lives. If sex is going well, everything else seems to fall into place. Sure, we have problems, but the load seems a little lighter if this part of our lives is satisfying.

But let me clarify. When I said 1%, I was referring to the actual act of sex. (Your mileage may vary.) In our lives, there is intimacy, secondary sex, if you will. Kissing, hugging, a wink, or a flirtatious remark whether verbally or written (email, IM).

“Erotic couples understand that foreplay is not something you do 5 minutes before sex begins.
Foreplay pretty much starts at the end of the previous orgasm.”
–Esther Perel (b 1958), Belgian psychotherapist

Years ago, I had a job where I had to take the subway to work around 8:30 am. On the platform, there was an advertisement for a women's clothing line, a woman in a business outfit, sophisticated, classy, not at all revealing. She stood with her back to the camera, her head turned, looking at me. I found this quite seductive, the promise of unspoken potential passion. It gave me a tingle, and I quite enjoyed that charge before stepping on the train for my thirty minute ride to the office. As I said above, it reminded me that I was alive.

A Constant State of Arousal
The term Edging refers to prolonging sexual pleasure by postponing your orgasm. Instead of cumming and moving on to post-sex relaxation, you remain in a state of sexual tension. It is said that when you finally do have an orgasm, your release will be that much more intense. The lesson is to not always rush to completion but to prolong and intensify your experience by enjoying the ride. Old Chinese prover: The journey is the reward. Yes, an orgasm is good, but getting there can also be fun.

Edging as such is the deliberate act of avoiding orgasm. What I'm talking about here is something more subtle. An erotic photo, a naughty thought, or flirting is not overtly sexual as may be the case in edging, but can still have an effect on us even if we may not be fully aware of the underlying sexual nature of the stimulus. I would say the proper word is probably anticipation. Does our body release hormones, starting the process of preparing itself for the possibility of sex? That may seem ridiculous but I would compare it to a myriad of other experiences where we have a natural and involuntary reaction. We see a good piece of food and our mouth waters. We see a scary insect and we flinch. We see a child playing and we smile. What I'm contending here is that we may also have an involuntary response to things of a sexual nature but sexual in a more subtle fashion.

The other day, in SL, I visited a club which will remain nameless. There was music, dancing, and the opportunity to meet other people. There was anticipation in the air. All those people represented a potential moment of passion. I also knew the furniture included sex animations. It was an atmosphere of possibilities. I couldn't help feeling the entire place had a certain vibe to it which gave me a tingle. I couldn't say there was anything specific, but I did feel an expectation of something exciting about to happen. Now something exciting does not happen all the time. Many times, nothing happens and I never talk to anybody, spending my time reading profiles. Nevertheless, there seemed to be an electrical charge in the air as if, at any moment, I was going to walk right into the next big thing.

Now, I'm sure anyone would chuckle at such a description. While this is SL, go to any nightclub in RL and you can have exactly the same feeling. My point is that this sense of anticipation could very well be interpreted as sexual arousal, maybe not as explicit as other things, but I can't help feeling our bodies are reacting in pretty much the same way.

Inara Pey is an extraordinarily prolific SL blogger. - If you don't know her work, she is a must-read. (https://modemworld.me/) - In one of her latest pieces, Of Angels in Pain in Second Life (July 5/2024), Ms. Pey visits Angel of Pain (SURL), a BDSM playground of Susann DeCuir, providing both narrative and pictures of this remarkable and extensive full Region. The following picture comes from one of my visits to the area.

I visited the area and snapped a few pics. I saw erotic sculptures. I discovered furniture with sex animations. I saw erotic art. While I was alone and never engaged in anything sexual, I was surrounded by a sexual element and admittedly felt a tingle.

It's my job to have a tingle
I'm sure some of you will be amused by my idea of a tingle, but it occurred to me that some have turned this into a career.

Helmut Newton (1920–2004) was a German-Australian photographer. The New York Times described him as a "prolific, widely imitated fashion photographer whose provocative, erotically charged black-and-white photos were a mainstay of Vogue and other publications." -Wikipedia

Newton was a prolific photographer of fashion, mostly in black and white, a style, which in my view, does have an erotic tone to it. A look at his opus (Google image search) will show you what I mean. It strikes me that here was man who's very job centered around a tingle, working with fashion models and creating sexy shots.

Luis Royo (born 1954) is a Spanish artist. He is best known for his fantasy illustrations published in numerous art books, magazines such as Heavy Metal and various other media including book and music CD covers, video games and Tarot cards. -Wikipedia

Royo has created in the domain of comics an oeuvre of erotically charged images and story lines. (Google image search. One of my favourite images: The Blue Prince 07 from Prohibited Book II, an erotic retelling of Beauty and the Beast..) Once again, here's a man who's very work centers around the creation of a tingle.

What does science say about this?
Being forever curious, I looked up some scholarly articles on the question of sexual arousal. From WebMD: Sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain’s pleasure and reward system. Sex and intimacy can boost your self-esteem and happiness.

Final Word
I have joked with a few people I know, responding to an erotic picture they've posted, that I was officially awarding them my Tingle of the Day, sending them the meme I created above. I'm not doing anything sexual, but they are reminding me of something sexual, giving me the promise of possible things to come.

I amusingly titled this article a constant state of arousal, speculating that this tingle I'm talking about is, in some way, a mild form of sexual arousal. Sex sells, as they say, and whether we realize it or not, our bodies are involuntarily reacting to stimuli all around us.

I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm suspicious the very act of logging into Second Life gives us a tingle, sparking our imaginations and giving us a sense of anticipation about the wonders which may await us. As I said above, it reminds us that we are alive.


References

WebMD: What is Edging in Sex?
Edging is a method of stretching out how long it takes to reach orgasm during sex. Partners learn to communicate and stop sexual stimulation before orgasm. They can explore other ways to touch one another, allowing themselves to cool down before continuing. This not only delays climax but can make orgasms more intense when they finally happen.

WebMD: 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex
Sex not only feels good. It can also be good for you. Here’s what a healthy sex life can do for you.
1. Helps Keep Your Immune System Humming
2. Boosts Your Libido
3. Improves Women's Bladder Control
4. Lowers Your Blood Pressure
5. Counts as Exercise
6. Lowers Heart Attack Risk
7. Lessens Pain
8. May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely
9. Improves Sleep
10. Eases Stress

my blog: I'm a man. Feb 17/2022
I like to say that I'm a man of passion: passion in work, passion in play, passion in living, and of course, passion in love... and lust... passion makes the world go ‘round... passion makes life worth living.

2024-07-12

Permissions: See my online status: Did you know?

You'd like a little peace and quiet. You hate logging in and getting bombarded with IMs. You're feeling anti-social and want to cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Person X is annoying but not so annoying you want to unfriend them.

So, you remove permissions to see your online status. When they look at their friends list, your name never indicates you're online. You're invisible so to speak.

But, but, but...

If you send an IM to somebody who's offline, you get back this message:

User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.

Guess what happens if you remove online permission and that person sends you a message while you're online?

Nothing. They sit there at the IM chat window, waiting for a reply. That is, there's no message about you being offline, and if they go check their list of friends, your name will not show as being online. Oops! That may be a bit embarrassing. Now that person knows what you've done. How do you explain yourself out of this pickle?

But, but, but there's more.

If you go to the Second Life web site (https://secondlife.com/my) and log in, you get your dashboard. On the left, there is a column of widgets, the fourth one showing your list of friends with the top section which friends are online. By chance, a few years back, I noticed that somebody's name was missing from this list. If I looked at my list of friends, I could find their name but on this dashboard page, this friends widget did not show their name at all. I discovered that the person had removed from me permission to see their online status and an inadvertent result of this action removed their name from this dashboard list. I'll chalk it up to another of a myriad of quirky things (bugs) in SL.

Is revoking online status a good idea?
Personally, I don't think so. It strikes me as an underhanded and even juvenile way of handling the issue of

I want to be alone. I just want to be alone.
-Marlene Dietrich (1932 movie Grand Hotel, YouTube clip)

Now don't get me wrong. There are jackasses aplenty in SL, or RL for that matter, who probably merit a good shot of pepper spray. However, I, personally, never use the See my online status option, preferring to deal with the issue upfront. Every time I'm friended, I explain that if you're busy, tell me immediately. Don't get bogged down in being overly polite, that is, not wanting to hurt my feelings. I'm a big boy; I won't be hurt; and this could save both of us a lot of aggravation. And I add the opposite, that is, if I'm busy I'm going to upfront about it. Oh, I'll be polite but I can't talk now. See ya later alligator!

Final Word
Old saying: Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Block, mute, derender, there are a number of options available to us in SL to get rid of somebody. Admittedly, during my so-called second life, I've never had to do this. Oh, I've had a couple of run-ins with jackasses but one of them, after I reported him to the SIM owner, was banned never to be heard from again. Easy peasy. But let me add here that I recognise my life is the life of a man which seems to be different, even quite different from a woman's. I've heard tales of aggressive males refusing to take no for an answer and whose persistence - Or should I say obsessiveness? - turned them into some sort of stalker. Then again if somebody is that bad. I can't imagine they would be on anybody friends list.

But my point in this article is to discuss See my online status and how using it is not as invisible as you may think it is. I'm sure not many know what I've pointed out here, but it does exist. Buyer beware.


References

my blog: Second Life Drama - Jun 27/2021
How exactly to succinctly define drama in Second Life? People taking offence at what somebody else said. People saying bad things about other people. People seemingly focused on the negative. Sorry, did I say drama in Second Life? Heck, this sounds like drama in real life!

2024-07-07