I jot down when and where I met the person, tidbits about our encounter, and anything pertinent about their personality. I do this because I'm forever forgetting people. This allows me to instantly refresh my memory.
If I'm out at a club, perving profiles, the very first thing I do is check Notes. Have I met this person before? What do I know about them? If somebody IMs me, the same thing: I open their profile and look at Notes. Amusingly enough, I'm not the only one. If it's been a while, I may make mention of our initial contact, then discover the other person is aware of this because they, too, have kept their Notes. But I must add that not everyone keeps Notes because on occasion, I say I know somebody and they've totally forgotten about me, not having kept Notes.
A few years back, I started doing something to summarize my Notes so I can easily react. At the top of the section, I write in capital letters DO NOT ENGAGE! In the text, I will explain the reasoning but the purpose of the notice in capitals is so I can easily see right away to avoid this person.
What would prompt me to write that? Why would I essentially declare them persona non grata?
Obviously, something negative has transpired. They've done something wrong. I suppose somebody could argue that I may have done something wrong, but I'm always polite and respectful so it seems doubtful I could be the cause. I'm certainly not bursting in, being aggressive and demanding. However, I admit there have been a few times when somebody didn't seem like my gentleman shtick but this has been rare and for the most part, I receive a positive reaction to being polite.
People have been unresponsive. First off, I'm a little surprised at the number of people who are AFK. Personally, if I have to be AFK, I log out. But a number of people leave their avatar standing around. I've said hello, gotten no immediate response, but then had them respond minutes later, hours later, and even a few times, a day or two later. A few have confessed to having fallen asleep, forgetting their computer was still on. Others have run off in RL and couldn't be bothered to log out.
People respond but are not talkative. Of course, they could be multi-tasking, juggling several chats at the same time, and on occasion, they have warned me that's what they're doing. No problem. However, other times, I get little or nothing. Granted, they could be deeply involved in another convo or heck, they could be watching a video on YouTube. Ha! Whatever the case, this isn't going anywhere so I'll make a note of this in their profile. Now, being unresponsive itself doesn't necessarily merit being condemned, but I do make note of this, sort of as a warning alert, but sometimes, I just never see the person again.
Amusingly enough, there have been a few times where something goes wrong in the convo, a misinterpretation of something, somebody's having a bad day, or God only knows what, and I can sense not a friendliness but a coldness. Their defenses are up; they're being standoffish. That's fine. Have a nice day. Do not engage. Have a nice life.
Am I being harsh? I've jokingly said that years ago, I had read somewhere there were 800,000 active monthly users on Second Life. If I cross one of those names off the list (Do not engage!), I am then left with 799,999 people to talk to. The world is a big place, and there are a lot of people to meet. In fact, based on those numbers, I could meet people just one time, never seeing them again, and I still couldn't meet everybody in the world. Based on that, me classifying somebody with Do Not Engage doesn't really affect my life or heck, not even the person involved. We both can move on to people we hopefully hit it off with. Second chances? That may seem less harsh but the numbers indicate second chances are not necessary. I suppose that once in a while, a second chance may happen, but I repeat they are not necessary.
Let me emphasize something: I don't hate these people; I am merely recognizing that for whatever reason, we're incompatible, Why should any of us be forced to spend time with people we don't get along with? The old saying is that we're stuck with our family but we choose our friends. I wish everybody well and hope they find good people to spend time with, acknowledging that may not include me.
Final Word
I use Notes faithfully. It helps me remember people and that's remember them for the good and remember them for the bad and when I say bad, I mean to avoid them. I don't have time to meet everybody in the world, so I must try to narrow my focus down to those people who would be potentially the most compatible. And once I find out somebody is incompatible, let's spare both of us the agony of meeting a second time. Life is short. Eat dessert first.
2024-07-23 Update
I'm at a club surveying the crowd when I read the profile of F. It is charming and flirtatious. We chat. She says she likes to dance so I invite her to the BlueFox Butterfly Ballroom. We get started but I'm finding her slow to respond. I finally come to the conclusion she's multi-tasking. At one point, I say something and she doesn't answer for two minutes. No exaggeration, two minutes! It felt like an eternity. I decide to leave. I say "let's stand", then get up. She keeps dancing for almost another minute. I give my well wishes and politely leave. I get no response from her at all.
In F's profile, in the Notes section, I explain all this and have now written at the top DO NOT ENGAGE. If you accept my invitation to dance, I expect, no, I demand you focus on me. (N.B. She didn't have to accept! There was no obligation!) If we're chatting in the club, multi-tasking is permitted. But if we're dancing one-on-one, that's not appropriate. I've heard it said that the greatest gift we give another person is our time. My time is precious to me; please don't waste it. In fact, I wrote in F's profile, "Why do I bother?"
FYI: I'm not an ogre. I've had people tell me they have an RL issue. I understand. I accept. I forgive. But I am offering you my time. I don't expect you to undervalue that gift and mistreat it.
References
Second Life Drama (1,400 words, 6-minute read) - Jun 27/2021
How exactly to succinctly define drama in Second Life? People taking offence at what somebody else said. People saying bad things about other people. People seemingly focused on the negative. Sorry, did I say drama in Second Life? Heck, this sounds like drama in real life!
Second Life Profiles (1,000 words, 4-minute read) - Feb 10/2023
I've read a lot of profiles. I mean hundreds of profiles. Some are good. Some are bad. After reading so many, I see themes, commonalities representing the SL experience.
2024-07-21
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