I suppose we've all been there, two, three, four chats open all at once. A friend IMs us, and we add them to the list. We multi-task, flipping back and forth between conversations. We look to see which name is highlighted, indicating that person has said something, so we can read what they've said and respond. We are a flurry of activity, trying to communicate with the world, one person at a time.
And we've all made mistakes. We're moving so fast, we lose track of which chat is which, and we type in the wrong IM chat. My joke:
Me: Oh, baby, you're so hot. You're really turning me on!
Fred: What???
Quite amusing. We are busy but are we accomplishing anything? Are we really enjoying these interactions?
I've noted that multitasking chats can move forward in a lengthy fashion. I say something. My partner responds a minute later. I'm busy with other things so I don't respond for another five minutes. They take ten minutes to get back to me. I've had conversations like this go on for hours, even the entire day. It's a conversation but it's certainly not the type of conversation when two people talk face to face.
But it's not just Second Life that is like this. Any social media platform, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc., all have this idea of the back and forth of responding taking place over a period of time. Amusingly enough, just yesterday, somebody left a comment on a Tweet I posted in 2018, nearly six years ago!
My Personal Rule
When I dance with someone, and here I'm usually talking about ballroom dancing, I only talk with my partner. No other chats, no TV in RL, no other apps or browser windows, no watching YouTube or reading emails, and no fiddling with my phone. I focus 100% of my attention on my companion. First off, that seems courteous, a polite and respectful thing to do. But secondly, and more importantly, it allows me to appreciate the interaction. If I'm trying to do multiple chats, there's a chance I'm going to miss something, and I'm not going to fully enjoy the person I'm with.
Admittedly, once in a while a friend may contact me, and I'm forced to do something. But this is always politely but emphatically explaining how I'm busy and can't talk. In writing that, I realize I could better job dealing with this situation by setting up an automated response.
Quality vs Quantity
I would now like to make an observation, not about chats per se but relationships. A couple of years ago, I was speaking to a submissive woman, upset at having just broken off her relationship with her dominant. She explained that she felt he wasn't paying her enough attention, adding that he had ten subs. Wait! Ten subs? How the dickens can he possibly give enough attention to ten people? One person can be a full-time occupation, and two can be exhausting.
I still think about ten subs and shake my head. We don't win with quantity; we win with quality. During our days, we all parcel out our attention for any number of interactions, coffee at Starbucks, the produce aisle at the grocery store, and standing in line at the bank, and within the context of these brief and uninvolved exchanges, we can have a good moment. But at some point, quality is wanted and for that attention must be dedicated to achieving that quality.
Final Word
All of us deal with multiple chats; I'm not describing anything out of the ordinary here. I suppose the only particular thing is My Personal Rule. Above, I mentioned dancing however, I could talking about other one-on-one activities like being intimate with a partner. Quantity can make us feel busy, but quality can make us feel wonderful. At the end of the day, the five simultaneous conversations may be quickly forgotten by all parties involved, but the one-on-one could very well turn out to be unforgettable.
2024-07-18
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