When I first came to SL in 2010, homophobia seemed to be rampant. Gays, transgender, cross-dressers, etc. were all hiding in the closet, only occasionally peeking out to test the waters. Today, in 2024, people are much more open. I've perused a number of female profiles this year to discover the RL mind behind the curtain has clearly stated they are a man in RL. So there!
An amusing story. Over and over again, I've seen a woman's profile stating voice-verified and imagined the woman put that in her profile because she had been pestered with questions about her gender. Homophobia is alive and well. But then I saw an amusing entry in one woman's profile: How come I never see men "voice verified"?
I identify as straight, a heterosexual man. And yet, I've been intimate with a man. I see your furrowed brow; you're confused.
If you put me in front of a woman and a man, I will choose the woman 100% of the time. But under certain conditions, if the planets align or some other amusing astrological reference, I have been known to be sexual with my own gender. It's rare, but it has happened. And why not? When opportunity knocks and all that.
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I have a female friend, M, who occasionally likes to have two men at once, otherwise known as MMF (Male Male Female). She likes to be the center of attention; she likes to be the filling in a manwich. The last time she found another partner, she explained me to the other man by saying, "He won't freak out if your cocks touch." — I still laugh over that. — Obviously, in an MMF situation, two men are going to come into contact with each other and while that, unto itself, isn't gay, any man has to leave any possible homophobia at the door and work as a team to focus their attention on the woman and her pleasure. I want to do my part in realizing my friend's fantasy as her pleasure is important to me.
However, in these situations, there may be more. M and I once met another couple at a club, an open and liberated couple. It turned out that the man was bisexual, like really bisexual, and one night when his partner was tired and went home early, the three of us carried on with M and I putting this man in the middle. I may not be gay, but I can joke that I did rise to the occasion. |
According to my research, up to 10% of the population in RL is gay. (A more recent number from Gallup pegs it at 7.1%.) In SL, the number is higher, maybe a lot higher because of guys playing girls. (Why do guys role play girls?)
Just now, I did some googling and found various studies, articles, etc. saying that homophobia has been on the rise over the past few years. Personally, I think it has always been there as political correctness seems to have been keeping it in check to a certain degree. But now that PC has become a supposed bad thing, people feel at liberty to speak out.
My point? For a long time, being gay has been not just frowned upon but condemned as immoral and unnatural. (see links below in References) Being gay meant staying in the closet. Am I bringing the wrath of God down upon my head with this article? In my posting Self-confidence: I'm know I'm good, I talk about how I see myself. I know I'm not great, but I know I'm good. How good? Kissing a man does not diminish my masculinity. As I jokingly say with a lover, getting on the bottom and letting her get on top and take over doesn't make me less of a man. At the right time, in the right situation, I can take second place, play a supporting role, and be in touch with my feminine side, all while remaining true to myself, that masculine self. I don't have to run around beating my chest and challenging everybody to arm-wrestle to supposedly prove I'm a man.
Several years ago, at a sex SIM, I had seen Alice several times, chatted, flirted, and shared some laughs. One day, I invite Alice to go ballroom dancing. In the midst of this, I open her profile and discover Alice has changed it to say she is a man, a pre-op transgender woman. She's now apprehensive about my reaction. We discuss. She wants surgery but doesn't know when she will be able to afford it. She also says that the number of IMs she got dropped considerably with her new admission and she was thinking about removing it. I ask her how she would like me to treat her. She says as a woman. So I did. We danced, chatted, flirted, and I think I may have put my hand on her bum a couple of times. In other words, we had a lovely time together. After that, I noticed she wasn't on much and sort of disappeared as many do with a busy RL.
AJ and I had a madcap affair for about six months. - The flame that burns that bright is not meant to last. - But during that time, we had many intense and wild moments. One day, she IMs to join her, and I find her with a pre-op transgender woman. (I was going to say shemale, but I've been given to understand this term is now considered offensive due to its association with the porn industry.) AJ was pleasuring Tanya and enjoyed having me there to watch. At some point, she tentatively asked if I wanted to take over, unsure of how I'm going to react. I suppose being with AJ made me braver than usual but also, I thought having her watch me would turn her on. I do so like to please my partner.
And so, as the owner of the equipment, I embarked on what I thought would be an exciting session of pleasure. It must have worked out as while we were playing in SL, Tanya confessed she, ahem, had a moment in RL. This may seem odd, but there's a certain sense of accomplishment in bringing another human being to orgasm. In any case, it was a memorable moment between the three of us but more importantly, it was another moment of bonding between AJ and myself.
A woman, in talking about her RL, told me that she and her husband had belonged to a swingers clubs over the years. She described her husband as heterosexual, but during that time, she had witnessed him being sexual with men. She called him socially bisexual. On his own, her husband would never be with a man, but during these swinger parties, he would sometimes participate with a man. Socially bisexual is heteroflexible.
I have a joke and an observation about MMF.
Question: What's better than good man?
Answer: Two good men!
The observation
Not every man can do MMF. Why? They are uncomfortable with other men. I've been involved with a number of MMF scenarios, mostly playing the non-partcipatory role of voyeur, and the other man has not been enthralled. My presence dampens their enthusiasm. It would seem that men can go along with the idea of an open relationship or polyamory, but that's out of sight, out of mind. Actually having another man in the room is not part of their fantasy. Even if their female partner is getting off on the attention of two men at once, the other guy isn't enjoying it. And so, I have learned that if a woman would like a threeway, MMF, not just any man will do. As I said above, the two men don't have to be gay but they do have to be comfortabe with their own sex. They won't freak out if their cocks touch. Ha, ha!
Question: What's better than good man?
Answer: Two good men!
The observation
Not every man can do MMF. Why? They are uncomfortable with other men. I've been involved with a number of MMF scenarios, mostly playing the non-partcipatory role of voyeur, and the other man has not been enthralled. My presence dampens their enthusiasm. It would seem that men can go along with the idea of an open relationship or polyamory, but that's out of sight, out of mind. Actually having another man in the room is not part of their fantasy. Even if their female partner is getting off on the attention of two men at once, the other guy isn't enjoying it. And so, I have learned that if a woman would like a threeway, MMF, not just any man will do. As I said above, the two men don't have to be gay but they do have to be comfortabe with their own sex. They won't freak out if their cocks touch. Ha, ha!
Final Word
In looking back at the many people I've talked to, it seems to me that many have experimented. They may identify like me as being heterosexual but have had moments with their own gender. Are some of us curious? Do some of us feel badass, breaking the rules, flaunting the law, and going against the norms? As Katie Perry sang in 2008, I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It (YouTube 3:04).
You may have noticed in my examples that any experimenting takes place in the compay of a woman. I like pleasing women; I like pleasing my partner. I guess I'm neutral about certain things, take it or leave it, but if I know my partner enjoys it, I'll do it. Old joke: I said it was weird. I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
The world is a big place with many extraordinary things. Now, if we could only leave behind our RL upbringing and look at the world in a different light, we may discover things we had no idea were interesting, amusing, and even pleasurable. As I'm fond of saying: We're all in this together.
References
my blog: Why do guys role play girls? (2,500 words, 12-minute read)
It would seem that about 10% of the population is gay. That’s RL, Real Life. In SL, Second Life, the percentage is higher, a lot higher. In fact, I don’t think I can take ten steps without running into a lesbian. What gives?
LGBT Identification in U.S. Ticks Up to 7.1%, Gallup polling
The percentage of U.S. adults who self-identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or something other than heterosexual has increased to a new high of 7.1%, which is double the percentage from 2012, when Gallup first measured it.
Wikipedia: Demographics of sexual orientation
In 2021, Ipsos interviewed people in 27 countries spanning all continents on their sexual orientation and gender identity... on average about 80% of people worldwide identified as heterosexual, 3% as gay, lesbian or homosexual, 4% as bisexual, 1% as pansexual or omnisexual, 1% as asexual, 1% as "other", and 11% don't know or won't say.
my blog: Your fantasy is not my fantasy, but I accept it anyway. (1,300 words, 6-minute read)
I respect that person's right to their own fantasy. I'm not into vampire, Neko, anime, wrestling, pregnancy, families with children, the list goes on but to each his own. The point is: Can you be strong enough to admit your kink damn what anybody else thinks?
The pressure to conform, to be heterosexual is enormous. We have no idea of the struggle of being A while the entire world around us is B. The following two articles discuss how the establishment, the American Psychiatric Association and other world organisations, classified homosexuality as a mental illness for the longest time. As I said, being different is not easy.
Wikipedia: Homosexuality in the DSM
Homosexuality was classified as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) beginning with the first edition, published in 1952 by the American Psychiatric Association (APA). This classification was challenged by gay rights activists during the gay liberation following the 1969 Stonewall riots, and in December 1973, the APA board of trustees voted to declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder. In 1974, the DSM was updated and homosexuality was replaced with a new diagnostic code for individuals distressed by their homosexuality, termed ego-dystonic sexual orientation. Distress over one's sexual orientation remained in the manual, under different names, until the DSM-5 in 2013.
Wikipedia: Ego-dystonic sexual orientation
Ego-dystonic sexual orientation is a highly controversial mental health diagnosis that was included in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) from 1980 to 1987 (under the name ego-dystonic homosexuality) and in the World Health Organization's (WHO) International Classification of Diseases (ICD) from 1990 to 2019. Individuals could be diagnosed with ego-dystonic sexual orientation if their sexual orientation or attractions were at odds with their idealized self-image, causing anxiety and a desire to change their orientation or become more comfortable with it. It describes not innate sexual orientation itself, but a conflict between the sexual orientation a person wishes to have and their actual sexual orientation.
2024-06-18
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