Tanya's Coffee Shop: chat, drink, and flirt

Rated M, Tanya's is a sedate setting, well-suited for a tête-à-tête. I consider it the perfect place to just chat, get to know one another, and decide on the next steps, if there are any next steps. We talk about SL, of course, but we may also touch upon RL, and there may be flirting. It's interesting to note you don't need any animations to be intimate. The communication is really what sets souls on fire, and an animation is merely the icing on the cake.

While I've dropped in and started chatting with somebody already there, most often I bring somebody I've met elsewhere. As I said, there may be some talk abut RL, and I've heard some stories. I'm reminded of the saying: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” There, but for the grace of God go I. I have problems; everybody has problems. But then, somebody tells me their story and I think: I have a problem; they have a catastrophe. Whoa!

I meet people from all walks of life, different countries, different ages, different cultures, people that I would not meet in RL. I've chatted with a few twentysomethings who've said I wasn't just old enough to be their father, I was old enough to be their grandfather! (Full disclosure: The RL mind behind the curtain will be 73 later this year.) Let me repeat: RL doesn't matter. We're here in SL and as such, it gives us a level playing field.

The situation gets flirty. Let me emphasize I play the part of a gentleman; I remain polite and respectful. However, that does not preclude me using actions typed in italics to suggest my interest in my conversation partner.

Hugh Toussaint: lets his eyes wander over your form, following the line of the V of your dress and lingering on the exposed curve of your breasts.

I'm doing my damnedest to make my partner feel like the most desirable woman in the world. It feels good to be noticed. It feels great to be wanted.

This is deliberate on my part, as I know full well how much I enjoy it when somebody pays attention to me. It is a game of cat and mouse, a lot of fun for both parties. My reward as an enamored male has been a nip slip, even a flashed breast. I let them know via an OOC there is a sitting animation - for a man, I assume - which involves sitting with your hands up behind your head and your legs spread. This is a perfect opportunity for me to look up their dress. Some remove their panties. Some, I've noted, have no panties, suggesting they enjoy walking around in public playing the part of a sexual creature. There is a certain thrill to being naughty.

A certain thrill, indeed: I repeat this over and over again. Being naughty or being passionate titillates us. It gives us a tingle. It reminds us we are alive. Oh yes, we're all alive, but I'm talking about feeling alive, that moment when you stop, focus, and become aware of your body, the sights, the sounds, even the beating of your heart, and you can feel something akin to a rush go through the fiber of your being. You sit looking at me slightly tilted to one side, looking up your dress at your lack of panties, as you feel a certain coolness of the air on your now unencumbered nether region. How does it feel being naughty while being aware you have managed to completely capture my attention? You are the flame, and I am the moth.

I wax poetic. How am I doing? Do I have your attention? I hope I've got you smiling right now as you read this.

Old saying: Don't be a perverted asshole. Be a perverted gentleman.

All in good fun. I have all sorts of photos of these meetings which remain private in my exclusive collection. I never kiss and tell. But I do look at them once in a while and smile at the memory of the charming personality with whom I shared a moment. Many have been two ships passing in the night, never to be seen again. That may seem to merit a "Too bad!" but I'm always grateful this happens at all. Nothing lasts forever, but thank God for the unforgettable. It is a reminder that the world is full of charming, passionate people. I'm not naive; the world does have bad people, but in my experience, the vast majority of people are nice. And given the right circumstances, they can be passionate (read: naughty).

A good cup of coffee, a good conversation, and a twinkle in the eye. This is a recipe for an amusing interaction and a memorable moment. We can both walk away, thinking that was fun and if the opportunity came up again, I'd accept it. [raises my coffee cup in your direction] Cheers!

2025-01-26

Are we guided by our horniness?

It is a reliable source of comic fodder: men doing stupid sh*t when they're horny. Of course, we guys are also noted for doing stupid sh*t when we're drunk. Hold my drink. Put those two things together, drink and dames, and you've got trouble squared, if not to the power of three.

But it's not just the guys. The ladies have their walk of shame, going home in the morning wearing the same clothes they went out in. It would seem all of us, to a certain extent, are at the mercy of our libidos. Stupid is as stupid does, and right here, right now, I want to do you. God, who doesn't enjoy a good orgasm?

As I've been perusing Primfeed over the past while, I've had a few thoughts, impressions, and curious observations about the human animal. I jotted them down. Writing my ideas out somehow seems to make this more acceptable - I'm being "literary" - as opposed to just flat out admitting I like to shoot my mouth off. God, I can sometimes be such an egotist. "Hi! How am I?"

Second Life gives us a safe zone where we can be ourselves. Well, we can be the person we want to be. In RL, we all face constraints; society has restrictions if not laws. As I jokingly say, in RL, if I had done a tenth of the things I've done in SL, I would either be locked up in jail or locked up in an institution for psychiatric observation. Go big or go home.

I look around me, in SL, in Primfeed, Flickr, and SL profiles; and I see people everywhere being wild, unrestrained, and even a little crazy. The sexual nature of Primfeed photos tells me these people have a part of them in the dark recesses of their minds, dying to get out into the light of day. There is a passionate side to their personalities, craving to enjoy all that life has to offer.

I've spoken about the anonymity of SL giving us total freedom, the freedom to say or do anything we want without fear of criticism, condemnation, or even arrest for violating either the laws of the land or the laws of nature. Anything goes. I consider it quite fascinating to stand back and see what people do with their freedom. What flights of fancy come out of their soaring imaginations?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
-Mary Oliver (b 1935), American poet

What happens in SL stays in SL. However, from time to time, I can't help wondering, as I walk down the street in RL, who among these people plays SL, and who among these people has a burning passion waiting for the right time, the right place, and the right partner, to come bursting forth in an unfettered display of wild abandon. There have been moments when I've sat mulling over my own scandalous thoughts and maybe had doubts about the acceptability of some ideas, only to wander around SL and discover I may actually be kind of tame. I have a secret craving for X and discover people doing X times fourteen with a side order of Y and Z. Whoa!

We are sexual creatures. Our sexuality is a fundamental part of our being. It's in our DNA. We want to be sexual. We long for it, crave it, and I would go so far as to say we can't help it. It's as normal as breathing. People post photos of themselves nude or in various stages of undress, a sexy pose, or in a scene of explicit sex. They don't hold back; they let it all out.

When I look through various feeds, Primfeed or otherwise, I see everything: straight sex, gay, lesbian, multiple partners, MMF, MFF, orgies, gangbangs, cuckold, cuckquean, hotwife, stag, dominant, submissive, master, slave, furry, Neko, bestiality, monsters, aliens, tentacles. I'm sure I've missed something as there seems to be no end to it. As I like to say: In SL, our only limitation is our imagination.

A big part of this is exhibitionism. We want to show off; we long to be noticed. A voyeur and an exhibitionist are the perfect match. The performer in us wants an audience. We want to be seen.

I can't help thinking the common denominator in all this is desire: we want to be desired.

We want our co-workers to admire us and our boss to respect us. We want our friends to like us and our family to love us. But there is something special, truly special, about being desired.

And here, I mean physically desired. This is where I break into song: Let's Talk Anout Sex by Salt-N-Pepa (official video, YouTube 4:41 - lyrics below)

I went to Google and typed in: Does horniness make us do stupid things? and got back the following response.

AI Overview

Yes, sexual arousal can make people more likely to make risky decisions, such as having unsafe sex or making poor gambling choices. This is because sexual arousal can reduce self-control and impair decision-making.

Explanation

Riskier decisions
People who are aroused may be more likely to make risky decisions, such as having unprotected sex or making an unsafe gamble.

Reduced self-control
Arousal can reduce self-control, making it harder to resist short-term temptations.

Impaired decision-making
Arousal can impair decision-making, making it harder to consider long-term consequences.

What can be done?

* Set limits: Set limits and establish rules when you're in a state of mind where you're more likely to make risky decisions.

* Consider health and safety: Consider health and safety factors well in advance of sexual situations.

In my lifetime, in RL, I've known people who engaged in risky behavior and paid the price: STDs, herpes, and HIV. A high school buddy took a chance at the age of 40 and ended up dying from AIDS. Fortunately, in SL, we can take a risk with little or no consequences.

Final Word
We are passionate people, passionate about work, play, and love and lust. I like to say that passion reminds us that we are alive. And as the old saying goes: You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Let's Talk Anout Sex by Salt-N-Pepa (official video, YouTube 4:41)

Yo, I don't think we should talk about this
(Come on, why not?)
People might misunderstand what we're tryin' to say, you know?
(No, but that's a part of life)
Come on

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex for now
To the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't be coy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cause that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know, anything goes
Let's tell it like it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Hot to trot, make any man's eyes pop
She use what she got to get whatever she don't got
Fellas drool like fools, but then again they're only human
The chick was a hit because her body was boomin'
Gold, pearls, rubies, crazy diamonds
Nothin' she ever wore was ever common
Her dates, heads of state, men of taste
Lawyers, doctors, no one was too great for her to get with
Or even mess with, the Prez she says was next on her list
And believe me, you, it's as good as true
There ain't a man alive that she couldn't get next to
She had it all in the bag so she should have been glad
But she was mad and sad and feelin' bad
Thinkin' about the things that she never had
No love, just sex, followed next with a check and a note
That last night was dope

Oh, hey, ooh, ooh, ooh, take it easy now
Uh, alright

Let's talk about sex, baby (Sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (Sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex (Come on)
Let's talk about sex (Do it)
Let's talk about sex (Uh-huh)
Let's talk about sex

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out
Come on, all the ladies, let's talk about sex, all right
Come on, all the ladies, let's talk about sex, all right
Yo, Pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio
(And why not? Everybody has sex)
I mean, everybody should be makin' love
(Come on, how many guys you know make love?)

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

What we have here is subject to controversy
A three-letter word some regard as a curse, see
He may fiend and have a wet dream
Because he seen a teen in tight jeans
What makes him react like that is biological
But scheme of gettin' in those jeans, is diabolical
But of course he does it, and she gives him rap
And before you even know it, they jump in the sack
As a matter of fact, sometimes it's like that
But anyway, ready or not, here he cums
And like a dumb son-of-a-gun, oops, he forgot the condoms
"Oh well," you say, "what the hell, it's chill
I won't get got, I'm on the pill"
Until the sores start to puff and spore
He gave it to you, and now it's yours

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex


2025-01-25

Second Life: My Pet Peeves

I haven't been on lately. As I tell people, "RL is busy, but that's a good thing."

However, every time I take a peek in the door, I'm reminded of the frustration I've felt over these past years about the Second Life platform. It's slow and buggy. Upgrades are touted as being the next best thing, solving all of my problems and leading me to new wonders, but invariably lead to new problems or don't fix the existing ones. Promises made, promises kept. Cue my eye rolling.

In January 2018, I went out and bought the fastest, most powerful badass Dell laptop on the market, including a NVIDIA graphics card, as per the optimal specs published by Linden Labs. I was determined to have the best virtual experience possible. Somewhere around November 2018, Microsoft updated my computer, and my dream environment fell to pieces. The entire operation of my computer, not just SL but Word, Excel, and even browsing bogged down to a crawl. After fiddling around with the Task Manager and the Device Manager, I discovered there was some sort of conflict going on with the NVIDIA card even when the card was not engaged. If I disabled this graphics card, my computer returned to normal operating speed.

As a consequence, I permanently disabled NVIDIA, a waste of four hundred bucks. Let me add, that in the past 6 months, over five years after this incident, I experimented re-enabling the NVIDIA card and my computer now works as it should: it does not bog down to a crawl but seems to be working correctly.

That November 2018 caused another problem: My mouse would occasionally freeze. I have a Logitech wireless mouse, and I've used such a device for nearly twenty years and never had a problem. Since then, every once in a while, the arrow stops moving on the screen. I pull out the USB dongle (wireless receiver) for a moment and plug it back in. The mouse starts working again as normal. I've been through all the device drivers updating everything. I've run every diagnostic check possible, to no avail. This still goes on to this day. However, I've noted it occurs far less frequently in the past six months than before. Has some Windows update corrected whatever update messed things up in the first place?

Now, I'm sure anybody is going to chuckle and say this is the experience of anyone with a computer. It is a fact of life; get used to it. There's nothing any of us can do. I say that about computers in general because that's the attitude about Second Life. We have come to accept a so-called norm, which is anything but perfect. Our desire to play Second Life is so great, we ignore the bugs. The graphics can be clunky, and the lag can be horrible, but we keep coming back, anyway. Are we all nuts?

Mesh
I've jokingly said that you need a PhD in Information Technology to play Second Life. You thought Prim was tough? I can sum up Mesh with Holy Cow! Years ago, I took one look at Mesh and thought about quitting. I said there's no G.D. way I'm going to invest (waste) the time necessary to learn all the ins and outs of this new system. I already had one foot out the door, so Mesh was sort of the final straw for me.

Luckily, a friend volunteered to help me out. I gave her my password, and she did everything to transform my Prim avatar into a Mesh avatar. She didn't want anything, having enjoyed the experience, but I did pay her $5,000L for her time and effort. The man I am today is due to her expertise, not mine.

A couple of years later, thinking I was being an irresponsible SLer, I looked at all the components of my avatar and thought to try to convert an alt from Prim to Mesh. This was my opportunity to learn mesh. I paid out nearly $15,000 for various things, then set about trying to duplicate the set-up of my avatar. I couldn't get it to work. I read tech docs. I experimented. And I got frustrated. What exactly was my reward for persevering? In the end, I said, "F*ck it!" and to this day, I admit I don't understand mesh.

Let me point out something I've said all along on this blog. I come to SL to socialize. I had a 30-year-career in Information Technology, and I said right from the start, I would never delve into the technical side of SL. No more programming, no more late nights fiddling with lines of code, etc. I'm just here for the fun. I'm here for the people. Now, in SL, any fun entails some knowledge, but I like to say that I'm a knowledgeable driver but can't do any mechanics under the hood. I can run SL (to a point), but I don't know the details, and I have no urge to know the details. Hats off to photographers, artists, builders, developers, musicians, DJs, etc. "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din".

PBR
Physically Based Rendering is the new lag on the block. If I thought the complexity of a mesh avatar was three to four times higher than prim and consequently meaning all that much more data to be downloaded to the viewer, PBR seems to have jumped off the charts.

When Linden Labs started rolling out PBR, the lag in the SL viewer got unbearable. I switched to Firestorm 6.14. That was a bit of an improvement. Until Firestorm 6.17. What the hey? I visited a dance club to listen to some music and chatted with a friend. I've always expected avatars to remain glowing blobs until the viewer downloads sufficient data to render them. That's SL. However, my friend remained a blob for forty minutes until I had to log out. I never did see her rezzed.

I switched back to version 6.14. Decent performance. Recently I snapped some photos of a friend's new club and sent her copies. She noted I was missing all the good PBR work she had done. I installed Firestorm 7.1. Oh! My! God! I was back to interminable download times. I visited a club with thirty avatars around me and after ten minutes, only three or four had rezzed. Ahhhh!

Now, I'm sure a whole host of readers could drop me suggestions about tweaking this and turning that, but I have to ask: Why doesn't any of this work at least 99% correctly straight out of the box? I think the default setting should be 95% correct and any adjustments are to get closer to the ideal perfection of 100%. I don't think doing an install and only managing to attain maybe 70% is acceptable.

Final Word
Pet peeves? This was a rant. Pardon me if I get it all off my chest.

I've had good times in Second Life. I've had bad times. And, as you can see, I've had frustrating ones. Will I be back? Maybe. I always enjoy a good story, a good interaction with an imaginative, like-minded personality. However, technical issues over the years have dampened my enthusiasm and, admittedly, I've sought other means of expressing myself. Overall, and here I'm talking about outside of SL, I can't help thinking I spend far too much time on social media. It's a time suck, and when I step back and look at it as objectively as possible, I see I'm wasting my time. Let me paraphrase an old joke: My tombstone reads "I wish I had spent more time on Facebook."

2025-01-14